Thankful in the Storms

I got up this morning with the intention to mow the back yard (at my grandparents' house... we've been housesitting for them for a week but they're coming home today!).  Then, when we were finishing breakfast, I heard thunder.  It's stormed nearly every morning for the last week!

I have Pandora on (it's kind of become an obsession... I love all the fun/inspiring music playing while I'm writing at home or working at the library), and a little while ago the song "Praise You in the Storm" came on. My life isn't really a "storm" right now, but it just made me smile because of the thunderstorm that was going on at the time.  (It's since quit... now I have no excuse to not go mow the lawn!)

The point is, it was little reminder that I can always be thankful, even when it might not make sense (thank you, God, for [insert really difficult thing here]).  It's been easy to be thankful for a lot of things-- the fact that my grandparents basically let us eat whatever we wanted out of the fridge and freezer, so I didn't have to buy groceries this week.  The wonderful friends and fantastic coworkers I have.  Time to rest and relax with my husband in the evenings.  The opportunity to witness and enjoy an incredibly beautiful wedding last weekend.

But I know that life isn't always made up of things for which it's easy to say "thank you."  We experience loss.  Grief.  Depression.  Financial difficulty.  The day-to-day stress which, when it piles up, seems too much to bear.  The sick child.  The loss of a job.  The death of a parent.  The move of a dear friend.

In those times, it's hard to be thankful.  I've had experiences of my own when I wondered, what good can possibly come from this?

Sometimes I've seen the good that has come from those times.  A lot of the time I don't... but I know that God always brings good even out of the worst things.  He promises that he will, so I can trust that.

It's not easy to trust in that, but that's why faith is a gift from God, not something I can produce on my own.

If you're in a valley right now, I just want you to know that God is there, too.  He has a plan--even if you don't know what it is--and he will bring about blessing through those trials, whether for you or someone else.

Evil has already lost in this world: Satan has been vanquished and Jesus has conquered.  Even the most horrible things are temporary.  Christ has died and risen, and is in heaven waiting to bring us to be with him in paradise for eternity.

When I can't see the good that could come from a situation, that's why I take comfort in: knowing that it's temporary, and ultimately, I have victory in Jesus.

I pray that you are encouraged by that knowledge today!

(P.S. The song that's playing now?  "Grace Like Rain.")

Linking today with: The Fontenot Four, black tag diaries, Uplifting Love, There's Just One Mommy, Graced Simplicity

The Antidote to Worry, the Source of Peace

I struggle with worry.

If you have read my scribblings around here for long enough, you know that.  God's constantly trying to teach me how to trust, despite my circumstances.

I had another lesson in trust yesterday, partially due to my mother.  My mother, who has been blessed by this woman, dear Ann, and who in turn has been able to bless others.  My mother, who said once,

Thankfulness is the antidote to worry--

the source of peace.

Copyright (c) 123RF Stock Photos

Yesterday I was reading Ann's words in her amazing book, One Thousand Gifts.  
I realized, once again, how my fear of the future can be conquered.  How my worry about the unknown can be vanquished.

Thankfulness.

How does this work?  Well, like everything, it starts with God.

God, who loves us so much that He has given us everything-- from the food in our refrigerators to the incredible forgiveness won for us by His Son on the cross.

God blesses us.  He promises in His Word that He will always bless us.  He will always make sure we have everything we need (see Matthew 6).

We look around us, and see those blessings, and count them.  (I sporadically keep a gratitude journal... working on making this a daily habit, and I highly recommend it.)  When we recognize those blessings, and thank God for them, we are reminded of His faithfulness.

We are reminded that He ALWAYS keeps His promises.

That means He will continue to bless us.  When we look toward the future, we can know, with absolute certainty, that God will provide for us there as He has in the past.

Then we can kick that fear out of our hearts.  That worry about the future?  It has no place in my life.  God's got the future in His hands.  That fear of the unknown?  God knows everything.  He has seen what I needed in the past and provided for it.  He knows what I need for the future.

How does thankfulness become the source of peace?
When we realize that as God has blessed us, so He will continue to bless us.  We can count on Him.

We can trust Him entirely.  He has fulfilled the promises He made in the past-- we KNOW he will fulfill the promises He's made for the future.  We can have absolute faith in that fact.

This kind of faith brings joy, joy that isn't dependent on circumstances.
It brings peace--peace that passes understanding, because it is a peace that comes from the Holy Spirit in our hearts.  Not a peace the world can understand.  Peace that God alone gives.

Just like He gives everything else.

God's blessings lead to our thankfulness for those blessings.  Our thankfulness leads to the strengthening of our trust in Him, because we can count on Him to continue to bless us.  Our trust leads to peace and joy, because we have nothing to fear in this life.  Nothing at all.

Blessings.
Thankfulness.
Trust.
Peace.
Joy.

All gifts from God... all starting with the amazing love He has for us.


Linking today with: The Fontenot Four, black tag diaries, Loved and Lovely, lovely little whimsy, There's Just One Mommy, Our Simple Country Life, Raising Mighty Arrows

Forgiven: Knowing it, believing it, living it.

I'd like to do a little soul-baring with you, my dear readers.  Perhaps one of you has had an experience like mine, so I hope that sharing my own story will bless you, as well.

