The focus of my life: Me or God?

Too often I find myself looking at life from a "me-focused" perspective:
"What should I do?"
"What can I do?"
"What should I not have done?"

This tends to make me frustrated and worried, because it's a law-based perspective. I'm constantly putting myself down from not living up to my own expectations.

Obviously, living with this perspective is not the way to be content and joyful in life. Rather, I need to keep my focus on Christ:
What has he done for me?
What is he doing in my life right now?
What has he promised for my future?


In terms of my eternal state ("What has God promised for my future?"), that's something for which I fully rely on God, not on myself. I have been made of a child of God by his grace and saved through faith in his Son, Jesus Christ, which is a gift of God. My eternal salvation is not in question, and it is secure in Christ.

It's the day-to-day life that's a struggle, not my hope for the future. Satan tries to tear me (all of us) down: "You're such a terrible person. You never get anything right. God is so disappointed in you."

To counter this, we get to live in the knowledge that we are forgiven. God gladly and willingly forgives all our mistakes--even the ones we might think are unforgivable--and helps us turn away from our sins, repent, and turn back to him.

When I feel like I'm a "terrible person" or a "bad Christian," I remind myself that God sometimes works in and through me despite me! The Holy Spirit, living within us, enables us to live a life that's obedient to God and that reflects his love to those around us.

The ability to live a "good Christian life" is not something we find within ourselves. It's something God gives us freely, as a father gives good gifts to his children.

We cannot trust our feelings in this. Whether I "feel" like I'm a terrible person or not, that doesn't change what God has done for me. Our forgiveness is not based on our feelings. Neither is our salvation. We are saved and forgiven because of God's great love for us, shown in Christ's death and resurrection.

This is what I want to be the focus of my life!

Not me. Not my actions.

God--and his great love for me.

these yellow-tinted days

I know life isn't always perfect.  I may be optimistic, but I'm also realistic.

However, on days like this, it's easy to look at the world through rose-tinted glasses.  These days:

~church with my hubby, in a place we like, worshipping the God who loves us.
~sleeping in.  Together.
~good food...lots of it.  Good leftovers.
~time to do things we like: together, and by ourselves.
~teamwork.  Working together.  Installing plastic on our bedroom windows, to hopefully lower the heating bill.  Laughing, helping, coordinating.  And making a pie together.
~that pie.  Not to brag, but the best apple pie I've ever had, anywhere.  Kudos to my mother for training me in the kitchen.
~getting homework done.  Two days early!
~time to sit, watch TV, and not feel guilty about it in the least.
~dishes: DONE.
~sunny day, windy day--after the rain last night.  God is Lord of all seasons, of even the changeable weather.

I want to focus more on the good things.  The blessings that so often go unnoticed.  Even on the days when they're not so obvious as today's.  Because you know what?

My perspective isn't always the same.  The glasses aren't always rose-tinted (or, even prettier if you ask me, a golden buttery yellow...everything looks sunny through yellow).  Some days they might be puke green.  Or gray.  Or a depressing kind of blue (not all blues are depressing).

But even when my perspective changes, God stays the same.
He always blesses--even when I can't see the blessings.
He always loves--even when I'm the most unlovable.
He's always near--even when I'm turning so far away.

That's my God.  That's the one I believe in.

That's the God I thank, on days like these...


(and yes, of course, every day.  but some days it's easier to remember.)

Trusting God's Promises

This is what I have been hearing from God the last few days:

I have chosen you; I have called you; you are Mine. (2 Thessalonians 2:13; Ephesians 1:4-6)


I know you're not perfect.  I've forgiven all your sins; just tell Me about them, and then we'll forget it.   (1 John 1:8-10)


No, you're not a failure.  I still want you to help carry out My purposes. (Ephesians 2:10; 1 Corinthians 3:9)


I have a plan for you.  It's okay that you don't know all about it yet.  I do, and that's what matters.  (Jeremiah 29:11; Psalm 33:10-11)


I know your life is hard sometimes, and you don't always understand why things happen the way they do.  I do understand, and most importantly, I have control of everything.  Nothing happens without my permission.  (Romans 8:28; Matthew 6:25-34; Philippians 4:6-7)


Trust me.  In everything.  I'm bigger than all your problems, and I will take care of you.  (1 Peter 5:6-7; Romans 8:35-39)

These promises of God are true for you, too.


