Keeping Priorities in Order

A new school year is beginning soon. For us, it's in two weeks; for some of you, it may have already begun! With a change in schedule, priorities can get shifted around. Sometimes that's necessary. But I'm taking a hard look this semester at my priorities and where they stand.

• God should always be number one. Some days (many days, if I'm honest) my Bible goes unopened. Sure, we do Portals of Prayer almost every day, and pray together daily, but my personal Bible study time is definitely lacking. That's something that I am constantly working on, and it's something I can't slack on when school starts. Especially when life gets busier, I'm going to need to be in the Word even more, otherwise life will just fall apart.
• My husband should always be the second most important person in my life! I often find myself caught up in the busyness of the school year, trying to socialize in between classes, work, and homework-- and sometimes my husband gets neglected. This should not be! My husband is my closest family, my very best friend, and my partner for life--nourishing our marriage needs to be way at the top of my priority list.
• Next should be time for family and friends. This doesn't happen during the school year as much as I'd like, partly because my family lives far away and Joshua's is even busier than we are. But we try to see them as often as we practically can.
• After my relationships come my responsibilities. First and foremost is my calling as a homemaker: planning and preparing meals, keeping up with laundry, keeping our home clean and presentable.
• Next I need to focus on my jobs, the ways I financially contribute to our little family. Blogging is one of my jobs, too--it's an important part of what I do and who I am.
• Finally comes school, and with that, homework. Obviously, attending classes on a day-to-day basis is a non-negotiable, and I always turn in homework on time, but it's not the most important aspect of my life, or the one I should be spending the most time and attention on.
• Mixed in here is spending some time focusing on myself, but that cannot be my top priority. Obviously I need to take care of myself physically, and take some time to rest and relax daily (nourishing food, adequate sleep, and physical activity are absolute musts in every day!). But I need to spend the majority of my time focusing on others.

It's a lot to balance, and although your roles, relationships and responsibilities may look a little different, I'm sure you have a lot to balance in your life as well.

How are your priorities lining up? Who or what is at the top of your list?

Is it your husband? Your children? Your job? Your writing? Yourself?

If God isn't at the top, followed closely by your spouse, the rest of your priorities won't line up right. The Lord needs to be the main focus of your life, the center around which everything else revolves. It's His Word that will keep you grounded and able to fulfill all your other roles and responsibilities the best you can. Trust me, I need to remind myself of this very often!

If spouse and family aren't way toward the top of your priority list, simply speaking, you're failing in your primary callings. We all have a variety of vocations--roles to which God has called us. If you're married and/or a parent, those vocations are your first and most important! No matter what job you have (even if it's a pastor, a doctor, a lawyer, a police officer), whatever it is, it's not as important as your first calling, which is to your family.

I have to remember this on a very regular basis. It's so easy to get caught up in thinking "but when I'm working I'm doing it for my family!" Or in my case, "When I'm spending all my time cooking and cleaning and taking care of the house, I'm doing it for my husband!" Most times he'd rather I spend time with him, not spend time doing dishes or cleaning the bathroom. Obviously those things need to get done, but they're not nearly as important as investing in my relationship with my husband.

So yep,  I sometimes struggle with keeping my priorities in order. I think we all do to some extent.

I find that it helps when I schedule time for those things that are most important. I do well with a written, detailed schedule, and if I put "Bible study and prayer" for the first half-hour of each day, I'm very likely to do it. If I decide that Tuesday and Friday nights, nothing goes on the calendar because those two nights are set aside for time with my husband, we'll actually spend that time together. If I schedule a couple hours a day for homework, it will happen in those times and not get pushed to evenings when I should be spending time with my husband. Those are some things I'm going to do to keep my priorities in order this school year.

What are you going to do this year to keep your priorities lined up? Looking at yourself, what order are you priorities in right now?

{Focus} On the Truly Important

Three days in, having my morning schedule has been a great thing.  I've read my Bible three days running (for me, this is an accomplishment!), had time to make and eat a good breakfast, spent an hour blogging, and not been rushing to get out the door.  It's wonderful.  However, this morning I "slept in" an hour and a half late, because last night it was more important to spend time with my hubby than to go to bed early.  As a result, I didn't have time to do the blogging I planned to do early in the day--but it was SO worth it.

It was just a good reminder for me that I need to be careful not to let my own plans get in the way of my highest priorities.  Sure, I want to blog every day, but like last night, there are times when more important things need to take precedence.

Of course, there are things I don't want to compromise on--daily Bible study, for example.  But my husband is my highest priority after God, and it's important that I don't let my plans or pride get in the way of putting him first.

In my first volleyball class yesterday (my last general education requirement), I realized some things about myself that apply in all areas of my life:

-I need to be willing to admit when I'm doing something wrong, or when I can't do something without help.
-I can't take offense when others help or correct me.
-It's healthy to be able to laugh at myself.
-I don't have to worry about what other people think about me.

Perhaps I'll do more posts in the future on the topic of "What volleyball has taught me about life."  Maybe in a couple of months. :)

Instead of focusing on myself (my own desires/feelings/pride), the most important thing is for me to focus on those around me.  I won't do it perfectly all the time, but I can do my best with God's help, and in doing so strive to become more like Jesus.

One Word 2013

I've been hearing about this practice since last year--picking one word to define yourself and your life for the year ahead.  Ann Voskamp does it.  So do a lot of other bloggers: Julia at black tag diaries, L at All Glorious Within, "Beloved" at Treat Me to a Feast are just a few.

