twenty-six years of love and blessings

Today is my parents' twenty-sixth wedding anniversary.

I am so thankful for them and so proud of them. In a world where divorce is common--practically expected--after just a few years of marriage, where infidelity is no longer a rarity, where adultery is acceptable, these two have made it twenty-six years with none of that. Over a quarter century with just each other, and no one else, EVER.

That's impressive.

They'll tell you right away, though, that it's because of grace, and because of God. They don't claim credit for themselves, although they could. This marriage is based on and centered around Jesus Christ, and that's what makes it work. They "submit to one another out of reverence to Christ" (Ephesians 5:21).

They have learned the value of forgiveness. Of admitting when they're wrong, and graciously accepting apologies. They've learned how to be a team, to work together in everything. They've learned how to ask for help when they need it, and they've learned so much that they are able to give a lot of help to others.

These two have learned how to be great parents. Through practice, patience, and prayer they have and are still raising three children to love God, love each other, and love others, besides teaching them a lot of other things.

They constantly point others--especially their children and family--to Jesus. He's the reason for everything they do, and he is the source of everything they are. Without faith in him, their marriage would not be what it is.

They have built a life together, a family, a home, all on the solid rock of Christ. And a home with Christ as its cornerstone is solid and will not fall.

They are a shining example to their children and to many others of what a Christ-centered marriage can and should look like. No, they're not perfect, but they follow the Perfect One, and that's what matters.

So today, and every day, thank you, Mom and Dad, for loving each other--for loving me and my siblings--for setting an example of what a Godly marriage should be. I hope and pray that Joshua and I will be able to leave the same legacy and set the same example you have.

I am so thankful for you both. Happy anniversary!

Linking with: black tag diaries, The Fontenot Four, There's Just One Mommy

Advice is Overrated--Encouragement Isn't

I am honored and blessed to have Tim Fall writing for me today!  Tim's blog is Just One Train Wreck After Another, where he writes about faith, family, books, and life as a Christian judge in California.  Tim is known for his encouraging blog comments, and I hope you are as blessed by this post as I have been.


[My son K is 22 and recently graduated from UC Berkeley. My daughter J is 20 and a third year student at UC San Diego. A lot of parents write advice letters to their young adult children, laying out what they want their children to learn. I'm not one of those parents. Instead, I'm writing them a letter pointing out what they've already learned.]

How old were each of you when you first left the country on a missions trip? 9, 10? Something like that. We all traveled together to Mexico to serve in one of the poorest places I've ever seen. K, we took you with us for the first couple trips, and J you joined us for several trips after that.

And then you went overseas on your own mission trips. You still do.

K, you even went on one all by yourself without a missions team. Seriously, Vietnam on your own? I know you'd been there twice before with a team, but to hop a plane and get to work with the organization over there without any team training or support was impressive. And now you are preparing to return as head of a team you are putting together to minister to the people you've met there over the years.

J, those trips to western and eastern Europe and into Israel started while you were in high school. Then South Africa came along, but you weren't going as a member of the team. You led the team. And this summer you are going to do it again.

So I said this was about what you have learned. Here goes:

You've learned how to take initiative: Mom and I never asked you to go on these trips, never even brought up going on overseas missions. You thought of it, you explored it and you figured out how to get it done. It may not have always happened the way you expected, but it happened. And you learned that God has some great plans for you, even better than your own.

Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails. (Proverbs 19:21.)

You've learned to adapt: J, when your co-leader in charge of logistics had to back out 2 days before leaving last year, you and the other program leader stepped up and took on the duty, all while handling all your own responsibilities. K, you knew you had several weeks in a foreign land without anyone your age that you knew so you went to the coffee-house and made some friends, good friends that you loved to hang out and play music with even if you didn't speak each others' languages all that well.

So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10.)

