Marriage--More than I Expected

I got married at the tender age of 19-not-quite-20.  I don't regret it one bit--my husband and I are growing up together, get to spend tons of time together, get to learn and experience life together, and will have several married years before we start having children.  Marrying my man when I did is the best decision I ever made.

But I'll be the first to admit that I really had no idea what I was getting myself into when I got married!  Marriage has brought a lot of surprises--some pleasant, some not as much.

I didn't expect that marriage would force me to mature so quickly.  In the last almost-two years, I've had to learn to really be an adult.  I've had to learn how to be selfless (that's a work in progress).  I've had to learn how to handle finances, jobs, taxes, car repairs, medical issues, and more.  I have learned to release myself from childhood and from the mindset of being dependent on my parents.  Now, my husband and I take care of each other.  I knew, cognitively, that all those things would come with marriage, but I didn't realize how quickly I (and my husband) would grow up.

I didn't expect how hard marriage would be.  It's so worth it, but it's not always easy.

It's harder than I expected to come up with new date night ideas so we don't fall into the rut of "same ol', same ol'."  To keep the house clean, orderly, and comfortable, day in and day out.  To keep up with the never-ending jobs of laundry and dishes and scrubbing the toilet.  To plan healthy, yummy meals...three times a day, every day (although this job comes more easily to me than others).  I didn't expect it to take so much work to die to myself every day and intentionally love my husband the way he needs to be loved, not the way I want to be loved.  To bite my tongue instead of letting an angry word slip past my lips when my temper flares.  It's a lot more work than I expected.

But there are other things about marriage that are more than I expected.  Amazing, wonderful things!

This love that comes out of my heart, directed at this person with whom I share, literally everything,  is beyond anything I have ever experienced or could ever imagine.  I never knew it was possible to love someone so much... or, just as wondrous, to be loved by them so much.  Now I know why God uses the example of marriage to explain to us how much he loves us.  It's a love that surpasses description, and cannot be expressed in words.

Marriage is more full of joy than I expected.  You know the old adage about how two people can halve each other's sorrows and double each other's joys?  Well, in marriage, that is SO true.  Happy things are twice as happy.  Hard things are twice as easy to bear.  I mean, I get to spend the majority of my time with my best friend, who happens to be a really fun person to spend time with, who makes me laugh, who puts a lot of effort into making me happy, who directs me to my Jesus, and who loves me more than I will ever understand (as explained above).  How much better can life get?

In marriage, there is more laughter than I expected.  There is more encouragement.  I didn't realize how much of a team we would be.  We're each other's "buddies"--we always have the other's back, and we might sometimes get on each other's nerves, but just let someone else say something mean about us and watch out!  We're there for each other.  And let's just say... there are other aspects of marriage that have far surpassed my expectations, and I couldn't be more thrilled!

Marriage is so much more work than I expected...and sometimes, it brings pain, because we can hurt the most the ones we love the most.
But those hard things are so worth it, because in marriage, the love, joy, and happiness are so much more than I expected.  I am in awe of this gift with which God has blessed us.

And I can't wait to see what other unexpected things life brings our marriage.  The future isn't scary, because God is already there, leading us on, and I know that my husband and I will be hand-in-hand every step of the way.

What in your life has been more than you expected?  Share in the comments!

Linking with: Exceptionalistic, A Proverbs 31 Wife, What Joy is Mine, The Alabaster Jar, The Modest Mom, Yes They're All Ours, The Better Mom, To Love, Honor and Vacuum, Messy Marriage, Graced Simplicity

{Focus} On My Schedule

Most of my childhood, my days were fairly unstructured.  There were, of course, expectations for each day-make bed, do schoolwork, help around the house--but we were never on a rigid schedule.  That lasted through high school (one of the lovely benefits of homeschooling!), but college changed my lifestyle considerably.  Now I have to be in classes at specific times each day and I have a set work schedule.  This all changes every semester, so each semester we have to adjust our daily schedule at home a little.

I was talking to a friend yesterday, lamenting how we haven't been very productive over Christmas break simply because we have no schedule (although classes start again on Monday).  I realized that if I had given myself a schedule--not necessarily rigid, but at least some structure to a day--I could have gotten a lot more done over break.  So I've decided that, for this semester, I'm going to give myself a schedule for while I'm at home, not just at class and work.

I also want to make goals when it comes to housework.  I have a hard time getting caught up on housework once life gets busy with school and other commitments.  This semester I want to stay on top of the cleaning so it doesn't get out of hand.  I know that if I don't set small goals for myself I tend to get overwhelmed and don't feel like doing anything at all, so I'll do one or two easy cleaning jobs a day, and that way I know it will all get done.

My class schedule this semester is fairly easy; I don't start classes till noon on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.  My Tuesday/Thursday classes start at 8.  I want to get up at the same time every day, so I'll be getting up "early" on MWF and, ideally, have time to get a lot of things done those mornings.  Joshua has to be at class at the same time every day, 10:00.

