To have a gentle and quiet spirit

Do you ever have those realizations that there's something you've been missing?  Not doing?  Not understanding?  I had one of those "aha" moments yesterday.  And it was humbling.

I want this kind of spirit as a wife: a gentle and quiet one.  This is the kind of spirit that Peter says creates true, unfading beauty:

"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes.  Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.  For this is the way the women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful.  They were submissive to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master.  You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear."  (1 Peter 3: 3-6)

There's a lot in this passage.  I want to point out a few things that have stuck out to me in many readings of these words.

First, look at this phrase from verse 5: "the women of the past who put their hope in God..."  A gentle and quiet spirit comes when our hope is not in ourselves or our own abilities, but in God and his Spirit at work within us.

And this: "Sarah...obeyed Abraham and called him her master."  This passage isn't talking about being our husband's slave, but it is descriptive of a wife who highly respects her husband.  This respect isn't shown just in our actions, but in our words and thoughts.  Do we show our husbands by how we speak to them that we respect them?  Do we make the effort to let them know that they are priceless treasures to us?  Do we pay attention when they talk?  Do we make it clear that we're interested in all parts of their lives?

These are things I've been struggling with.  This, and distrust (my constant battle).  Thus, look at the last part of this passage:

"...do not give way to fear."

Fear, my mother often reminds me, is of the Enemy.  Fear is what comes naturally to our sinful selves.  The opposite of fear is faith, which is a gift from God.  Faith in God and his promises...hope in him...this is what enables us to be wives after God's own heart.  Wives who love, respect and trust their husbands.  Wives who are beautiful not because of their outer looks but because of the quiet and gentle spirit within them, that comes from God.

This is the kind of wife I want to be: 

"A wife of noble character who can find?  She is worth far more than rubies.  Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.  She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life."  (Proverbs 31:10-12)

I want to be the kind of wife in whom my husband can have complete confidence, and who he can trust fully.  I want him to be able to trust me to bring him good, not harm, every single day.

But you know what?  I cannot be that kind of wife on my own willpower.  I don't have the ability to do it alone.

That's why I take comfort in the fact that God's strength more than makes up for my weakness.  In fact, as God promised Paul, so he promises me, and I can say this with Paul:

"But he [God] said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.'  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties.  For when I am weak, then I am strong."  (2 Corinthians 12:9-10)

If you've been struggling with this at all, take comfort: you are not alone.  And for whatever trials you are experiencing, know that God's grace is more than enough.  His love covers you completely.  His forgiveness is unfailing and never-ending, and encompasses even those things for which we feel most guilty.  Jesus has taken away that guilt, paid the price for our sins, and enables us to live as his children.

I'm taking comfort in this: today and every day!


Linking with: To Love, Honor, and Vacuum; Exceptionalistic, Messy Marriage

Attitude {Like that of Christ Jesus}

Welcome to visitors from the A to Z Challenge!  Please leave a comment to let me know you're here, and check out other posts that pique your interest!  Mondays are Marriage Mondays at Living in the Light.

"Don't give me that attitude, young lady!"  That's what comes to my mind when I hear the word attitude.  Of course, when my mother said that to me growing up, it was definitely always because I deserved it!  But the word seems to often have a negative connotation.

According to dictionary.com, the word simply means "manner, disposition, feeling, position, etc., with regard to a person or thing; tendency or orientation, especially of the mind."

I want to consider what kind of attitude we have in marriage.  How is my attitude toward my husband?  How is yours toward your spouse?  How is your "disposition, feeling, position, etc." when it comes to marriage?

My attitude can sometimes be loving, especially when my husband has been sweet and helpful, when he hasn't left dirty dishes or laundry lying around, when he's been affectionate.  But in that case, my attitude is dependent on my husband's actions toward me.  That's reasonable, I suppose, but is it right?

Let's see what Scripture has to say about it.