Image courtesy of David Castillo, www.freedigitalphotos.net

For much of my life I've had what you might call a legalistic mindset.  I've always understood about grace, don't get me wrong.  I know Jesus died for my sins, I know that because of him I'll have eternal life, I know that God has forgiven every sin I've ever committed or will ever commit.  I know I don't have to DO anything at all for my salvation--Jesus has done it all.

But I struggle with applying what I know in my head, to what I truly believe in my heart.  I've never struggled with faith in Christ, but I've struggled with letting go of my sin.  With accepting the fact that God's forgiveness erases that sin from my life.

It's not like I've done anything "majorly wrong."  I've never done drugs, smoked or gotten drunk.  I was a virgin when I got married.  I've avoided swearing and bad language.  I've never broken a federal law.  My parents raised me to be a good, honest, obedient and law-abiding person.

But I'm just as sinful as anyone else, and I also happen to have a bit of a "guilt complex."  Or, as my husband says, an overly active conscience.  I struggle with letting go of my own sins.

I struggle with forgiving myself, and accepting that through Christ, God has forgiven me.

Does this sound like you?  Have you ever had a struggle like this?

Whether you have or not, perhaps what I've learned will be helpful for you.

Since I started dating Joshua, he has been a powerful voice of forgiveness in my life.  He easily and quickly forgives me when I sin against him and ask his forgiveness.  He's reminded me time and again of God's forgiveness.  And I'll remember that, and know it, for a while.  But then that little voice inside me pulls up a wordless doubt, one that darkens the cheerfulness I usually feel, and makes me feel sorry for myself.  "I'm just not good enough.  I'll always have to struggle with this.  The consequences will always be part of my life.  I don't deserve forgiveness."

I read a blog post today where the author talked about forgetting.  She asked God to remove memories of past sins, so that she wouldn't dwell on them anymore.  This, I realized, is what I needed to do-forget about those sins.  Dwelling on my sins, hanging on to that guilt, and refusing to forgive myself, is actually sin in itself.  It's letting the law take over my life, instead of filling my life with the Gospel.  Then I read another blog post with a similar message, and tonight Joshua and I watched the movie October Baby.  It's about a teenage girl who discovers that she's adopted...and that her birth mother had attempted to have her aborted, but the abortion failed.  The girl also had a twin brother, and although they were both born alive, her brother died.  She struggled to forgive herself for living when her brother died, to forgive her birth mother for trying to kill her, and to forgive her adoptive parents because they had kept the truth from her for a long time.
In the movie there is a powerful message of forgiveness--that because God has forgiven us, we have the ability and the power to choose to forgive others.  Including ourselves.

As the movie was ending I dissolved in tears...because for the first time in a long time, I felt truly at peace with myself.  I realized that I was damaging myself by refusing forgiveness.  And so I let go.  I let go of the guilt I've been clinging to.  What a self-centered thing I had been doing.  It's not like it consumed my life...but it would come up at times, and I wouldn't just let it go.  But I believe God spoke to my heart today.  And so I've let go of the past, those sins that no one else would blame me for but for which I've been blaming myself.  The sins that Satan's been using to hurt my heart.

I read a Scripture verse on a blog today, and it applied so well to my blog, but also to God's gentle message to me today.  It's at the top of this page.  Scroll up and read it.

It's especially the last sentence of that verse that really means a lot to me right now.

I also love these other words of God about forgiveness:

"I will put my law in their minds and write it on their hearts.  I will be their God, and they will be my people.  No longer will a man teach his neighbor, or a man his brother, saying, 'Know the Lord,' because they will all know me, from the least of the greatest," declares the Lord.  "For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more." Jeremiah 31:33b-34

The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever; he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.  As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him; for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust."  Psalm 103:8-14

God doesn't remember my sins.  Jesus' sacrifice on the cross took care of that.  God has removed my sins from me; they are no longer part of my life.  He is gracious, not "fair"--I don't get what I deserve.  I deserve eternal punishment.

What God's given me is eternal life.  And grace, forgiveness, and everlasting love.

There is no reason for me to hang onto my guilt.  There is no reason to deny myself forgiveness, not when God has forgiven me long ago.  I am a saved, baptized, forgiven child of God.

And just as Jesus died to save me from MY sins, so he died to save you from yours.  Remember that verse at the top of the page?  That's for you, too.  When we repent of our sins--turn away from them--God is quick to forgive, and remind us of how much he loves us.

And he loves us so very much.

I hope you know that.  If you don't, please talk to me, or talk to a pastor or another Christian you know, who is walking with Jesus.  If you don't believe in Jesus in your personal Lord and Savior, he wants you to, so much!  He wants you to know that you are his child.

It's amazing how much Jesus loves us.  I've been reminded of that today, yet again, and I hope you know that in your heart, too.

Linking with: Growing Home, Heavenly Homemakers, Time-Warp Wife, Exceptionalistic 

Abraham: Living by Faith

This week for my Bible study I've been reading in Genesis, chapters 12-22.  These are the ones about Abraham and Sarah.  I haven't really pondered their journey recently, and reading this story anew brought things to light that I hadn't thought about before.

