Marriage Lessons and Drastic Haircuts

My husband and I had an experience recently that taught us something about our marriage:

There are things we each do well.

We need to stick to those things. Other tasks should be... well, left to the professionals.

Case in point. About two months ago, my hair looked like this:

FYI, I'm the one on the left. The lovely lady in yellow is a childhood friend; we grew up down the street from each other.

This is a photo my hubby took about an hour ago. As in, what I look like now:

And yes, if you're wondering, purple is my favorite color, although these are two of about three purple shirts I own.

And also yes, there is about a 12-inch difference in the lengths of my hair in those photos. I bet you're wondering why!

Well, I've been wanting to cut my hair for a while. It's been literally a decade since I cut off more than an inch or two, and I wanted it shorter.

About six inches shorter.

My loving husband offered to help me out. I'm cheap frugal, you see, and pay for a haircut about once a year, if that. I trim my bangs myself, I learned to layer my hair myself, and my mom has help me cut length off the long portion before. I figured Joshua knows how to use scissors, he was confident he could do it, no problem, right?

I did not take into consideration the fact that he is a man. And as a man, he is perfectly capable of buzzing his own hair, but he doesn't have to make sure his hair turns out an even length when he does that. It's all just buzzed off, basically. Nor does he have any experience whatsoever cutting female, long, hair.

I didn't think about that.

So he gathered my hair into a ponytail and cut. And, well, it was about six inches shorter than I'd been planning. And not quite evenly cut.

In the interest of full disclosure, I'll tell you I was a baby. I cried a little. Then he said, "But you look so sexy! It's adorable! I love it!"

And I sniffed and looked in the mirror and asked in a small voice, "Do you really mean it?"

Of course he did. He doesn't just say that sort of thing.

So the next morning I called the nicest salon in town and made an emergency appointment, and the girl did a great job evening things out, and I've gotten the most fantastic reactions since yesterday afternoon.

I've never done anything like this before, other than the eight inches I cut off when I was twelve for Locks of Love. (No, I didn't donate this time, unfortunately... I wasn't planning on cutting off enough TO donate!)

But I definitely learned some things from this. One, never let my husband near my hair with scissors again. Two, take life in stride. Things don't always go the way we plan, but sometimes they end up going a better direction. Three, don't take myself so seriously. Loosen up. Live a little. Let your hair down. Or cut it, anyway.

And plus, we have a hilarious story for our kids one day.

"Aha" moments in Scripture reading

My husband and I use Portals of Prayer for our daily devotions each morning. Each devotion has a Scripture passage, a short message, and a prayer--it's been a great way for us to get into the habit of being in the Word every day. (If you're looking for an easy reminder to be in the Word daily, I also recommend subscribing to Lutheran Hour Ministries' devotions, delivered via email.)

The other day the passage was from Luke 12, verses 13-21: The parable of the "Rich Fool." Summed up, this is a story Jesus told about a young man who had earned a lot of money, had a big crop, and a lot of wealth stored up, so he decided to take life easy and enjoy what he had. The story continues, however, "But God said to him, 'You fool! This very night your life will be demanded from you. Then who will get what you have prepared for yourself?' This is how it will be with anyone who stores up things for himself but is not rich toward God."

Right after this story is the "Do Not Worry" passage. Verse 22 read, "Then Jesus said to his disciples: 'Therefore...'"
One thing my mom taught me about Bible reading is that when you come across a "Therefore," see what it's "there for" (haha). In other words, look at the context--what came before the "therefore"?

In my personal Bible reading lately I've been working through some Old Testament books, including Nehemiah and Ecclesiastes. There is value in reading a short passage and doing deep study on it, but I've also discovered the benefit of reading large sections of Scripture at once--several chapters or a whole small book in one sitting (I got through Esther in two days). It's much easier to see the "big picture" when you look at a book as a whole, instead of individual verses. I've often read the "Do Not Worry" passage, especially in Matthew, because it's a reminder I need regularly. But I haven't often looked at it in Luke, and I definitely haven't looked at it much in its context.

Here's what I see these passages saying:

Don't put stock in physical possessions or in the amount of money you have saved up. You might be able to enjoy it now, but what's going to happen when you die? All that will be worthless. (See Ecclesiastes for more on this.)
Physical possessions aren't what you should be spending all your time and thought on. You shouldn't be worrying about those things--food and clothes. They're temporal things, and besides, God knows you need them. Look at how he takes care of animals! They're never without food, protection, and shelter. If God takes care of animals that way, you can trust that he'll provide for your needs, too.
No, it's the unbelievers who spend their lives worrying about their physical needs and stocking up possessions, because they don't have any purpose beyond this life. But you know that eternity in heaven is waiting for you--so spend your life focusing on that. Seek spiritual treasures, those things that you can't lose, and God will provide physical blessings to you as well.
He has given you the ultimate gifts--salvation, forgiveness, and eternal life. Don't worry about anything else.

What I find awesome is that this whole section-- twenty-one verses--is all connected and flows together logically. (Duh. It was written by God.) I really hope I'm not the first one to take so long to notice this.

Reading this whole passage together was so encouraging for me. What "aha" moments have you had in your Scripture reading lately?

Linking today with Upward Not Inward, Deep Roots at Home, Raising Homemakers, Exceptionalistic, A Wise Woman Builds Her Home

Smiles, Hugs and Prayers: Faith in the Courtroom

This post is second of a three-part miniseries based on my jury duty experience.
See part one here
and part three here. 

As you may know, I spent the last two weeks doing jury duty. It was an amazing learning experience for quite a few reasons.
Yesterday I wrote about the lessons from getting an in-depth look at our justice system. Not surprisingly, God took this opportunity to teach me a few other lessons, too.

The day I found out I was a juror--and what the case was about--I was honestly kind of scared. "Why me? Why did I get chosen? I don't think I can do this!" I discovered, of course, that I could. My husband had some encouragement for me, and so did my mom, when I called to tell her that I was on the jury (although without any other details at that point).

Obviously, my mom said, I was chosen for a reason. God had a purpose for me to be on that jury. There had been 71 potential jurors at the start. 30 were randomly chosen by taking names out of a jar. Then 14 were picked from those 30. Just before we started deliberation, two alternates were dismissed. I ended up on that jury of twelve people.

I was definitely there for a reason. I just didn't know exactly what the reason was. I still don't know for sure. But I started praying right away, "Lord, let me show someone your love through this experience."

One of the defendant's daughters was there with him, to testify and to support her father. Her name is Maria.

I thought, I can at the very least try to bring a little happiness into this woman's life, considering how incredibly difficult her life has been for the last three years. So every now and then, from the juror's box, I'd catch her eye and give her a smile, and she always smiled back. Not a huge gesture, I know, but I wanted to do something.

Yesterday, after everything was over and I was headed out of the courthouse and home, I ran into Maria just outside the courthouse. She threw her arms around me and kept repeating "Thank you, thank you." She said that when she saw me the first day of the trial she liked me right away. (She happens to have a sister just about my age.) I told her that I'd been praying through the whole trial, and that I knew it had turned out the way it had because God had wanted it to turn out that way. She said she and her family had been praying as well, and I said that I would continue to keep her and her family in my prayers. "God bless you," she said, hugging me again, both of us teary.