Read those passages from His words to you.  Yes, God wrote the Scriptures with you in mind--and me, and everyone else who has ever lived.

Just trust in his promises.  Read these words of God, spoken through Paul to the Thessalonian believers:

"May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through.  May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.  The one who calls you is faithful, and he will do it."  -1 Thessalonians 5:23-24

looking at life with an eternal perspective

I was going to write a list of all the ways I use vinegar in my house.
It's pretty nifty, versatile stuff, so I might do that later.

But what's on my heart right now is something that my husband and I were talking about last night.
We were talking about perspective.

I came down yesterday with an annoying summer flu (stuffy nose, sore throat, aches, a little fever).  Also yesterday I found out about a friend with a sinus infection that has spread so far it's within less than an inch of her spinal cord and cerebellum.  She's a single mommy of twins and is having surgery in a few weeks.  A little flu is nothing to complain about.

My husband was telling me about his boss...his encouraging, funny, no-nonsense, and very kind boss.  He's been such a blessing, this man I don't even know.  My husband loves his job.  No, it doesn't make tons of money, but it's enough...and for the happiness that I see in Joshua's face when he comes home from work with more stories to share, I wouldn't trade this for anything.

We have a little apartment, yes...with a leaky window and hardly any counterspace.  But Joshua told me, "You make this place a beautiful home."  And it really is.  It's ours, we love it, we love living here.

And emailing with a new blogging friend this morning, reading other blog posts....  How do we look at our lives?  Do we measure them by the world's standards?  Do we compare ourselves to those who seem to have it all?  Or...

do we look at our life through God's eyes?  Do we see ourselves the way He sees us?  Do we place upon ourselves the worth He has given us?

Because as children of God, we are precious.  Priceless.  Treasured.

What happens when we look at life with an eternal perspective?


It should change everything.

This life is not all there is.  We're not doing things for the here and now.

At-home mothers, wives, homemakers: you are making an impact on your family for eternity.  You are raising your children to love and obey Jesus, and they will be among the believers in heaven someday.  And in their own lifetimes they will be given opportunities to share the Gospel as well.  As you bless your husband, encourage him and support him, you are enabling him to do his ministry for the Lord, wherever and whatever that may be.  As you make your home a place of beauty and rest, you are creating a place where the Holy Spirit dwells, which will bless every person who enters it.

Women and men who have jobs in the workplace (and everyone else, for that matter): you are lights in a dark world.  You have been given the opportunity to live the love of Jesus, even if you can't talk about it.  And maybe you're a pastor, a youth worker, a teacher in a Christian school, and then you have even more opportunity to spread the Gospel.

Everything we do has an eternal impact on the world.


Nothing is insignificant in God's eyes.  He calls us each to different vocations, and he works with each of us to do his work.

In this world we have troubles.  But Christ has overcome the world.  He has conquered sin, death, and Satan.  Our victory is WON!  We have nothing to fear.


Yes, we may struggle, with health, with finances, with relationships.  But those things will last such a short time when we look forward to eternity.  Compared to forever in heaven with Jesus, in a place of perfect rest and joy, the pain and suffering of this world is brief.

We were placed in the lives we have to bring the healing light of the Gospel to every suffering, painful place in this world.  We are here to point others to Jesus.  We are here to help give the world an eternal perspective--to help them see that in Christ, they have the victory.
 

My Sickness...HIS Suffering

So I've been down with a rather nasty case of influenza since Monday.  I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. Today is my second day home from school, and this is the girl who NEVER skips classes.  Today Hubby isn't feeling well either, so at least I don't have to stay home alone all day!

Since it's Ash Wednesday, the first day of Lent, I've been pondering the connections my physical illness has to my spiritual one.  This sickness is a result of the fact that spiritually I'm sick with sin.  Before I was baptized and given faith by the Holy Spirit, I was literally DEAD in my sin.  Now sin does not have control over me like it once did--I'm not going to die permanently from its presence in my life--but it still rears its ugly head on a regular basis and causes much frustration, pain, and suffering in my life.

Then it hit me: I don't REALLY suffer all that much for the sins I've committed.  Yes, I have to deal with the consequences.  Sometimes they're very serious ones that affect my life and the lives of those around me.  Sometimes they cause feelings of guilt that I have to deal with until I realize, once again, God's amazing forgiveness.

