Encouraging your man to BE a man

I married a man.

A Jesus-trusting, Bible-reading, Dr. Pepper-drinking, holey-t-shirt-wearing, meat-and-potatoes-loving, video-game-playing, hard-working MAN.

And I love that.

Maybe your man is a neat freak (like my dad!).  Maybe his hands are constantly stained with grease from working on your car (and other peoples').  Maybe he spends more time in the kitchen than you do.  Maybe he works from home while you work outside the home.  Maybe he presses his own pants and wears a tie every day.

Every man is unique.

Do you encourage your man in his own particular brand of manliness?

Do you admire the muscles he's built up from a physically demanding job?
Do you listen to the crazy stories he has from his job as a lawyer/med student/photographer/whatever?
Do you thank him for working to support you, in whatever work he does?
Do you thank him when he helps you with your work, be it with your children or around the house?

Does your man know you appreciate him for just the man he is?

And are you the kind of wife who motivates her man to BE a man?

I pray that I'm that kind of wife.  I work at these things, but I don't get them right all the time, or even most of the time.

But I am working at being the kind of wife who appreciates her man for the man he is, loves him the way he is, and encourages him to keep  becoming the man God's created him to be.

After all, I'm a work in progress too!

What kind of man do you have?  What's one way you can encourage him in his manliness?  Share in the comments!

Linking with: Exceptionalistic, Yes They're All Ours, A Proverbs 31 Wife, The Alabaster Jar, The Better Mom  , The Modest Mom

Connecting with your spouse--summertime and anytime

If you're like me, the summer months mean a different schedule for you and your family.  We don't have school, but our work hours have increased (Joshua works full-time during the summer).  We're up at about 5:45, he's off to work a bit before 7, and my work hours vary from day to day.  Evenings are more free because we don't have homework, but we also can't stay up as late as we do during the school year.

Maybe you're not like me-- perhaps you work full-time, year-round, so the only difference during the summer is that your kids are home from school, and you and your spouse are still working every day.  Maybe you're a stay-at-home, homeschooling mom, so the only difference between the school year and the summer is that you're less busy with "school stuff."  Or maybe you do school year-round, and the only difference in the summer is the heat!

Whatever your lifestyle, family situation, and schedule, I think it's good to take a look on a regular basis at how you and your spouse are connecting.  Are you getting in a date (even if it's at home) at least once a month?  Once a week would be even better!  Are you spending some time alone each day (sleeping doesn't count), even if it's just for a few minutes?  Are you praying together daily?  Are you getting enough sleep so you have energy at the end of the day for intimate time together?

If you answered "no" to any of those questions, sit down with your spouse and look at your schedule.  Figure out what you can consolidate or eliminate so that you can spend some quality time together every day.  Even if it's just a few minutes after dinner while your kids clean up the kitchen, your marriage will be strengthened by the time you spend re-connecting with each other and in fellowship with the Lord.

When you do spend some time together, let me challenge you to do this:  Talk about something that does NOT involve your kids, your jobs, or your schedule for the next day.  Avoid, just for a few minutes, "logistics" and parenting.  What did you love to talk about when you were dating, and before you had children?  If you don't have kids, this still applies-- talk about each other.  Your childhoods.  Your memories of your years together.  Your dreams for the future.  Maybe you get excited talking about politics, theology, history, gardening, cars.  Whatever it is you both enjoy, spend your alone-time talking about that.  Take some time to refresh each other, to de-stress, and to encourage one another.  (For an even bigger challenge, leave your phones in another room while you spend time together!)

I'm going to go home today and follow my own advice!  Even though we're not parents yet, sometimes I fall into the trap of just talking about plans for the next day, what we're having for supper, or what movie we want to watch.  I am blessed in that I get to have lunch with my husband (almost) every day, and we make a point to have breakfast and supper together every day, too--although sometimes supper is eaten while we're flopped on the couch after a long day!  We have devotions together every morning, nothing fancy, but it's good to start the day in the Word and with prayer.  And we spend most of our evenings together--but tonight I'm going to be intentional about really connecting with my husband and refreshing him, mentally and spiritually.

If you try any of these things with your spouse this week, let me know!  What do you and your spouse do to connect?

Linking today with: A Proverbs 31 Wife, The Alabaster Jar, The Better Mom, The Modest Mom, Yes They're All Ours , To Love, Honor and Vacuum, Messy Marriage

"Yes" in My Marriage

I have a hard time saying "Yes."  "Yes, hon, let's go see that movie we've both been eyeing."  "Yes, let's splurge on a steak for dinner this weekend."  "Yes, let's skip class and sleep in and...ahem...spend some time together this morning."  "Yes, let's go stay in a hotel this weekend."

Actually, I have said "Yes" to all these statements at least once before, but it's always a struggle.  Usually I don't want to spend the extra money.  We can eat what's in the house!  We can watch a movie on Netflix!  We can just stay home and relax this weekend!  I really should go to class today!

But you know what?  I never once have regretted saying Yes.  It's always worth it.  We do something fun, together, special, and it's always a blessing.

Take this weekend, for example.  We've been talking for a while about spending a night at a local hotel--nothing fancy, just to get away--and I'd been balking about it.  "We really don't need to spend the extra money.  We can just stay home and have a quiet weekend."  Well, my husband knows me.  He knows that if I stay home, I'll be constantly thinking about--and trying to get done--all the things around the house that I KNOW need doing.  Like cleaning the bathroom, scrubbing the kitchen floor...you get the idea.  He also knew that if he kept asking, I would just keep saying no, and he also knows me well enough to know that I'd really love a weekend away... I'm just too frugal (read: cheap) to say so.