I don't know what will become of Maria, her father, and their family. I don't know if anything will come of our brief conversation. I do know that it wasn't coincidence that she happened to be outside the door I always left through. I know that it wasn't coincidence that I ended up on this jury. I also know that that one conversation made the whole two weeks' trial (pun intended) absolutely worth it. If sharing the love of Jesus with that one woman, through smiles, hugs, and prayers, was the reason God had me on that jury, then it was worth every minute.

I got to shake her father's hand, not fifteen minutes after the verdict was read and he put his head down on the desk and burst into tears, then looked up at the jury with a red, tear-streaked face that expressed joy and relief that no language barrier can confuse, and told us "thank you."

I'll probably never see Igor Kozlov again, but being a jury for his trial has changed my life. I can't judge anyone one way or another based on their nationality, their appearance, their job, the language they speak. Only God can judge a person because only he sees the hearts of humans. But what I can do is love everyone with the love of Christ, no matter who they are.

A few hours before I was chosen for this jury, I wrote this post. Little did I know how prophetic my own words would be! God doesn't ask us to travel far away to share his love. In this case, all I did was walk across the street and into a courtroom, and I was privileged to share the love of Jesus with people I never would have met otherwise.

Keep your eyes open today. You'll definitely cross paths with someone who needs a little Christ-love in their lives. Maybe all you can give them is a smile, but maybe that's all it will take to make a difference in their life.



(Just in case you were wondering, sympathy wasn't an aspect of my decision-making regarding this trial. I avoided looking at Kozlov as much as I could during the trial. We looked at the straight facts, and there weren't enough solid facts to convict him. But I will say, I'm glad that we made the decision we did. This man is still going to have a tough life, and I'm happy that we made a decision that will make his life a little less hard than it could have been.)


Linking today with Upward Not Inward/Exceptionalistic/The Fontenot Four, Deep Roots at Home, Raising Homemakers, A Wise Woman Builds Her Home

always learning: amateur photo editing

I've recently discovered PicMonkey--a free photo editing site that's perfect for a novice like me.  I can add text, do some basic editing, add fun effects, and it doesn't cost a thing!  I've been having fun playing around with it, and am pleased with the results.

Just for fun, I thought I'd show a before and after (the photo was taken about three years ago by my friend Rachel Ahlers).  Granted, the original photo is fantastic--Rachel is extremely talented and has a wonderful camera besides!  The original photo had a foot in the background, was a little dark, and I discovered that I could increase the 'warmth' of the photo plus make my teeth whiter-- that was fun. :)

BEFORE:

AFTER:

No more foot, warmer colors, and whiter teeth.  I'm pretty pleased!

Have you used PicMonkey?  Are you one of those people I wish I could be who has fancy photo editing software and an amazing camera and takes incredible pictures?  (I don't hate you, I just wish I had that talent!)

By the way, PicMonkey doesn't even know I wrote this post; it's not sponsored or anything.  I just thought I'd share something fun!

Twenty-two lessons in twenty-two years

Today I'm turning twenty-two.  It's not a particularly exciting birthday, like eight years from now will be (gee, am I really going to be thirty in only eight years??).  However, I like even numbers, and I like symmetry, so 22 is a good number.

I've learned a lot in 2.2 decades.  Most of these lessons have been things I've come to understand fairly recently, but they're all a result of experiences throughout my life.  I thought it might be fun (and a bit of a challenge) to come up with twenty-two worthwhile things I've learned about life, relationships, and myself.  Can you relate with any of these?  It can't be just me!

1)  Don't make snap judgments about people.  Some people you might not like much at first but later you'll become friends, and some people who seem cool when you meet them really aren't.

2) Never hold a grudge.  It's not healthy for you and it doesn't affect the other person much anyway.

3) Learn to laugh at yourself.  You do goofy things, and you'll be happier if you can see the humor in those things.

4) Avoid assuming (although do try to assume the best about your spouse as much as possible).  We all know what happens when you ASSUME.  Yeah.

5) Learn to not take things so personally.  Not everything is about you!

6) Appreciate when people listen to you, and learn to listen to others.  They have a lot to teach you.

7) Learn to forgive yourself.  Guilt is not a burden you need to bear; Jesus destroyed it on the cross.

8) Try new things.  You might find you like some things you swore you never would (like country music!).

9) Dance at every wedding.  It's a win-win: you get to flirt with your husband, and show off your sweet swing-dancing skills.

10) Don't be afraid of what people think about you.  The opinions of most people don't matter, and you're defined by being a child of God, not by other people's opinions.

11) Embrace opportunities to make new friends.  Cultivate those relationships while you have the opportunity (before you move or they graduate from college).

12) It's okay to have several "best friends."

13) Get to know people of a variety of ages: your age, younger than you, and older--sometimes much older--than you.  Children bring so much joy to life, and you can learn a lot from older people.

14) Always lick the spoon.

15) Don't beat yourself up over mistakes.  Everyone makes from them.  Take note of the lesson you've learned and move on.

16) It's okay to cry and not know why.

17) You'll always need your mom.

18) Face your fears.  That's the easiest way to conquer them.

19) On second thought, just don't be afraid.  Fear is of the Enemy.  You are a child of God and the Holy Spirit lives in your heart; you have no reason to fear anything!

20) Judge sin, not people.  You don't want to turn into a Pharisee; you just want to be like Jesus.

21) Don't focus on the future; instead, have an eternal mindset.  What's going to matter after this life is over?

22) Leave the worrying about everything to God.  Worrying does no good, and only steals joy, contentment and happiness.  There is always something to be thankful for; focus on that instead of whatever is worrying you.

What are some of the most important/useful/funny life lessons you have learned?  Share in the comments!

To have a gentle and quiet spirit

Do you ever have those realizations that there's something you've been missing?  Not doing?  Not understanding?  I had one of those "aha" moments yesterday.  And it was humbling.

I want this kind of spirit as a wife: a gentle and quiet one.  This is the kind of spirit that Peter says creates true, unfading beauty:

"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes.  Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.  For this is the way the women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful.  They were submissive to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master.  You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear."  (1 Peter 3: 3-6)

There's a lot in this passage.  I want to point out a few things that have stuck out to me in many readings of these words.

First, look at this phrase from verse 5: "the women of the past who put their hope in God..."  A gentle and quiet spirit comes when our hope is not in ourselves or our own abilities, but in God and his Spirit at work within us.

And this: "Sarah...obeyed Abraham and called him her master."  This passage isn't talking about being our husband's slave, but it is descriptive of a wife who highly respects her husband.  This respect isn't shown just in our actions, but in our words and thoughts.  Do we show our husbands by how we speak to them that we respect them?  Do we make the effort to let them know that they are priceless treasures to us?  Do we pay attention when they talk?  Do we make it clear that we're interested in all parts of their lives?