An ideal morning for me this semester will look like this:
6:00 out of bed, get in shower
6:15 get dressed, do hair/makeup
6:30, get tea or coffee brewing, read my Bible at the kitchen table (this will give me incentive to get the kitchen all cleaned up before I go to bed)
7:00 start breakfast (I generally make quick breakfasts--oatmeal, eggs, or something I've prepared the night before).  On MWF I'll have time to make a bigger breakfast; probably on Tues/Thurs I'll eat by myself since Joshua doesn't have to leave as early as I do.
7:30 Tues/Thurs, get ready to leave for class.  I still plan on walking/biking a lot to school, even though we have the car now, but it's a 20-minute walk or a 10-minute bike, so that will give me time to get my backpack ready.
Mon/Wed/Fri: 7:30, write/publish a blog post.
8:30, pack lunch, finish tidying kitchen.
9:00, Wednesdays, get ready to leave (we'll go to chapel together on Wednesdays).
9:00, Mon/Fri, housecleaning and homework.
11:30, get ready to leave for class.

What I am NOT going to put into my schedule is any computer time other than blogging.  This weekend I'm planning on reorganizing my desk so I can put my computer away when I'm not using it, and thus cut down on the temptation to be on it so much.  I have plenty of free time during the day, when I'm already at school, to check email and Facebook.

The chores I want to accomplish weekly are:
-clean the bathroom
-clean the kitchen floor
-dust/declutter/vacuum the living room
-dust/declutter/vacuum the bedroom
-pick up/organize the closet

Daily chores will include getting the dishes all done and kitchen cleaned up, tidying my desk, and basic wiping down in the bathroom.

Monday mornings: bathroom, and kitchen floor
Tuesday afternoons (I'll get home around 4:15): pick up/organize the closet
Friday mornings: dust/declutter/vacuum living room and bedroom

This weekend I'm going to make a master chart with both of our daily schedules on it.  This will keep both of us on task, and that way we'll always know where the other one is going to be.

I'll keep you updated on how I do with this!  I'm excited and a little nervous, but I know how satisfying it will be if I can accomplish this.  My main reasons for setting this schedule for myself are so that I can {Focus} more on being in the Word, {Focus} on being a better homemaker, and {Focus} on using my time more productively.  I hope that this will also reduce my stress!

Please be praying for me and Joshua as we start this new semester!

apparently I'm growing up...

So I discovered proof of something recently: I'm growing up.

How do I know?  Several things:

Joshua and I spent over an hour working on our budget this evening.  It was fun.

My goals for this weekend are: get the kitchen clean, and get the bathroom clean.

I'm looking forward to composing a grocery list and a detailed, two-week meal plan tomorrow.

I'd rather watch The Dick van Dyke show than any TV show made in the last 40 years.

A clean kitchen is a joy to my heart.

I would rather sleep than do a lot of other things.  (Although I realize this is also true for infants and the elderly, so maybe this isn't so much a sign of growing up as it is of simply being human.)

My bedtime is 10 pm.  Even on weekends.

On a similar note, sleeping in means sleeping till 9 am at the latest.  Bliss!

Junk food equals homemade pizza and brownies.  (Thank goodness.)

I would rather eat oatmeal with flax seed for breakfast than sugary cold cereal (yuck).


And yet, I'm still a 21-year-old college student.
But I'm also married, so maybe that's an explanation for why I feel so weirdly adult.

I realize, of course, that I still have a lot of growing up to do.  I haven't had much life experience in comparison to my grandparents, or even my parents.  There are so many things left for me to learn and experience.

But let me tell you, for someone whose peers are all still living on a college campus and whose biggest worries are test scores and what mystery food will be served in the cafeteria, it is weird to state all those truths I listed above.  I feel... unusual.  Isolated.  Often misunderstood.

That's why I'm so thankful for the few married, close-to-my-age friends that I do have.  Because they understand, and it's so good to have friends who understand.  Who get me, who can sympathize, and who know how exciting it is to have a grocery budget over $50 a week.  (Not kidding.  That's about what I feed us on, and I am so proud of myself.)

This Thursday, and every day, I am thankful for the life God has given me: the good and the bad, because I learn more from mistakes than I do from successes, and I trust God more in hard times than in easy.  I'm so very thankful for a husband who loves me even when I'm an idiot, for friends who accept me exactly as I am, for family who are always there when I need them.

Because there's one more reason I've realized that I'm growing up:

I have come to learn that the greatest blessings in life are those that can't be assigned a monetary value.  Not things that can be purchased.  Blessings that are tangible, but absolutely priceless: family.  Friends.  Faith.  Forgiveness.

No matter how grown-up I get, I hope to always remember that.

Linking up today (for the first time in so long...so grateful!):
black tag diaries, Jenni Mullinix, lovely little whimsy, kate says stuff, First Day of My Life, Passionate and Creative Homemaking

What a Young Wife has Learned

My husband and I have been married for a year and two months (and a little more).  It has already been an amazing journey, and I am humbled and awed at the thought that God has given me this incredible man with whom I get to spend my whole life.