You've learned to trust God: K, when you were 17 and started team training for that first trip to Vietnam, you didn't know anyone else, student or adult. But you trusted that God had put you there and that he would see you through. J, when you were getting ready to fly off to training for your last trip to Europe and got so sick you could barely stand, you trusted that God would work it out so you could still go, even if it meant joining the team late. God saw both of you through those times and so many more.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him, and he will direct your paths. (Proverbs 3:5-6.)

You've learned the God's word is not only powerful, but a joy: K and J, each of you have learned over the years how to study God's word. I wish I could take credit for that, but it's really your own relationships with God that have drawn you deeper into his word. I get to have the fun of talking about Scripture and doctrine and theology with you, and often you are the ones who bring up points I've never thought through. This is a joy for us in talking about it, and I can tell that you get a kick out of reading his word and studying what theologians and other writers have to say about it for yourself too.

When your words came, I ate them; they were my joy and my heart’s delight, for I bear your name, Lord God Almighty. (Jeremiah 15:16.)

There's more of course, but I hope you've learned one more thing in particular. Mom and I are not only proud of you, but we are so pleased for you in your relationships with God and the people he has put in your lives. I told you when you were young and I'll tell you now:

K - you are my wonderful boy.

J - you are my wonderful girl.

And your wonderfulness has nothing to do with whether you've learned anything at all. Your wonderfulness has everything to do with the fact that you are blessings from God.

[For those reading this who aren't K & J, please know that your heavenly Father is even more pleased with you than I am with my kids. He loves you eternally and without limit, and I hope that encourages your socks off.]

Tim is a California native who changed his major three times, colleges four times, and took six years to get a Bachelor’s degree in a subject he’s never been called on to use professionally. Married for over 25 years with two kids (one in college and one just graduated, woo-hoo!), his family is constant evidence of God’s abundant blessings in his life. He and his wife live in Northern California. Tim blogs here.

By God's Grace: Twenty-Five Years of Marriage

Today is my parents'

Twenty-fifth wedding anniversary.

I can't tell you how happy I am, how proud, how thankful and how blessed.

In Duluth, MN, July 2009

 My parents have been so blessed in their marriage, and they have been an incredible blessing to many people in the last twenty-five years.

They both serve in church ministry (my dad professionally, my mom on a volunteer basis) and they've both been working in marriage ministry at their church for several years now--encouraging and teaching other couples.  Because my parents know how to do marriage right.

It's by the grace of God.  It's with the love of God--not love that comes from my mom and dad.

They have relied on God constantly throughout their lives, and their marriage is no different.

They trust in his grace and forgiveness.  They show the love of God to each other every day.

They have learned (and, as they'll tell you, are still learning) how to have a marriage that honors God.

They are my heroes, my examples, and I know Joshua and I will be like them someday.

(Because our marriage is based on the very same things.)

I'm sorry this didn't turn out.  It's a high-resolution picture that doesn't upload well.

Today, I thank God for my parents and the incredible marriage he has given them.

I thank God for his grace, love, and salvation, which have made my parents' lives and their marriage the wonderful things they are.

Congratulations, Mom and Dad!  Here's to the next twenty-five years...and even more. :)

I love you both!

Linking up: To Love, Honor and Vacuum

Marriage and Family Reunions

This past weekend we went to a reunion of my dad's mom's side of the family.  This group has been getting together every other year or so since my grandma's parents died in 1998, and before that they met every year at my great-grandparents' for Christmas.  Now the families of my grandma and her three brothers take turns hosting.  We've been practically all over the Midwest in the last 13 years (the two previous reunions were a few miles from my parents' house!).

This year we met at my aunt and uncle's, and it was the first reunion where I felt like one of the adults.  Kinda.  I'm over 21 and married now, and the oldest of my generation of cousins (the youngest is just 8 months old!), but I'm also 8 years younger than the youngest of my parents' generation.  It's kind of a weird place to be in.

Then, of course, the biggest change for me was having my husband with me!  There were about 20 people he hadn't met yet, and I was SO excited to introduce him to my family.