But here's the thing: compared to how Jesus suffered on the cross, my sufferings are pretty minimal.  First of all, having the flu is nothing compared to being beaten nearly to death, being nailed to a cross, and then hanging there for six hours until He finally died.  The worst of it?  Jesus was literally, completely separated from God.  Because He took the sin of the whole world on Him, God couldn't bear to be in his presence, because of God's complete perfection.

Jesus took the physical sufferings  and the separation from God that I deserve--on HIMSELF.


Yes, I am sick with sin.  But MY sin caused HIM to die.

The incredible thing is, the story doesn't end there.  Yes, He suffered.  Yes, He died.  But Jesus is not only Man--He is GOD.  And as God, He didn't stay dead.  After conquering Satan, sin, and death completely, Jesus rose from the dead.  And He is still alive.  And He has promised that I and everyone who believes in Him will not die forever.  We will not have to endure eternal separation from God--or even get a taste of it like Jesus did.

And the physical suffering that we endure now, in this life?  Those won't last forever.  Compared to what a lot of people experience, this sickness I have is so short, so mild, so temporary.  But even the worst illness will be healed completely in time.  And in heaven, there will be no more sickness, no more pain, no more suffering.  The perfect bodies we will have there will last for eternity, because we will be with God.

All because of what Jesus did for us.

http://www.thesefiveofmineplustwo.net/search/label/A%20Handful%20of%20Heart

Successful, failure--or both?

In one of my classes yesterday we discussed success and failure: how we defined them, and how we reacted to them.
I said that success is learning from an experience even if it doesn't go the way I want it to.  When I am successful, I tend to pat myself on the back too much.  My response should be to glorify God in every success.
I define failure as not living up to my own (usually very high) expectations.  When I fail, I put myself down, taking failure very personally.  I look at myself as a failure instead of whatever I was trying to do.

I often feel like a failure when the kitchen is a complete mess for more than a few hours at a time.  When the bathroom is a disaster.  When laundry needs to get put away.  When the living room needs to be de-cluttered and cleaned.  Like tonight, basically.

Sometimes I feel like a failure when I don't get the grade I would have liked on a test, even though I know I didn't study as much as I could have (like yesterday).

When Joshua tries to do something for me, and I don't want him to, for money or time or whatever reason, I feel like a failure for not letting him show how he loves me because of my own selfishness.

These are just a few examples.  When a lot of these "failures" happen at the same time, I tend to get very frustrated with myself, feeling like I can't do anything right.

In a way, it's right for me to feel like that.  If the reason things aren't going the way I want is because I'm slacking on something (spending too much time writing blog posts instead of doing dishes, for example), then I am justified in being frustrated with myself.  There are things I could do better.

However, there are days when I've been too busy spending time with my husband to study for a test as much as I would like.  There are other days when I have a lot of homework to do that prevents me from doing housework.  I do fail sometimes, yes.  But what is important to remember is that
I am not a failure.

My problem is that I take things too personally.  Failing at something does not automatically make me a failure.

And let's look at my definitions of failure and success again.  When I fail, it means I haven't lived up to my own expectations.  But what if my expectations were unrealistic?  What if God had things in mind for me that weren't on my to-do list for the day?
My definition of success is learning from experiences even when they don't go my way.  In that case, every failure is a success because I can always learn something from a failure.

A "C" instead of an "A" on a test?  I need to start studying sooner next time.
Dishes piling up till they're overwhelming?  I need to shut down the computer half an hour sooner every night and get some housework done.
Living room constantly cluttered?  I need to put stuff away as I use it, not let things pile up.

I realize I'm being very law-focused here.  In this context, I'm okay with that.  But what I want to stress--to you and myself--is that not always doing everything perfectly does NOT make you a failure.

And, more importantly, God works through, despite, and in your failures.  His purposes are accomplished no matter what.  Sometimes--most of the time--God uses our failures for his purposes, to bless us and to bless others.

God doesn't define us by our failures.  He looks at us like he looks at his Son Jesus: Holy, pure, sinless.  We are forgiven of every failure, of every sin, of every shortcoming.

Don't let your failures own you.  See them as God's successes.  Remember that he doesn't define you by your failures, and he loves you unconditionally.








    And Picture Me {Im}Perfectly

The Vivid Grace of God

Vivid:

The realization, once again, of how much my husband loves me.  He demonstrates it in so many ways.  He says it without words.  He tells me verbally.  He gives me loving looks.  His love is a huge thing in my life.