These are things I've been struggling with.  This, and distrust (my constant battle).  Thus, look at the last part of this passage:

"...do not give way to fear."

Fear, my mother often reminds me, is of the Enemy.  Fear is what comes naturally to our sinful selves.  The opposite of fear is faith, which is a gift from God.  Faith in God and his promises...hope in him...this is what enables us to be wives after God's own heart.  Wives who love, respect and trust their husbands.  Wives who are beautiful not because of their outer looks but because of the quiet and gentle spirit within them, that comes from God.

This is the kind of wife I want to be: 

"A wife of noble character who can find?  She is worth far more than rubies.  Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.  She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life."  (Proverbs 31:10-12)

I want to be the kind of wife in whom my husband can have complete confidence, and who he can trust fully.  I want him to be able to trust me to bring him good, not harm, every single day.

But you know what?  I cannot be that kind of wife on my own willpower.  I don't have the ability to do it alone.

That's why I take comfort in the fact that God's strength more than makes up for my weakness.  In fact, as God promised Paul, so he promises me, and I can say this with Paul:

"But he [God] said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.'  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties.  For when I am weak, then I am strong."  (2 Corinthians 12:9-10)

If you've been struggling with this at all, take comfort: you are not alone.  And for whatever trials you are experiencing, know that God's grace is more than enough.  His love covers you completely.  His forgiveness is unfailing and never-ending, and encompasses even those things for which we feel most guilty.  Jesus has taken away that guilt, paid the price for our sins, and enables us to live as his children.

I'm taking comfort in this: today and every day!


Linking with: To Love, Honor, and Vacuum; Exceptionalistic, Messy Marriage

Advice is Overrated--Encouragement Isn't

I am honored and blessed to have Tim Fall writing for me today!  Tim's blog is Just One Train Wreck After Another, where he writes about faith, family, books, and life as a Christian judge in California.  Tim is known for his encouraging blog comments, and I hope you are as blessed by this post as I have been.


[My son K is 22 and recently graduated from UC Berkeley. My daughter J is 20 and a third year student at UC San Diego. A lot of parents write advice letters to their young adult children, laying out what they want their children to learn. I'm not one of those parents. Instead, I'm writing them a letter pointing out what they've already learned.]

How old were each of you when you first left the country on a missions trip? 9, 10? Something like that. We all traveled together to Mexico to serve in one of the poorest places I've ever seen. K, we took you with us for the first couple trips, and J you joined us for several trips after that.

And then you went overseas on your own mission trips. You still do.

K, you even went on one all by yourself without a missions team. Seriously, Vietnam on your own? I know you'd been there twice before with a team, but to hop a plane and get to work with the organization over there without any team training or support was impressive. And now you are preparing to return as head of a team you are putting together to minister to the people you've met there over the years.

J, those trips to western and eastern Europe and into Israel started while you were in high school. Then South Africa came along, but you weren't going as a member of the team. You led the team. And this summer you are going to do it again.

So I said this was about what you have learned. Here goes:

You've learned how to take initiative: Mom and I never asked you to go on these trips, never even brought up going on overseas missions. You thought of it, you explored it and you figured out how to get it done. It may not have always happened the way you expected, but it happened. And you learned that God has some great plans for you, even better than your own.

Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails. (Proverbs 19:21.)

You've learned to adapt: J, when your co-leader in charge of logistics had to back out 2 days before leaving last year, you and the other program leader stepped up and took on the duty, all while handling all your own responsibilities. K, you knew you had several weeks in a foreign land without anyone your age that you knew so you went to the coffee-house and made some friends, good friends that you loved to hang out and play music with even if you didn't speak each others' languages all that well.

So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10.)

You've learned to trust God: K, when you were 17 and started team training for that first trip to Vietnam, you didn't know anyone else, student or adult. But you trusted that God had put you there and that he would see you through. J, when you were getting ready to fly off to training for your last trip to Europe and got so sick you could barely stand, you trusted that God would work it out so you could still go, even if it meant joining the team late. God saw both of you through those times and so many more.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him, and he will direct your paths. (Proverbs 3:5-6.)

You've learned the God's word is not only powerful, but a joy: K and J, each of you have learned over the years how to study God's word. I wish I could take credit for that, but it's really your own relationships with God that have drawn you deeper into his word. I get to have the fun of talking about Scripture and doctrine and theology with you, and often you are the ones who bring up points I've never thought through. This is a joy for us in talking about it, and I can tell that you get a kick out of reading his word and studying what theologians and other writers have to say about it for yourself too.

When your words came, I ate them; they were my joy and my heart’s delight, for I bear your name, Lord God Almighty. (Jeremiah 15:16.)

There's more of course, but I hope you've learned one more thing in particular. Mom and I are not only proud of you, but we are so pleased for you in your relationships with God and the people he has put in your lives. I told you when you were young and I'll tell you now:

K - you are my wonderful boy.

J - you are my wonderful girl.

And your wonderfulness has nothing to do with whether you've learned anything at all. Your wonderfulness has everything to do with the fact that you are blessings from God.

[For those reading this who aren't K & J, please know that your heavenly Father is even more pleased with you than I am with my kids. He loves you eternally and without limit, and I hope that encourages your socks off.]

Tim is a California native who changed his major three times, colleges four times, and took six years to get a Bachelor’s degree in a subject he’s never been called on to use professionally. Married for over 25 years with two kids (one in college and one just graduated, woo-hoo!), his family is constant evidence of God’s abundant blessings in his life. He and his wife live in Northern California. Tim blogs here.

Lessons Learning: Life lessons from the mission field and beyond

I am so honored and excited to be writing on Tim Fall's blog today!  He'll be visiting here tomorrow, and we have semi-coordinating posts.  I'm writing about what I've learned in my experiences in mission work, and he's written... well, you'll have to come back tomorrow to find out!

Despite being young, I've learned a lot of important lessons in my life so far.  God has used some amazing circumstances to bring me closer to him and teach me some things I really needed to learn.  Some of the biggest lessons he's taught me are remembering that He has my life in his hands, how to love others the way I've been loved by Him, and trusting him in ALL things, even when trusting is scary.

When I was thirteen I read several books about missionaries which sparked my interest in mission work.  The summer I turned fourteen, my family was visiting my grandparents.  At church during that visit, my mom ran into some friends who were, at the time, missionaries in Hong Kong and China.  She asked if they knew anyone with whom I could be pen pals, and they suggested that instead of doing that to learn about the life of missionaries, I just come visit them.

For the rest of this post, head over to Tim's blog! 

Marriage--More than I Expected

I got married at the tender age of 19-not-quite-20.  I don't regret it one bit--my husband and I are growing up together, get to spend tons of time together, get to learn and experience life together, and will have several married years before we start having children.  Marrying my man when I did is the best decision I ever made.

But I'll be the first to admit that I really had no idea what I was getting myself into when I got married!  Marriage has brought a lot of surprises--some pleasant, some not as much.