First, Abram and Sarai (their original names) traveled with Abram's father and family from Ur to Haran-- quite a long way.  Then when Abram was seventy-five and his wife was sixty-five, God called them to leave their family behind and move again, this time all the way to Canaan.  (Click on this link to see a map of their journey.)

God made a promise to Abram before they left Haran:
^{2 "}And I will make of you a great nation, and I will bless you and make your name great, so that you will be a blessing. ³ I will bless those who bless you, and him who dishonors you I will curse, and in you all the families of the earth shall be blessed.” Genesis 12:2-3

Shortly after their arrival in Canaan they traveled to Egypt to escape a famine (Gen. 12:10-20). Pharaoh tried to make Sarai part of his harem because Abram lied and said she was his sister (see 20:12).  Pharaoh found out and was not happy, but gave them riches and servants anyway and sent them on their way.

They went back to Canaan where Abram parted ways with his nephew Lot, who had been traveling with them.  Lot got into trouble with local kings and Abram had to rescue him (Gen. 13-14).  Abram and Lot were successful, and once again God blessed them through their enemies.  God renewed his covenant with Abram, promising him the land in which he lived would belong to his descendants, of which there would be more than there were stars in the sky (Gen 15).

However, Abram and Sarai were getting old, and Sarai doubted that she would be able to have a child.  So she gave her servant Hagar to Abram to conceive a child, which Hagar did, bearing Ishmael.  Unfortunately, as soon as Hagar became pregnant, Sarai was jealous of her and treated her poorly (Gen 16).

Not long after that, God and three angels appeared to Abraham (whose name God had changed) in the form of human men.  They told Abraham that in a year's time, his wife would bear a son.  God had already informed Abraham of this (17:15-22), but this time it was in Sarah's hearing (18:1-15).  Her response was the same as Abraham's when he heard:  She laughed.

Later, God destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah, where Lot and his family were living.  Only Lot and his two daughters escaped, and they did not live God-pleasing lives (Gen. 19).

Another king, this time Abimelech king of Gerar, tried to make Sarah part of his harem and God spared him punishment (Gen 20).

Finally, Abraham and Sarah's son Isaac was born, fulfilling God's prophecy (Gen. 21).  Then when Isaac was in his teens, God asked Abraham to sacrifice his son.  Abraham was about to do it when God stopped him and provided a ram for the sacrifice instead, rewarding Abraham for his faith and obedience (22:1-19).

Isaac, of course, was the father of Jacob, who had twelve sons, who became the twelve tribes of Israel.  From Abraham the entire Jewish line was descended, and through his son Ishmael the Arabian tribes descended (Muslims trace their heritage back to Abraham as well as Jews and Christians).  But Abraham and Sarah couldn't see how God's promises would be fulfilled, hundreds and thousands of years into the future.  They both struggled to trust.  They lied, doubted, tried to do things their own way, and laughed at God's words.

Despite all of this, Abraham was praised by the writer of Hebrews as a man of faith (Hebrews 11:8-12).  This passage says that Abraham trusted God "by faith," and that even Sarah "considered [God] faithful who had made the promise."  And that was after Sarah had laughed at God's prediction of her conception!

In 1 Peter 3 we read that the holy women of the past used to make themselves beautiful with "the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit" (1 Peter 3:4).

⁵ For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, ⁶ as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening. (3:5-6)

Abraham trusted and obeyed God, and Sarah trusted and obeyed her husband.  No, they did not do it perfectly.  They sinned.  They doubted sometimes.  But what does the writer of Hebrews tell us?  They had faith.

⁸ For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, ⁹ not a result of works, so that no one may boast. (Eph. 2:8-9) 

The faith in God that Abraham and Sarah had did not make them perfect.  It did not make them impervious to fear and doubt.  But that faith was not something that they had by their own doing.  God blessed them with faith to trust in him.  He blessed them even when they faltered.  And God does the same with us.

I think too often we read the Genesis passage in light of the Hebrews one.  Abraham was a man of faith, so those things he did in Genesis weren't as bad as they really seem.  Well, they really were bad!  Abraham was a sinner, just like you and me.  But when we look at the Hebrews passage in light of the Genesis one, we see God's grace.  We see that God counted Abraham and Sarah righteous, and faithful, not by anything they had done, but because of God's grace and mercy--because of Jesus and what he did for them.

The same is true for us.  We are sinners, yes, but because of Jesus, God looks at us with love and grace.  He does not look at the sinful things we have done or count them against us, because Jesus has paid the price for those sins.  God looks at us as perfect and holy, because of Jesus' sacrifice on the cross in our place.  He died for us and for all people who have ever lived (including Abraham and Sarah) so that we don't have to die eternally, but can look forward to eternity in heaven with Jesus.

Therefore, like Abraham, we may live by faith--by the grace of God in Jesus Christ. 

Can you relate at all with the struggles of Abraham? How do you see God's grace working in your life?  

Linking today with Upward Not Inward, Exceptionalistic

God Gets Me {and speaks to my heart in so many ways}

"I get you," my husband told me last night.  "I understand how you're feeling."

This was after I'd started crying again, that time because of the wise and grace-filled words of a friend (the first time yesterday was in the car listening to Laura Story's Blessings).

