Marriage--More than I Expected

I got married at the tender age of 19-not-quite-20.  I don't regret it one bit--my husband and I are growing up together, get to spend tons of time together, get to learn and experience life together, and will have several married years before we start having children.  Marrying my man when I did is the best decision I ever made.

But I'll be the first to admit that I really had no idea what I was getting myself into when I got married!  Marriage has brought a lot of surprises--some pleasant, some not as much.

I didn't expect that marriage would force me to mature so quickly.  In the last almost-two years, I've had to learn to really be an adult.  I've had to learn how to be selfless (that's a work in progress).  I've had to learn how to handle finances, jobs, taxes, car repairs, medical issues, and more.  I have learned to release myself from childhood and from the mindset of being dependent on my parents.  Now, my husband and I take care of each other.  I knew, cognitively, that all those things would come with marriage, but I didn't realize how quickly I (and my husband) would grow up.

I didn't expect how hard marriage would be.  It's so worth it, but it's not always easy.

It's harder than I expected to come up with new date night ideas so we don't fall into the rut of "same ol', same ol'."  To keep the house clean, orderly, and comfortable, day in and day out.  To keep up with the never-ending jobs of laundry and dishes and scrubbing the toilet.  To plan healthy, yummy meals...three times a day, every day (although this job comes more easily to me than others).  I didn't expect it to take so much work to die to myself every day and intentionally love my husband the way he needs to be loved, not the way I want to be loved.  To bite my tongue instead of letting an angry word slip past my lips when my temper flares.  It's a lot more work than I expected.

But there are other things about marriage that are more than I expected.  Amazing, wonderful things!

This love that comes out of my heart, directed at this person with whom I share, literally everything,  is beyond anything I have ever experienced or could ever imagine.  I never knew it was possible to love someone so much... or, just as wondrous, to be loved by them so much.  Now I know why God uses the example of marriage to explain to us how much he loves us.  It's a love that surpasses description, and cannot be expressed in words.

Marriage is more full of joy than I expected.  You know the old adage about how two people can halve each other's sorrows and double each other's joys?  Well, in marriage, that is SO true.  Happy things are twice as happy.  Hard things are twice as easy to bear.  I mean, I get to spend the majority of my time with my best friend, who happens to be a really fun person to spend time with, who makes me laugh, who puts a lot of effort into making me happy, who directs me to my Jesus, and who loves me more than I will ever understand (as explained above).  How much better can life get?

In marriage, there is more laughter than I expected.  There is more encouragement.  I didn't realize how much of a team we would be.  We're each other's "buddies"--we always have the other's back, and we might sometimes get on each other's nerves, but just let someone else say something mean about us and watch out!  We're there for each other.  And let's just say... there are other aspects of marriage that have far surpassed my expectations, and I couldn't be more thrilled!

Marriage is so much more work than I expected...and sometimes, it brings pain, because we can hurt the most the ones we love the most.
But those hard things are so worth it, because in marriage, the love, joy, and happiness are so much more than I expected.  I am in awe of this gift with which God has blessed us.

And I can't wait to see what other unexpected things life brings our marriage.  The future isn't scary, because God is already there, leading us on, and I know that my husband and I will be hand-in-hand every step of the way.

What in your life has been more than you expected?  Share in the comments!

Linking with: Exceptionalistic, A Proverbs 31 Wife, What Joy is Mine, The Alabaster Jar, The Modest Mom, Yes They're All Ours, The Better Mom, To Love, Honor and Vacuum, Messy Marriage, Graced Simplicity

How to Use Words for Good in Your Marriage

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me."  Ah, the bravado rhyme heard in schoolyards across America.
Or was that just when I was in first grade?

Anyway, we've all heard it...and if we have any life experience at all, we know it's not true.
Words are incredibly powerful.  They have the ability to encourage, lift up, relieve, restore-- or break down, sadden, anger, and injure.

Have you ever thought about how your use of words can make a difference, for better or for worse, in your marriage?

Some of the most important words we've ever said to each other--our wedding vows!

Ladies, let me share a little secret with you: men often have very fragile egos.  Most of them won't admit this, but it's true, unless your man is blessed with extraordinary self-confidence.

What does this mean?  Well, men are usually the ones with the job of financially providing for their family.  If they feel that they don't do this as well as they think they should, it will be a touchy subject, and they need to hear your encouragement that they do work hard and do a good job providing.