I have found, in talking with other young married couples (wives especially) that we're all going through similar things and trying to learn a lot of the same things.  This makes perfect sense; we are, after all, at about the same point in life.

One year of marriage has taught me a lot, thanks be to God.  I have so much more to learn, and I know that, so I can't claim to be an expert of any kind.

But I would like to share today some of the most important things I've learned, which are all based on the Word of God.

1) My husband needs to be respected as well as loved, and that does not come naturally to me like loving does.  As a woman, I have very little difficulty loving people, especially my husband.  But when it comes to respecting him, that takes work.  Perhaps that's why Paul wrote to the Ephesians:

"...each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." Ephesians 5:33

2) I need to say more often to myself, "Hold your tongue, woman!"  Before I speak, I need to think: is it respectful?  Is it loving?  Is it necessary?  Is it timely?  Is it helpful?  Maybe this is just me, but I get into the most trouble by saying things out of turn, or saying something I shouldn't at all.  I could fix a lot by simply being more careful about what I say, and when.

"When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise."         Proverbs 10:19 

3) I need to keep my priorities in order.  First God, then my husband, then myself.  It is necessary to put his needs before my own and be selfless.  Again, this doesn't come naturally, but doing this will have a very positive impact on my life and my marriage.

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.  Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.  Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus..." Philippians 2:3-5

4) My husband and I should forgive each other--always.  This is the key.  This is how our marriage works.  We are both sinful people, saved by grace, yes, but still sinners.  Failing each other is inevitable--which is why forgiveness is such a gift of God, and so very important.

"Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." Ephesians 4:32

5) Remember--the ability to love does not come from me, or from my husband.  It is a gift of God. The amazing thing about marriage is that God doesn't expect us to do it on our own.  He gives us the strength, will and resources--like forgiveness--to love, respect and honor our spouse.  Love isn't something I produce on my own power.  It comes from Him.

"Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God.  Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.  Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love." 1 John 4:7-8

6) Marriage is an earthly example of the love Jesus Christ has for all who believe in him.  The bottom line is, my marriage isn't about me or my husband.  It's about God.  Marriage is a way God blesses his people incredibly.  It is one of the ways he explains to us the love he has for us.  It is an image of the relationship Jesus Christ has with the church--his Bride.  Marriage is another way that we, as God's children, can honor and glorify him.

"Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.  Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.  For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.  Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.  Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water thorough the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.  In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies.  He who loves his wife loves himself.  After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church--for we are members of his body.  'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.'  This is a profound mystery--but I am talking about Christ and the church.  However, each one of you must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."  Ephesians 5:21-33

There is so much more I could say about what I have learned about marriage in the last fourteen months, and about what marriage has taught me about myself, about what love is, and about who God is.  But these things, I think, are the most important.


Linking up to these lovely ladies today, with thanks:

Upward Not Inward; New Life Steward; To Love, Honor and Vacuum; Women Living Well; Deep Roots at Home; A Wise Woman Builds Her Home 

 

Knowing My Husband

In the midst of a discussion with my husband the other day, he said something that has stuck with me:

"I want you to know my heart on this."

I realized that I had been trying to figure out what he was thinking, when I didn't need to know what was in his head, but in his heart.

Many of our choices, decisions, actions, and reactions are based on our strong beliefs or feelings, things that are a part of who we are.
Those beliefs and feelings aren't always obvious to those around us.
It became painfully evident to me that my husband's feelings, and the reasons for them, weren't as obvious to me as they should have been.

There I was, thinking that my husband was saying or doing things with negative intentions toward me.  That wasn't true at all.  I just didn't understand how he was feeling, which was based in opinions, habits and ideas that are a deep-rooted part of him.
When we both were intentional about knowing each other's hearts, then we were able to work through the difficulty because we could really see the other person's perspective.

I realized that I haven't been as intentional about really knowing my husband as I could be.

In the New King James Version, Genesis 4:1 is translated "Now Adam knew Eve his wife..."  In the New International Version, the same verse is translated as "Adam lay with his wife Eve..."  I like the NKJV better.  The sexual relationship between Adam and Eve was so much more than "laying" together.  They "knew" each other, in the most intimate possible way.  I want a spiritual "knowing" of my husband, to know who he is in the most hidden parts of his heart and mind.

This is a good goal to have...but it is only truly accomplished by one person.

This is how God knows us.  God, who has known us since before we were born...

"My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place.  When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body.  All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."  Psalm 139:15-16

In Psalm 44:21 and Acts 15:8, we learn that God knows the hearts of all people--even the inner secrets of their hearts.  The writer of Psalm 139 ended that psalm by asking God to search his heart:

"Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.  See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." Psalm 139:23-24

God knows our hearts.  He knows our minds and thoughts.  He knows our inner feelings, more intimately and completely than even we know ourselves.