I thought it would take a lot of time and thinking to determine just one word for the theme for my whole year.  But pondering it briefly yesterday, I realized that there is a pattern to my prayer for myself and my life this year.

I want to focus more on my husband.
I want to focus more on homemaking and housework.
I want to focus on a specific, pretty big project for school.
Most importantly, I want to focus more on my heavenly Father and His Word.

So, my one word for 2013 is:

Focus

I really want to work on this, this new year.  Life goes by so quickly.  I've had people tell me that one's twenties are the most exciting part of life, with the most changes and new experiences, but they are also the years that go by the fastest.  Before I know it, I'll be graduated from college (just a year to go!), a mommy (Lord willing, and no we are not pregnant yet), moving, starting a new life as my husband begins teaching, and who knows what else.  I don't want to miss any of the blessings that God gives me each day.  I want to pay attention to the little things, and not take anything for granted.

And how do you take special notice of the little things?

You focus.  Zoom in on the details.  Ignore the distractions that surround you.  Pay attention to what's important in that one moment.

That's how I want to live my life this year: savoring each moment as it comes, focusing on what is at hand, and not letting myself get distracted by what the world throws at me.  I don't want so much to look toward the future as I want to experience the present.

Pray for me?  That God would help me ignore the distractions and focus on the important?

And if you're doing One Word--tell me about it!  Link up your post about your One Word in the comments. I'll be praying for you, too.

to keep on keepin' on

Today was the first day of school.
Technically, it's my senior year, but I have a year and a half to go and Joshua has two.  So we'll be "super-seniors," which isn't that big a deal...a lot of people follow the five-year plan.  Or four and a half, in my case.

We didn't get to bed nearly early enough last night, so that might contribute to my tiredness.  I'm exhausted.  It'll probably take a few days to get used to the school schedule again.  I don't have a massively busy schedule, but it's plenty.  Figuring in classes, work, homework, meal-making, cleaning, dishes, and time with friends and most importantly with Joshua...it's a little overwhelming.  But I know we'll get into a system, and I'll get used to it.  I always do. :)

So far I've only been to three of my eight classes.  Two of them are choir and handbells, which both are very familiar.  I have two new professors this semester, and I met both of them today.  I think this will be a good semester.  I'm looking forward to all my classes.  They will all be useful and interesting. :)

I want to keep blogging, and linking up, but I have a feeling that, at least for a while, blogging might have to take the back burner.  I know writing is really, really important, but did you see that list of everything I have to do every day?

Give me a couple weeks.  At the most, a month.  I'll keep writing as much as I can...but it might be a little less than usual in the next few weeks.  Bear with me.  Stick with me if you want to.  Keep your eyes open... I'll keep posting.  I'll be here.  I just might be a little scarce for a while. :)

Because this is important to me.  Writing.  Blogging.  Keeping up with this community.  I know I have an obligation to my readers, to keep on keepin' on.  I have even more of an obligation to myself.  This is important.

But I talk a lot about priorities...keeping first things first.  Blogging is an important thing, but it's not a first thing.  Not right now.  So it will happen--I hope fairly regularly--but I need to keep other things first: God.  My husband.  My friends.  School.  Work.

Thanks for sticking with me. :)

The To-Do List that Will Change Your Life

Are you ready?  Here it is:

To-Do Today

1) Love God.

2) Love others.

3) Love yourself.

That's it.  Really.  It's that simple.

Not convinced?  Jesus put it another way:

"Hearing that Jesus had silenced the Sadducees, the Pharisees got together.  One of them, an expert in the law, tested him with this question: 'Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?'  Jesus replied: '"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind."  This is the first and greatest commandment.  And the second is like it: "Love your neighbor as yourself."  All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.'" Matthew 22:34-40

Have you ever seen the acronym for the word "JOY"?
Jesus
Others
You
It is a little corny, but it's true.

When we have our priorities in the right order--in this order--good things will happen.  GREAT things will happen.  When God is first in our lives, everything else will fall into place.

How does this play out in our everyday lives?
My prayer every morning is, "God, let me honor and glorify you today, in everything I say, do and think."  Putting God first means doing everything for him.  It means making him the most important person in our lives.
Then comes everyone else.
And "everyone else" has to be prioritized, too.  If you're married, this means your husband (or wife) should come first after God.  Not your boss, your coworkers, your friends, your teachers, or your parents.  Your husband.  If you're a mother (or father), your children are next, after your spouse.  Then your family, friends, and everyone else.
Then you.  This doesn't mean that you neglect yourself entirely for the sake of other people.  I'm not suggesting or condoning that at all.  Of course you need to eat, bathe, and rest--and take time to do things for yourself.  Notice Jesus didn't say, "Love your neighbor just like you love God."  He wants all that love for himself. :)  No, he said "Love your neighbor as yourself."  Jesus doesn't want us to hate ourselves!  In fact, in Ephesians Paul wrote, "In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies.  He who loves his wife loves himself.  After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church..." (Ephesians 5:28-29).
We are to love everyone else just as much as we love ourselves: taking time for them, doing things for them, taking care of them, treating them with love, kindness and respect.

This will play out differently in each person's life.  My usual morning routine is, make breakfast for my husband, have devotions with him and pray together, and after he goes to work I do my writing and blogging for the day.