I didn't expect that marriage would force me to mature so quickly.  In the last almost-two years, I've had to learn to really be an adult.  I've had to learn how to be selfless (that's a work in progress).  I've had to learn how to handle finances, jobs, taxes, car repairs, medical issues, and more.  I have learned to release myself from childhood and from the mindset of being dependent on my parents.  Now, my husband and I take care of each other.  I knew, cognitively, that all those things would come with marriage, but I didn't realize how quickly I (and my husband) would grow up.

I didn't expect how hard marriage would be.  It's so worth it, but it's not always easy.

It's harder than I expected to come up with new date night ideas so we don't fall into the rut of "same ol', same ol'."  To keep the house clean, orderly, and comfortable, day in and day out.  To keep up with the never-ending jobs of laundry and dishes and scrubbing the toilet.  To plan healthy, yummy meals...three times a day, every day (although this job comes more easily to me than others).  I didn't expect it to take so much work to die to myself every day and intentionally love my husband the way he needs to be loved, not the way I want to be loved.  To bite my tongue instead of letting an angry word slip past my lips when my temper flares.  It's a lot more work than I expected.

But there are other things about marriage that are more than I expected.  Amazing, wonderful things!

This love that comes out of my heart, directed at this person with whom I share, literally everything,  is beyond anything I have ever experienced or could ever imagine.  I never knew it was possible to love someone so much... or, just as wondrous, to be loved by them so much.  Now I know why God uses the example of marriage to explain to us how much he loves us.  It's a love that surpasses description, and cannot be expressed in words.

Marriage is more full of joy than I expected.  You know the old adage about how two people can halve each other's sorrows and double each other's joys?  Well, in marriage, that is SO true.  Happy things are twice as happy.  Hard things are twice as easy to bear.  I mean, I get to spend the majority of my time with my best friend, who happens to be a really fun person to spend time with, who makes me laugh, who puts a lot of effort into making me happy, who directs me to my Jesus, and who loves me more than I will ever understand (as explained above).  How much better can life get?

In marriage, there is more laughter than I expected.  There is more encouragement.  I didn't realize how much of a team we would be.  We're each other's "buddies"--we always have the other's back, and we might sometimes get on each other's nerves, but just let someone else say something mean about us and watch out!  We're there for each other.  And let's just say... there are other aspects of marriage that have far surpassed my expectations, and I couldn't be more thrilled!

Marriage is so much more work than I expected...and sometimes, it brings pain, because we can hurt the most the ones we love the most.
But those hard things are so worth it, because in marriage, the love, joy, and happiness are so much more than I expected.  I am in awe of this gift with which God has blessed us.

And I can't wait to see what other unexpected things life brings our marriage.  The future isn't scary, because God is already there, leading us on, and I know that my husband and I will be hand-in-hand every step of the way.

What in your life has been more than you expected?  Share in the comments!

Linking with: Exceptionalistic, A Proverbs 31 Wife, What Joy is Mine, The Alabaster Jar, The Modest Mom, Yes They're All Ours, The Better Mom, To Love, Honor and Vacuum, Messy Marriage, Graced Simplicity

I may be crazy...

Bath products.
Makeup.
Cleaning chemicals.
Personal care products.

What do all these things have in common?
They're generally made from things that aren't very good for your body or your health.  They're expensive.  And I think I can do better.  With some help, of course.  I have already gotten started:

-For cleaning, I already use white vinegar, mixed with water in a spray bottle for general cleaning and sanitizing.  That's about it.
-I tried making homemade liquid soap--which I haven't used up yet, and I may or may not try this technique again.
-I've just started using the baking soda and apple-cider-vinegar hair cleaning method.  (More on that in a future post, but five days in, I love it!)

I've been reading ideas and recipes for all sorts of natural, homemade products to replace conventional ones.

The reason I'm interested in making homemade versions of products that most people spend a lot of money on, is mainly the simplicity of it.  There are more frugal alternatives to commonly-used products, more all-purpose products (like vinegar and baking soda), and homemade versions that I think work just as well or better than the "store-bought" versions.

(Please understand, I don't have a problem with people who use shampoo, Lysol, Windex, etc, etc.  I'm just excited in researching alternatives for myself and my family.)

I have found several bloggers who have embraced this kind of "homemade" lifestyle, and I wanted to compile some of my favorite ideas of theirs that I have found--for my future reference and your benefit.

From Shaye at The Elliot Homestead:
Castile soap and all its amazing uses--shower soap, hand soap, shampoo, general household cleaning, and more!
A variety of what Shaye calls "cleaning products for the poor," starting with my friends vinegar and baking soda.
And a list of all Shaye's homemade products, including baby items and lip balm.

From Thank Your Body (the writer has more of a "hippie" lifestyle/mindset than I will ever have, but she has some great ideas and recipes for a lot of things):
Homemade hand soap (different recipes than I used, including one that's yet another use for Castile soap).
Natural "bleach"--hydrogen peroxide and lemon juice!
Homemade deodorant--this one sounds nice, although probably not something I'll need to make for a long time--my body doesn't need deodorant much anyway, so it takes me ages to go through a regular stick.  I have got to invest in some coconut oil, for a ton of reasons!

I also want to invest in less refined foods--like raw honey and real maple syrup, all whole wheat flour (and ground oats, and other non-white-flour grains).  I want to start using healthier fats, like high-quality butter and coconut oil.  I have all these dreams, plans, and ideas... but I keep reminding myself, I'm doing pretty darn good for a young, year-and-a-half married, college student on a little bitty budget!

Bottom line, I want to use the gifts God has given us to the best of my abilities--to honor God with our bodies, which includes the way we eat and the chemicals we use in, on and around our bodies.  I want to make the best use of the resources we have, especially food.  I want God to be glorified in all aspects of our lives, and that means not making all this stuff into a god, but focusing (there's that word again!) on THE important thing in my life: not health, not money, not food--GOD.

{Focus} On the Truly Important

Three days in, having my morning schedule has been a great thing.  I've read my Bible three days running (for me, this is an accomplishment!), had time to make and eat a good breakfast, spent an hour blogging, and not been rushing to get out the door.  It's wonderful.  However, this morning I "slept in" an hour and a half late, because last night it was more important to spend time with my hubby than to go to bed early.  As a result, I didn't have time to do the blogging I planned to do early in the day--but it was SO worth it.

It was just a good reminder for me that I need to be careful not to let my own plans get in the way of my highest priorities.  Sure, I want to blog every day, but like last night, there are times when more important things need to take precedence.

Of course, there are things I don't want to compromise on--daily Bible study, for example.  But my husband is my highest priority after God, and it's important that I don't let my plans or pride get in the way of putting him first.

In my first volleyball class yesterday (my last general education requirement), I realized some things about myself that apply in all areas of my life:

-I need to be willing to admit when I'm doing something wrong, or when I can't do something without help.
-I can't take offense when others help or correct me.
-It's healthy to be able to laugh at myself.
-I don't have to worry about what other people think about me.

Perhaps I'll do more posts in the future on the topic of "What volleyball has taught me about life."  Maybe in a couple of months. :)

Instead of focusing on myself (my own desires/feelings/pride), the most important thing is for me to focus on those around me.  I won't do it perfectly all the time, but I can do my best with God's help, and in doing so strive to become more like Jesus.