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.  Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.  Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.  And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death--even death on a cross!  Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.  Philippians 2:3-11 (NIV)

Jesus Christ, God's Son, God himself, humbled himself to the ultimate point.  We just celebrated yesterday his resurrection from the dead--but he wouldn't have had to rise if he hadn't allowed himself to be humiliated and killed on a cross.

This, Paul wrote to the Philippians, is the attitude we are to have: that of humility, considering others better than ourselves.  Paul doesn't advocate self-loathing, but he is encouraging his readers (that's us!) to put others first.

I have already found from experience that when I do this in my marriage, my husband's and my relationship greatly benefits from it.  When each of us is seeking to serve the other person, instead of paying attention to only our own needs and wants, we're both happier.  When we act in a selfless manner toward the other, we both feel loved so very much, because in doing that we're demonstrating that each of us is the most important person in the other's life.

It might seem counter-intuitive to live in such a way.  "Gotta look out for number one," after all.  But following what comes naturally doesn't always work out.  By nature we're sinful, selfish human beings.  It's because of Jesus' sacrifice in our place that we have the ability to live as he did--selflessly.  Jesus made the ultimate sacrifice for us: his own life.  He loves us so much that he was willing to suffer indescribable humiliation and agony, so that we could be forgiven--and so that we could imitate him.

By God's grace, we're able to show each other Christ-like humility and selflessness--in all our relationships, but especially in marriage.

I'm going to keep working on this in my own marriage.  Try it for yourself!  See what happens when you start putting your spouse first.  The results just may be even better than you thought.

I'd like to give a shout-out to Arlee Bird, the fantastic blogger who started this A to Z Challenge three years ago!  Head over to his blog and say hello!

Linking today:  A Proverbs 31 Wife, What Joy is Mine, The Better Mom, Yes They Are All Ours, Countrified Hicks

{Focus} On the Truly Important

Three days in, having my morning schedule has been a great thing.  I've read my Bible three days running (for me, this is an accomplishment!), had time to make and eat a good breakfast, spent an hour blogging, and not been rushing to get out the door.  It's wonderful.  However, this morning I "slept in" an hour and a half late, because last night it was more important to spend time with my hubby than to go to bed early.  As a result, I didn't have time to do the blogging I planned to do early in the day--but it was SO worth it.

It was just a good reminder for me that I need to be careful not to let my own plans get in the way of my highest priorities.  Sure, I want to blog every day, but like last night, there are times when more important things need to take precedence.

Of course, there are things I don't want to compromise on--daily Bible study, for example.  But my husband is my highest priority after God, and it's important that I don't let my plans or pride get in the way of putting him first.

In my first volleyball class yesterday (my last general education requirement), I realized some things about myself that apply in all areas of my life:

-I need to be willing to admit when I'm doing something wrong, or when I can't do something without help.
-I can't take offense when others help or correct me.
-It's healthy to be able to laugh at myself.
-I don't have to worry about what other people think about me.

Perhaps I'll do more posts in the future on the topic of "What volleyball has taught me about life."  Maybe in a couple of months. :)

Instead of focusing on myself (my own desires/feelings/pride), the most important thing is for me to focus on those around me.  I won't do it perfectly all the time, but I can do my best with God's help, and in doing so strive to become more like Jesus.

How I've Been a Hypocrite

My dear readers, I have a confession to make.

I've been quite a hypocrite this summer.

Here I've been writing all these posts about how to be a good, godly wife, what I've been learning about marriage, how to love my husband, the importance of really listening to him...

and I've messed up.  Big-time.

Let me set up the scenario for you:
Joshua and I have started reading The Lord of the Rings together.  He had already read The Fellowship of the Ring, and I read that and half of The Two Towers, but a long time ago.  So we read some chapters together, and I was reading a few on my own, to catch up and because bibliophile me can't really put a book down once I start reading it (and getting into it, which I definitely am with Lord of the Rings!).