I don't keep this to-do list perfectly, of course.  I struggle every day with putting God first.  It's easy to remember that my husband needs clean clothes, good food, and time with me, but God doesn't have the same physical presence...so he's easier to forget, unfortunately.  But that's no excuse on my part.

The wonderful thing about all this is, God will and does bless us when we put him first.  And even when we fail, he still loves us, blesses us, and forgives us far more than we could ever ask or imagine.


Linking up with these lovely ladies today:
New Life Steward; Women Living Well; To Love, Honor and Vacuum; Deep Roots at Home; A Wise Woman Builds Her Home; Raising Homemakers; The Houtz House Party

Stretching My Spirit

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is, like, the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community..

OK, are you ready? Please give me your best five minutes on:::

Stretch…

Most mornings when I wake up, I stretch--my arms above my head, my back, my legs.  It's a way of readying my body for a new day, transitioning from sleeping to wakefulness.  It tells my body what my brain already knows: It's time to get up, start moving, start the things that need to be done today.

What if I stretched my spirit, too?

I confess, my spiritual habits have been lacking lately.  I do devotions with my husband every single morning--I read the Scripture passages, sometimes nearly a whole chapter, he reads the devotion, and we pray together.  But I haven't been reading my Bible on my own much recently.  And my first thoughts in the morning aren't always prayer.

This morning my husband and I both woke up feeling way better than we had when we went to sleep.  So my first thought was this morning, "Thank you, Jesus, for helping us feel better!"  I was singing the Doxology in my head when I went to make breakfast.

But it's not always that way.  I wish it were.

Exercise of the body takes discipline.

So does exercise of the mind--or of the spirit.

It will take discipline for me to remember to stretch myself spiritually each morning, and throughout each day.

But I know that's something God wants me to do.  So when I pray and ask for his strength, his courage, and his help to do so--I know he'll answer that prayer.  God wants me to be closer to him, and I know he'll help me as I seek to approach him more and in a deeper way.

Stretching my body feels so good every morning.  I know stretching my spirit will be even better.

Linking up today with:

Lisa-Jo Baker (of course, with FMF); Your Thriving Family; Consider the Lilies; finding joy; Susan Godfrey

What a Young Wife has Learned

My husband and I have been married for a year and two months (and a little more).  It has already been an amazing journey, and I am humbled and awed at the thought that God has given me this incredible man with whom I get to spend my whole life.

I have found, in talking with other young married couples (wives especially) that we're all going through similar things and trying to learn a lot of the same things.  This makes perfect sense; we are, after all, at about the same point in life.

One year of marriage has taught me a lot, thanks be to God.  I have so much more to learn, and I know that, so I can't claim to be an expert of any kind.

But I would like to share today some of the most important things I've learned, which are all based on the Word of God.

1) My husband needs to be respected as well as loved, and that does not come naturally to me like loving does.  As a woman, I have very little difficulty loving people, especially my husband.  But when it comes to respecting him, that takes work.  Perhaps that's why Paul wrote to the Ephesians:

"...each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." Ephesians 5:33

2) I need to say more often to myself, "Hold your tongue, woman!"  Before I speak, I need to think: is it respectful?  Is it loving?  Is it necessary?  Is it timely?  Is it helpful?  Maybe this is just me, but I get into the most trouble by saying things out of turn, or saying something I shouldn't at all.  I could fix a lot by simply being more careful about what I say, and when.

"When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise."         Proverbs 10:19 

3) I need to keep my priorities in order.  First God, then my husband, then myself.  It is necessary to put his needs before my own and be selfless.  Again, this doesn't come naturally, but doing this will have a very positive impact on my life and my marriage.

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.  Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.  Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus..." Philippians 2:3-5

4) My husband and I should forgive each other--always.  This is the key.  This is how our marriage works.  We are both sinful people, saved by grace, yes, but still sinners.  Failing each other is inevitable--which is why forgiveness is such a gift of God, and so very important.

"Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." Ephesians 4:32

5) Remember--the ability to love does not come from me, or from my husband.  It is a gift of God. The amazing thing about marriage is that God doesn't expect us to do it on our own.  He gives us the strength, will and resources--like forgiveness--to love, respect and honor our spouse.  Love isn't something I produce on my own power.  It comes from Him.

"Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God.  Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.  Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love." 1 John 4:7-8

6) Marriage is an earthly example of the love Jesus Christ has for all who believe in him.  The bottom line is, my marriage isn't about me or my husband.  It's about God.  Marriage is a way God blesses his people incredibly.  It is one of the ways he explains to us the love he has for us.  It is an image of the relationship Jesus Christ has with the church--his Bride.  Marriage is another way that we, as God's children, can honor and glorify him.

"Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.  Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.  For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.  Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.  Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water thorough the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.  In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies.  He who loves his wife loves himself.  After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church--for we are members of his body.  'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.'  This is a profound mystery--but I am talking about Christ and the church.  However, each one of you must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."  Ephesians 5:21-33

There is so much more I could say about what I have learned about marriage in the last fourteen months, and about what marriage has taught me about myself, about what love is, and about who God is.  But these things, I think, are the most important.


Linking up to these lovely ladies today, with thanks:

Upward Not Inward; New Life Steward; To Love, Honor and Vacuum; Women Living Well; Deep Roots at Home; A Wise Woman Builds Her Home 

 

Marriage and Family Reunions

This past weekend we went to a reunion of my dad's mom's side of the family.  This group has been getting together every other year or so since my grandma's parents died in 1998, and before that they met every year at my great-grandparents' for Christmas.  Now the families of my grandma and her three brothers take turns hosting.  We've been practically all over the Midwest in the last 13 years (the two previous reunions were a few miles from my parents' house!).