How I've Been a Hypocrite

My dear readers, I have a confession to make.

I've been quite a hypocrite this summer.

Here I've been writing all these posts about how to be a good, godly wife, what I've been learning about marriage, how to love my husband, the importance of really listening to him...

and I've messed up.  Big-time.

Let me set up the scenario for you:
Joshua and I have started reading The Lord of the Rings together.  He had already read The Fellowship of the Ring, and I read that and half of The Two Towers, but a long time ago.  So we read some chapters together, and I was reading a few on my own, to catch up and because bibliophile me can't really put a book down once I start reading it (and getting into it, which I definitely am with Lord of the Rings!).

Sunday night, my husband asked that I not start reading The Two Towers because he wanted us to read it entirely together.
By Monday morning, that request had slipped my mind, and yesterday I read the first two chapters.
Last night, my husband discovered this and was not happy.

You need to know a couple things about my Joshua:
1) He is an introvert.
2) His primary love-language is quality time.

I did not realize how much reading this book together meant to him.  I thought (forgetting that he asked me not to) that he wouldn't mind if I read a couple chapters.
It means a LOT to him, and he minded quite a bit.

Looong story short, we're all good now, I'm forgiven, I understand where I went wrong, everything is okay.

But I have some work to do.  Because my blunder led me to discover several very important things that I've been blind to all summer.

1) Neither my husband, nor I, have been content with the routine we've gotten into this summer:  Joshua comes home from work, he relaxes with some TV or computer time, I make supper, we eat, we watch a movie or both do things on the computer, we go to bed.
I realized why neither of us has been content with this routine.  Very little of it is about us being together.  Neither of us has liked this...but both of us assumed, wrongly, that the other one was content and/or not interested in doing anything together.  We both messed up on this...but now that we've realized it, we can work to right it.

2) I cannot assume things about my husband; I need to talk to him if I can't figure things out on my own.  (Because we all know what it means to assume...the person who pointed that out to me shall remain nameless.)

3) Sometimes the solution is staring me in the face, and is a lot simpler than I realize.
Togetherness.  That's all my husband wanted.  He doesn't want me to think up elaborate ideas for date nights.  He doesn't need me to write a list of twenty-five things we can do together.  He just wants me.  He wants my attention, my time, and my presence.

4) The things I think my husband wants and needs are not necessarily the things he really does want and need.
I figured that if I kept the house in order, fed him a nice supper, let him do his thing on the computer and TV, watched a movie with him, and had sex before we went to bed, that my husband would be happy.
Eating, rest, alone time and sex are all necessary...but they don't replace actually being together and giving my husband my full attention and self.  It doesn't work if I'm constantly thinking of other things I need to/should be doing, or if I spend the entire evening in the kitchen after he gets home.  He wants ME.  That's it.

5) This problem is fairly easy to fix if I a) get DONE with housework before Joshua gets home each day, b) keep chore-doing to a minimum in the evenings when he is home and c) be intentional and put time together in our schedule.  As soon as this post is written I'm going to write, in ink, on the calendar, "DATE NIGHT" at least every three weeks.  And nothing, absolutely nothing, will mess with those nights.

6) I realized last night how much I really mean to my husband.  That was huge.  It's good to know how much he appreciates the meals I make or that I keep the house in order...but knowing he just wants me??  That made me feel so treasured and loved.  And it made me resolve to make HIM feel the same way, by focusing more on him.

It's horrible when it takes a bad thing to wake me up to more bad things I've been doing...but the result of all this is that I think things in our marriage are really going to change for the better.  I can't believe how blind and stupid I've been all summer....but THANK GOD for the forgiveness which he has given me and which he has enabled my husband to give me.

Once again, it's Romans 8:28 in action.  God uses ALL things, even our silly, selfish sins, to work for our good.  I'm praying that he will enable me to be a much more selfless, loving, and attentive wife, and that our marriage will continue to grow, mature, and become more joy-filled every day.

And I'm sorry for being such a hypocrite!


Linking up today...
Cornerstone Confessions; Far Above Rubies; Growing Home; Thankful Homemaker; Time-Warp Wife; Lessons from Ivy

Not a happy camper (but a work in progress)

My husband and I spent part of this weekend at his parents' house.  We hadn't spent the night there yet this summer, and since school starts a week from today (yikes!!), we wanted to get a visit in.  We also hadn't broken in our new tent (from my grandparents at Christmas) and other camping gear (from my parents this summer), so we brought the tent, sleeping bags, and air mattress and set up in the back yard.

All was fine till we went to bed.  I was comfortable on the air mattress (once I added more air, because it was rather flat at first), but Joshua was not.  So we deflated the air mattress.  Joshua was comfortable, I was not; the ground was hard, dry, and bumpy--the result of a summer-long drought.  I was not a happy camper.  Literally.  So we eventually hauled the blankets, pillows and sleeping bags inside and camped out on the basement floor instead.  Where the ground was hard, but we had plenty of padding, and it was smooth.  And level.  And we slept fine and woke up happy with each other once again.

But I did not handle the discomfort well.  I did not listen to my husband well.  I complained.  And argued.  And acted like a whiny little kid.

This is not the best side of me.

By now, of course, all is forgiven, but that wasn't an isolated occasion.  So far all three of the times we've slept out in a tent together, Joshua has had to deal with me being unhappy and uncomfortable at some point. (He has graciously agreed to give me yet another chance!  I'll get there yet.)  And I act like that in other situations, too.

This morning, this passage from Philippians came to my mind:

"Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life..." Philippians 2:14-16b

Everything.  Without complaining.  Or arguing.

Oops.

I goofed...once again.  Thank God (and my husband) for forgiveness.  But did you see?  That's not all law in that passage.  I realize it sounds like IF we don't complain or argue, THEN we will become blameless, pure children of God.  But that doesn't happen all by our own power!

We're children of God because God chose us in our baptisms.  However, refraining from complaining and arguing is part of what happens as a result of being his child.  Obviously we won't ever be completely perfect, but we can, by God's grace, live a life completely devoted to serving and obeying him.  We won't do it perfectly, but Jesus' sacrifice on the cross covers us, taking away all our sin, so that we can "shine like stars in the universe."  Then, as we live lives that honor and glorify God, we can "hold out the word of life," the Gospel, in witness of God's grace.

Those are a lot of good reasons for me to work on this problem of complaining and arguing.

Yet another good reason is that when I complain and argue, I'm not being obedient to or respectful of my husband.  Proverbs 21:9 has this zinger: "Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house [or a tent, in this case] with a quarrelsome wife."  Just ten verses later, verse 19: "Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife."  Ouch.  My poor husband would, at times, be better off either on the corner of the roof or in a desert, than living with me, the way I act sometimes.

God, in his mercy and grace, enables me to live most of the time in a way that pleases and honors him: loving, kind, respectful, obedient to my husband, and pleasant to live with.  The Jaimie-in-a-tent is a side of me that needs some work.  But then, I am a constant work in progress...and neither God nor my husband is going to give up on me.