Vivid:

The way God works.  It's not always this clear.  But there are times, like this week, when it nearly knocks me over how bold and grace-full and loving He is.  Putting people where they need to be, when they need to be there, with the people with whom they need to be.

Vivid:

My happiness singing in choir this week.  I missed it SO MUCH last semester.  It's such a joyful thing, lifting my voice in song, praising God, reminded of his goodness and forgiveness in the words I sing.

Vivid:

The kindness of God demonstrated in the kindness of others: my in-laws for taking us to Minnesota to get the car tomorrow, co-workers at the library covering for me, my boss in understanding when I got my schedule screwed up.

Vivid:

The way God blesses us beyond my wildest dreams.  And even when it seems like we need more...we always have enough.

Vivid:

My peace despite circumstances that often cause worry.

Vivid:

The love of God shown me in hugs from a friend, a note from my mom, and so many ways from my husband.

Linking up today with Your Thriving Family, finding joy, and The Gypsy Mama.  These are my friday favorite things, written on for five minutes based on the word "vivid"!

God speaks to me!

The realization of this hits me every now and then.

I have the very words of God, THE God, the only God, the One who created the entire universe including me... I have his words in a book in my lap.

How crazily incredible IS that?!?!?
And it's all about how he loved the world SO much that he sent his Son Jesus to save the entire world from their sins.  And that whoever believes that can spend eternity with God in heaven.  That's the whole story of the Bible--salvation.  It's amazing!!

Today's Joy Dare is to find "3 blessings from God's Word."
Well.  That's not too hard! :)

In my Christian Doctrine (specifically Lutheran doctrine) class this morning we were talking about the Holy Spirit.  Several passages from John were particularly wonderful:

"And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counselor--to be with you forever--the Spirit of truth.  The world cannot accept him because it neither sees him nor knows him.  But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you." John 14:16-17
I find so much comfort in this.  Jesus was preparing his disciples for his death and eventual ascension into heaven, which meant he no longer would be physically with them.  But Jesus promised to send the Holy Spirit--the Counselor, the Comforter, the Spirit of Truth.  And that same Spirit lives in and with me.


Another passage from the same chapter (it's a discourse that includes quite a lot on the Holy Spirit) is verse 27: "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you.  I do not give to you as the world gives.  Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."
Oh, I worry and fear so much.  I let Satan take away the peace that God longs to fill me with.  I worry about the future, about finances, about health, about so many things...but God has that all under control.  He doesn't want me to worry about it because I don't have to.  Instead, he wants to give me his peace.  Such grace!

A Bible verse that came to mind today is actually from Esther.  Her cousin Mordecai told her of a plot that a Persian official had against the Jews, Esther's people.  Esther had been made the Queen of Persia, Xerxes' wife, and she was the only one who could interfere in order to save her people.  Mordecai said to her, "Who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?" (Esther 4:14b).  I'm not in royal position, but I think God puts us in certain places for very specific reasons.  Not all the time, perhaps, but certainly some times.  Today I realized one reason he had me sit beside someone in a class last year.  This girl and I have become very good friends, and we understood today one extremely important reason why God brought us together: he knew we would really need each other, and that we could be a mutual comfort, encouragement and support to one another.

God's Word is SUCH a blessing...and those are some of the ways he blessed me with his Word today.

Linking up with Women Living Well and  Deep Roots at Home

Stressing and Blessing

This weekend was a rollercoaster-ride of emotions.

Thursday morning our car started acting up.
Thursday night my in-laws came to help get it (temporarily) figured out.
Success with the car (temporarily).
Also Thursday night, my father-in-law had a minor stroke.

Friday morning my mother-in-law took Dad to the hospital.
Friday evening we had a great time with friends (Joe and Ruth).
Friday night Joshua's younger brothers stayed with us.

Saturday morning I spent thrift-shopping and making cookies with another amazing friend, Sara.
Saturday afternoon I worked at the library.
Brothers stayed with us again Saturday night.

Sunday morning we went to a Methodist church (for a class Joshua's taking).
Sunday afternoon we visited Joshua's parents at the hospital.
Dad is doing a lot better--walking with a walker, talking almost normally, moving more.
Sunday evening we went to see Puss in Boots (funny movie :) ).
Sunday night we did homework and played cards with Ruth and Joe.