Friday afternoon he picked me up from work and announced, "I've booked a room for tomorrow night."  I gave him the look.  The one that says, "You stinker.  I could say a lot of things but at the same time I can't."  And I didn't say no.  I'm so glad I didn't.

It was a great weekend.  We took advantage of the hotel's pool...along with half-a-dozen toddlers and small children and their parents...we watched cable TV...we both took long, hot showers...we napped...we enjoyed the "free" breakfast...we brought our own supper and DVD because the room had a mini-fridge, microwave, and DVD player... it. was. awesome.

I'm so glad I said "YES."  (or at least, didn't say no!)

Maybe I'll start saying "yes" more often.

What about you?  When have you said "YES" in your marriage (other than when you accepted the proposal!)?

Linking with: Exceptionalistic, What Joy is Mine, The Modest Mom, The Better Mom, The Alabaster Jar, Yes They're All Ours    

Sexuality: What it should be {Marriage Monday}

Mondays are "Marriage Mondays" here at Living in the Light!  If you're new here (especially if you're visiting from the A to Z Challenge)--welcome!!  I'm so happy you're here.  Check out my "About Me" page HERE, some of my favorite posts on marriage HERE, and my two most popular posts HERE and HERE.

Today's letter for the A to Z Challenge is "S."  And on Mondays I write about marriage.  So what better topic for today than sex?

(By the way, no worries about graphic content here... my mother reads my blog!)

I believe that our society has a perverted view of sex.  This should be a fairly obvious fact.  Sex outside of marriage is so normal it's practically encouraged, homosexuality is legal in several states, pornography is way too easily available, and adultery within marriage is so common that it's joked about on television shows and in movies.  Half of all marriages nowadays end in divorce.

Obviously, our culture is doing something very, very wrong when it comes to sex.

For the Bible-believing Christian, the reason for this is quite obvious as well.  As a society in general, we don't do sex God's way anymore.  Celibacy outside of marriage is no longer encouraged as it used to be.  Faithfulness within marriage isn't stressed as essential.  Sexual promiscuity doesn't garner the disapproval it once did.  And as a result of Hollywood and the media as a whole, poor examples of what sex should be are displayed on our TV and computer screens every day.

I'm here to tell you that sex God's way is fantastic.  No, you don't need the details.  But sex, reserved for marriage and kept sacred within marriage, is incredibly fulfilling.  It contributes to the unity of husband and wife in a beautiful way.  It is the means by which God has provided for the procreation of children.  It is a source of great delight for husband and wife.  Sex within the bonds of marriage is a beautiful, blessed thing.

Satan does everything he can to make us forget that.  He has used the media to great effect to convey the idea that sex should be whatever we want it to be--that it's all about making ourselves feel good, so we can do whatever we want to gain our own pleasure.  He has twisted the Biblical design for sexuality to make it into something it was never intended to be.

When God created humanity, he made one man and one woman and gave them to each other with the command to "be fruitful and multiply."  Sex is reserved for marriage, and within marriage it is to be limited to the husband and the wife.

Sex is not dirty or gross.  We don't need to talk about it clandestinely.  It shouldn't be cause for blushing and giggles when it comes up in conversation.  Parents, please talk openly with your children about sex.  Don't give them details they don't need, of course, but make sure they aren't afraid to ask you about it.  Instill in them the understanding that sex, when used as God intended, is a beautiful gift to be cherished.

Also, I think that as the Church as a whole, we need to stop treating sex outside of marriage as if it's the unforgivable sin.  It's not.  It's a serious sin, to be sure, and it can come with all sorts of major consequences--sexually transmitted diseases, spiritual brokenness, damaged relationships, and disruption of lives.  But just like any other sin, where there is repentance, there is always forgiveness.  Each of us succumbs to temptation of one kind or another.  Sexual temptation is no different.  But we can't treat sexual sins as if they're "no big deal," either.  They are a big deal.  They are in direct contradiction to God's laws.  But God is always willing to forgive the repentant believer, and he is amazing at giving second (and third, and fourth...) chances.

So let's celebrate God's gift of sex!  But let's keep it within marriage.

Let's tell our children how great sex is within marriage... and let's help lead them to repentance, and then forgive them, if and when they step outside God's bounds for marriage.

Sex is a beautiful thing. And that's why I'm not afraid to write about it.


Linking with: The Alabaster Jar, What Joy is Mine, A Proverbs 31 Wife, The Better Mom, The Modest Mom, Yes They're All Ours  , To Love, Honor and Vacuum, Messy Marriage

Marriage--More than I Expected

I got married at the tender age of 19-not-quite-20.  I don't regret it one bit--my husband and I are growing up together, get to spend tons of time together, get to learn and experience life together, and will have several married years before we start having children.  Marrying my man when I did is the best decision I ever made.

But I'll be the first to admit that I really had no idea what I was getting myself into when I got married!  Marriage has brought a lot of surprises--some pleasant, some not as much.

I didn't expect that marriage would force me to mature so quickly.  In the last almost-two years, I've had to learn to really be an adult.  I've had to learn how to be selfless (that's a work in progress).  I've had to learn how to handle finances, jobs, taxes, car repairs, medical issues, and more.  I have learned to release myself from childhood and from the mindset of being dependent on my parents.  Now, my husband and I take care of each other.  I knew, cognitively, that all those things would come with marriage, but I didn't realize how quickly I (and my husband) would grow up.

I didn't expect how hard marriage would be.  It's so worth it, but it's not always easy.

It's harder than I expected to come up with new date night ideas so we don't fall into the rut of "same ol', same ol'."  To keep the house clean, orderly, and comfortable, day in and day out.  To keep up with the never-ending jobs of laundry and dishes and scrubbing the toilet.  To plan healthy, yummy meals...three times a day, every day (although this job comes more easily to me than others).  I didn't expect it to take so much work to die to myself every day and intentionally love my husband the way he needs to be loved, not the way I want to be loved.  To bite my tongue instead of letting an angry word slip past my lips when my temper flares.  It's a lot more work than I expected.