Linking up to these lovely ladies, with thanks:
The Alabaster Jar; What Joy is Mine; lowercase letters; The Better Mom; Raising Arrows

What a Young Wife has Learned

My husband and I have been married for a year and two months (and a little more).  It has already been an amazing journey, and I am humbled and awed at the thought that God has given me this incredible man with whom I get to spend my whole life.

I have found, in talking with other young married couples (wives especially) that we're all going through similar things and trying to learn a lot of the same things.  This makes perfect sense; we are, after all, at about the same point in life.

One year of marriage has taught me a lot, thanks be to God.  I have so much more to learn, and I know that, so I can't claim to be an expert of any kind.

But I would like to share today some of the most important things I've learned, which are all based on the Word of God.

1) My husband needs to be respected as well as loved, and that does not come naturally to me like loving does.  As a woman, I have very little difficulty loving people, especially my husband.  But when it comes to respecting him, that takes work.  Perhaps that's why Paul wrote to the Ephesians:

"...each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." Ephesians 5:33

2) I need to say more often to myself, "Hold your tongue, woman!"  Before I speak, I need to think: is it respectful?  Is it loving?  Is it necessary?  Is it timely?  Is it helpful?  Maybe this is just me, but I get into the most trouble by saying things out of turn, or saying something I shouldn't at all.  I could fix a lot by simply being more careful about what I say, and when.

"When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise."         Proverbs 10:19 

3) I need to keep my priorities in order.  First God, then my husband, then myself.  It is necessary to put his needs before my own and be selfless.  Again, this doesn't come naturally, but doing this will have a very positive impact on my life and my marriage.

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.  Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.  Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus..." Philippians 2:3-5

4) My husband and I should forgive each other--always.  This is the key.  This is how our marriage works.  We are both sinful people, saved by grace, yes, but still sinners.  Failing each other is inevitable--which is why forgiveness is such a gift of God, and so very important.

"Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." Ephesians 4:32

5) Remember--the ability to love does not come from me, or from my husband.  It is a gift of God. The amazing thing about marriage is that God doesn't expect us to do it on our own.  He gives us the strength, will and resources--like forgiveness--to love, respect and honor our spouse.  Love isn't something I produce on my own power.  It comes from Him.

"Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God.  Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.  Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love." 1 John 4:7-8

6) Marriage is an earthly example of the love Jesus Christ has for all who believe in him.  The bottom line is, my marriage isn't about me or my husband.  It's about God.  Marriage is a way God blesses his people incredibly.  It is one of the ways he explains to us the love he has for us.  It is an image of the relationship Jesus Christ has with the church--his Bride.  Marriage is another way that we, as God's children, can honor and glorify him.

"Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.  Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.  For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.  Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.  Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water thorough the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.  In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies.  He who loves his wife loves himself.  After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church--for we are members of his body.  'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.'  This is a profound mystery--but I am talking about Christ and the church.  However, each one of you must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."  Ephesians 5:21-33

There is so much more I could say about what I have learned about marriage in the last fourteen months, and about what marriage has taught me about myself, about what love is, and about who God is.  But these things, I think, are the most important.


Linking up to these lovely ladies today, with thanks:

Upward Not Inward; New Life Steward; To Love, Honor and Vacuum; Women Living Well; Deep Roots at Home; A Wise Woman Builds Her Home 

 

God Calls the Unlikeliest of Servants

The book of Judges is one of the most exciting books of the Bible, in my opinion.  It's full of battles, bravery, and unlikely heroes.  And more importantly, it contains stories about God's righteous judgment, His mercy, and forgiveness.


Many chapters in the book begin with the phrase, "Again the Israelites did evil in the eyes of the Lord..."  Over and over God's people turned away from Him and worshiped the false gods of the people in whose land they were living.  Over and over God gave the people over to their enemies because they had abandoned Him.  Again and again the people pleaded with God to rescue them, so He sent people to care for them, rescue them from their enemies, and lead them into victorious battles.


Only when God was in charge of the Israelites did they win those battles.  And God almost always chose the unlikeliest of people to lead Israel.  One of those people was Gideon.  He, his family and their people were in a desperate situation.  The Midianites had taken over their land, destroyed all their crops and livestock, and forced Israel to flee to caves and hideouts in the mountains for refuge.  Israel was so afraid of Midian that when Gideon, the youngest of his father's sons, was given the job of threshing wheat, he had to do it in a winepress in order to not be seen by the Midianites (Judges 6:1-11).


It was this man, who had lost almost everything and living in constant fear, who God called to lead His people.


Gideon was reluctant.  He protested that he was too young and weak.  He asked where God had been, why He had abandoned His people to Midian (Judges 6:13-15).


God was patient.  He reassured Gideon.  He gave him instructions, and God also gave Gideon proof and signs that God would do what He had promised.  He would save Israel.


And he did.  Gideon gathered thirty-two thousand men from the tribes of Israel.  In order to make clear that God would save them, not Gideon, God instructed Gideon to pare down the army from the thirty-two thousand, to twenty-two thousand, to three hundred men.  Those three hundred were the men God used to rescue Israel from the Midianites.


(The battle story is an exciting one.  To read the whole thing, go to Judges chapter seven!)


Gideon and the Israelites are not unlike many believers in God today.  We often ignore His laws, and then question God as to why He has abandoned us--when it is not He who has left us, but we who have left Him.  Then, when he calls us to serve him, we protest that we are unable, that we need more proof from God that this is really what he wants us to do.
This is exactly what Israel did, and it is exactly what I see myself doing.
I don't always obey God.  Then, when I have troubles, I wonder why He's not getting me out of them.  It's not that He's turned away from me.  It's I who have turned away from Him!
He is gracious, and He still calls me his child.  He still has work for me to do.  But I question whether or not I can do it.
I'm just a young woman.  I don't have much experience in anything.  I don't have money to travel anywhere to share the Gospel.  I'm not that good of a writer.  I fail all the time as a wife.
I protest and find excuses why I'm not qualified to serve God.


Why do I think it's all about me?
God doesn't need me.  He has chosen me to serve Him, and to help fulfill His purposes.
He doesn't rely on MY strength to fulfill His will.  He gives me HIS strength!
No, Gideon wasn't qualified.
I'm not either.
But that doesn't matter to God.  We don't get in His way.
He gives us jobs to do, and then He gives us the means to do them.
All He does is ask that we are obedient.  That we listen to Him, and follow His calling.

And we can have faith that He will do what He has promised.
God will take care of us.  He will provide for us.  It will not always be in the way we imagine.  But it will be in the way that God knows is best, and that will bring Him glory.


Have you ever heard this phrase:
"God doesn't call the equipped.  He equips those He calls."
That was true for Gideon.
It is true for me.
AND it is true for you.

God has a plan for you.  You are someone He has chosen to help carry out His purposes.  Whatever He calls you to do, He will enable you to do it.
He is big, almighty, eternal, and all-powerful.  We can trust that He will keep His promises...just like he did for Gideon.