We've been talking about this reunion for months, and I knew it was going to be really different this time.  The biggest thing I had to remember was to keep my husband as my top priority.  Yes, we were with my family and I don't see most of them often, and they have all known me since I was born (except for all the people who have recently married into the family!), but my husband knows me better than any of them.

He is the one I married and with whom I promised to spend the rest of my life.

So during the weekend, while I was flitting around talking to various relatives, I made sure to pay as much attention to Joshua as I could.  He hit it off with one of my dad's younger cousins and they spent some time visiting.  And then Joshua and I had several hours of alone time at the hotel one day, which we both really needed.

We both had a lot more fun over the weekend than we were expecting to.  The weather was much nicer than anyone had hoped, I got to cuddle all my little cousins (and second cousins), and we met for the first time the girlfriend of one of my dad's cousins, who endeared herself to us all right away.

And then we went home...and I realized how important it was for me to remember how important Joshua is, and make sure he knows how special he is to me.

Because at the end of the day (and the beginning!), he is the one who is always here.  We come home to each other, not any extended family (however much we love them!).  We are each other's family...and that's how it should be.

Linking up today:
The Alabaster Jar; lowercase letters; The Better Mom; Raising Arrows

thankfulness of things tangible and things intangible.

I am thankful for my husband's extravagant love.  He helps me around the house.  He does laundry while I'm at class and work.  He works hard to help support our little family.  He blesses me with gifts, with little cards to surprise me, with a getaway last weekend!

I am thankful that my failures don't make me who I am: that God does not count them against me, but sees me as his precious child, holy, forgiven, sanctified.

I am thankful that I don't have to live focused on my sinful self.  I am always sinful, but I am always a child of God: holy, sanctified, forgiven--a saint of God.  This is my life, too.  God lets me be a worker in his kingdom, in ways that I don't always know about, but ways that always give him glory.

I am thankful for my amazing friends, women (and a few men, too!) who make me smile, who encourage me, who help strengthen my faith, who share their wisdom with me, who encourage me, who love me for who I am.

I am thankful for my parents, and my parents-in-law: people who bless us without ever expecting anything in return.  They pray for us all the time, they do sweet things to surprise us (like the Valentine's Day package my mom sent today!), they have raised us to believe in and love God, and continue to encourage us in our faith.

I am thankful for time to do homework.  Time to do housework.  Time to be with my husband.  Time, most importantly, to spend time with God.

I am thankful for the reminder that there is so much more beyond this life.  Earth isn't all there is.  This life isn't all there is.  To me, this gives meaning to my life right now: knowing that there is more to come.  Eternity with God.  Everything here points to my life with him in heaven.  Suffering won't last.  Sickness won't last.  War will cease.  Poverty will disappear.  Sorrow will stop.  Death will end.  This life has purpose and meaning, always.

Stressing and Blessing

This weekend was a rollercoaster-ride of emotions.

Thursday morning our car started acting up.
Thursday night my in-laws came to help get it (temporarily) figured out.
Success with the car (temporarily).
Also Thursday night, my father-in-law had a minor stroke.

Friday morning my mother-in-law took Dad to the hospital.
Friday evening we had a great time with friends (Joe and Ruth).
Friday night Joshua's younger brothers stayed with us.

Saturday morning I spent thrift-shopping and making cookies with another amazing friend, Sara.
Saturday afternoon I worked at the library.
Brothers stayed with us again Saturday night.

Sunday morning we went to a Methodist church (for a class Joshua's taking).
Sunday afternoon we visited Joshua's parents at the hospital.
Dad is doing a lot better--walking with a walker, talking almost normally, moving more.
Sunday evening we went to see Puss in Boots (funny movie :) ).
Sunday night we did homework and played cards with Ruth and Joe.

And now it's Monday, and I'm drowsy from sleep deprivation all weekend, and stressed because the house didn't get clean like I planned for it to.

It was a busy weekend--stressful things and fun things to counteract the stressful, but no time to do much housework or homework.