It was one of those days.  Those days when worry and doubt seemed to overwhelm me.  When I felt full of guilt for not being in the Word or in prayer nearly as much as I know I should be.

So, knowing my heart, and my doubts, God spoke to me in a few ways.  Convicted my heart...and then encouraged and comforted it.

"We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
as if every promise from Your Word is not enough..."

Those were the words from Blessings that convicted me.  Yep.  That's exactly what I was doing...forgetting all of God's promises from his Word, that he would provide, that he would bless me beyond anything I deserve, that he would not forsake me.

Then, my friend wrote these words to me on Facebook:
"I've noticed that when I run into some funks [I had said that I felt like I was in a "spiritual funk"] I tend to feel guilty for not feeling repentant or loving or whatever the case may be.  But I don't want to force the feeling either.  I mean, God knows as well as I that it wouldn't be genuine.  And I'm coming to realize more what Jesus meant when he said that where a man's treasure is, there his heart will be also.  Like, my heart may not be feeling those things, but I can't change my heart's mind by willpower.  Instead, I think feelings follow actions in most cases, and that where I invest my "treasure" - time, effort, energy, talents, materials - that then my heart is going to be invested over time as well...and the more I practice that, the more I am certain it is true.
And so when it comes to those funks, all I can do is be intentional about investment in the Word, etc...and then everything falls into place.
Of course, the lovely Holy Spirit is behind all of that."

"Lead your heart," Joshua told me after I read the above message from my friend.

Then later, when I was sitting on his lap and trying to explain why I'd been feeling the way I had all day, he said to me, "I get you."  I realized that I hadn't been giving him enough credit...of course my husband understands me.  He might not all the time, but he knows me better than anyone.  I was glad to be woken up to the fact that he really did understand how I was feeling...and then it hit me.

I had, perhaps unintentionally, been assuming the same things of God--that he didn't understand what I was going through, that I had to try to carry the burden by myself, that worrying and fretting was the only way to accomplish anything... that talking to him wouldn't do any good.

It was as if God, in his immeasurable grace, said to me, "I get you.  Do you think I don't understand, child?  I understand exactly what you're feeling in your heart...I know what you're doing and why.  And I'm still in control.  You don't have to worry.  You don't have to do it on your own.  That's why you have friends, family and a husband who all love you.  That's what I'm for.  I'm taking care of you.  That's not your job."
That's the message I got from everything yesterday.

And God has the same message for you.  Even when it might not feel like it, God understands you.  He gets you.  He knows your heart even better than you know yourself!

Our Father is just wonderful.  When we sin, he not only helps us realize what we're doing wrong, but he immediately reminds us that we're forgiven, and he's taking care of everything.  He speaks to us through music, through the words of others, through the love of those around us.  His words to us might even be audible, a "little voice" in our heads (although that's not how it was for me yesterday).  But God still speaks to us.  He knows what we need to hear.

He gets us.

(and just as a little reminder and encouragement for you today...the song that spoke to me yesterday and many times before...)

Linking up today:
The Better Mom; What Joy is Mine; lowercase letters; Raising Arrows; The Alabaster Jar; To Love, Honor and Vacuum

Faith and Understanding

There are two different responses to what we experience in life that may be frustrating, confusing, or unexpected.
We can simply trust God,
or try to understand why He is doing (or allowing--there is a BIG difference!) certain things in our life.

Which one is more honoring to Him?

Our God is a big God.  It is simply impossible to fully understand Him.

If we spend all our energies in the quest to understand all the whys in our life, we won't have energy for doing anything else...

like putting our trust in Him.

We can't understand God.  We shouldn't expect to.  However, that doesn't negate the fact that we are required to trust Him unconditionally.


God doesn't ask us to understand everything that happens in our lives.  He doesn't ask us to understand Him.  There are things about God that are too wonderful for us to know...too big and awesome for our human minds to comprehend.

And that's okay.

"Then Job replied to the Lord: 'I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted....Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know...." -Job 42:1-2, 3b

This doesn't mean that God will not sometimes allow us to understand His purposes.
But when we do understand, it is not by our own wisdom, but by His.

"For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding." -Colossians 1:9

Understanding is an act of the mind.  Faith is an act of the heart, a gift God that is ours by the power of the Holy Spirit.

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." -Hebrews 11:1

"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God--not by works, so that no one can boast." -Ephesians 2:9 

Both understanding of God and His ways, and faith in Him, are gifts that God gives us freely.
It is good to be able to understand.
It is essential that we have faith.
Faith in the grace of Jesus Christ, in His redemption for us on the cross, is what saves us.

The next time that something frustrating, confusing, or difficult comes our way,
how will we respond?
Will we seek to understand
or thank God for the gift of faith, that allows us to trust even those things "we do not see"?

Perhaps in His wisdom, God will allow us both faith and understanding...
but we can trust that He will do what He knows is best.

Inspired by this post by my dear friend Sara (and the discussion we had about it).