But there are other things about marriage that are more than I expected.  Amazing, wonderful things!

This love that comes out of my heart, directed at this person with whom I share, literally everything,  is beyond anything I have ever experienced or could ever imagine.  I never knew it was possible to love someone so much... or, just as wondrous, to be loved by them so much.  Now I know why God uses the example of marriage to explain to us how much he loves us.  It's a love that surpasses description, and cannot be expressed in words.

Marriage is more full of joy than I expected.  You know the old adage about how two people can halve each other's sorrows and double each other's joys?  Well, in marriage, that is SO true.  Happy things are twice as happy.  Hard things are twice as easy to bear.  I mean, I get to spend the majority of my time with my best friend, who happens to be a really fun person to spend time with, who makes me laugh, who puts a lot of effort into making me happy, who directs me to my Jesus, and who loves me more than I will ever understand (as explained above).  How much better can life get?

In marriage, there is more laughter than I expected.  There is more encouragement.  I didn't realize how much of a team we would be.  We're each other's "buddies"--we always have the other's back, and we might sometimes get on each other's nerves, but just let someone else say something mean about us and watch out!  We're there for each other.  And let's just say... there are other aspects of marriage that have far surpassed my expectations, and I couldn't be more thrilled!

Marriage is so much more work than I expected...and sometimes, it brings pain, because we can hurt the most the ones we love the most.
But those hard things are so worth it, because in marriage, the love, joy, and happiness are so much more than I expected.  I am in awe of this gift with which God has blessed us.

And I can't wait to see what other unexpected things life brings our marriage.  The future isn't scary, because God is already there, leading us on, and I know that my husband and I will be hand-in-hand every step of the way.

What in your life has been more than you expected?  Share in the comments!

Linking with: Exceptionalistic, A Proverbs 31 Wife, What Joy is Mine, The Alabaster Jar, The Modest Mom, Yes They're All Ours, The Better Mom, To Love, Honor and Vacuum, Messy Marriage, Graced Simplicity

God is Number One

Mondays are Marriage Mondays at Living in the Light.  If you're a new visitor (especially if you're visiting from the Challenge)--welcome!!  I'm so happy you're here.  Check out my "About Me" page HERE, some of my favorite posts on marriage HERE, and my two most popular posts HERE and HERE.

If I was ever asked to give just one tip for making marriage great, it would be this:

Make God #1.

In your marriage, in your life, in your thoughts and actions.

When God gave the Ten Commandments, he began like this:

And God spoke all these words, saying,

“I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery.

“You shall have no other gods before me." Genesis 20:1-3

Having "no other gods" doesn't simply mean not worshiping false idols or the gods of other religions.  It means not putting anything in one's life before God--and that includes one's spouse!

In the book of Matthew, a lawyer questioned Jesus and asked

“Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” And he [Jesus] said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.” Matthew 22:36-40

What are we to do above everything?  Love God with all our "heart, soul, and mind."  In other words, with everything we have in us.  And second, we are to love those around us as we love our spouses.

I don't want this to be all about what we do.  Because ultimately, life isn't about us.  Marriage isn't about us.  It's about God.  Life is a gift from him.  Marriage is, in my humble opinion, one of the greatest gifts God's given us in this life.  In marriage, God has given us a picture of the kind of sacrificial, selfless love he has for us.  Of course, marriage doesn't always perfectly reflect that love--in fact, no marriage is ever perfect.  That's because all marriages are between two sinful human beings.  But God shows us grace, and blesses us despite our failures and shortcomings.  He continues to pour out his love abundantly on us and our spouse, even when we don't deserve it.  And God's love for us enables us to love one another.

The best thing any person can do for their marriage is to focus on God.  Our spouse will fail us, and we will fail them.  But God is always faithful, and we can trust that when we do fail, he will forgive us and renew us and our marriage.

What do you think?  Is this a helpful suggestion for marriage?  What's the one best tip for marriage you would give? 

Linking with: The Better Mom, The Modest Mom, Yes They're All Ours, What Joy is Mine, The Alabaster Jar, A Proverbs 31 Wife

Attitude {Like that of Christ Jesus}

Welcome to visitors from the A to Z Challenge!  Please leave a comment to let me know you're here, and check out other posts that pique your interest!  Mondays are Marriage Mondays at Living in the Light.

"Don't give me that attitude, young lady!"  That's what comes to my mind when I hear the word attitude.  Of course, when my mother said that to me growing up, it was definitely always because I deserved it!  But the word seems to often have a negative connotation.

According to dictionary.com, the word simply means "manner, disposition, feeling, position, etc., with regard to a person or thing; tendency or orientation, especially of the mind."

I want to consider what kind of attitude we have in marriage.  How is my attitude toward my husband?  How is yours toward your spouse?  How is your "disposition, feeling, position, etc." when it comes to marriage?

My attitude can sometimes be loving, especially when my husband has been sweet and helpful, when he hasn't left dirty dishes or laundry lying around, when he's been affectionate.  But in that case, my attitude is dependent on my husband's actions toward me.  That's reasonable, I suppose, but is it right?

Let's see what Scripture has to say about it.

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.  Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.  Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.  And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death--even death on a cross!  Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.  Philippians 2:3-11 (NIV)

Jesus Christ, God's Son, God himself, humbled himself to the ultimate point.  We just celebrated yesterday his resurrection from the dead--but he wouldn't have had to rise if he hadn't allowed himself to be humiliated and killed on a cross.

This, Paul wrote to the Philippians, is the attitude we are to have: that of humility, considering others better than ourselves.  Paul doesn't advocate self-loathing, but he is encouraging his readers (that's us!) to put others first.