In time I will know my husband's heart more and become better at understanding it.  We are both fallible, sinful human beings, and our marriage will always be a work in progress, but with God's help and by his grace we'll improve all the time.

In the meantime, I will ask God to help me know my husband's heart, and for him to know mine, in imitation of the way that God knows ours.


Linking up today...
New Life Steward; The Fontenot Four; To Love, Honor and Vacuum; A Wise Woman Builds Her Home; Deep Roots at Home; Women Living Well

My Husband's Helper

In the first few days that this world existed, God looked at Adam, the human he had created, and said, "It is not good for the man to be alone.  I will make a helper suitable for him" (Genesis 2:18).

God had created many animals.  He brought them to Adam so that Adam could name them, and see if one of them would be a helper for him.  "But for Adam no suitable helper was found."

So God created the woman.


This was the helper suitable for the man.  This was the person with whom he would become "one flesh."  This was his perfect partner!

I'm smiling as I write this.  Because I know how twisted this truth has been.  "Women weren't created for men," some have said.  "We aren't supposed to take care of them.  They can take care of themselves!  Women should be able to do whatever they want, take care of their own lives, and not have to worry about men."

I beg to differ.

God created women to be the helpers of men.


This doesn't mean women are of any less importance than man!  On the contrary, Paul's words to the Galatians, inspired by the Holy Spirit, say this: "You are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ.  There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus" (Galatians 3:26-28).

God created all human beings to be of equal worth in his sight.  We are all equally sinful and we are all equally saved and forgiven, and we are all equally loved by our Creator.

But we were created with different roles.


Men were created to take care of women, and women were created to be the helpers of men.
That doesn't make us weaker, although physically, most of us are.  But spiritually, emotionally, mentally, women are not weaker, they are just different!  Imagine how boring the world would be if women acted like men in everything, or vice-versa.

My role as a woman, as a wife, is to be my husband's helper.  The writer of Proverbs 31 said this about the "wife of noble character":

"A wife of noble character who can find?  She is worth far more than rubies.  Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.  She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life."  -Proverbs 31:10-12

In what ways can I be my husband's helper, bringing him good, and not harm?

Surprisingly, it's not in ways I would expect.
Men consider help to be a different thing than women do.

For example, I thought it would be helpful if I placed mail, including bills, on my husband's desk so he would see them the first thing when he came home.  That way we would both know what was going on, we'd be on the same page, and there wouldn't be any confusion.
Well, my husband was already aware of the bills.  He didn't need that reminder when he came home from work tired and worn-out.  He knew what needed to be taken care of, but an unpleasant reminder like that was not helpful.
Some women might consider it helpful to rearrange their husband's dresser drawer, but their husband may well be frustrated to open his drawer and not know where everything is right away.
So what can I do to help my husband?  Here are a few things I've been learning:

1) Talk to him.  I'm no mind-reader, and although I can sometimes guess at what might be helpful for my husband, I've messed up enough times to know that my guesses aren't always correct.  So I ask my husband what he would like me to do, and in what ways I can be a helper for him.  This has included things like: let him sit quietly for a few minutes right when he comes home instead of bombarding him with talk right away; get his attention before telling him something important, especially if he's distracted; keep up with the laundry so he always has clean clothes to wear.

2) Listen to him.  This is almost more important than talking to him!  My husband has given me verbal hints in the past as to ways I could help him, and I wasn't paying attention so I missed them.  Men communicate in different ways than women do.  I need to be careful to pay closer attention when he talks so I can fully comprehend what he means, because I might not understand it in the way he wants me to.

3) Learn about him.  What are my husband's habits?  Does he need coffee before anything else in the morning?  Does he want to check his email as soon as he comes home?  Does he want a fresh towel in the bathroom every day?  Does he have a favorite food he would like to have once a week?  If I know what he usually does, I can predict ways that I can be helpful to him.
If he checks his email when he comes home every day, I can leave a love note on his computer to let him know I'm thinking of him--without getting in his face or talking to him too much.
If he's hungry when he comes home from work, I can have a snack out on the table already so he doesn't go digging in the fridge and eating tomorrow's supper.  (That's helpful for me, too!)
If he's running low on clean socks, I can do laundry today so he has clean clothes for tomorrow.

The ways a woman can be a helper to her man are as different as men are.  Talk to your husband.  Listen to him, and learn about him, so you can discover ways you can be his helper.

God created us women to have this role.  He will give us the strength, wisdom, and resources necessary to fill it to his glory and our husband's benefit.

What ways can you be a helper to your husband?  Share them in the comments!

Linking up:

Also linking up:  Raising Homemakers; A Wise Woman Builds Her Home; Deep Roots at Home; To Love, Honor and Vacuum; Women Living Well

Marrying Young

This is another topic that is near and dear to my heart, like education and vocation (see my last post).  I met my husband at the age of eighteen, and we were married just before I turned twenty.  He was almost twenty-one.