And now it's Monday, and I'm drowsy from sleep deprivation all weekend, and stressed because the house didn't get clean like I planned for it to.

It was a busy weekend--stressful things and fun things to counteract the stressful, but no time to do much housework or homework.

In it all we were blessed.
In it all God taught me so much (selflessness, the value and importance of family, more lessons on priorities, how amazing our friends are, the incredible blessing my husband always is, etc, etc).

Life is so fragile.
The future is so elusive.
Our plans are so futile.

God holds all things together.
God knows the future.
God's plans will come to fruition.

Sometimes it's just hard to trust, to remember that.
Worrying seems so easy.  But it doesn't do any good.

Trusting is so hard.  But it's the only thing I can do, sometimes.
Prayer is so easy, and it does so much good!
I've been doing a lot of that this weekend.

I'm ooking forward to Thanksgiving break--a time to rest, to catch up on housecleaning, to relax with my husband, to see family, to remember all we have to be grateful for.

Those times I just need to cry.

I am female.
I am emotional.
Sometimes, I am very hormonal.
Often I am stressed.
Sometimes I am worried.
Rarely I am angry.
Regularly I am happy.
Sometimes I am tired.
Other times, I have no explanation for how I am feeling, but in all these times...
I cry.

Call me crybaby, call me a wimp, call me a little girl who hasn't grown up yet, but I have discovered the universal, all-purpose expression of emotion and a never-fail stress reliever: tears.
I have heard that some chemical is released in tears that relieves stress in a cool biological way.  God's awesome like that.  But whatever it is, when I cry, I feel better.

Today was one of those stressed-humbled-relieved-frustrated-tired-confused-thankful sort of days when I cried three separate times.
(and no, it is not that time of the month)

Do I feel better?  You bet.  Have I heard God's message loud and clear ("TRUST ME.")?  Yes.  Have I felt the squeeze of my husband's hand and his reassuring words, "It will be okay"?  More than once.

Am I going to bed NOW so the tiredness isn't a factor?
As soon as I click "Publish Post."

And have I gained fresh perspective on life today, that despite what seem to be life-interrupting frustrations (but really aren't that bad), I have so much to be thankful for and am so well-off compared to millions of other people?
Yes, thanks to Pastors Matthias and Bruick, and most especially thanks to my heavenly Father who understands when I need to cry.

Stressed but Blessed

That's what I said to a friend on facebook today.  I'm stressed but blessed.

You don't need to hear my current list of stressers.  It's a mile long and I don't really want to remind myself.  I will boldly ask for prayers for my sick husband, however!!

I've had two different friends today give me comfort, encouragement and a reality check.  Not to mention hugs and the reassurance that it's okay to cry.  Thanks, guys: you know who you are.  They reminded me that it's all about perspective: things could be a lot worse, and I have SOOOOO much to be thankful for.  They were reminders themselves of how blessed I am.  God has put the most amazing friends into Joshua's and my lives, and lately I've been running into them exactly when I needed to hear what they had to say.  God, you're awesome.

Anyway, so the things I have to be thankful for, to put my life back into perspective:

Joshua could be much more sick. Or he could have had to skip work today instead of just class. He's able to take time to rest, which he really needs. And since he's home sick, we won't be doing much this weekend. I can't wait.

The weather lately has been gorgeous. I love walking to and from school every day, and the sunshine lifts my spirits.

Financially, God continues to provide: perhaps not in the ways I want him to, but in the ways he knows are best.

We eat so well. Even on a budget. :)

I LOVE my job at the library. It's hardly work at all. Usually it's a time to take a breath, relax, and chat with the amazing people I work with.

God is gracious, forgiving, and loving every day, no matter what.

Joshua and I got our papers DONE last night that were due this morning, and we both felt good about the end results.

I have an amazing husband and I have the honor and privilege of loving him and caring for him. I can't wait to go home to him this evening. :)

Whew. I feel so much better now. Seriously, whenever you're having a rough day and/or feeling sorry for yourself and/or feeling like everything that could go wrong is going wrong...count your blessings. God is so amazing.

Joy and peace to you this day, in His Name!!

Humility and Perspective

So it was one of those mornings today.  Where it seems like one thing after another goes wrong.  To make it even more frustrating, most of the difficulties resulted from my own lack of responsibility.  (I didn't order new contacts in time, so after having lost one I'm stuck with wearing just one until I can get more.  I don't feel like I did very well on a test because I didn't study as much as I should have.  And so on.)