I have already found from experience that when I do this in my marriage, my husband's and my relationship greatly benefits from it.  When each of us is seeking to serve the other person, instead of paying attention to only our own needs and wants, we're both happier.  When we act in a selfless manner toward the other, we both feel loved so very much, because in doing that we're demonstrating that each of us is the most important person in the other's life.

It might seem counter-intuitive to live in such a way.  "Gotta look out for number one," after all.  But following what comes naturally doesn't always work out.  By nature we're sinful, selfish human beings.  It's because of Jesus' sacrifice in our place that we have the ability to live as he did--selflessly.  Jesus made the ultimate sacrifice for us: his own life.  He loves us so much that he was willing to suffer indescribable humiliation and agony, so that we could be forgiven--and so that we could imitate him.

By God's grace, we're able to show each other Christ-like humility and selflessness--in all our relationships, but especially in marriage.

I'm going to keep working on this in my own marriage.  Try it for yourself!  See what happens when you start putting your spouse first.  The results just may be even better than you thought.

I'd like to give a shout-out to Arlee Bird, the fantastic blogger who started this A to Z Challenge three years ago!  Head over to his blog and say hello!

Linking today:  A Proverbs 31 Wife, What Joy is Mine, The Better Mom, Yes They Are All Ours, Countrified Hicks

A Demonstration of Selfless Love: Reflections on Monday of Holy Week

This weekend, my husband demonstrated the beauty of what real love in marriage is all about.

I was sick all day Friday, and then pushed myself too much Saturday morning and was tired the rest of the day, and much of yesterday as well.  I slept a lot.  I didn't cook at all on Friday, and not till supper on Saturday.  Supper yesterday was the first real meal we've eaten together, that I cooked, all weekend.

But has my husband complained?  Not one bit.  He's even helped with the dishes.  He encouraged me to rest.  He just quietly did his own thing while I was sleeping and recovering.  He was sweet and helpful on Friday when I was feeling the crummiest.  He stayed home from class to take care of me.  He even brought me 7-Up because we didn't have any in the house.  He's made me tea, brought me blankets, adjusted the heat when my feverish self went from cold to hot and back again, and kept me company.  We spent a lot of time playing LEGO Lord of the Rings on the PS-3 this weekend (perfect activity to do when one is sick; using the video game controller takes virtually no energy!).

He hasn't even complained about the fact that I've done no housework all weekend, that I was the most boring wife imaginable (I don't even know how many hours I slept the last three days!), or that he had to fend for himself in the kitchen (although he's perfectly capable of feeding himself :) ).

Can I just say, my husband is awesome.  He's loved me like crazy this whole weekend without expecting or asking anything in return.

He's demonstrating to me Christ-like love: selfless love, love that gives without expecting to get.  Yet another reason why I love my husband so much.  He models Jesus to me.

And, what a lovely coincidence, this happens to be the week that we remember the days that Jesus demonstrated his love for us in the most radical, selfless, incredible way possible.

He gave his life for us.  And in the days leading up to his death on the cross, Jesus spent his time teaching his disciples, preparing them for what would happen in the days ahead, giving them spiritual encouragement and strength, and loving them.  "As I have loved you," he said, "love one another." (John 13:34-35)

It's actually not possible for us to perfectly love one another in the way Christ loved us.  We're human, after all, and it's only by the power of God that we're able to love at all.  But by his grace, we can demonstrate that kind of selfless love for each other, motivated by what Christ has done for us.  His love for us is so great that he willingly died for all people--even though they didn't all love him.  "God shows his love for us in that, while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."  (Romans 5:8)

That's the kind of perfect love I will never be able to achieve, but it is the love that, by God's grace, I am so thankful to receive.

How have you seen the love of Christ active in your life this weekend?

Linking with:  A Proverbs 31 Wife, Grits and Grace, What Joy is Mine, The Alabaster Jar, Raising Arrows, The Better Mom, Countrified Hicks, Yes They're All Ours

Married Couples with Married Friends

Two of our dearest friends are visiting this week.  I've talked about them before--we've been friends for nearly three years now, and they are an incredible blessing in our lives.  The four of us have been able to give each other advice, help encourage each other in our marriages, and cheer each other on.  We pray with and for each other, laugh together, and share our struggles with each other.

Joshua and I also have other married friends.  They're people who are able to help strengthen us in our marriage, and who we have been able to encourage in theirs.  We're also very good friends with all of our parents, and they are an amazing blessing to us as well.

It's since we've started making friends with other married couples that I have come to realize how incredibly important it is to have friends who are married.

Photo credit:  photostock via www.freedigitalphotos.net

Finding married friends is easier for some people than others.  Since we're so young, many of our peers are getting engaged but most of them aren't married yet.  But if you're a stay-at-home mom with a busy working husband, the two of you might not have time to spend with other married couples.  It might be a struggle to find time to get away without your kids.

Can I encourage you to try?  And if you don't currently have any married friends, seek them out?

It's a blessing for married couples to have married friends for several reasons:

1) You can encourage each other, in so many ways.  Each couple can encourage each other in their faith, in their parenting, in their romantic life, and in various aspects of their marriage.

2) Women need female friends and men need male friends.  If you're friends with another married couple, it's a blessing for both you and your husband individually.  Your spouse should be your best friend, but women understand each other in ways that men don't, and the same is true for men.

3) You can provide childcare for each other.  If you struggle with finding time for a date night, you can exchange childcare with another couple.  One night a week, you can take care of their children, and another night, they can watch yours.  This way each couple gets some time alone, and it will save you money on babysitters!

4) You can be accountable to each other.  If you and your spouse are struggling in an area of your marriage, ask trusted friends to hold you accountable to working on the problem.