Men sometimes have insecurities about their physical appearance.  This isn't true for all guys, but no matter how your husband feels about himself, he will appreciate being told how hot you think he is. ;)

Probably the area in which men can sometimes have the least self-confidence is their sexuality.  Ladies, our husband want to know that we need, want and desire them sexually.  When we initiate, they take that as a huge compliment, because it means we actually like them and like sex with them.  If a man knows he's able to please his wife sexually, it'll increase his confidence in all other areas of his life!

Now, these are meant to be generalizations.  Not all men think the same, not all men need the same encouragement, and not all men have the same insecurities.  But these are the biggies for most guys.  Talk to your husband, or just observe him and pay close attention to what he says, and try to determine those areas of his life in which he struggles with confidence.

Then, learn how to encourage him, build him up, and strengthen his confidence in himself!

Use words for good in your marriage.  Avoid making comments that may hurt him, even if you don't mean them to be hurtful, and don't intentionally insult him or anything that makes him who he is.  I have shoved my foot in my mouth more than once by making a stupid comment that I didn't intend to mean much, but that hurt my husband considerably.  I felt horrible.  And it's a lot harder to make up for something you shouldn't have said than it is to just avoid saying it in the first place.

When you start looking for ways to build your husband up with your words, watch his attitude change.  A husband wants approval from his wife, and when he gets it, he feels like he can do anything.  Knowing that you, his wife, think he's great, will make your husband feel like he's on top of the world.

(And when he's happy, just watch how your own mood improves!)

So tell me, ladies, how do you use words to encourage and strengthen your husband?  Gentlemen, how do you encourage your wives verbally?  Any ideas or advice for me?

Linking with: Deep Roots at Home, To Love, Honor and Vacuum , We are THAT Family, Raising Homemakers, Messy Marriage, Yes They're All Ours

Marriage: A Challenge and a Blessing

If you are married, you know that marriage isn't always a walk in the park.  It's hard work!  When two sinful (saved by grace, but still sinful) people merge their lives, there will be difficulties, no matter how compatible a couple is.

At the root of many marital difficulties is communication, or the lack thereof--communication about money, sex, in-laws, jobs, children, etc, etc.  Learning to communicate fully with one's spouse is a lifelong process, one for which I definitely do not have all the answers.  What I do know is that it is essential for each spouse to seek to understand the way their partner communicates, because, of course, men and women communicate in quite different ways.  When each spouse is willing to look at things with the other person's perspective, communication will be easier.

In my experience and in talking with married friends, I've noticed that as married couples, many of us are great at communicating with other people, but not necessarily with each other!  But then, we don’t live with other people, and therein lies the greatest difficulty and the greatest blessing in marriage.

I think God often give us the spouse he has because that person has something to teach us, or because something about them helps us realize our own weaknesses and strengths. That's definitely true for Joshua and me.  Marriage, I have learned, is one of the most effective ways God teaches us to be more like Jesus.  It requires us to be selfless, to give of ourselves for the good of the other person, to love someone even when they're driving us crazy.  It requires us to have tough love, and to keep the other person accountable to God's will and direction for their lives.  Making a lifetime commitment to another person, and sticking with that commitment, is one of the hardest things anyone could ever do--but it will be one of the greatest blessings they will ever experience.

One unfortunate thing that I have discovered in life, in relationships with my parents, siblings, and husbands, is that it is easiest to hurt and disagree with the people I love the most (partly because I'm with them so much, and know them better than I know anyone else).  This isn't a pleasant fact, but because we live in a sinful world, it's true.

I also know that God's love and forgiveness make up for the deficiencies in our own ability to love and forgive. Therefore, no matter what struggles we have, we have the strength of Christ to work through them and the love and the forgiveness from the Father to heal after the struggles are worked out.  This is the only way my marriage works, and it is the backbone of all the relationships I have: God's love and his forgiveness.

Marriage is by no means easy.  We have to fight against our sinful natures every day, but by God's grace he enables us to become more like him, and love our spouse the way God loves both of us.  Even when we do fail, God gives us a second chance (and a third, and a fourth...).  He constantly forgives us when we repent, and helps us try again.  And I, for one, am glad I have an entire lifetime with my husband to work on getting this marriage-thing right!