This year we met at my aunt and uncle's, and it was the first reunion where I felt like one of the adults.  Kinda.  I'm over 21 and married now, and the oldest of my generation of cousins (the youngest is just 8 months old!), but I'm also 8 years younger than the youngest of my parents' generation.  It's kind of a weird place to be in.

Then, of course, the biggest change for me was having my husband with me!  There were about 20 people he hadn't met yet, and I was SO excited to introduce him to my family.

We've been talking about this reunion for months, and I knew it was going to be really different this time.  The biggest thing I had to remember was to keep my husband as my top priority.  Yes, we were with my family and I don't see most of them often, and they have all known me since I was born (except for all the people who have recently married into the family!), but my husband knows me better than any of them.

He is the one I married and with whom I promised to spend the rest of my life.

So during the weekend, while I was flitting around talking to various relatives, I made sure to pay as much attention to Joshua as I could.  He hit it off with one of my dad's younger cousins and they spent some time visiting.  And then Joshua and I had several hours of alone time at the hotel one day, which we both really needed.

We both had a lot more fun over the weekend than we were expecting to.  The weather was much nicer than anyone had hoped, I got to cuddle all my little cousins (and second cousins), and we met for the first time the girlfriend of one of my dad's cousins, who endeared herself to us all right away.

And then we went home...and I realized how important it was for me to remember how important Joshua is, and make sure he knows how special he is to me.

Because at the end of the day (and the beginning!), he is the one who is always here.  We come home to each other, not any extended family (however much we love them!).  We are each other's family...and that's how it should be.

Linking up today:
The Alabaster Jar; lowercase letters; The Better Mom; Raising Arrows

Faith and Understanding

There are two different responses to what we experience in life that may be frustrating, confusing, or unexpected.
We can simply trust God,
or try to understand why He is doing (or allowing--there is a BIG difference!) certain things in our life.

Which one is more honoring to Him?

Our God is a big God.  It is simply impossible to fully understand Him.

If we spend all our energies in the quest to understand all the whys in our life, we won't have energy for doing anything else...

like putting our trust in Him.

We can't understand God.  We shouldn't expect to.  However, that doesn't negate the fact that we are required to trust Him unconditionally.


God doesn't ask us to understand everything that happens in our lives.  He doesn't ask us to understand Him.  There are things about God that are too wonderful for us to know...too big and awesome for our human minds to comprehend.

And that's okay.

"Then Job replied to the Lord: 'I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted....Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know...." -Job 42:1-2, 3b

This doesn't mean that God will not sometimes allow us to understand His purposes.
But when we do understand, it is not by our own wisdom, but by His.

"For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding." -Colossians 1:9

Understanding is an act of the mind.  Faith is an act of the heart, a gift God that is ours by the power of the Holy Spirit.

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." -Hebrews 11:1

"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God--not by works, so that no one can boast." -Ephesians 2:9 

Both understanding of God and His ways, and faith in Him, are gifts that God gives us freely.
It is good to be able to understand.
It is essential that we have faith.
Faith in the grace of Jesus Christ, in His redemption for us on the cross, is what saves us.

The next time that something frustrating, confusing, or difficult comes our way,
how will we respond?
Will we seek to understand
or thank God for the gift of faith, that allows us to trust even those things "we do not see"?

Perhaps in His wisdom, God will allow us both faith and understanding...
but we can trust that He will do what He knows is best.

Inspired by this post by my dear friend Sara (and the discussion we had about it).

Linking up today with these lovely women:
New Life Steward; Upward Not Inward; Exceptionalistic; Deep Roots at Home; Raising Homemakers; A Wise Woman Builds Her Home; Women Living Well; The Fontenot Four

Focusing on My Husband

Distractions abound in our society of short attention spans and constant busyness.  We're distracted from working, from resting,being with our family, our job.  With a constant flow of information available, it's easy to check our email, or Facebook, send a tweet, or read a blog post.  I know that those and other things are my distractions.  I'm often distracted from housework, my Bible reading, my to-do list, and...from my husband.

In a world full of distractions, it is way too easy for our priorities to get out of whack. Are we keeping God first and foremost, and then focusing on our spouse? What distracts us? How can we keep focused?

(I'm coming at this with the assumption that my readers are in a mostly healthy, Christian marriage.  I realize that there are exceptions.  But this is the situation with which I have experience, so it is the situation about which I write.)
What distracts us?
Media.  I'm quite aware of the recent craze and hype surrounding "50 Shades of Gray" and "Magic Mike."  {No, don't look for a post from me about either one.  I haven't done a lot of research into either, but I've learned enough to know that I will not be reading or watching them.}  These and other media provide a huge distraction to women.  Even seemingly "tame" romance movies (many of which I really enjoy!) can be distracting.  I think the biggest reason for this is that they present an idealized picture of marriage, sex, and romantic relationships.  We wonder why our marriage/sex/relationship can't be like the one we see on the screen or read about on the page.  This turns our focus onto a fantasy instead of onto our husband.