Linking with:

{The Top Ten Reasons} Why I Love Being Married

I've been married for a little over a year.

Nope, not a long time.

But I have learned a lot in the last year.  I've learned that there is SO MUCH I still don't know.  And there was even more that I didn't know when we started out.  I really had no idea what I was getting into when we got married.  How could I?  It was something I had never experienced, and I could read about it all I wanted, and get advice from my parents as much as I could, but I've discovered that marriage, like many other experiences, can only be learned by doing it.

That's reason number one why I love being married.  When you're married, you just keep learning.  No one expects you to know everything about it right off the bat.

#2: I get to live life with my very best friend, every single day.

#3: Even though we argue sometimes, we make up every time.  Nothing keeps us down for long.

#4: A very handsome man tells me every day that I'm beautiful.  Esteem booster much??

#5: Whenever I need to cry (for whatever reason), a strong, warm shoulder is always there for me to cry on.

#6: I thrive on hugs, and I can always count on one from my husband!

#7: I never have to go to bed alone.

#8: If I have an itch or an aching back, there's always someone willing to scratch or rub it, as the need requires!

#9: I always have someone with whom I can have deep, theological discussions, intense political talks, or completely mundane conversations about nothing at all.

#10: I know that for the rest of my life, this amazing man will always be there for me--he's never going anywhere, no matter what, and neither am I.

Wow.  Reading that over, I'm really glad I got married.  All those great things, all part of one relationship!  What a blessing my husband is.  God is pretty awesome to have designed this thing called marriage!!


Linking with: Deep Roots at Home; A Wise Woman Builds Her Home; To Love, Honor and Vacuum; Raising Homemakers; Women Living Well

what my friends teach me about God

"I have found that - amidst laughing, crying, sharing - it is in conversations with people I care about that God tends to reveal some of his most profound truths and realize his love most powerfully."

My friend Sara wrote that.  (She just started a new blog, and this is me giving her free advertising, because she's wonderful and a fantastic writer and you should follow her.)   She is so right.  She's one of the people with whom I have that kind of conversation, on a regular basis.  Our visit last week was like a three-day conversation of that type.  It was absolutely wonderful.

In the previous week or so, I've had talks with several lovely people that helped me realize some amazing truths about God and the way he works in our lives.
Emily.
Sara.
Brett and Ashton.
Lisa, and Nora.
Joshua.

Some things these people have helped me realize:

God gives us friends to help us know that we're not alone in this crazy thing called life.  No matter how unique our circumstances might be, there is always someone who understands something about us, and can relate and sympathize and comfort us.  We all have so much in common, if we just take the time to talk and figure it out.

Marriage, when done God's way, is one of the most glorious experiences this temporal life can offer.  It is a beautiful picture of the relationship God desires with his people, his Church.  It is never perfect because we are all sinful people, but God's forgiveness and love are life-changing, and life-giving to marriage.

God provides for us constantly, and in ways that we might not expect.  Sometimes he asks for our teamwork, like with a garden.  We plant, he grows, we reap, we give thanks.  Green things coming from seeds buried in damp dirt are a miracle.

It is good to always keep a glimmer of the little-girl in me.  That glimmer emerges when I have handmade Barbie clothes placed in my lap, and when I give the voice to a little-girl Barbie doll whose mother-doll is moved about by a five-year-old.

Why shouldn't I get as excited by little things in life as a small child?  Things like dolls and dinosaurs and rocks that are really dinosaur eggs and a butterfly garden all my own.  Thank you, Nora, for what you teach me.

I am not a failure.  We all sometimes feel like one.  Satan has dirt on all of us, that he waves in our face and accuses gleefully, "Look at all you've done wrong.  Look at all these roles you have that you haven't filled properly.  Look at all the ways you've messed up."  We can tell Satan off, because we don't have to listen to that junk.  My mother used to tell me, "He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world."  That's in the Bible, I learned eventually, and it's not my mother's words.  It's GOD'S.  "I am baptized into Christ," Sara and I sang together while doing dishes last week.  I have the Holy Spirit living in my heart.  I am a saved, forgiven and loved child of God.  There's nothing Satan can hold against me, because Jesus destroyed all my sins on the cross.

In fact, I am beautiful.  I am a good wife.  My husband tells me this over and over; perhaps that will help me believe it better.  I am a good cook, thank you Jordan for reminding me of that last week.  Despite those rare instances when the lasagna has waxed paper on the bottom because I didn't have any tin foil to line the pan.  Thank you Brett and Ashton for being such good sports.  The lasagna tasted fantastic anyway.

Sara and Emily and a handful of precious others tell me I am a good friend.  I do try.  I think half the time I take over the conversation with my confounded habit of talking too much.  But I do hope I'm understanding, encouraging, and loving.  I'm working on being a better listener.  Stick with me, girls.  I'll get there.  Being a good friend to you is the least I can do for the incredible blessing you are to me.

My husband is the dearest man in the world.  This isn't something anyone has taught me, I'm just realizing it myself more and more every day.  I could go on and on about how wonderful he is, but I don't want to embarrass him.  He doesn't like the spotlight, and that's okay.  Suffice it to say that he is wise, caring, understanding, and loving, in a myriad of ways, and I am blown away by the blessing he is to me.


I hope I can have more "laughing, crying, sharing" conversations with people this week.  I hope you can, too.  How has God blessed you through the people in your life?

 

I'm Back!!

I just realized yesterday that it has been over a MONTH since I posted last.  That is a long time!  I have definitely missed blogging, and I think it is high time I quit playing Bejeweled Blitz on facebook so much and started writing more often.  However, this month has been a great chance to think about why I blog, and to get myself out of the rut of writing just for those higher numbers of page views.  It was also a month that I kept quiet about my personal and family life, and that was a good thing.  I didn't really intend to, but I see that I "gave up" blogging for Lent...and I'm okay with that.

That said, I have so much to share with you all about where I've been the last few weeks--spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically.  That outlines the posts I'll be writing in the next few days.

Spiritually:  What has God been teaching me?  How am I doing in my prayer/devotional life?  What ways can I encourage you?

Emotionally:  I'll focus on my marriage, and the ways we have grown as a couple, and I have as a wife, in the last month.  I'll also share some things I've learned about marriage that will, Lord willing, be helpful and challenging for you.

Mentally: What kind of other things have I been learning?  What's been on my mind?

Physically: What have I been doing for and with my body?  I'm going to use this post to focus especially on what I'm doing to enhance our physical lives, meaning, cooking and homemaking.

School will be out for us in just a few weeks--the first week of May.  I have several job applications to fill out and return, and I'm excited to see what the Lord has in store for both of us this summer.  Joshua already has a full-time job lined up working on campus with the Buildings and Grounds department--same thing he did last year.  I hope to work about half-time and spend the rest of the time focusing on honing my homemaking and wifely skills. :)  This morning I wrote out a list of my cleaning, organizing and home improvement goals for the spring and summer.  I'll share that with you, too.

For now, it's great to be back in the blogging world, and I'm looking forward to encouraging one another once again, as we seek to live in the light of Christ!