Linking up today with these lovely women:
New Life Steward; Upward Not Inward; Exceptionalistic; Deep Roots at Home; Raising Homemakers; A Wise Woman Builds Her Home; Women Living Well; The Fontenot Four

Trusting God's Promises

This is what I have been hearing from God the last few days:

I have chosen you; I have called you; you are Mine. (2 Thessalonians 2:13; Ephesians 1:4-6)


I know you're not perfect.  I've forgiven all your sins; just tell Me about them, and then we'll forget it.   (1 John 1:8-10)


No, you're not a failure.  I still want you to help carry out My purposes. (Ephesians 2:10; 1 Corinthians 3:9)


I have a plan for you.  It's okay that you don't know all about it yet.  I do, and that's what matters.  (Jeremiah 29:11; Psalm 33:10-11)


I know your life is hard sometimes, and you don't always understand why things happen the way they do.  I do understand, and most importantly, I have control of everything.  Nothing happens without my permission.  (Romans 8:28; Matthew 6:25-34; Philippians 4:6-7)


Trust me.  In everything.  I'm bigger than all your problems, and I will take care of you.  (1 Peter 5:6-7; Romans 8:35-39)

These promises of God are true for you, too.


Read those passages from His words to you.  Yes, God wrote the Scriptures with you in mind--and me, and everyone else who has ever lived.

Just trust in his promises.  Read these words of God, spoken through Paul to the Thessalonian believers:

"May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through.  May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.  The one who calls you is faithful, and he will do it."  -1 Thessalonians 5:23-24

Trusting in God, who gives me what I REALLY need.

I was reading part of the book of Job today.  I want to read more the rest of the day, and then go over it again in the next few days.

Reading Job is at once humbling and encouraging.  "Who are you," God (basically) asks Job, "to think that you can criticize me or judge me for the way I do things?  Were you there when the universe was created?  Do you control the weather?  Do you know how everything holds together? NO.  So let me be God and you just trust me to take care of you."  That kind of sums up the several chapters of God lecturing Job.

That really got me thinking.  A journal/scrapbook my friend Sara made for me includes several quotes, pictures, poems, Scripture verses, etc, with room for me to add my own.  At the top of the first page it says "Psalm 103."  I looked that up and read it, and came across this verse:

"The LORD is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in love."  Psalm 103:8

He is ALWAYS compassionate and gracious.  That doesn't change, ever.  It's not necessarily our definition of compassionate and gracious.  But God always shows us his perfect love.  I wrote at the bottom of that page in the journal,

"Trust in God is not conditional.  He doesn't say, 'Trust me when things are going well.  Trust me if you have everything you think you need.  Trust me when life is easy.'  No.  Trust is based on faith, and faith trusts always.  God says, 'Trust Me.'  Period."

Jon Acuff wrote on his blog today,

"Since the dawn of time, the enemy has tried to play just one trick.

Though it has a thousand different variations and a million different manifestations, it boils down to the same lie every time.

God is not good.

He's holding out on you.

There is something more you are missing.

Time and again, this is the trick the enemy comes back to."

I commented on the post,

"So true. God always blesses us. Not in the ways we THINK we need blessing. Not usually in the ways we expect. But he gives us what HE knows we need.
I'd add one thing. God never guaranteed that following him would be easy. We ARE called to give up ourselves when we follow him. The disciples gave up everything in order to be Jesus' disciples.
But they never went without food. They never went without shelter. They always had clothes. They always had what they NEEDED. But life wasn't easy. 

I've been realizing lately that the best gifts God gives aren't ones with monetary value. They're things like family. Friendship. Being hugged and kissed by one's spouse. A sweet summer breeze. Love. And most importantly, God's forgiveness, love, and grace. When a person has all that...what more do they really need?"

My mother-in-law posted a verse of a beloved hymn on my facebook wall this morning:

"Turn your eyes upon Jesus;
look full in his wonderful face.
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim
in the light of his glory and grace."


When life is frustrating and confusing...when circumstances are out of our control...when things seem hopeless and there is no end in sight...

We can trust God.
Because he is always good and he always has our bests interests in mind.
And in the meantime...
we can focus on what he's already given us.
Because it's SO much.
We already have everything we need.
And when we focus on Christ,
the things of this world seem less important.
Because they are less important.

When we have Christ, and his love, forgiveness, mercy and grace... (and we do)...
we have all we need.

 "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ!  In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade--kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time."  -1 Peter 1:3-5

don't worry, be {thankful}

One of the biggest ways the devil tries to trip me up in life is by getting me to worry.  If you read my ramblings here much at all you probably know that.

The biggest thing I have to worry about most of the time is money.  How can we make more?  Can we start setting money aside for a new car?  How can I afford to get my husband something for our anniversary next week?  And on and on.

I KNOW several things:

1) God always provides.

2) God knows what I need.

3) God will not let us be destitute.

4) In comparison to millions of people, we have a lot.

5) We have never gone hungry, never gone without electricity, never been without a home, clothes, or anything important.

6) God specifically says in his Word, "Do not worry" (Matthew 6:25).

I know all that.  I know how blessed we are.  But sometimes it's really hard to not worry...after all, I'm a sinful person.

The other night I was worrying, again, about money (as usual).  We were already in bed, and I started freaking out a little.  My wonderful (amazing, wise, loving, caring, sweet) husband reassured me in so many ways.  He reminded me how God has always provided in the past.  He came up with ideas of ways to stretch the money we do have (we're still taking a little anniversary getaway!!!).  He sang me a little song, the lyrics of which are Jeremiah 29:11: "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD; plans to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you hope and a future."  I know those words were told to the Israelites, but I know they apply to me as well.