Other men.  Do we allow our eyes--and our thoughts--to wander?  For women, who are not as visually stimulated as men, seeing other attractive men isn't always a big problem, although it can be.  Looking at other men and thinking about them sexually is wrong.  Jesus said that "anyone who looks at a woman (or man) lustfully has already committed adultery with her (him) in his (her) heart" (Matthew 8:28).  Plain and simple.  However, we women can also be distracted by reading or hearing about a man different from our husband.  This can encourage thoughts such as, "Why didn't my husband do this-or-that the way this other man did?  Why can't my husband be like this?  Doesn't he know this about women like that other man does?"

Negativity.  Do we focus only on our husband's bad qualities?  This connects with the previous point.  If we're always negatively comparing our husband to other men, we're going to be very distracted from the good qualities our husband has--and he DOES have them!

Our own selves and lives.  Are we so focused on our housework/children/job/whatever that we (often unknowingly) lose sight of our husband, who should be our first priority (after God)?  I know that this is the one I struggle with the most.  I often get so caught up in making good meals, keeping a clean house, and my jobs outside the home that I forget how much my husband appreciates it when I spend time with him, not necessarily doing things for him.

So how do we focus on our husbands?

When we are constantly surrounded by distractions, we are going to have to FIGHT to keep our husbands at the very top of our priority list!!  Satan will do everything he can to get in our way.  But God's Word is our greatest weapon against Satan's attacks and our greatest tool to help make our marriage work!
Your marriage is JUST you and your husband!  Nothing and no one else (except God, who should be the center of your marriage!) should infiltrate your marriage.  Period.  No real or imaginary person, movie, book, celebrity, pornography, or anything else, should ever come between you and your spouse.  When God created marriage, he said, "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh" (Genesis 2:24).  Marriage is one man and one woman united by God to be one flesh.  Nothing else is part of that equation.
Honor your marriage and keep your married sexuality pure.  This connects with the above point.  The writer to the Hebrews said, "Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and the sexually immoral" (Hebrews 13:4).  Sex within marriage is a beautiful, wondrous thing, when it is kept between the husband and wife.  Focus on your husband, and only him, when it comes to sex.
Think about the good things!  Paul wrote to the Philippians, "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things" (Philippians 4:8).  Look for the good in your husband!  And tell him what you find praiseworthy in him.  Look for the true, noble, right, pure, lovely, and admirable in your marriage.  Banish thoughts from your head that don't fall into those categories.  Throw out the false, worthless, wrong, impure, and ugly from your relationship.  Let God be the center of your marriage.  Let the Holy Spirit fill both of you.  Where God is, there is the good, true and beautiful.  Let Him be the Lord of your thoughts, your marriage, and your lives.
Look for ways to bring your husband honor.  In Proverbs 31, we read of "the wife of noble character."  "Her husband has full confidence in her, and lacks nothing of value.  She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life" (verses 11, 12).  "Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land" (23).  "Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: 'Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all'" (28, 29).  How can we, as a wife, bring respect, good, and praise to our husbands?  When we actively seek ways to do this, we will be focused positively on them.

Let me say once again that God should always be our highest priority.  Nothing should ever become more important than He is in our lives.  However, immediately after God should come our husbands.  Our marriage is our most important earthly relationship, and when our relationship with God and with our spouse is on the right track, the others will follow.
This is not an exhaustive list of suggestions by any means.  They are building blocks upon which to build a foundation of positive focus on our husbands.  And I will be going back to this myself as a reminder that I need every day!

How can you focus on your husband?  Do you have ideas to share that have worked for you?

Linking with:

Far Above Rubies; Thankful Homemaker; Time-Warp Wife; Cornerstone Confessions; Lessons from Ivy

looking at life with an eternal perspective

I was going to write a list of all the ways I use vinegar in my house.
It's pretty nifty, versatile stuff, so I might do that later.

But what's on my heart right now is something that my husband and I were talking about last night.
We were talking about perspective.

I came down yesterday with an annoying summer flu (stuffy nose, sore throat, aches, a little fever).  Also yesterday I found out about a friend with a sinus infection that has spread so far it's within less than an inch of her spinal cord and cerebellum.  She's a single mommy of twins and is having surgery in a few weeks.  A little flu is nothing to complain about.

My husband was telling me about his boss...his encouraging, funny, no-nonsense, and very kind boss.  He's been such a blessing, this man I don't even know.  My husband loves his job.  No, it doesn't make tons of money, but it's enough...and for the happiness that I see in Joshua's face when he comes home from work with more stories to share, I wouldn't trade this for anything.

We have a little apartment, yes...with a leaky window and hardly any counterspace.  But Joshua told me, "You make this place a beautiful home."  And it really is.  It's ours, we love it, we love living here.

And emailing with a new blogging friend this morning, reading other blog posts....  How do we look at our lives?  Do we measure them by the world's standards?  Do we compare ourselves to those who seem to have it all?  Or...

do we look at our life through God's eyes?  Do we see ourselves the way He sees us?  Do we place upon ourselves the worth He has given us?

Because as children of God, we are precious.  Priceless.  Treasured.

What happens when we look at life with an eternal perspective?


It should change everything.

This life is not all there is.  We're not doing things for the here and now.

At-home mothers, wives, homemakers: you are making an impact on your family for eternity.  You are raising your children to love and obey Jesus, and they will be among the believers in heaven someday.  And in their own lifetimes they will be given opportunities to share the Gospel as well.  As you bless your husband, encourage him and support him, you are enabling him to do his ministry for the Lord, wherever and whatever that may be.  As you make your home a place of beauty and rest, you are creating a place where the Holy Spirit dwells, which will bless every person who enters it.