Successful, failure--or both?

In one of my classes yesterday we discussed success and failure: how we defined them, and how we reacted to them.
I said that success is learning from an experience even if it doesn't go the way I want it to.  When I am successful, I tend to pat myself on the back too much.  My response should be to glorify God in every success.
I define failure as not living up to my own (usually very high) expectations.  When I fail, I put myself down, taking failure very personally.  I look at myself as a failure instead of whatever I was trying to do.

I often feel like a failure when the kitchen is a complete mess for more than a few hours at a time.  When the bathroom is a disaster.  When laundry needs to get put away.  When the living room needs to be de-cluttered and cleaned.  Like tonight, basically.

Sometimes I feel like a failure when I don't get the grade I would have liked on a test, even though I know I didn't study as much as I could have (like yesterday).

When Joshua tries to do something for me, and I don't want him to, for money or time or whatever reason, I feel like a failure for not letting him show how he loves me because of my own selfishness.

These are just a few examples.  When a lot of these "failures" happen at the same time, I tend to get very frustrated with myself, feeling like I can't do anything right.

In a way, it's right for me to feel like that.  If the reason things aren't going the way I want is because I'm slacking on something (spending too much time writing blog posts instead of doing dishes, for example), then I am justified in being frustrated with myself.  There are things I could do better.

However, there are days when I've been too busy spending time with my husband to study for a test as much as I would like.  There are other days when I have a lot of homework to do that prevents me from doing housework.  I do fail sometimes, yes.  But what is important to remember is that
I am not a failure.

My problem is that I take things too personally.  Failing at something does not automatically make me a failure.

And let's look at my definitions of failure and success again.  When I fail, it means I haven't lived up to my own expectations.  But what if my expectations were unrealistic?  What if God had things in mind for me that weren't on my to-do list for the day?
My definition of success is learning from experiences even when they don't go my way.  In that case, every failure is a success because I can always learn something from a failure.

A "C" instead of an "A" on a test?  I need to start studying sooner next time.
Dishes piling up till they're overwhelming?  I need to shut down the computer half an hour sooner every night and get some housework done.
Living room constantly cluttered?  I need to put stuff away as I use it, not let things pile up.

I realize I'm being very law-focused here.  In this context, I'm okay with that.  But what I want to stress--to you and myself--is that not always doing everything perfectly does NOT make you a failure.

And, more importantly, God works through, despite, and in your failures.  His purposes are accomplished no matter what.  Sometimes--most of the time--God uses our failures for his purposes, to bless us and to bless others.

God doesn't define us by our failures.  He looks at us like he looks at his Son Jesus: Holy, pure, sinless.  We are forgiven of every failure, of every sin, of every shortcoming.

Don't let your failures own you.  See them as God's successes.  Remember that he doesn't define you by your failures, and he loves you unconditionally.








    And Picture Me {Im}Perfectly

Why am I in college?

I've been thinking about writing this for some time, and I decided to do so in the hope that sharing my experiences might be encouraging to someone else.

I never really thought about not going to college.  I suppose that could be partly my parents' "fault," but I'm positive that if I had expressed a desire to not go to college, they would have fully supported me.  As it was, I didn't think about anything else.  I think that made it fairly clear that God wanted me to continue my formal education after high school.

I was in Indonesia my last semester of high school, so a lot of my final college plans took place via emails.  I originally planned to go to the university that I'm at now, but there's one in the same system that's about forty-five minutes from my hometown.  They were offering me more financial aid than this one in the beginning, and they had a major that I figured would work for me.  It wasn't exactly what I had been planning on, but it would do.  I decided I could at least go there for a couple of years.

However, in June of 2009 things changed.  The school I'm at now offered me more financial aid, which made the cost of the two schools equal.  With less than two months till the first day of school, I had to make a decision again.  I decided on my birthday, July 3, to come to this school.  Several things solidified that decision.  The director of the school's major choir called me from choir tour in Spain to see if I'd made my final decision.  A couple days later the president of the university emailed me to say he was very glad I had decided to attend.  (Granted, this is a school of about 1200 students.  It was still impressive.)  Finally, and most importantly, I felt a great peace about the decision.

I came here with plans to become a Director of Christian Education, a DCE.  My mom went to school to be one.  So did her brother, and my dad's dad.  (A DCE, by the way, usually works with a church's pastor to teach Bible studies, youth groups, Sunday school, confirmation classes, adult Bible studies, and other things within a congregation and sometimes in parochial schools.)  I had been interested in that ministry for a while, and felt that it was the most practical choice for me.

However, that all changed fairly quickly when I started dating Joshua, two weeks into the school year, and especially when we got engaged six months later.  He is planning on being a Lutheran high school teacher.  A DCE does much of their work in the evenings and weekends.  A teacher works during the day Monday through Friday.  We realized that, were we to both continue in the career paths we'd chosen, we would hardly see each other once we began working.

Neither one of us liked the sound of that.

So--after much thought, prayer, and conversation, I decided to not be in the DCE program.  It was not an easy decision, but I felt very much at peace once I'd made it.  I'm now double-majoring in English and Theology.  At a school where most people are either in education or pre-seminary programs if they're not athletes or scientists (and a lot of people are education and athletes or scientists), I get some funny looks.  Especially from older people.  "What, you're not education?  So what kind of career are you going to get with that major?"

Well, honestly, I plan on being a professional writer.  That's one of the main purposes for this blog: practice writing, and a way to get my name "out there" so when I do write a book there will (Lord willing!) be people who know and like how I write and want to actually read a book I've written.  (When that happens, I will let you know.)  I believe that God has gifted me with the ability to write, and I want to use it to honor and glorify him as well as I can.  I'd really like to write devotionals, Bible studies, and Christian fiction.  We'll see how that goes.

But the fact is, since I was very young I have wanted to be a wife, mother, author, teacher, and librarian.  Wife--check.  Author--working on it.  Librarian--sort of.  I help at the circulation desk at the campus library. :)  Mother--someday.  Teacher--of our future children.  None of those things requires a college education.

My mom was in college for seven years.  She worked professionally as a DCE for TWO.  She's been an at-home, homeschooling mom ever since--but she also teaches Sunday school, leads a moms' Bible study that meets every week (and has for years), is part of the marriage ministry team at their church along with my dad, sings in the church choir, and does a lot more, all volunteering--but all using the things she learned in college and in her life since then.

That's what I want to do.  (But not the seven years of college.  No thanks.)

I want to be my husband's ministry partner.  I want to implement the principles of Titus chapter 2, helping to teach, train, and encourage younger women as I get older and have more life experience.  I want to learn from women who are older and wiser than I.  I want to teach our future children about God and how much he loves them, and how they can love him.  I want to share the good news of Jesus with everyone in my life.

So...why am I in college?
Because God wanted me here.
After all, this is where I met my husband.  That's priceless.
Because, as my dad says, no education is ever wasted, no matter how much it costs.
And because God has work for me.  He has plans to teach and bless and shape me.  He has plans that I don't know a thing about...but he does.  And this is where he wants me to be at this point in my life.