Linking today with:
Jolene @ The Alabaster Jar
Naomi @ What Joy is Mine
Ruth @ The Better Mom
Raising Arrows
Carissa @ lowercase letters
Exceptionalistic

How I've Been a Hypocrite

My dear readers, I have a confession to make.

I've been quite a hypocrite this summer.

Here I've been writing all these posts about how to be a good, godly wife, what I've been learning about marriage, how to love my husband, the importance of really listening to him...

and I've messed up.  Big-time.

Let me set up the scenario for you:
Joshua and I have started reading The Lord of the Rings together.  He had already read The Fellowship of the Ring, and I read that and half of The Two Towers, but a long time ago.  So we read some chapters together, and I was reading a few on my own, to catch up and because bibliophile me can't really put a book down once I start reading it (and getting into it, which I definitely am with Lord of the Rings!).

Sunday night, my husband asked that I not start reading The Two Towers because he wanted us to read it entirely together.
By Monday morning, that request had slipped my mind, and yesterday I read the first two chapters.
Last night, my husband discovered this and was not happy.

You need to know a couple things about my Joshua:
1) He is an introvert.
2) His primary love-language is quality time.

I did not realize how much reading this book together meant to him.  I thought (forgetting that he asked me not to) that he wouldn't mind if I read a couple chapters.
It means a LOT to him, and he minded quite a bit.

Looong story short, we're all good now, I'm forgiven, I understand where I went wrong, everything is okay.

But I have some work to do.  Because my blunder led me to discover several very important things that I've been blind to all summer.

1) Neither my husband, nor I, have been content with the routine we've gotten into this summer:  Joshua comes home from work, he relaxes with some TV or computer time, I make supper, we eat, we watch a movie or both do things on the computer, we go to bed.
I realized why neither of us has been content with this routine.  Very little of it is about us being together.  Neither of us has liked this...but both of us assumed, wrongly, that the other one was content and/or not interested in doing anything together.  We both messed up on this...but now that we've realized it, we can work to right it.

2) I cannot assume things about my husband; I need to talk to him if I can't figure things out on my own.  (Because we all know what it means to assume...the person who pointed that out to me shall remain nameless.)

3) Sometimes the solution is staring me in the face, and is a lot simpler than I realize.
Togetherness.  That's all my husband wanted.  He doesn't want me to think up elaborate ideas for date nights.  He doesn't need me to write a list of twenty-five things we can do together.  He just wants me.  He wants my attention, my time, and my presence.

4) The things I think my husband wants and needs are not necessarily the things he really does want and need.
I figured that if I kept the house in order, fed him a nice supper, let him do his thing on the computer and TV, watched a movie with him, and had sex before we went to bed, that my husband would be happy.
Eating, rest, alone time and sex are all necessary...but they don't replace actually being together and giving my husband my full attention and self.  It doesn't work if I'm constantly thinking of other things I need to/should be doing, or if I spend the entire evening in the kitchen after he gets home.  He wants ME.  That's it.

5) This problem is fairly easy to fix if I a) get DONE with housework before Joshua gets home each day, b) keep chore-doing to a minimum in the evenings when he is home and c) be intentional and put time together in our schedule.  As soon as this post is written I'm going to write, in ink, on the calendar, "DATE NIGHT" at least every three weeks.  And nothing, absolutely nothing, will mess with those nights.

6) I realized last night how much I really mean to my husband.  That was huge.  It's good to know how much he appreciates the meals I make or that I keep the house in order...but knowing he just wants me??  That made me feel so treasured and loved.  And it made me resolve to make HIM feel the same way, by focusing more on him.

It's horrible when it takes a bad thing to wake me up to more bad things I've been doing...but the result of all this is that I think things in our marriage are really going to change for the better.  I can't believe how blind and stupid I've been all summer....but THANK GOD for the forgiveness which he has given me and which he has enabled my husband to give me.

Once again, it's Romans 8:28 in action.  God uses ALL things, even our silly, selfish sins, to work for our good.  I'm praying that he will enable me to be a much more selfless, loving, and attentive wife, and that our marriage will continue to grow, mature, and become more joy-filled every day.

And I'm sorry for being such a hypocrite!


Linking up today...
Cornerstone Confessions; Far Above Rubies; Growing Home; Thankful Homemaker; Time-Warp Wife; Lessons from Ivy

What a Young Wife has Learned

My husband and I have been married for a year and two months (and a little more).  It has already been an amazing journey, and I am humbled and awed at the thought that God has given me this incredible man with whom I get to spend my whole life.