In it all we were blessed.
In it all God taught me so much (selflessness, the value and importance of family, more lessons on priorities, how amazing our friends are, the incredible blessing my husband always is, etc, etc).

Life is so fragile.
The future is so elusive.
Our plans are so futile.

God holds all things together.
God knows the future.
God's plans will come to fruition.

Sometimes it's just hard to trust, to remember that.
Worrying seems so easy.  But it doesn't do any good.

Trusting is so hard.  But it's the only thing I can do, sometimes.
Prayer is so easy, and it does so much good!
I've been doing a lot of that this weekend.

I'm ooking forward to Thanksgiving break--a time to rest, to catch up on housecleaning, to relax with my husband, to see family, to remember all we have to be grateful for.

One of My Passions: Homeschooling

No, I'm not a mom yet, but I am a proud veteran of ten years of homeschooling and a homeschool high school graduate!  I just had a (facebook) chat with a blogging friend who's a wife and mama and had some questions about homeschooling.  I realized I've mentioned homeschooling before, but never wrote about it much.  It's high time to share this important part of my life!!  Here's my side of the conversation, edited slightly.

My parents' philosophy was that they wanted their children to learn ABOUT the world but not be IN it while learning about it. They wanted to teach their children (my siblings and me) what God says about the world, how we should live, and what we should believe.  This is Biblical!  In the book of Deuteronomy God says, “Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads.  Teach them to your children, talking about then when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up” (Deuteronomy 11:18-19).

My parents wanted to be the primary influence on their kids, instead of having peers and other non-family be the primary influence. After all, who knows children better than their parents?  Who cares about children more than their parents?  When parents are in charge of their children's education, they determine what and how their children learn and at what pace. Parents can certainly expose their children to other people, experiences, and places; homeschooling one's children doesn't mean those children have to be sheltered.

In fact, homeschooling provides opportunities for children to have experiences that public school doesn't. For example, I was in a community choir, church choir, and a homeschool co-op group; I visited Hong Kong my freshman year of high school, went on youth trips, had time for a job during the school year in high school, and spent the last half of my senior year in Indonesia.

Of course, being sheltered is certainly not necessarily a bad thing. Between media, peer influences, and just the way the world is in general, I WANT my children to be sheltered until they're old and mature enough to handle what the world will throw at them. In a storm, shelter is a VERY good thing.

Just as I wouldn't put my child outside in inclement weather without proper protection and preparation, I don't want my children exposed to "the world" till they're ready to deal with it.  Do I ever wish I had gone to a public or parochial school?  Never. I am so very thankful that I was homeschooled.  Did I "miss out" on some experiences that my regular-schooled friends had? Yes, thing like peer pressure, being away from my family all the time, exposure to drugs, alcohol, sex and violence, etc, etc, etc.  My friends went on cool trips. So did I. They were in choir and other school activities. So was I.  I didn’t miss out on the good stuff.

What most people mean when they say they don't want their kids to be "sheltered” is that they don’t want them to not have friends and lots of different experiences. The biggest question homeschoolers get is "What about socialization?" Well, what about it?  I interacted with people of all ages for my whole childhood. I became comfortable taking care of little children and having mature conversations with adults. That was better preparation for the real world than spending my childhood surrounded by peers who were just as immature as I was.  Some homeschooling parents do their kids a disservice by keeping them at home all the time. That's not a good thing.  Smart parents will provide opportunities for their children to make friends, have new experiences, and meet different kinds of people.

If you’re a stay-at-home parent, you’re already “homeschooling.” That means you are your child’s primary influence, not some daycare director and a bunch of other kids.

You're teaching him everything he knows, providing opportunities for him to meet new people and learn about the world around him. You're exposing her to new things as well as protecting her from things that she's not ready to experience.  That IS homeschooling. 

I’m forever thankful that my parents chose to educate me at home.  It paid off in so many ways and was completely worth it.  Not only have I had many amazing experiences, but I’ve had opportunities to make lifelong friends, and I got an excellent education and good grades on top of it!  I’ve barely touched on the positive academic aspect of homeschooling, but I’ll save that for another post!