Women and men who have jobs in the workplace (and everyone else, for that matter): you are lights in a dark world.  You have been given the opportunity to live the love of Jesus, even if you can't talk about it.  And maybe you're a pastor, a youth worker, a teacher in a Christian school, and then you have even more opportunity to spread the Gospel.

Everything we do has an eternal impact on the world.


Nothing is insignificant in God's eyes.  He calls us each to different vocations, and he works with each of us to do his work.

In this world we have troubles.  But Christ has overcome the world.  He has conquered sin, death, and Satan.  Our victory is WON!  We have nothing to fear.


Yes, we may struggle, with health, with finances, with relationships.  But those things will last such a short time when we look forward to eternity.  Compared to forever in heaven with Jesus, in a place of perfect rest and joy, the pain and suffering of this world is brief.

We were placed in the lives we have to bring the healing light of the Gospel to every suffering, painful place in this world.  We are here to point others to Jesus.  We are here to help give the world an eternal perspective--to help them see that in Christ, they have the victory.
 

Philosophical Musings (sort of)

Actually, these aren't really philosophical musings, although they originated in philosophy class today.  My professor was quick to point out that what he said in answer to one of my questions was theology, not philosophy.

We're discussing some of the key philosophers and their teachings and ideas.  Different schools of philosophy have different ways of explaining reality.  The disciplines of theology and philosophy are two very different things, but according to my professor they overlap in that they both seek answers to the questions
"Who am I?"
"Why am I here?"
"Where am I going?"

We were talking today about Descartes, whose philosophies started with the idea that things are only knowable by reason.  I won't get into it much here, mostly because I only understand a little.  But I asked my professor how he defines reality, how he knows that he is real, how he is aware of himself.  He replied,
"As soon as I start thinking of me, I stop looking at God and listening to God, who He says I am."  Summing up his further comments:
All that matters is that God says I am His.  He spoke through acts in history (my birth, my baptism, my marriage, etc) to tell me who I am, why I'm here, and where I'm going.  In every aspect of my life, I see God at work, speaking to me.

I had never really thought of it that way before.  The only definition of reality that matters is God's.  And it doesn't even really matter if we figure out how God defines reality or not.  All that matters is that God calls us his own, and he reveals himself and his will to us in many ways throughout our lives.

When that's what really matters. . . nothing else really matters, does it? :)

When things don't make sense (to me)

If you've read this blog for any length of time, or know me personally at all, you know that one of the biggest things I struggle with is trust.

Why does this have to happen? What does it mean? How is God teaching me in this? Who do I blame when things don't go the way I want them to? (Usually I blame myself...)

I have so many questions.  I want answers to all the problems in my life.  I want to know why life is so blasted hard sometimes.

But the long and short of it is, it's not for me to know.  My times, my life, are in God's hands. HE sees my future. HE has a plan for me--a plan to prosper me and not to harm me, a plan to give me hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11)

God doesn't hurt me. He's all good; he can't! He can and does allow bad things to happen to me...but because I am his child, called according to his purpose, he will work out all things for good (Romans 8:28).

I am a fallible human being. I can't see the future. I don't know what tomorrow will hold, or even the next hour or next minute. I can't control the way my life will go, so there's no sense worrying about it. As a weak and fragile human being, I can't handle all the worries and frustrations of this life.

But God can.

And he wants to! He wants to take my troubles, worries and sorrows off my shoulders and onto his. He wants to give me peace and comfort in return. I simply have to let go and stop being such a control freak!

So when things don't make sense to me, I know they make sense to the God who loves me, who created me, who has a purpose for me, who always has my best interests at heart, and who can see and holds my future in his all-mighty hands.

Attitude is Everything

I have a confession to make.  I had a really poor attitude yesterday.  My family left in the morning, and I was homesick for them all the rest of the day.  I was in a crummy mood for a variety of reasons, no need to go into them.  I didn't feel like doing much.  I was lazy most of the day.  I didn't get the kitchen cleaned up or all the dishes done before I went to bed.  (I'm still in the process of finishing! :) )  I figured, well, my family's not coming again anytime soon, what's the point?

Hubby and I had a very pleasant evening together, and today I realized, wait a minute.  I have a serious problem if I'm thinking this way.  Who am I called to serve, first and foremost?  Who should be my top priority (second only to God)?  Who deserves my love and respect most, and whose home am I taking care of?  My husband.  Our home.  Loving and serving God by loving and serving my husband should be my primary motivator for doing things around the house, for making tasteful, healthful meals for us, for keeping myself looking nice.

Thank God that this mix-up of priorities only lasted a day.  I'm feeling myself again, energized, eager to serve.  Thank you, Lord.  He is ever faithful!!  Now it's time to get lunch ready and finish cleaning up the kitchen before Hubby gets home!! :)

A Change in Perspective

I just started reading a book that a friend gave me for a wedding gift, Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas.  The flap of the dust cover reads, "What if God's primary intent for your marriage isn't to make you happy...but holy? What if your relationship isn't as much about you and your spouse as it is about you and God?"

This really got me thinking (that and the first three chapters I've read so far).  From the world's point of view, life is about being happy, being satisfied, being successful, and being instantly gratified.  People should do everything they can to accomplish those things for themselves, says the world.

I said the other day that one of the most important things about marriage is being selfless--putting the needs and desires of one's spouse before one's own, making the other person's happiness your goal.