5) Have fun together!  When our friends still lived nearby, we had dinner with them almost every week, played games together, went on double-dates together, and spent a lot of time laughing together.  We still do. :)


Having friends who you can go to with anything is a huge stress reliever.  It's a spiritual lift--you can  pray for each other and encourage each other in your faith.  And it will add joy and peace to your life, when you can laugh together and enjoy being together.

If you have married friends, thank God for them!  Tell them you're thankful for them.  And enjoy the blessing of their friendship.

If you don't have any friends who are married, seek them out.  Are their parents of your children's classmates with whom you have things in common?  Are there other couples at your church around your age?  Is there anyone at your workplace with whom you could begin a friendship?  Ask God's guidance, and ask him to bring some friends in your life.  God can bless you through your friends--and through you, he can bless them.

Today, I'm thanking God for my friends.


What about you?  If you're married, do you have friends who are?  What are you thankful for about them?

Linking today with: A Proverbs 31 Wife, Countrified Hicks (I'm featured here this week!!), The Alabaster Jar,  What Joy is Mine, Raising Arrows, The Better Mom, The Modest Mom

My Husband's Biggest Fan

If there's anything I've learned in going-on-two-years of marriage, it's the importance of being my husband's biggest supporter and encourager, and his best friend--his own personal cheerleader, if you will. :)  That manifests itself in many ways, and sometimes it seems like it's hard to remember to do the little things--thanking him for helping carry groceries up our 22 stairs, flirting with him throughout the day, and acknowledging how much and how hard he works to support us.  But it's these little things that really make a difference.

As a reminder to myself, and an encouragement to you married ladies out there (and even if you're single, many of these things you can do to support your dad, brothers, and male friends, although I'd recommend ignoring the ones in the "Relational" section!), here are some suggestions for becoming your hubby's biggest fan.

This might seem like a lot.  It really isn't.  It's just little things, that take almost no effort and very little thought.  I hope this is encouraging for you!

Joshua and me on a camping trip, summer of 2011 (how we've changed!)

How to Become Your Husband's Biggest Fan

Verbally
Speak well of him to others (brag on him!)--including in front of him, to his family and friends, and to his face.  This is such an important thing, but I forget it so much of the time!  It will do your husband's self-esteem worlds of good to hear you tell other people how crazy you are about him.  It's also gratifying for his parents to hear how well they've done raising him!  Compliment him for his talents--notice the things he does well.

Thank him for everything he does (even the seemingly insignificant things).  I'm so bad at this.  I'll ask my husband to dry dishes, for example, and then completely neglect to thank him for it.  Yesterday I came home to find he'd cleaned the bathroom floor, and it wasn't until bedtime that I remembered to say thank you.  The more your husband feels appreciated, the more he'll be glad to help.

Acknowledge his hard work to support you and your family.  I realize that for a busy mother with several small children and a home to care for (especially if you also work outside the home!), it may feel like your husband doesn't do much to help.  But it's his job to work and earn money to support all of you, and he likes to feel appreciated for that as much as you like to feel appreciated for all you do.  It was helpful for me to visit my husband at his job a few times because that opened my eyes to how hard he really does work, and made me appreciate him even more.

Relationally
Make sure he knows he's your one and only.  Ladies, I can't stress how important this is!  It's fairly straight forward, but even comments like "Hon, you're the only one for me" can make him feel SO good.  Keep your eyes focused on your man!  This will be easier when you also appreciate his physical qualities.  Let him know how good-lookin' you think he is!

Avoid making comments about other guys--even if hubby doesn't care (guys think differently than we women do).  To women, this may not seem like a big deal.  We might see a guy and comment about how handsome he is.  But when men think about a woman being beautiful, it's harder for them to keep their thoughts pure.  Women's minds aren't usually like that.  It can be a blow for a man to hear his wife commenting about the good looks of another man, because he forgets that she doesn't think the same way he does.  So just keep your mouth shut, ladies.  It's not a sin to think that another man is attractive.  It IS a sin to let your mind wander or to act on that attraction.  Keep your thoughts, heart and words pure!

Flirt with him!  Whisper in his ear things for his hearing only.  This will help with the above bit of advice!  This might even turn up the heat in your romantic life. If anything, you'll get the satisfaction out of driving your husband crazy when you're in public and he can't do anything about it. ;)

Be his best friend.  Hang out with him when you both have any free time.  Go on dates together.  Play games.  Watch movies.  Does he like playing video games?  Play them with him!  (I just started doing this.  My husband thinks I'm awesome. :) )  Look for ways that the two of you can have fun together.  And just be there for him!  You're his God-designed helper. :)

Make him happy to come home and be home.  This is one I struggle with so much.  I tend to have a critical, complaining attitude, and sometimes it's exhausting for my husband to come home and put up with my negativity.  That should not be.  Home needs to be a restful place for your whole family, including you!  Cultivate a cheerful attitude, take pride in taking care of your home, and delight in your husband's being there.

Spiritually
Think well of him--your thoughts lead to feelings/actions/words.  This is fairly straight-forward.  For me, it's mainly about not assuming the worst about my husband, but always the best.

Pray for him.  I can't emphasize the importance of this enough!  More than anything else you can do, praying for him will bless him so much.  Instead of telling girlfriends what frustrates you about your husband (because things do, I know), tell God instead.  Thank God for the blessing your husband is.  Take worries about your husband to the Lord.  Ask God to shape your husband into the man God's created him to be.  Remember that your husband is a child of God just like you are.  Ask to have the kind of unconditional love for your husband that God does.  And know that God answers prayers.