I have found, in talking with other young married couples (wives especially) that we're all going through similar things and trying to learn a lot of the same things.  This makes perfect sense; we are, after all, at about the same point in life.

One year of marriage has taught me a lot, thanks be to God.  I have so much more to learn, and I know that, so I can't claim to be an expert of any kind.

But I would like to share today some of the most important things I've learned, which are all based on the Word of God.

1) My husband needs to be respected as well as loved, and that does not come naturally to me like loving does.  As a woman, I have very little difficulty loving people, especially my husband.  But when it comes to respecting him, that takes work.  Perhaps that's why Paul wrote to the Ephesians:

"...each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." Ephesians 5:33

2) I need to say more often to myself, "Hold your tongue, woman!"  Before I speak, I need to think: is it respectful?  Is it loving?  Is it necessary?  Is it timely?  Is it helpful?  Maybe this is just me, but I get into the most trouble by saying things out of turn, or saying something I shouldn't at all.  I could fix a lot by simply being more careful about what I say, and when.

"When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise."         Proverbs 10:19 

3) I need to keep my priorities in order.  First God, then my husband, then myself.  It is necessary to put his needs before my own and be selfless.  Again, this doesn't come naturally, but doing this will have a very positive impact on my life and my marriage.

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.  Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.  Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus..." Philippians 2:3-5

4) My husband and I should forgive each other--always.  This is the key.  This is how our marriage works.  We are both sinful people, saved by grace, yes, but still sinners.  Failing each other is inevitable--which is why forgiveness is such a gift of God, and so very important.

"Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." Ephesians 4:32

5) Remember--the ability to love does not come from me, or from my husband.  It is a gift of God. The amazing thing about marriage is that God doesn't expect us to do it on our own.  He gives us the strength, will and resources--like forgiveness--to love, respect and honor our spouse.  Love isn't something I produce on my own power.  It comes from Him.

"Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God.  Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.  Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love." 1 John 4:7-8

6) Marriage is an earthly example of the love Jesus Christ has for all who believe in him.  The bottom line is, my marriage isn't about me or my husband.  It's about God.  Marriage is a way God blesses his people incredibly.  It is one of the ways he explains to us the love he has for us.  It is an image of the relationship Jesus Christ has with the church--his Bride.  Marriage is another way that we, as God's children, can honor and glorify him.

"Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.  Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.  For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.  Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.  Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water thorough the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.  In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies.  He who loves his wife loves himself.  After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church--for we are members of his body.  'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.'  This is a profound mystery--but I am talking about Christ and the church.  However, each one of you must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."  Ephesians 5:21-33

There is so much more I could say about what I have learned about marriage in the last fourteen months, and about what marriage has taught me about myself, about what love is, and about who God is.  But these things, I think, are the most important.


Linking up to these lovely ladies today, with thanks:

Upward Not Inward; New Life Steward; To Love, Honor and Vacuum; Women Living Well; Deep Roots at Home; A Wise Woman Builds Her Home 

 

on my words and THE Word

I'm one of those people who struggles with speaking before I think.

When I was younger, I would sometimes get in trouble for saying something rude, out of turn, or disrespectful.  My parents' wise "punishment" was to have me copy down verses from the Proverbs about the difference between a wise person who holds his tongue and a foolish person who does not.

Now most of those verses are underlined in my Bible, because I still need the reminder!

Lately I've been struggling with complaining and arguing, mostly to/with my husband.  I stubbornly insist on my own way, even when it's a little thing that doesn't matter.

Paul wrote to the Philippians, "Do everything without complaining or arguing" (Philippians 2:14).
Well, there it is.  Don't complain, don't argue, period.

What I often forget about that verse, and what I think is often left out of it, is the context.  Here is the whole passage:

"Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life."  -Philippians 2:14-16

Wow.  That adds a lot more meaning to the verse!

Of course Paul doesn't mean here that we can be completely blameless and without fault...that's not possible for us sinful humans.  But we can ask God to give us a complete and faultless devotion to doing his will.  This is something he desires for us to have, so it is a prayer he will answer!

The biggest part of this verse to me is the purpose for living a life free of complaining and arguing.  We are to shine like stars in the universe, in the darkness of this "crooked and depraved" world, holding out the Word of Life--the Gospel.  Our lives, as children of God, should so shine in the darkness that unbelievers can see God's Word being enacted in our lives.