It meant so much to me that my husband did this, especially because when I worry (particularly when it's out loud), it hurts him, too--it communicates that I don't trust God or my husband to take care of me.  Worrying is my way of trying to be in control...but as a child of God and a wife I am not supposed to be in control!  I am supposed to submit to and trust both God and my husband to care for me.

That doesn't mean I sit back and don't do anything to help.  Just this week I worked a seven-hour workday between my cleaning and my library jobs.  I keep busy at home.  I do my best to save us money.  And God blessed us this week with lots of food from our dear friends who are moving away.

So I guess what I'm saying in all this rambling is...I'm working on it.  The whole not-worrying-just-trusting thing.  And being thankful.  Because that's what it comes down to: when I'm thankful, I'm not worrying; I'm remembering all that God has done for me.  And it is so much!

{things I'm thankful for this week}

-rain.  finally.  for all the farmers around here who need it so much.

-an amazing, although whirlwind, weekend with my family for my brother's graduation.

-a surprise visit from my best high school friend while we were at my parents'!!  it was AWESOME!!

-waking up to a clean house every day.  finally getting the hang of this thing.

-a newly stocked fridge, freezer and pantry from our friends' fridge, freezer and pantry!

-amazing friends.  Ruth and Joseph.  Love them so much...going to miss them so much (but they'll be back!)

-coffee and doughnuts today, with hubby and then R&J before they left

-quiet mornings at home

-forty followers!  amazing! thanks all!!

-300+ posts...can't believe how far I've come with this blogging thing

-my incredible, hardworking, sweet, sexy, loving husband

-God's constant love, forgiveness and grace

linking up with all these lovely blogs today!

catch-up and God-talk

I haven't had much time to write, and haven't been able to think of much to write about.

Finals week begins Monday.  I only have one test, but six papers to write this week.  None are terribly long, but it's a little overwhelming.  I did finish a short story this evening, with Joshua's help to get the male perspective accurate.  I'm quite pleased with how it turned out.

This week has been fairly typical otherwise.  Last week of classes.  I feel perpetually sleep-deprived.  That's partly my own fault, though.  Last night there was a formal dance and we went with Ruth and Joe, and then went to IHOP for a midnight pancake run.  I've never been to IHOP at all and certainly not at such an hour!  But it was fun, and delicious.  We didn't get home till 2:30, however, so this morning was slow and lazy.  But it was nice. :)

Today I also got laundry and grocery shopping done.  It's nice to have clean clothes and a full fridge!

The story I wrote is based on the experiences Joshua and I had over Thanksgiving break: broken-down car, both of us upset, tow truck ride, all that.  My English professor had an incredible insight when she read the story.  I wrote about how the young couple in the story (basically us) had to put the car in neutral, and let the tow truck driver take control of the car to get it on the truck and driven to the repair shop.  The couple had to let go of the wheel entirely and trust their car to someone else.  They had to let him take the wheel and just go along with the ride.

I'm surprised I didn't see the spiritual application of this story myself, but I'm sure glad my teacher did.  We have to let God take control.  We have to get in the passenger seat, let go of our lives, and let him take us where we need to go, where we'll be safe.  Considering that the story is based on real life...it was very emotional for me.  It's like God was talking to me, but it took nearly two weeks for me to hear the message, and then I had to be told by someone else what it was.

I hear you, Lord.  Let you take over.  Trust you.  Don't worry.  Don't fret.  Sit back and enjoy the ride.  Life is so much easier when I don't have to focus on the particulars of the trip--when I don't see what's ahead in the road.  Because you, God, can see, and you'll get me through everything safely.

Home Sweet Home

What joy.  What bliss.  To come home to a clean house...MY kitchen...OUR own bed.  Such a cozy little home (now that the furnace is back on).

This has been quite a week.  Some things I don't care to get into, but quoting my husband, this was the "best worst Thanksgiving ever."  I could write a whole story about it.  Maybe I will. :)

Suffice it to say that we've had a lot of new experiences, some we weren't hoping or planning to have, but we are trusting in God's constant goodness and power.  We are so very blessed, in many ways of which we're sometimes not even aware.  Our family and friends are AMAZING.  And we have each other, which will not change and which makes everything okay.

Continued prayers for Joshua's dad (and Joshua's mom and brothers) would be much appreciated.  He had a relapse last night and is back in the hospital (after being home for only three days).  This is a time of much learning how to trust.

Now it is time to shower after a long road trip and get to bed.  In my OWN bed.  Did I mention how good that will be? :)

Stressing and Blessing

This weekend was a rollercoaster-ride of emotions.

Thursday morning our car started acting up.
Thursday night my in-laws came to help get it (temporarily) figured out.
Success with the car (temporarily).
Also Thursday night, my father-in-law had a minor stroke.

Friday morning my mother-in-law took Dad to the hospital.
Friday evening we had a great time with friends (Joe and Ruth).
Friday night Joshua's younger brothers stayed with us.

Saturday morning I spent thrift-shopping and making cookies with another amazing friend, Sara.
Saturday afternoon I worked at the library.
Brothers stayed with us again Saturday night.