My dear sister, marriage is such an amazing thing.  It's not always easy but oh, it is filled with such good things!  God blesses us so much in this relationship he's designed.  And I want you to always remember that you're not in this alone.  In your struggles, God is there.  He is with you in your joys.  He loves you more than you can imagine.  And he wants your marriage to succeed!  Ask him to help you become the woman he's created you to be.  He will, because he wants the very best for you, your husband and your marriage!


Do you have any ideas or advice to help me and other wives become our husband's biggest fan?

Linking today with: A Proverbs 31 Wife, What Joy is Mine, The Modest Mom, The Better Mom, Raising Arrows,  The Alabaster Jar, Countrified Hicks

Embracing This Present Season of Life

I have this habit of looking forward toward the future, and keeping the past firmly in my sights as well.  This leaves too little time for focusing on the present.

Image credit: Stock photo via Stuart Miles at freedigitalphotos.net

In keeping with my theme of {FOCUS} for this year, I've been thinking a lot about what it means to really embrace the present--the present day, and the present time in life.  Right now my season of life includes the vocations of wife, homemaker, and college student, among others.  One vocation I do not have right now is motherhood.

I can't tell you how much I'm looking forward to being a mama.  The excitement of preparing for the birth of a child, wondering if it will be a boy or girl, whose features our child will have, what their personality will be like.  The changes in our life that a child will bring--new jobs and responsibilities, a new person to love and care for.  Seeing this living miracle that God made, in my body, a personification of his love for us in a tiny baby.  Sure, there are things to be less excited about... the discomfort and pain of pregnancy and childbirth, learning how to nurture our marriage with the added challenge of having a baby.

But right now, none of these things is in our near future.  We still have a couple years left before we're both done with school, and therefore, we'll need to wait to become parents.

As much as I'm looking forward to the future, it won't do to focus only on that right now.  God has me in this place, in this season of life, for very good reason.  He has a purpose for my life right now.  He has work for me to do right where I am.  Therefore, instead of spending all my time planning for and thinking about having a baby sometime in the future, I'm going to look for ways to serve God right here, right now.

Practically speaking, what does it mean to embrace each season of life as it comes?

-I embrace the roles God has given me.  Right now, those are wife, homemaker, and college student.  The roles of wife and homemaker will be mine for the rest of my life.  Now is the time to work on those, gaining wisdom and experience, and nurturing my marriage as much as I can, so that it can stand strong through the changes and challenges that will inevitably come.  After all, even after our future children grow up and leave home, I'll still be a wife--that's my first calling, and the most important.

-I look for ways to serve.  I don't have to wait till my husband is officially a teacher and "in the ministry."  We can start doing ministry right now!  I have hopes and plans that I'm looking to implement this fall...I'll let you know when those plans are more concrete.  At home, I can serve my husband, by taking care of our home and striving to be the best helper to him that I can.  I can open my home to others, and share the love of Jesus by practicing hospitality.  What gifts have I been given?  I can share those and thus serve the Lord.

-I leave the future in God's hands.  It does no good to worry about the future.  I have very little control over the days to come--but God does.  He already knows what will happen in my future, because he is eternal--not bound by time.
God made a promise to his people Israel that applies to his people today, too:

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.  Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.  I will be found by you," declares the Lord... (Jeremiah 29:11-14a)

Jesus taught this to his disciples in Matthew (6:31-34):

"So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?'  For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.  But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.  Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own."  (Emphasis added)

Finally, we can be certain that nothing in the past, present or future will ever change the way God loves us, and he will let nothing separate us from him.

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8:38-39, emphasis added)

What does this mean for us?  It means we can embrace our life, wherever we are in it, without fear and with joy, because God has our future in his hands.  He has a plan for us.  And his love for us is unchanging, and will stay the same forever, no matter what the future holds.

Linking with: A Proverbs 31 Wife, What Joy is Mine, The Alabaster Jar, Raising Arrows, The Better Mom, the Modest Mom

Our Valentine's Weekend (and Why I Love At-Home Dates)

We were thinking of going to a hotel (in town, literally just down the road) for Valentine's Day this year.  We planned to go Friday-Sunday this last weekend.

Friday morning Joshua looked at me and asked, "Would you rather just stay home?"  That sounded great to me (and more frugal!), so he called the hotel and cancelled.

We had a wonderful weekend together.  Thursday, for Valentine's Day, I made an apple pie and calzones for supper (SO yummy), and we exchanged gifts. Joshua bought me a beautiful necklace, and took me out for supper on Friday as well.  I decorated a mug with "sixteen things I love about you"--the list covered the whole mug.  He loved it. :)

Saturday we slept in, cooked and ate a lot of good food, watched movies, and just relaxed.  I had a sub for work for my two hours so we didn't even leave the house all day.  That doesn't happen often!

Why do I love staying home instead of going out for dates?  Or going on a little getaway like we'd planned?

-I don't have to pack.  That was so nice!
-We can cook and eat whatever food we feel like making (instead of hotel continental breakfasts and restaurants).
-We sleep in our own bed.  That doesn't need any explanation.
-We're totally alone, versus being in public...ahem.  Again, no explanation needed...
-If we have a dinner-and-a-movie date, we can eat dinner on our couch and watch whatever movie we want, thanks to Netflix, and not choose from what's at the theater.
-We save on gas.
-Overall, it's cheaper!
-I don't have to put on makeup, or change out of pajamas (we stayed in our PJ's for a long time on Saturday...don't judge!).
-We're in the comfort and familiarity of our own home, instead of being in a hotel.
-At home, we can decide between baking something together, playing a favorite game, watching our latest favorite TV show (Joshua's working through "24")...or whatever ;)  There are more options for activities at home than at a hotel.  And they don't cost anything (or at least not much!).
-Did I mention the privacy?  And the inexpensivity?  (That is now a word.)