Our plan to marry young was met with mixed reactions from our family, friends and acquaintances.  Most of the people closest to us were very supportive and encouraging.  Some of our family compared us to older, "more settled" adults they saw marrying--people in their thirties, out of college, holding steady and well-paying jobs, owning their own house.  (Unfortunately, a few couples like that were living together before they were married.)

Joshua and I believe that following God's directives for our lives is always the best idea, and that includes marriage and relationships.  We wanted to remain virgin till marriage, which we did, by the grace of God.  We did not intend on living together before marriage, which we did not.  We wanted to live our lives in a way that would best honor and glorify God, and we believe that they best way to do that was to marry sooner rather than later.

It was difficult enough for us to wait as long as we did.  We both strongly desired to be married for a variety of reasons.  We both feel that we can serve God better together than apart.  And we wanted to honor him with our bodies.  For those and other reasons, we chose to marry young.

Now, there are several good reasons why we should have waited to get married until we were older.
-We would have been out of college and (at least mostly) done with our education
-We would have had careers, steady jobs, and a more substantial income than we do now
-We would have been free to explore other activities and opportunities that college offers
-We could have enjoyed the benefits of remaining our parents' dependents for longer
-We could have become more mature and sure of ourselves

But there are many good reasons why we did marry when we did.
-We did not want to risk falling into temptation
-We can "finish growing up" together instead of separately
-We can begin learning how to be a good spouse now instead of later, when we might have learned bad habits
-We can enjoy the comfort and companionship of marriage now instead of desperately desiring it for any longer
-We can support each other in our faith and our walk with God much better
-We can start early in being independent and self-sufficient
-We can enjoy having relatively few responsibilities while we are still in college, and yet have the benefits of being married and independent
-We are learning responsibility, resourcefulness, and selflessness much better than if we were single
-We are saving money by living together off-campus and having jobs to support ourselves
-We have more years to enjoy as a married couple before children come to bless us
-Most importantly, we can serve God better together and seek to honor him in new ways that have become available to us

I could go on!  I will never regret the decision we made.  Our parents supported us completely, and we felt totally at peace with the decision we made.  That was enough to make me sure that our choice was the right one.

I have several friends and acquaintances who also chose to marry before they finished school.  I am so proud of them.  But please don't take this post to mean that I think it's wrong to wait to get married!  Every couple has to make the choice for themselves, and whether it's right or wrong depends on the couple.  I just believe that it's often beneficial to marry young, rather than waiting to finish college/grad school/whatever.

And I wanted to write this in order to be an encouragement to others, and to explain why we chose the life we did.
I wouldn't have life any other way.

{8/10/12 edit: Linking to the Perspectives on Life and Love Carnival at Modern Mrs. Darcy!}

{Linking up with all these fantastic blogs!}

Why am I in college?

I've been thinking about writing this for some time, and I decided to do so in the hope that sharing my experiences might be encouraging to someone else.

I never really thought about not going to college.  I suppose that could be partly my parents' "fault," but I'm positive that if I had expressed a desire to not go to college, they would have fully supported me.  As it was, I didn't think about anything else.  I think that made it fairly clear that God wanted me to continue my formal education after high school.

I was in Indonesia my last semester of high school, so a lot of my final college plans took place via emails.  I originally planned to go to the university that I'm at now, but there's one in the same system that's about forty-five minutes from my hometown.  They were offering me more financial aid than this one in the beginning, and they had a major that I figured would work for me.  It wasn't exactly what I had been planning on, but it would do.  I decided I could at least go there for a couple of years.

However, in June of 2009 things changed.  The school I'm at now offered me more financial aid, which made the cost of the two schools equal.  With less than two months till the first day of school, I had to make a decision again.  I decided on my birthday, July 3, to come to this school.  Several things solidified that decision.  The director of the school's major choir called me from choir tour in Spain to see if I'd made my final decision.  A couple days later the president of the university emailed me to say he was very glad I had decided to attend.  (Granted, this is a school of about 1200 students.  It was still impressive.)  Finally, and most importantly, I felt a great peace about the decision.

I came here with plans to become a Director of Christian Education, a DCE.  My mom went to school to be one.  So did her brother, and my dad's dad.  (A DCE, by the way, usually works with a church's pastor to teach Bible studies, youth groups, Sunday school, confirmation classes, adult Bible studies, and other things within a congregation and sometimes in parochial schools.)  I had been interested in that ministry for a while, and felt that it was the most practical choice for me.

However, that all changed fairly quickly when I started dating Joshua, two weeks into the school year, and especially when we got engaged six months later.  He is planning on being a Lutheran high school teacher.  A DCE does much of their work in the evenings and weekends.  A teacher works during the day Monday through Friday.  We realized that, were we to both continue in the career paths we'd chosen, we would hardly see each other once we began working.

Neither one of us liked the sound of that.