It was very humbling to realize that the frustrations of today were basically all my own fault.  There's no one else to blame.

It was also humbling, while I was alternately feeling sorry for myself and mentally kicking myself, to remember that compared to a lot of people, my troubles are really not very troubling.  A lot of people would be thankful for even one contact lens to help them see better.  (Kind of a corny example, but oh well.)  Even more people would be thankful for the opportunity to get any kind of education, and here I am at an excellent university.

Millions of people won't be going home tonight in a car that works, to a nice home with electricity and water and heat, to eat supper out of a fridge and cupboards full of food.

When I think of how much I have, it's a lot harder to feel sorry for myself about the things I don't have.  (Especially when it's my own fault I don't have them!)

Also, a missing contact and a low grade on a test are not the end of the world, not by a long shot.  I was quite cheered up by two lovely friends after class, and I will be very grateful to be able to see clearly out of both eyes when I get more contacts.  Never taking them for granted again, I hope!

Meanwhile, it's the weekend, the weather is gorgeous, I have an amazing husband with whom I get to hang out this weekend, and I have a God who teaches, reprimands, loves and forgives me.

What more do I need? :)

The blessed pain of discipline

I started working out on Friday, for real.  I mean the weight-lifting, elliptical-jogging, crunch-doing working out.  My lovely and athletic friend Ruth offered to give me some pointers and be my workout buddy.  She really knows what she's doing and I'm very thankful for her guidance and instruction!!

I'm one of those people with a slim but very not-athletic build; I've always been more sedentary.  I like walking but this kind of working out is very new for me.  As a result, I'm using muscles that don't often get used, and I'm feeling it!  Saturday morning my abs hardly wanted to work, and I've been walking painfully the last couple days after a lower-body workout on Monday.

I knew this would happen; since I haven't been very active before I knew that any amount of real exercise would hurt at first.  I also know that in a couple weeks I'll be more used to it and a lot less sore.

I keep reminding myself that this pain is a good thing.  It means I'm working my body, making it stronger and healthier, and Ruth said today that my abs already look more toned.  I have to keep pushing myself, but the results in the long run will be totally worth some sore muscles now.

Discipline was like that when I was little.  Now I'm disciplining myself to work out, but a decade ago it was my parents instructing me to do and not do certain things, and there was punishment when I didn't obey.  It hurt and it was inconvenient: spankings, time-outs, groundings, depending on my age and the severity of the disobedience.  But I learned what I needed to and I was a better person as a result.  (Yep, Mom and Dad, it worked...you can say "I told you so" now. :) )

Funnily enough, God puts discipline to work the same way.  Have you ever noticed that the root word of discipline is disciple?  As in, a person who follows someone else to learn from them and behave like them?  What a concept!  When God disciplines us, he is treating us as his disciples: helping us to learn from him and behave more like him.  God disciplines us because he loves us.  No, God does not cause "bad" things to happen to us.  He allows us to go through difficulties and trials because he always uses them for our good and his glory.  I have learned so much about trust by living on not a lot of money.  I have learned patience through illness.  I have learned to rely on God for comfort and help when I'm scared and sad.  I have learned to give control over to God when it seems like my life is out of my hands.

Discipline hurts, certainly.  No one likes the pain and frustration and discomfort of trials and difficulties.  But it's a good pain, one that God uses to bless us richly!!

I'm thankful for my aching muscles that are growing and strengthening.  I'm thankful that God loves me so much to use the good and the bad times in my life to help me become more like him, and grow closer to him in faith.

When the sun shines through

It's been cloudy, misty and chilly here for several days on end.  I know the weather has its cycles and days like those are just as necessary as the sunny days, but I never feel fully awake or cheerful when it's cloudy and gray all the time.

Today the sun shone again.

I feel so much happier and cheerier.  My spirit feels uplifted and I feel as if a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, and I feel more awake.

Those stretches of cloudy, wet days affect my spirits--my emotions--but they shouldn't necessarily affect my spirit--my soul.

The Holy Spirit lives in me all the time, no matter how I feel emotionally.  The joy that is in me as a result of being a saved, forgiven, loved child of God is not dependent on any outside, physical circumstances.  Sometimes it feels like it is.  But no matter how I can feel, I always have so much to be thankful for, so many blessings that I can't even count them all.