But now I don't think it's either of these, and I think I knew that all along; I just needed a wake-up call which this book provided.  Marriage isn't about making myself happy.  It's not even about making my spouse happy.  It's about making God happy.

Let me say that again: the primary goal of marriage should be to give God honor, glory, and praise.  The primary benefit of marriage isn't children, companionship or comfort (although those are wonderful benefits of marriage!).  It's a closer relationship with God; a deeper understanding of how God loves us and how he desires our relationship with him to be.

God designed marriage to point us toward HIM.  It's a matter of focus.  What are we focused on?  Ourselves?  Our spouse?  Or God?  Are we looking at our marriage like we should everything else, with an eternal mindset?

I've written about this before: how looking at life with an eternal perspective changes everything.  If we are considering that our final destination is heaven, the only person whose opinion we should care about is God's, and our primary goal in life is to serve, honor, glorify and obey him--then everything else in life takes on a different meaning and purpose.  If we view marriage as something designed by God to draw us closer into relationship with and understanding of him, and view it as another aspect of life in which our primary goal should be to serve God, then EVERYTHING else will fall into place.

Think about it.  If I'm seeking to serve, honor, glorify and obey God in my marriage, then I will be doing the following things in accordance with God's will:

Loving my husband as I love myself and as God loves both of us.
Submitting to him as the Church submits to Christ.
Forgiving him as Christ has forgiven me.
Staying faithful to him as God is constantly faithful to those who believe in him.
Honoring him and lifting him up, not breaking him down.
Treating him with kindness and patience, the way God treats me.

These are just a few of the things that will result from my seeking to honor and serve God first and foremost.  Honoring, serving and loving my husband follows naturally.

Through marriage I will also grow closer to God.  Marriage is teaching me:
Trust.  Not in myself, not in my husband, but in God to take care of both of us.
The blessing of prayer: individually and together, my husband and I daily visit with the Lord.
The blessing of daily Bible reading: my husband has (again) initiated devotions for the two of us, which encourages me to do devotions on my own.
The limitless love God has for me.  My husband is only human, and even his love is more than I can fathom.  Imagine how great God's love is for me--for us!!
The unity of Christ and the church, of the Trinity, as reflected in the unity of a husband and wife.
The selflessness of Christ in giving himself up for us, as I strive to give myself up for my husband every day.
The humility of Christ as he submitted himself to his Father, as I seek to be humble and submit to my husband.

Again, these are just a few things, and this post is getting long!  I was just awed and inspired by this new-found perspective that God has given me.  I'd highly recommend the book (I can't wait to finish it!).

Cleaning House, Serving God

I think this logical progression makes sense (if it's not very scientific):

All things belong to God.
Our house and everything in it are things.
Therefore, our house and everything in it belong to God.
God's possessions should be treated well, not wasted, and taken care of.
Therefore, I should be a good steward with my house and everything in it, because it is all God's.
Therefore, taking care of my house is serving God because it is taking care of things that are his.

Sometimes, I'll be honest, doing dishes and cleaning the toilet don't feel very spiritual.  But even dishes and toilets belong to God, and taking care of them is also beneficial for the upkeep of our physical bodies!  In the same way, dusting, mopping, and tidying up are all good for our physical well-being and are good stewardship of the things God has given us.

Also, having a clean house is good for my and my husband's spirits, our emotional health.  Going into the bedroom and seeing it clutter-free, bed made, floor vacuumed, makes me smile!  (Especially because I REALLY try to keep our bedroom a sanctuary, free from the chaos that sometimes takes over the rest of the house.)

Because we like having friends and family come visit, having the house clean and in order is a silent witness to the fact that we're taking care of what God has given us.  It also creates a relaxing, homey, comfortable place for our friends and family to be, thereby blessing them also.

Taking care of my home and making delicious, healthful (usually) meals for myself and my husband is also fulfilling my God-given vocation of homemaker.  (That also partially fulfills my primary vocation of "wife" but there are other things that are part of that vocation!)

I like to bless my husband.  Having a yummy, attractive meal on the table when he comes home to a clean, organized house makes it easier for him to relax and gives us more time to be together.  It also makes me more apt to spend time with him because I've gotten housework done while he was at work.

However, I've been learning to quiet my inner neat freak and put aside dishes or bedmaking to spend time with my hubby when he IS home, because time with him is far more precious than a clean kitchen.  It's all about priorities.  :)

Now writing this, I feel like doing one of two things: finishing the dishes, or inviting my husband to play a game.  I think I'll choose the latter.  :)

Living Intentionally

I've been thinking about something, and I'm just going to type and see what happens.

I know that God places at times and places in our lives for a reason, or at the very least, he works in our lives to accomplish his purposes even if/when things we do are contrary to his will for us.

I don't have a (paying) job yet--I've been keeping busy at home, and I have plenty of things to do to fill my days.  But it's been frustrating, not being able to make money.  I've applied at a couple places, and I know I need to apply elsewhere as well.

But it's been making me wonder, am I using my time well, even though I don't have a job?  Am I using my time to serve others and by doing so serve the Lord?  Am I using extra free time to be in fellowship with him?  Am I living my life intentionally, for a purpose, or am I just 'winging it' and kind of flying by the seat of my pants?

It feels like that sometimes, although the days are settling into a routine of sorts.  I cook.  I clean.  I go shopping for groceries.  I do laundry every week.  I keep the house in order.  But that list looks so pathetic when I actually see it written out.