My favorite thing about staying home for dates is that because we're relaxed and in our most familiar environment, we're more likely to talk about important things, because we're not discussing things like "What channel should we pick out of the five million on this TV?" or "What time do we have to get up so we don't miss the continental breakfast?" or "How do you set this alarm clock?" or "Did you bring my pajamas?"

There are a lot of good reasons to go out for a date, or get away for a weekend.  But since we don't have kids yet, it's really easy to find time to be alone, and being home is nice.  We're both home-bodies, and I'm really okay with that!  I think it's SO important to keep dating even now that we're married.  It's essential for the health of our relationship to spend intentional time together, focusing specifically on each other.  We plan to keep up the dating habit for our whole marriage, even after we start having children!


What are your favorite things to do for an at-home date?  What do you like about staying home with your spouse?

Linking with: Exceptionalistic, The Alabaster Jar, The Better Mom, What Joy is Mine, Raising Arrows, lowercase letters  , Countrified Hicks, To Love, Honor, and Vacuum

How to Have A Beautiful Wedding (Without Breaking the Bank)

Getting married can be an expensive event, and not just for the bride and groom--for their parents and even their guests.  Ceremonies are elaborate, receptions are lavish, and wedding registries are often at pricey, upscale stores.

You might know this already, but there is a way to have a beautiful, memorable wedding day without breaking the bank!  If you can save money, time and stress in planning your wedding, you can put more energy into planning for your marriage, which is so much more important.  A wedding is one day--your marriage is for life!

That said, I know most girls dream about having a beautiful, fairy-tale day.  I hope these suggestions can help you do that while keeping to a modest budget!

Simplicity is a good thing.
If you're getting married in a pretty church, you shouldn't need many decorations.  We just had candles and tulle bows on the ends of the pews, and a bouquet of flowers on the altar.  We didn't have our reception at a fancy hotel or reception hall (see "Think outside the box").  You don't need to have ribeye steak and a big open bar.  People are at your wedding to celebrate your marriage--if they want to go out later for a five-course-dinner, they can.

Do it yourself.
There are SO many things you could do yourself!  I have a friend who made her own wedding dress.  If you know someone with sewing skills, this would be an option even if you aren't a seamstress (for more on that, see "Enlist friends and family to help").

We didn't hire a wedding planner.  I decided where things would happen, when, and who our vendors were.  Unless you're planning on having your wedding at a venue that requires you to have a planner (which if you're trying to save money, I don't really suggest), you don't need one.

You could ask a friend with excellent amateur photography skills to take your pictures (pay them, of course) instead of hiring a professional whose fees will be higher.

Instead of a DJ, I made a CD with our favorite songs that we played over the PA system for the dance. A live band or DJ aren't necessary unless that's one of your priorities.

Enlist friends and family to help.
We had friends do the decorating for the ceremony and reception.  A friend of my mom's came over to do all the girls' hair, partly because our wedding was on a Sunday and our usual stylist couldn't come.  Two of my bridesmaids did my makeup.  My mom practiced doing French tip manicures for weeks and did them beautifully on all the girls.  (We saved a ton of money this way!)

We paid the lady who did flowers for us, but she wasn't a florist, just someone we knew with a knack for flower-arranging who does it a lot.  She was able to find a lot of things that were blooming in season, so we didn't have to order out-of-season flowers.

Instead of hiring caterers, we ordered food from the deli at our local grocery store (broasted chicken, cheesy potatoes, and rolls), bought fruit and vegetables to be made into salads, and had four dear couples from our church take care of all the food pick-up, prep, and serving (they had volunteered to serve at my wedding when I was in high school!).  Ask around--between both of your families, and the congregation of your church, you can definitely find people willing to help you out.

Look for bargains.
The place we had the reception had a much lower rate on Sundays, and after talking with the manager, we were able to have our "decorators" go in on Saturday to decorate without getting charged for the extra day.

Joshua and the groomsmen wore suits instead of renting tuxes--a better investment in the long run, because Joshua still wears his suit.

I wore my mom's wedding dress, and all it needed was $40 worth of alterations.  I wore her veil, too, and bought a tiara off Amazon to wear with it instead of the original cap.  Some second-hand stores will have really great wedding dresses that you can get cleaned and fixed up for a fraction of the price you would pay for buying a new one.

Instead of renting expensive dishes and glassware, since the reception site didn't have that available, we used high-quality, color-coordinating paper plates and napkins and plastic silverware and cups.  Oriental Trading is a great source for these things.  We even found plastic flatware that was colored silver so it really looked metal.  You can get these things personalized (we still have napkins with our names and the date!) for a fraction of the cost of linens and dishes.  Plus, there's a lot less clean-up!

Borrow things you won't use much again.
Like the wedding dress, for example.  We also borrowed a lot of our decorations--mirrors, vases, lights, fake greenery, table cloths.  A friend had two children who had gotten married a couple years previously, and she saved all their decorations.

Think outside the box (or reception hall, or cake).
We had our reception at our city's arts center.  It's not a huge place, but we had room for our reception of about 75 people.  I had been in plays there in high school so I knew the manager personally, which meant they were willing to negotiate with us.  It ended up costing only about $75 to rent the place for the weekend. It was just a couple blocks from the church and half a mile from the grocery store where we got the food, so it worked out perfectly.

Instead of a regular cake, we ordered cupcakes!  We were able to have three different varieties, and it was less messy (and required less serving ware) than regular cake.  We also had a cake reception at the church, right after the ceremony, for all the guests, and then had a smaller group (family, close friends, and out-of-town guests) for the dinner later.

We asked an acquaintance who also happens to be a Christian contemporary singer to sing for our wedding.  I didn't think he would be able to, but he said he was glad to, and then hardly charged us a thing!  It was so much more meaningful than just hiring a string quartet or something.  If you know someone with really great musical talent, see if they'd be willing to provide special music for the ceremony and/or reception.