Sunday morning we went to a Methodist church (for a class Joshua's taking).
Sunday afternoon we visited Joshua's parents at the hospital.
Dad is doing a lot better--walking with a walker, talking almost normally, moving more.
Sunday evening we went to see Puss in Boots (funny movie :) ).
Sunday night we did homework and played cards with Ruth and Joe.

And now it's Monday, and I'm drowsy from sleep deprivation all weekend, and stressed because the house didn't get clean like I planned for it to.

It was a busy weekend--stressful things and fun things to counteract the stressful, but no time to do much housework or homework.

In it all we were blessed.
In it all God taught me so much (selflessness, the value and importance of family, more lessons on priorities, how amazing our friends are, the incredible blessing my husband always is, etc, etc).

Life is so fragile.
The future is so elusive.
Our plans are so futile.

God holds all things together.
God knows the future.
God's plans will come to fruition.

Sometimes it's just hard to trust, to remember that.
Worrying seems so easy.  But it doesn't do any good.

Trusting is so hard.  But it's the only thing I can do, sometimes.
Prayer is so easy, and it does so much good!
I've been doing a lot of that this weekend.

I'm ooking forward to Thanksgiving break--a time to rest, to catch up on housecleaning, to relax with my husband, to see family, to remember all we have to be grateful for.

Those times I just need to cry.

I am female.
I am emotional.
Sometimes, I am very hormonal.
Often I am stressed.
Sometimes I am worried.
Rarely I am angry.
Regularly I am happy.
Sometimes I am tired.
Other times, I have no explanation for how I am feeling, but in all these times...
I cry.

Call me crybaby, call me a wimp, call me a little girl who hasn't grown up yet, but I have discovered the universal, all-purpose expression of emotion and a never-fail stress reliever: tears.
I have heard that some chemical is released in tears that relieves stress in a cool biological way.  God's awesome like that.  But whatever it is, when I cry, I feel better.

Today was one of those stressed-humbled-relieved-frustrated-tired-confused-thankful sort of days when I cried three separate times.
(and no, it is not that time of the month)

Do I feel better?  You bet.  Have I heard God's message loud and clear ("TRUST ME.")?  Yes.  Have I felt the squeeze of my husband's hand and his reassuring words, "It will be okay"?  More than once.

Am I going to bed NOW so the tiredness isn't a factor?
As soon as I click "Publish Post."

And have I gained fresh perspective on life today, that despite what seem to be life-interrupting frustrations (but really aren't that bad), I have so much to be thankful for and am so well-off compared to millions of other people?
Yes, thanks to Pastors Matthias and Bruick, and most especially thanks to my heavenly Father who understands when I need to cry.

Lessons and Happy Things

Update on the car situation:
The Camero needed too many repairs to be worth it.  Our trusty mechanic advised against the purchase.
Hubby looked at another car last night (at the moment I don't remember what it is).  It's a 1993 but in better shape than the Camero, has been owned by an adult who took it to the same mechanic we go to for repairs, and it only needs tires and brake pads instead of a kajillion other repairs.  (Well, the Camero didn't need that much, but it was close.)  So: chances are better that this will be the car.  Plus it won't wake the neighbors with the unholy racket that the Camero makes!  And I think it's prettier and more sensible-looking. :)

I am proud of my husband.  He spent most of his day "off" yesterday figuring out car stuff, plus he cleaned up the living room so it looks waaay better than it has in weeks, and he made the bed.  I forgot how nice it is to crawl into a bed that hasn't had the covers balled up all day.  In my free time yesterday I finally- FINALLY- mopped the kitchen floor and cleaned most of the bathroom.  Our house now feels sanitary again.  It's fantastic.

We had friends over (Ruth and Joe) for supper--I made nachos.  Or taco salad, depending on the ratio of lettuce to everything else.  It's one of my favorite meals ever, and it was SO. GOOD.  And then Ruth made chocolate chip cookies.  It was a great evening.

This whole car business is really teaching me trust (again) and patience (even more).  I was chatting with a classmate yesterday, a lovely young lady with a chronic disease (I don't know much about it except that it causes her a lot of pain and makes her very tired).  She's undergoing blood transfusions to combat it.  Yesterday she explained to me that there's a chance she could go into remission, but she'll be fighting the disease for the rest of her life.  One might expect such a sick person to be reclusive, depressed, angry, or bitter.  Emma is none of these things.  She's cheerful, happy, encouraging, sweet, joyful, and has a fantastic boyfriend and lots of supportive friends.  She told me that God has been teaching her how to trust him through this ordeal, and that he's faithful always, even in the midst of the pain.  She is such an example to me, and to so many others.

My mom sent me an email this morning that included these passages from Scripture:

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is
right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if
anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things...And
the God of peace will be with you...And my God will meet all your
needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.  To our God and
Father be glory for ever and ever. Amen."  Philippians 4: 8-9, 19-20

"And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in
every good work...Now he who supplies seed to the sower and bread for
food will also supply and increase your store of seed and will enlarge
the harvest of your righteousness.  You will be made rich in every way
so that you can be generous on every occasion, and through us your
generosity will result in thanksgiving to God."  2 Corinthians 9: 8, 10-11
I am so thankful for my husband, my family, my friends and acquaintances; our home, our health, our jobs, our education.  I am thankful for the ways that God constantly blesses us, for the ways he continually expresses his love for us, for the grace he daily bestows on us.