So--after much thought, prayer, and conversation, I decided to not be in the DCE program.  It was not an easy decision, but I felt very much at peace once I'd made it.  I'm now double-majoring in English and Theology.  At a school where most people are either in education or pre-seminary programs if they're not athletes or scientists (and a lot of people are education and athletes or scientists), I get some funny looks.  Especially from older people.  "What, you're not education?  So what kind of career are you going to get with that major?"

Well, honestly, I plan on being a professional writer.  That's one of the main purposes for this blog: practice writing, and a way to get my name "out there" so when I do write a book there will (Lord willing!) be people who know and like how I write and want to actually read a book I've written.  (When that happens, I will let you know.)  I believe that God has gifted me with the ability to write, and I want to use it to honor and glorify him as well as I can.  I'd really like to write devotionals, Bible studies, and Christian fiction.  We'll see how that goes.

But the fact is, since I was very young I have wanted to be a wife, mother, author, teacher, and librarian.  Wife--check.  Author--working on it.  Librarian--sort of.  I help at the circulation desk at the campus library. :)  Mother--someday.  Teacher--of our future children.  None of those things requires a college education.

My mom was in college for seven years.  She worked professionally as a DCE for TWO.  She's been an at-home, homeschooling mom ever since--but she also teaches Sunday school, leads a moms' Bible study that meets every week (and has for years), is part of the marriage ministry team at their church along with my dad, sings in the church choir, and does a lot more, all volunteering--but all using the things she learned in college and in her life since then.

That's what I want to do.  (But not the seven years of college.  No thanks.)

I want to be my husband's ministry partner.  I want to implement the principles of Titus chapter 2, helping to teach, train, and encourage younger women as I get older and have more life experience.  I want to learn from women who are older and wiser than I.  I want to teach our future children about God and how much he loves them, and how they can love him.  I want to share the good news of Jesus with everyone in my life.

So...why am I in college?
Because God wanted me here.
After all, this is where I met my husband.  That's priceless.
Because, as my dad says, no education is ever wasted, no matter how much it costs.
And because God has work for me.  He has plans to teach and bless and shape me.  He has plans that I don't know a thing about...but he does.  And this is where he wants me to be at this point in my life.

His Mercies are New Every Morning

...and so are his graces!  And I have to remind myself that, although blogging regularly is necessary in a sense, it's not a requirement.  So I'm okay with the fact that I haven't posted in a few days. :)

It hits me, some more days than others, how much I mess up in life.  When I walk into the house and books, clothes, papers, et cetera are scattered all over the living room...dishes are piled up in the sink and on the counter...worse, when I snap and yell at my husband and let my words come before my thoughts can check them.  When I gossip.  When I'm lazy.

But then (as my husband is often quick to remind me), I realize just how much God loves me...because he loves me despite all those imperfections.  He gives me a fresh start EVERY DAY.  He sees past the sinfulness...he sees the redemption of Christ that covers me, the Holy Spirit who lives in me.  He sees me beautiful, pure, holy--his.  That doesn't ever change.

And despite all my sinfulness...God blesses me beyond what I can imagine.  He gives me SO much more than I need.  There are times when I think that I don't have all I need.  When the cupboards are getting low.  When money is tight.  The list goes on.
But then I realize...I have food.  I have clothes.  I have a warm home.
And most importantly, I have things that money can never buy:
a husband who loves me and takes care of me
friends I can count on and trust
family who are always there for me
God.  His love, forgiveness, grace, mercy, peace, joy, comfort, salvation!

And every morning...those gifts are always there for me.  Again.

So on that note...
Time to catch up with the January Joy Dare!
Day 21: One thing in the sky, one thing from your memory, one thing that's ugly-beautiful.
-snowflakes falling a little when we were in Minnesota
-remembering the day two months ago when our car broke down, as we stopped at the exact same rest stop on the way to get it again.  Not the greatest memories...but it was a time of learning, growing, and strengthening our marriage.
-"new" car engine.  not a beautiful thing.  but it is...because it runs. :)

Day 22: one grace wrinkled, one grace smoothed, one grace unfolded
-clean sheets.  very wrinkled (from not being folded!), but very fresh-smelling. :)
-hubby smoothing my hair as he held me on the couch. <3
-the worship folder unfolding in my lap, holding lovely hymns, encouraging Scripture, the liturgy of Holy Communion

Day 23: 3 gifts found in Christ
(only three?)
-promise...of forgiveness, of resurrection, of eternal life
-comfort...from fear, from illness, from worry
-love...unconditional, unending, unchanging

{Quick update: after 14 hours in the car on Saturday, we have our car back!!!  Joshua's parents were incredibly gracious enough to drive us up to Minnesota to get it.  The engine has been replaced and although there are a few little things that need looking at, by the grace of God we got home without a hitch.  In fact, it was a blessing to spend so much time with Joshua's parents, and then so much time just the two of us--without the distractions of computer, TV, housework or homework!

So we are fully independent again, thank God, and enjoying being able to drive to school and work.
Especially since it finally snowed yesterday!  Today it was warmer than it's been in a while, so most of the snow has already melted, but it was lovely.  (It's been a weird winter.)