So on those cloudy days, I can count on the knowledge that I'm loved and blessed by God--and wait for the sun to shine again.  Because it always will.

Life isn't perfect, but it sure is good. (Also, my hubby is a good baker!)

So my husband has been wonderfully "domestic" lately.  I put that in quotes because he's not really domestic, he's just been doing some domestic activities.  Mostly baking and doing some of the dishes that I never seem to find time to do.  But seriously, in the last four days he has made:
bread
no-bake cookies (his specialty :) )
homemade chocolate chip cookies.
They all turned out fabulously.  Last week I had him make no-knead whole-wheat bread.  It was in the More-With-Less cookbook, and I figured, hey, no-knead!  Easy, right?  Have the hubby make it.  The bread turned out tasty, but very, very dense.  Read: cutting it gave me writer's cramp.  Or I guess bread-cutter's-cramp.  Anyway, this week I had him do white bread instead, which turned out really good.  And the cookies were all fantastic.
But tonight we made banana bread.  It was fun, working together.  But then we were watching Smallville, and I left the bread cooling in the pans too long.
It fell apart as I tried to ease it out of the pans.  :(
I nearly cried.  Especially because I was going to give a loaf away, but it's not very pretty anymore.  It does smell good, however, and I know it will taste great!  (I haven't had any yet because I just had two fabulous chocolate chip cookies and a mug of vanilla tea!)

That's how life goes.  It's never perfect.  It might look really, really messy sometimes.  And often I goof up so much I just want to cry.  But that's ok, because I'm human.  I'll never be perfect, no matter how much I try or how good my intentions are.  Things will definitely not always go the way I want them to.

I know, though, that life is and will always be good.  I will always have more blessings than I can count.  I will always live forgiven and loved by God.  And sometimes, life will even be great. :)

He's Got the Whole World in His Hands

Ten years ago, it seemed like the world was ending.
For a lot of people, over three thousand, it did.  Their time on this earth ended.
Their families and friends probably felt like the world was ending for them, too.  But they had to live through their pain and grief.  Ten years later, I'm sure they're still living through it.

It's at times like that when the whole world cries out, "WHY?!?"


Why does an all-loving God allow evil things to happen?  If God is supposed to be good, where was he when those planes crashed into the World Trade Center?  If those things happened, does he even exist at all?

I'm one of those people who firmly believes in the existence of an all-loving, all-good God.  Sometimes I wonder, too, why he lets things happen.

Why he lets young fathers and mothers, husbands and wives, die, before it seems they've lived their lives fully.  Why so many babies get aborted, gypped out of a life they should have lived.  Why wars happen.  Why diseases take the lives of hundreds, thousands.  Why tyrants control innocent people.  Why people starve and go without clothes or homes or money.

I even wonder why he lets annoying little things happen to me.  Why do I get sick?  Why do I sometimes not have money for the things I want and think I need?  Why do things go wrong?

Enough questions.  I have an answer:

I don't know.


I don't always know why bad things happen.  I do know what causes them: SIN.  God has reasons for allowing them that my human reason cannot understand.  When I don't know why, I DO know that God DOES.  He is all-knowing, all-seeing, and all-powerful.  Nothing happens to me or anyone else without God knowing about it.

I can't understand why sometimes, but what I do understand is that God loves me more than I can imagine.  I know that I have a finite mind, that I can't see or understand the future.  I know that he's God, and I'm not, and I'm happy and content with that.

God has my life in his hands.  He has your life in his hands.  He does, in fact, have the whole world in his hands.  And considering how big, gentle, loving, and caring God is...I can't think of any place for my life to be.  No matter what happens.  And when this world ends for good, I know where I'll be...in God's arms.

Philosophical Musings (sort of)

Actually, these aren't really philosophical musings, although they originated in philosophy class today.  My professor was quick to point out that what he said in answer to one of my questions was theology, not philosophy.

We're discussing some of the key philosophers and their teachings and ideas.  Different schools of philosophy have different ways of explaining reality.  The disciplines of theology and philosophy are two very different things, but according to my professor they overlap in that they both seek answers to the questions
"Who am I?"
"Why am I here?"
"Where am I going?"