The apostle Matthew wrote,

"You are the light of the world.  A city on a hill cannot be hidden.  Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl.  Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house.  In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven."  -Matthew 5:14-16

I don't watch what I say to avoid having to copy down Bible verses over and over.  I do it, or try to do it, because it is obedient to God and a life that is obedient to God is a life that praises him.


As his child, my biggest goal for my life is to praise and glorify God, and to shine his light in a dark world!


Sometimes that's an overwhelming thought.  It sounds like way too much for me to do on my own.


Well, that's because it is.  I'm not supposed to do it on my own.


I may be a lamp on a stand, but the Holy Spirit is the fire inside me that shines HIS light everywhere I go.  As part of the body of Christ, I'm the light of the world, but that light doesn't come from me.  It comes from God's Word--the Word of light, and the Word of life.


John wrote concerning Jesus,

"Through him [Jesus] all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made.  In him was life, and that life was the light of men."  -John 1:3-4 

Loving Him in Little Ways

"She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family..."

Proverbs 31:15

I've never considered myself a morning person.  I used to get up early when I was little, but that was because I went to bed so early then.  Since starting college, sleep has become both more precious and more disposable than ever before.  Staying up late to finish projects and papers, and to hang out with friends and my man, has become the norm, but during the school year, I avoid getting up early if I can help it.  I like sleeping, and if at all possible I like sleeping late.

That became rare last summer...and then again this summer.  Joshua's summer job requires him to be at work at seven a.m.  We don't have a car, so he bikes/walks the mile to work.  We don't buy cold cereal very often, so breakfast takes longer than five minutes to get on the table.  And I always make us breakfast.  I always get up with him--sometimes before him--to get him fed so he has energy for his day.  Then we have devotions and a prayer together before he leaves.

I get up at 5:40 most days this summer.

For a lot of people, I know that's typical, or even late.  But for a girl who shuddered at the thought of getting up before 7 am until just recently, this is really early, and a huge change.

I started breakfast this morning by just the pre-dawn light coming in the kitchen window.  It was cool from the breeze coming in the open window; birds and crickets were chirping outside, and the sky was clear and gray-blue.  It wasn't quite light yet.  That verse from Proverbs came to mind: "She gets up while it is still dark..."

Joshua expressed to me the other day that he really appreciates the fact that I get up early with him.  "You don't have to, you know," he said.  "But I like it," I replied.  I've actually come to enjoy and appreciate these early mornings.

Getting up early...making a filling, healthful breakfast...these are two little things I do to love my husband.

I'm learning that it's the little things that make the biggest difference.  Getting up early was a big deal at first, but now it's routine, and it's a precious routine.

Some other little things I try to often do for Joshua are...

take him his lunch at work each day, and spend his lunch hour with him.

tidy myself up (brush teeth and hair, put on perfume and lipstick) before he comes home from work

let him rest while I make supper

make foods he really likes fairly often

None of these is very difficult.  None of them takes much effort.  But they mean a lot to my husband.

What else can wives do to love their husbands--little things that make a big difference?

Possibilities...

-invest in some new lingerie.  Men are visually stimulated and most husbands would be thrilled to see their wives in something flirty and sexy.

-spend a little time learning about his interests.  One thing I could and should do is learn more about football and sports in general, and really listen when Joshua talks about things that he gets excited about.

-rent one of HIS favorite movies for a surprise.

-learn more about his sexual needs and desires and how to fulfill them.

-spend time doing their favorite things with them.  If he likes disc-golfing, give it a try.  If video games are his thing, learn to use the controller.  (Preaching to myself here.)  If he likes cooking and you don't, watch some YouTube videos or the Food Network to learn some new skills.  You might just find that you like the things he does.

Again...doing one or two of these things won't take much time or effort, but the results could be huge.

I'm not guaranteeing anything.  I have a lot to work on myself, lots of ways I know I could love my husband better.  We're all growing and becoming the people God has created us to be.  I'm thankful that we live under his grace and that he doesn't leave us to learn and grow on our own, but he shapes us and helps us in everything.

I have a few ways in mind that I'm going to love on my husband in the next week...what about you?

(And husbands, if you're reading, what are little ways we wives could show love and support for our husbands?  My list is certainly not exhaustive!)