EVEN MORE BLESSINGS!}

Thankful for my husband

I realize more and more every day how blessed I am by my husband.  It's so terribly easy to take him for granted.  But lately I've been intentional about looking for ways to praise and honor him.

I'm learning how to listen better when he talks, and how to get his attention properly when I want to talk to him.
He has communicated to me how much he likes having me home, and how much he doesn't like it when I have to be gone in the evenings for work or class.  I know this is him saying, "I love you and I love spending time with you."

In the last week, he has:
had chocolate cake made (with homemade chocolate frosting) when I got home
had steak on the stove and rolls out of the oven the next day when I got home
taken down the Christmas tree and packed up a lot of decorations so I didn't have to do that depressing task
picked up and organized the bedroom AND made the bed properly for once (the next day he poked his head in the bathroom when I was taking a shower and asked if I was going to wear the jeans that were on the bedroom floor, because if I wasn't they needed to go in the hamper, not on the floor.  I about fell out of the shower.)
helped me with dishes WITHOUT BEING ASKED
taken care of bill-paying, a job I detest
taken initiative to get us to the DMV today to get his license renewed and get me my first Nebraska license
worked it out with his parents to get the four of us to go get our car on Saturday (finally!)

Yeah.  My husband is awesome.  And I could add other things to that list. ;)

How often do I look at the negative things about my husband instead of the positive?  How much do I put him down instead of praising and honoring him?  How much do I talk back to him instead of respecting him and submitting to him?
A lot.
Which is not how it should be.
But how often does he forgive me and let me try again?  How often does he love me in spite of my faults?  How often does he put up with my quirks?
All the time.
So today, I'm thankful for my husband.  He is my greatest gift--God is so good to both of us!

The Gift of Community

If I lived all alone, had no friends or family, and spoke to no more people than were necessary each day, God would still bless me incredibly.  He would give me a home, food, a way to support myself, and most importantly his Word and forgiveness and eternal life.

However, my life is SO much more full and complete with friends, family and spouse!  Besides being a blessing to me, having interactions with many people over the course of the day gives me opportunities to be a blessing to others.  God works through me to accomplish his purpose in the lives of many people besides me.

Today's Joy Dare (well, yesterday's actually) has to do with the blessings of interacting with other people:
"One thing you wore, one thing you gave away, one thing you shared."

I wore (am still wearing, in fact) a real pearl necklace that I got while I was in Hong Kong my freshman year of high school.  I haven't worn it in a while, and having it on brings back memories of the day I bought it, the people I was with, the other experiences I had that day, and the things God taught me on that trip.

I gave away time and energy at work, to help feed a LOT of college students (technically I got paid for that, but I think it counts!) and I gave time and energy at home to get the kitchen clean, food made, and bread baked for my husband and me.

I shared hugs.  Quite a few at church!  I thrive on hugs, and I have several friends who appreciate hugs as much as I do.  Giving and receiving hugs is comforting, reassuring, and joy-filling.

I appreciate being by myself as much as the next person--sometimes even as much as an introvert, even though I most certainly am extroverted!  However, I LOVE my family and friends, and I am so thankful that they are a huge part of my life.

Five Minute Friday: Awake

Linking up for the first time with The Gypsy Mama.
Five Minute Fridays begin with a given topic (today it's "awake") and the instructions to write, for five minutes only, on whatever that topic inspires.

I didn't want to be awake this morning.  The alarm went of at 8:30, late for many people, I know, but we had stayed up a little late last night and I wanted more sleep.  The bed was warm, the sheets were soft, my husband was still asleep beside me.
But I got up, eventually, with his encouragement once he woke up.  I do every day, whether I like it or not.  Whether I want to or not.  There's always something to do, somewhere to go, someone to meet.
I spend most of my life awake.  But am I really alert?  Am I really paying attention to what's going on around me?
Some days I just go through the motions, just do what needs to be done.  I want to do more than that.  I want to be more than awake: I want to be alive, to be energized, to be eager for every new day, to look for ways to serve others and be productive with my time.  I want to see God in everything.  I want to embrace every opportunity to do good that He places before me.  God has given me this life for a reason: I want to make the most of it.  "So as you have opportunity, do good to everyone, but especially those who belong to the family of believers." (Galatians 6:10, my paraphrase.)
I want to live life more than awake.  I want to live it alive!

Thankful Thursday

I'm so tired tonight.  It's almost time for Thanksgiving break, and the semester only has about two weeks after that.  It's been a long, busy semester.  But we've been so blessed this semester.

Today I'm particularly thankful for:

-the fact that one week from RIGHT NOW we will be with my parents, siblings, grandma, aunt, uncle and cousins!!!  I can hardly wait.  I haven't seen my folks since July and the extended family since the wedding in May.  It's going to be amazing.