We were talking today about Descartes, whose philosophies started with the idea that things are only knowable by reason.  I won't get into it much here, mostly because I only understand a little.  But I asked my professor how he defines reality, how he knows that he is real, how he is aware of himself.  He replied,
"As soon as I start thinking of me, I stop looking at God and listening to God, who He says I am."  Summing up his further comments:
All that matters is that God says I am His.  He spoke through acts in history (my birth, my baptism, my marriage, etc) to tell me who I am, why I'm here, and where I'm going.  In every aspect of my life, I see God at work, speaking to me.

I had never really thought of it that way before.  The only definition of reality that matters is God's.  And it doesn't even really matter if we figure out how God defines reality or not.  All that matters is that God calls us his own, and he reveals himself and his will to us in many ways throughout our lives.

When that's what really matters. . . nothing else really matters, does it? :)

Before I Let the Worry Set In

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear.  Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?...Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?...So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?'

For the pagans run after all these things, and
your heavenly Father knows that you need them.
But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.  Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own."

~Matthew 6:25, 27, 31-34

There is no point in worrying.  It's not productive, it doesn't help, it only makes me and those around me upset.  God knows everything I need.  He desires me to keep my priorities in order: first God, his kingdom and righteousness, and then other things.  When God is the most important thing in my life, everything else will fall into place.

"Rejoice in the Lord always.  I will say it again: Rejoice!  Let your gentleness be evident to all.  The Lord is near.  Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guide your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."


~Philippians 4:4-7

As my mom has said: "Thanksgiving is the antidote to worry--the source of peace."  When we realize all our blessings, everything we have to be thankful for, our worries and troubles seem so much less and are put into perspective.  When there's so much for which we can thank God, how can we fret for what we think we don't have?

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us,

to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever!  Amen."


~Ephesians 3:20-21

Attitude is Everything

I have a confession to make.  I had a really poor attitude yesterday.  My family left in the morning, and I was homesick for them all the rest of the day.  I was in a crummy mood for a variety of reasons, no need to go into them.  I didn't feel like doing much.  I was lazy most of the day.  I didn't get the kitchen cleaned up or all the dishes done before I went to bed.  (I'm still in the process of finishing! :) )  I figured, well, my family's not coming again anytime soon, what's the point?

Hubby and I had a very pleasant evening together, and today I realized, wait a minute.  I have a serious problem if I'm thinking this way.  Who am I called to serve, first and foremost?  Who should be my top priority (second only to God)?  Who deserves my love and respect most, and whose home am I taking care of?  My husband.  Our home.  Loving and serving God by loving and serving my husband should be my primary motivator for doing things around the house, for making tasteful, healthful meals for us, for keeping myself looking nice.

Thank God that this mix-up of priorities only lasted a day.  I'm feeling myself again, energized, eager to serve.  Thank you, Lord.  He is ever faithful!!  Now it's time to get lunch ready and finish cleaning up the kitchen before Hubby gets home!! :)

God's Lessons for Me Lately

I always need to be taught something.  I might not always know what, but God does!

The last few weeks, one of the biggest lessons has been patience.  Things don't always go the way I want them to, or as quickly as I want them to.  Delays happen.  It's incredibly frustrating.  I've been impatient to the point of angry tears a few times recently.  But our times are not His, our ways are not His, our thoughts are not His.  God.  Knows.  Best.  HIS timing is perfect--not mine.  I just have to go along with His plans and wait and see the wonderful things He has in store for me.  Sometimes that's really hard.  But I know God works everything out for good (Romans 8:28)!!

The other thing God has been teaching me is that HE knows best, not me.  I want things to go my way because I think my way is the best way!  I think that if everything would go according to my plans, it would all work out great.  But that's because I'm forgetting that God is God and I am not.  That I am extremely short-sighted when it comes to the future.  That God is all-knowing (omniscient), all-powerful (omnipotent) and everywhere all the time (omnipresent).  And I am none of those things.  :)  Not to mention He is all loving and all good.  And He loves me more than I can fathom.  He has a plan for me, a hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11).  He knows what I need to learn in life, and He knows how to work out my circumstances so I learn them.

Almost every time I've been in the car lately, I hear the same song.  I'd get tired of it if not for the fact that God has used it to speak to me in every moment that I've heard it.  I always need it.  And it's been getting stuck in my head, which is good too!!  The song is "Blessings" by Laura Story.  Here is an excerpt of the lyrics:

We pray for blessings, we pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering

All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

(Chorus)
Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops?
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near?

What if trials of this life
Are Your mercies in disguise?

We pray for wisdom, Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough

And all the while You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

(Chorus)