I'm Loved: Clean House or Not

My family is coming to visit on Sunday!  They're staying with my grandparents (unfortunately we don't have room for four more people) but Hubby and I will spend as much time as possible with them while they're here.  I can hardly wait!!  It's only been about six weeks since I saw them last, and I know the next time gap will be much longer--either till Thanksgiving or Christmas.  But this will be the first time my parents and siblings will see our apartment.  I have a list on the fridge of what cleaning I want to do before they arrive (and, gulp, I only have three days to finish it!).  I really want my mother, especially, to see that I'm a capable housekeeper and can keep a house clean!  (Mom, if you read this, yes, this is what's going through my mind.)

The house needs cleaning anyway: picking up, dusting vacuuming, etc.  The bathroom got cleaned yesterday; it's always so nice to have a clean bathroom!  This morning I want to get the living room tidied up, dusted and vacuumed.  It really shouldn't take long.  :)

It's not that I'm trying to impress my family...well, I am, to be honest.  And I like having a clean house, so that's a benefit for Hubby and me, too.  But I know I don't have to have a sparkling house to impress my family.  They know I can be messy.  They know I'm not perfect.  They love me anyway, and I know they would whether my house was clean or a disaster!

God is like that.  He looks into our lives and sees the best and the very worst of us.  I sometimes wonder what I'll be doing when Christ returns.  I hope I'll be doing something that's pleasing to him.  But I can't impress God.  He knows how sinful I can be; how disobedient I am to him sometimes (often), how unperfect I am.  But he loves me anyway, whether I'm "good" or not!  The truth is, when God looks at me, he doesn't see sinful, flawed me.  He sees the righteousness of Jesus, which covers me because of Jesus' sacrifice on the cross and his glorious resurrection.  He sees the sinless, perfect glory of his Son, even as he knows that I'm a sinner.  He sees the me whom he has forgiven, and continues to forgive daily.

When my parents arrive, they won't care about dust and crumbs on the furniture and floors; they love me because I'm me, not because I can do everything right.  Now, that doesn't mean I shouldn't strive to have a clean house, and to have everything in order!  Just because God loves and forgives us unconditionally doesn't mean we can do whatever we want regardless of whether it's pleasing to God or not.  We obey, love, serve and honor him simply because he is God.  And I want to love, serve and honor my family because they are my family!

So, with that encouragement in mind, I'm going to start getting things done around here!! :)

Wisdom from My Mother

This is my mom and me:

After reading my blog post from yesterday, she responded in an email with some comments on godly, womanly submission that she wrote in her copy of the book Feminine Appeal, by Carolyn Mahaney.  (It's a book I'd recommend to all women, married or not!)  My parents have been married for nearly twenty-four years.  Part of their ministry at our church includes being part of the marriage-ministry team; they serve other couples and help lead regular marriage retreats.  My mom also leads a moms' Bible study that meets weekly; she has counseled and advised many women and been an encouragement and example to all the women in her life, especially me.  She embodies the Biblical role models I've been writing about lately, and if I can become a godly wife and mother like her I will be content.

My mom wrote, 

Our sinful nature, and the culture we live in, tempt us to want our own way and resist  our husband's authority.

To be submissive is in fact a model of inner strength; an indication of God's grace         enabling obedience of heart and will.

Wifely submission: the divine calling to honor and affirm her husband's leadership and    help carry it through according to her gifts

Looking to find/see the best in our husbands leads us to honor and respect them more, which inspires them to be/do more.

Respecting our husbands is a decision we make in obedience to God's word...not based upon our feelings or their "worthiness".

Our ability to submit, especially during the difficult times, proceeds from a resolute trust in God.  We place our hope in God.  We depend wholly upon God.

~                     ~                        ~                             ~                               ~                        

This picture embodies my parents' marriage: walking together, side by side and hand in hand, through life.