-only one day left of school till a week off.  My goals are to get the house completely clean (in preparation for Christmas decorating!!) and (finally) finish thank-you notes.  (I know, I know, I'm a horrible person...)

-beautiful fall weather.  It's been gorgeous.  I admit, however, I'm ready for snow now...

-new windows installed in the living room and kitchen today!!!  FINALLY!  They're beautiful, and I'm hoping they will have a positive effect on our utilities bill.  Just a few more improvements and they'll be all done.

-continued healing for Joshua's dad.  (thank you so much for your prayers!)  We'll be visiting him tomorrow and I'll post an update later.

-my amazing husband.  I know, I'm always thankful for him and I write about him all the time, but he is so encouraging, so sweet, so loving, so wise, and such a comfort to me.  I don't know where I'd be without my best friend.

-our wonderful friends and fantastic family--such amazing people are in our lives!

Stressing and Blessing

This weekend was a rollercoaster-ride of emotions.

Thursday morning our car started acting up.
Thursday night my in-laws came to help get it (temporarily) figured out.
Success with the car (temporarily).
Also Thursday night, my father-in-law had a minor stroke.

Friday morning my mother-in-law took Dad to the hospital.
Friday evening we had a great time with friends (Joe and Ruth).
Friday night Joshua's younger brothers stayed with us.

Saturday morning I spent thrift-shopping and making cookies with another amazing friend, Sara.
Saturday afternoon I worked at the library.
Brothers stayed with us again Saturday night.

Sunday morning we went to a Methodist church (for a class Joshua's taking).
Sunday afternoon we visited Joshua's parents at the hospital.
Dad is doing a lot better--walking with a walker, talking almost normally, moving more.
Sunday evening we went to see Puss in Boots (funny movie :) ).
Sunday night we did homework and played cards with Ruth and Joe.

And now it's Monday, and I'm drowsy from sleep deprivation all weekend, and stressed because the house didn't get clean like I planned for it to.

It was a busy weekend--stressful things and fun things to counteract the stressful, but no time to do much housework or homework.

In it all we were blessed.
In it all God taught me so much (selflessness, the value and importance of family, more lessons on priorities, how amazing our friends are, the incredible blessing my husband always is, etc, etc).

Life is so fragile.
The future is so elusive.
Our plans are so futile.

God holds all things together.
God knows the future.
God's plans will come to fruition.

Sometimes it's just hard to trust, to remember that.
Worrying seems so easy.  But it doesn't do any good.

Trusting is so hard.  But it's the only thing I can do, sometimes.
Prayer is so easy, and it does so much good!
I've been doing a lot of that this weekend.

I'm ooking forward to Thanksgiving break--a time to rest, to catch up on housecleaning, to relax with my husband, to see family, to remember all we have to be grateful for.

Thankful Thursday: bread and friendship and other happy things.

Yesterday I got home with Joshua at about 1:00, and other than an hour of work at the library I was home the whole afternoon and evening.  So I made bread: Italian flatbread (for which I will post the recipe) for supper, and two loaves of white bread because we needed bread.  I bought bread flour the other day, hoping it would make my bread lighter, softer and less crumbly.  In the white bread I used half bread flour and half all-purpose, and oh. my. goodness.  It turned out absolutely perfect.  It's easy to cut, it doesn't fall apart, it's light and soft, and it rose so high!  Plus it tastes fantastic. :)  I can hardly wait to try whole wheat bread with the bread flour (which will end up being about 1/3 whole wheat, 1/3 all-purpose, 1/3 bread flour).  I know this might not seem very exciting, but I've been making bread for five months now and it FINALLY turned out the way I've really wanted it to.  I'm hoping to find a place to buy gluten to add to all-purpose flour (which is basically what bread flour is); I just need to see if it's cost-effective.

Anyway, so that's #1 for Thankful Thursday:  beautiful bread!

#2: The fantastic supper we had last night: the flatbread, cheese that my mom sent in a care package this week, and roasted asparagus.  Soooo good.  I love fresh, simple, wholesome food!

#3:  I am so thankful, as always, for our wonderful friends.  We spent the evening with Ruth and Joe again last night.  I know, we're with them all the time, but they are such blessings, and we just love being with them!  You know those friends who love you for exactly who you are but encourage you to keep growing into the person God made you to be?  And they always make you laugh?  And they appreciate your cooking?  And they're supportive and generous and kind?  Yeah, Ruth and Joe are two of those friends. :)  And they're just two of quite a few amazing people in our lives.

#4: It is SO great to have a car again!!  I feel like I've regained independence and adulthood, in some ways.  Amazing what having a car can do for the self-esteem.

#5: Coffee.  From our own coffeemaker.  Which we just used for the first time yesterday after five months of marriage.  I can't believe I put it off this long.  Thank you, Eva!!  It's even programmable, so it started brewing while I was making french toast this morning (one of Joshua's favorite breakfasts).  Bliss.

#6: My incredible husband.  I love him more every day.  Can't praise him enough.  He is the best thing that ever happened to me!!