Do things your way.
You don't have to have organ music, get married at a church (although that I do recommend, but parks are lovely), have a big, fancy reception at a hotel or country club, have 500 guests, put them up at the most expensive hotel in town, etc, etc.

You don't have to order all your bridesmaids' dresses from David's Bridal (although I did, and they were great).  I have a friend getting hers from Modcloth.  You could even have your bridesmaids wear dresses they already own, and just pick a common color.

My point is, it's YOUR wedding.  As long as Christ is central, the sky is the limit!  Be creative, let your wedding reflect you, and remember what's important.

Put more money toward lasting, important things.
The photos, for example.  Your wedding pictures will last decades past the actual day, and that's something that can't be said for the flowers, cake or decorations.

Put aside money for a honeymoon, but remember that you don't have to go all-out for that if you don't want to, either.  I know a lot of people go to Hawaii or on a cruise or to Italy or whatever, but we went to a bed and breakfast (a really nice one!) in the same town where we got married, which happens to be where my parents live.  We stayed there for two nights, flew home, and spent another night in a nice hotel suite because Joshua's parents paid for it for us.  Then we had a week together getting used to sharing an apartment before Joshua went back to work.  And it was great!  Someday I'd love to go on a big trip together, but it wasn't the distance that mattered--it was being together, having a great time (which we did), and getting to know each other as husband and wife.


Remember to plan for your marriage as you're planning for your wedding.  I highly recommend seeing your pastor for pre-marital counseling.  You can work through a lot of things on your own, but it's very helpful to have someone who's trained to be a counselor and spiritual leader help you look at things you might not have thought about.  It was a very helpful process for us, and enjoyable, too.

Now it's your turn: What tips do you have for low-budget wedding planning?  Talk with me! :)



Linking with The Alabaster Jar, Countrified Hicks, The Better Mom, The Modest Mom, Exceptionalistic, Growing Home, Fancy Little Things

A Beautiful Home

One of the jobs in which I delight the most is making and keeping our home a beautiful, welcoming place.  The home is the family's base.  It is Spirit-filled, and ideally, a calm, relaxing and welcoming environment, not just for the family but for everyone who enters it.

The job of keeping a place like this is a humbling one, and one which I take very seriously.  As a full-time college student who also works outside the home part-time, my schedule is quite full, and I have to keep my various responsibilities prioritized.  After being a wife, being a homemaker is my favorite job, so it's near the top of my priority list.  I should say here that it is primarily my job alone, but Joshua and I make a great team.  He helps me out a lot with keeping the house organized, doing dishes, cleaning, taking out the trash, doing laundry, etc.  Just as at this time in our life I don't expect him to do all the money-earning by himself, so he doesn't expect me to do all the housework by myself.

That said, being the woman, I am pretty much in charge of keeping the home.  Doing dishes and laundry are two of my least favorite things to do, but I knew when I got married what I was getting myself in for (at least some of it!).  The main purpose for all I do at home is to glorify God.  Bottom line, when I wash dishes, scrub the toilet, and make the bed, I'm doing it for God.  I am fulfilling the vocation in which he has placed me, and doing the work he has set me to do.  But I'm also doing it for my husband, because I want our home to be a place to which he loves to return.  And finally, I do housework for myself, because I take great satisfaction in seeing a sparkling bathroom, a clean and organized kitchen, and a dusted and vacuumed living room!

That's the why of what I do at home.  As for the how...

-I try to keep on top of clutter.  Some days I'm not home much, and I get behind.  But I try not to let junk/dishes accumulate.
-I recommend always washing dishes immediately after eating.  I wish I did this more; when I do, it's a great feeling!
-This semester I have a weekly pattern for cleaning jobs.  That has helped considerably, especially putting time to do those jobs in my daily schedule.  Things don't usually get done if time is not set aside specifically for them.
-It's my goal to have a place for everything, and to keep everything in its place.  This doesn't always happen. But I like having baskets and little crates to keep like things together-- for magazines under the TV table, for candles on top of the fridge, for various personal care products in the bathroom.  Command hooks are one of my favorite tools--I recently hung up three by our front door, hung fabric bags on them, and filled the bags with scarves, hats and gloves, to keep them handy but tidy.  A couple purses and a light jacket are also on those hooks.
-I like having flat surfaces as bare as possible.  This means putting away the things that pile up on my desk, clearing off the end table, and putting away DVD cases instead of stacking them on the TV table.  This also includes keeping the kitchen table and counters clean and organized.
-Shelves are my friends, especially low ones (waist-height or lower).  The tops can then be used, if necessary, for storage or for decorations.  We have three such sets in our living room, for books, movies, and games.  Under the games shelf is room to neatly tuck away our shoes.  In a small apartment (we live in about 1000 square feet), everything is multi-purpose.
-I love having living things inside.  We are blessed with big south- and west-facing windows, so I have two viny plants; one in the living room and one in the kitchen.  I think this adds warmth and homeyness to a room.


Bottom line, I want our home to be a place where God is obviously present, a place my husband and I love to come home to, and a place where our friends and family feel welcome and peaceful.  That does not mean that my home is always spotless.  I don't always keep on top of things the way I should.  Sometimes higher priorities--relationships--need to come before the cleaning; but that, I think, is the way it should be.  When my husband wants to play a game together, I put aside the supper dishes.  When a friend comes over to talk, I ignore the pile of clothes in the bedroom.  I focus on what's most important.

Having a beautiful home is wonderful, and a good thing.  But it is my desire to balance that with those things in my life with eternal significance.

What do you do to make your home a beautiful, welcoming place?  Do you have any ideas or tips to share?  Let's talk!

Linking with The Alabaster Jar, The Better Mom, & What Joy is Mine