When things don't make sense (to me)

If you've read this blog for any length of time, or know me personally at all, you know that one of the biggest things I struggle with is trust.

Why does this have to happen? What does it mean? How is God teaching me in this? Who do I blame when things don't go the way I want them to? (Usually I blame myself...)

I have so many questions.  I want answers to all the problems in my life.  I want to know why life is so blasted hard sometimes.

But the long and short of it is, it's not for me to know.  My times, my life, are in God's hands. HE sees my future. HE has a plan for me--a plan to prosper me and not to harm me, a plan to give me hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11)

God doesn't hurt me. He's all good; he can't! He can and does allow bad things to happen to me...but because I am his child, called according to his purpose, he will work out all things for good (Romans 8:28).

I am a fallible human being. I can't see the future. I don't know what tomorrow will hold, or even the next hour or next minute. I can't control the way my life will go, so there's no sense worrying about it. As a weak and fragile human being, I can't handle all the worries and frustrations of this life.

But God can.

And he wants to! He wants to take my troubles, worries and sorrows off my shoulders and onto his. He wants to give me peace and comfort in return. I simply have to let go and stop being such a control freak!

So when things don't make sense to me, I know they make sense to the God who loves me, who created me, who has a purpose for me, who always has my best interests at heart, and who can see and holds my future in his all-mighty hands.

What Keeps Me from Worrying

A friend messaged me on facebook after reading the last post (thank you, my friend, for your encouragement!) and I shared some more of my own thoughts about not worrying.  These are the things I try to remember when I start to be anxious about something:

*It's out of my control.  Worrying is part of my control-freak-ness: I worry when I can't control something because I don't know how it's going to turn out (whether that's the future, some plans, or my health).  It IS, however, in God's control.  Which leads to the next thing:

*God is bigger than all my worries, troubles and frustrations.  He CAN and DOES handle ALL of it!!

*Moreover, God loves me more than I can possibly imagine.  He always wants what's best for me, and he knows what's best.  Not only that, but he knows everything I need.  He knows the right time to give it to me.  He knows when to not give me something I don't need, even if I think I do.

*When I look at life with an eternal perspective, little earthly trials and frustrations don't seem like such a big deal.  When I think about the problems other people face (famine, slavery, life-threatening illness, severe injury, poverty, etc), mine just don't seem that bad.  Also, when I consider that this life is so short compared to eternity, and I will spend FOREVER in a perfect body in God's presence, sicknesses and troubles and even money problems seem so small and insignificant.

*Finally, looking at all the things God has blessed me with reminds me of how much he does for me all the time, and reassures me that he will continue to provide for EVERYTHING I need.  

"Certain of What We Do Not See:" Hebrews 11:1

Faith: a precious, undeserved, and completely free gift, yet it is something I struggle with, a LOT.  Especially these last few days, for reasons that don't need to be shared publicly.  Suffice it to say that I have been worrying about the future, doubting in God's providence, struggling to understand how he will take care of me, of us, and in short: I have been focused on myself and my little struggles and worries instead of on GOD and how big, powerful, all-knowing and compassionate he is.

He has been sending messages my way a lot lately, through my mom and some other women I don't even know yesterday, and today in church and again through my amazing mother.

The hymns we sang in church today were "What a Friend We Have in Jesus" (he hears my prayers, I can go to him and he is always there for me, no matter what), "Savior, Like a Shepherd Lead Us" (God cares for my every need, I am his, and he will guide my life), "Children of the Heavenly Father" (I am his child, he protects me from all harm, nothing will separate me from his love), and most encouraging of all, "We Walk By Faith and Not By Sight."  God is always near us, we can rejoice in his promise that he is always there, and we have nothing to fear in this life because we will spend eternity with him.

Hebrews 11:1 says, "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."  My mom sent me an email this morning that also included 2 Corinthians 4:18: "So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

Today's epistle spoke to me, too, from 1 Corinthians: "For the foolishness of God is wiser than men, and the weakness of God is stronger than men. For consider your calling, brothers: not many of you were wise according to worldly standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth. But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong...He is the source of your life in Christ Jesus, whom God made our wisdom and our righteousness and sanctification and redemption." (1:25-26, 30)

I am very often foolish, weak in faith and body. But God is wiser and stronger in his foolishness and weakness than I am ever wise or strong. He gives me strength to have faith- to be sure of what I hope for, certain of what I do not, what I cannot, see. He knows my future. And he holds it in his hands. The prophet Jeremiah wrote, "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.'" (Jeremiah 29:11-13)

God has good plans for my future, plans to give me hope! He is there when I seek him, there when I don't, always hearing my prayers, even if I can't feel him.

Faith isn't about feeling. Faith is resting in the knowledge that God is God and I am not, and that is how it is supposed to be. God is there, God is real, God is in control, even when I can't see where my life is going. God loves me and forgives me and blesses me even when I fall away from him and struggle to trust in him. This is grace!

So. Today, I am going to be sure of what I hope for, and certain of what I cannot see.