We had friends over last night.  We're having some young people from our church here tonight, going to a movie and having them here for games and cookies, one other thing I need to do this afternoon (bake).
I try to have the house in order and myself looking nice when my husband comes home from work.
I don't have many friends in town right now, but I'm trying to keep in touch with the ones that are.  We see hubby's family at least once every couple weeks.

So, I'm trying, to have a purpose in life right now, and to glorify God in what I'm doing.  My vocation at this moment is to be a wife and homemaker, and although that might seem like a short list of responsibilities, I'm trying to do my very best at them to be a blessing to my husband first and foremost, and everyone else we come in contact with as well.

I feel like I'm defending myself...to myself.  Which I shouldn't have to.  Maybe I'm just trying to figure out what it is I'm doing and why.  But I know that even the in simplest things that I do to serve others, I'm serving God.  By loving my husband I'm loving our God who made him and who gave us to each other.  Feeding friends is like having Christ at my table.  What a blessing, what an honor it is, to serve God in these vocations he's given me!!!  Thank you Jesus :)

I Will Lift My Eyes

The Psalm that the man and I chose for our wedding service is Psalm 121:

I lift up my eyes to the hills--
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.

That's just verses one and two.  But it hit me, reading this the other day, that this defines my priorities and the source of my help and strength, during this time before my wedding and for my whole life.

Where am I lifting up my eyes?  Where am I looking for help?  Am I looking inward, toward myself?  Am I looking toward my (soon-to-be) husband, or our families, or the government, for help?  Is my focus on myself and my own petty worries and problems?

My focus IS on the Lord.  The psalmist tells us why we can put our trust in God: He is the Maker of heaven and earth.  The One who formed the universe, the stars in the sky, birds in the air, fish in the sea, is the One who made me.  He is in control of every aspect of the universe, including my life.  He is my strength, my help, my hope, my life.

During this time of much change and adjustment, my eyes will be lifted to God's holy hill, to my helper, the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.


**Apartment pictures coming soon! :) **

Priorities

In Luke chapter ten, an "expert in the law" tried to test Jesus by asking him, "What must I do to inherit eternal life?"  Jesus asked him what he had read in the Law (the Old Testament, the Torah) and the man replied, "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind', and 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'"  This led into the parable of the Good Samaritan, when the man asked Jesus who his neighbor was.  (See Luke 10:25-27)

When I was in Sunday School, one thing I learned was an acronym for JOY:
Jesus
Others
You

You will have joy, I was told, if your priorities are in this order.

A bit law-heavy, I feel, but it makes a good point nonetheless.  When God is my first priority and first interest, when I seek to love, honor and obey him in everything, then everything else falls into place.  When I am obeying God, then I will be loving and serving my neighbor--all those around me.  And I will have joy and contentment in obedience and loving others.  Paul wrote to the Philippians, "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.  Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.  Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus."  (2:3-6)  Paul continues with a beautiful, hymn-like poem detailing the life, ministry, and humility of Jesus, "Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.  And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death--even death on a cross!" (2:6-8)

Jesus, although he was "in very nature God", did not take advantage of that equality.  He had his priorities in order: He first and foremost obeyed God, his Father, and then spent his entire ministry serving everyone with whom he came in contact.  His ultimate act of service was to give his own life for the sins of the whole world. If that's not an example of ultimate selflessness and sacrifice, I don't know what is.

Now, we as Christians aren't all called upon to die for others and for what we believe in.  But we can LIVE for God and for everyone around us!  I know if I was more focused on others than myself most of the time, my life would probably be a lot less frustrating.  I experienced the consequences of my own selfishness several times, rather painfully, this last week.

But I can imitate Christ.  I have the ultimate Example of Selflessness and Love and Giving and Kindness to emulate.  I will never do it perfectly, no.  But that same Example desires to help me imitate him, and when I fail, he's always ready to remind me of his forgiveness.

Today, by the grace of God, I want to imitate Christ.

He Provides: Matthew 6:25-34

It was brought to my attention yesterday that I worry a lot.

I do.

Right now, I'm worrying about studying for finals, the grades I'll get for said finals, money, where my fiance' and I are going to live in less than six months when we (finally) get married, getting everything done before I go home, etc.  I'm going to miss my honey for a week till he comes to my house.  And there are so many other things that I'm thinking and fretting and wondering about.

Jesus says in Matthew 6, "So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we wear?'  For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.  But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.  Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own."  (6:31-34)  Earlier in the passage, Jesus summed it all up: "Do not worry about your life."  He made the point that worrying really does nothing to help us: it's pointless and it doesn't do any good.  Instead, we can trust that God knows what we need and will provide it.

Psalm 111 talks about how God provides our most basic needs: "He provides food for those who fear him" (verse 5), and "He provided redemption for his people; he ordained his covenant forever--holy and awesome is his name" (verse 9)!  God has provided redemption: what else do we really need?  Paul also speaks of this in Romans chapter 5, verse 17: "For if, by the trespass of the one man, death reigned through that one man, how much more will those who receive God's abundant provision of grace and of the gift of righteousness reign in life through the one man, Jesus Christ."

On the last page of Philippians in my Bible, I wrote, some time ago, "Earthly things just don't matter when I have Christ."  I'm going to rephrase that a bit: "When I have Christ I don't have to worry about anything."

I am a saved, forgiven, loved child of God.  That's what matters.

Today, I'm going to focus on God, instead of myself, and in focusing on what really matters, stop worrying about the things that don't.