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Linking with:

Marriage Compromises

A big thank-you to my newest followers...46 total as of today!  That's something I did not expect when I started writing.  You are all a blessing.




This post should start with a definition of what I do NOT mean by marriage compromises.
I do not mean that anyone should compromise in their standards for a spouse, future or current.
For me, that means that when I was single, my standards included that my husband would have to be a Christian--and Lutheran--that he would have to be willing to be the primary breadwinner, that he would take on the responsibility as the leader of our home, especially spiritually, and that he would love Jesus more than anything (including me)--among a few other, less significant things.  I do not recommend compromising on anything that important.
In our marriage now, I do not compromise on things such as...
We need to always treat each other with love and respect.
God has to come first.  Period.
Joshua (generally) has the final say in decision-making.  (For more on that, see a recent post on submission in marriage.)

Those are the non-negotiable items.
In many cases, we have different opinions and want things done in different ways.  Like I said, I generally let Joshua decide...but I also have needs and wants, too!  As a loving husband he often lets me have things my way--or, at the very least, we show love and respect to one another by making a compromise.
A few examples (some theoretical, some actual):
Say I have baked chicken planned for lunch today, sandwiches and tomato soup for supper, and chicken soup for lunch tomorrow.  The soup will use the leftover meat from the baked chicken, and the broth that I'll make by slow-cooking the chicken bones.  That's what's going through my mind.  Joshua requests his favorite chicken-and-rice casserole for lunch today before he leaves for work.  Well, that doesn't really fit into my meal plan...and I don't like it when my meal plan gets messed up.  However, I CAN use some of the chicken meat for the casserole...and I'll still probably have enough for soup.  I can go ahead with my plan to make the baked chicken today and the broth overnight.  Joshua can wait till tomorrow for the casserole, and I can freeze broth and chicken meat to make the soup another day.  He gets his favorite dish, just a day later than requested, and my meal plan is neatly rearranged.  We're both happy.
Here's a real-life example:
I was raised with the understanding that everybody goes to church every Sunday unless you're running a high fever or throwing up.  Period, no excuses.  Missing church was always the worst thing about being sick.  Joshua was raised with parents that were more flexible: if, on rare occasion, Joshua or one of his brothers was tired or preferred to worship at home with an online sermon and a Bible, his parents would allow it every now and then.  For quite a few months Joshua has tried to request the same thing from me, and I did not respond well.  It caused some arguments.  Finally, we recently made a compromise: once every three months Joshua can choose to stay home from church, without sickness as an excuse, and I'll stay with him.  I can handle four Sundays a year of worshiping at home, and he knows that he has that option every now and then.
(He "cashed in" on his first free Sunday yesterday.  It was actually really nice...we listened to a fantastic sermon at home, prayed together, and had a very relaxing day.)

These are examples of less-important things (the meal-plan-rearrange) and things that are more important to us (the church-going, or not).  When it came to deciding about whether or not it's important to go to church every single Sunday, both of us had opinions that we'd had for our whole lives, resulting in different choices our parents made in raising us.  Neither way was necessarily right or wrong...just different.  But we learned to meld our different opinions in a way that both of us could feel good about.

I can guarantee that at various times in our marriage, we will discover things we disagree about.  Depending on the circumstances, I may submit to Joshua's leadership and let him decide how to do things.  That would take all responsibility off me.  Or, if it would make us both happier, I may request a compromise.

Every couple is made up of two very different people, raised in different ways, holding different opinions about things, and sometimes they will disagree.  When it's necessary, a compromise is often the solution to avoiding arguments and unhappiness from both sides.  A compromise may not completely satisfy both the husband and wife, but marriage is all about give-and-take.  Each person gives 100%.

When a husband and wife are both completely selfless, marriage works perfectly.  No person can every be completely selfless, of course, which is why no marriage is absolutely perfect.  But when we seek to imitate Christ in everything, the husband will love his wife the way Christ loved the church, giving Himself up for her, and the wife will submit to and respect her husband the way the church submits to Christ.  Each gives themselves up for the other.  Each looks primarily to the other's needs.  That's something that is not to be compromised in marriage, but when it leads to good, wholesome compromises, it builds up the marriage and strengthens the couple's relationship.

So, when faced with disagreements, should a couple compromise?  Not always, but when they do, it can be a blessing to them both.

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