Sunday night, my husband asked that I not start reading The Two Towers because he wanted us to read it entirely together.
By Monday morning, that request had slipped my mind, and yesterday I read the first two chapters.
Last night, my husband discovered this and was not happy.

You need to know a couple things about my Joshua:
1) He is an introvert.
2) His primary love-language is quality time.

I did not realize how much reading this book together meant to him.  I thought (forgetting that he asked me not to) that he wouldn't mind if I read a couple chapters.
It means a LOT to him, and he minded quite a bit.

Looong story short, we're all good now, I'm forgiven, I understand where I went wrong, everything is okay.

But I have some work to do.  Because my blunder led me to discover several very important things that I've been blind to all summer.

1) Neither my husband, nor I, have been content with the routine we've gotten into this summer:  Joshua comes home from work, he relaxes with some TV or computer time, I make supper, we eat, we watch a movie or both do things on the computer, we go to bed.
I realized why neither of us has been content with this routine.  Very little of it is about us being together.  Neither of us has liked this...but both of us assumed, wrongly, that the other one was content and/or not interested in doing anything together.  We both messed up on this...but now that we've realized it, we can work to right it.

2) I cannot assume things about my husband; I need to talk to him if I can't figure things out on my own.  (Because we all know what it means to assume...the person who pointed that out to me shall remain nameless.)

3) Sometimes the solution is staring me in the face, and is a lot simpler than I realize.
Togetherness.  That's all my husband wanted.  He doesn't want me to think up elaborate ideas for date nights.  He doesn't need me to write a list of twenty-five things we can do together.  He just wants me.  He wants my attention, my time, and my presence.

4) The things I think my husband wants and needs are not necessarily the things he really does want and need.
I figured that if I kept the house in order, fed him a nice supper, let him do his thing on the computer and TV, watched a movie with him, and had sex before we went to bed, that my husband would be happy.
Eating, rest, alone time and sex are all necessary...but they don't replace actually being together and giving my husband my full attention and self.  It doesn't work if I'm constantly thinking of other things I need to/should be doing, or if I spend the entire evening in the kitchen after he gets home.  He wants ME.  That's it.

5) This problem is fairly easy to fix if I a) get DONE with housework before Joshua gets home each day, b) keep chore-doing to a minimum in the evenings when he is home and c) be intentional and put time together in our schedule.  As soon as this post is written I'm going to write, in ink, on the calendar, "DATE NIGHT" at least every three weeks.  And nothing, absolutely nothing, will mess with those nights.

6) I realized last night how much I really mean to my husband.  That was huge.  It's good to know how much he appreciates the meals I make or that I keep the house in order...but knowing he just wants me??  That made me feel so treasured and loved.  And it made me resolve to make HIM feel the same way, by focusing more on him.

It's horrible when it takes a bad thing to wake me up to more bad things I've been doing...but the result of all this is that I think things in our marriage are really going to change for the better.  I can't believe how blind and stupid I've been all summer....but THANK GOD for the forgiveness which he has given me and which he has enabled my husband to give me.

Once again, it's Romans 8:28 in action.  God uses ALL things, even our silly, selfish sins, to work for our good.  I'm praying that he will enable me to be a much more selfless, loving, and attentive wife, and that our marriage will continue to grow, mature, and become more joy-filled every day.

And I'm sorry for being such a hypocrite!


Linking up today...
Cornerstone Confessions; Far Above Rubies; Growing Home; Thankful Homemaker; Time-Warp Wife; Lessons from Ivy

Knowing My Husband

In the midst of a discussion with my husband the other day, he said something that has stuck with me:

"I want you to know my heart on this."

I realized that I had been trying to figure out what he was thinking, when I didn't need to know what was in his head, but in his heart.

Many of our choices, decisions, actions, and reactions are based on our strong beliefs or feelings, things that are a part of who we are.
Those beliefs and feelings aren't always obvious to those around us.
It became painfully evident to me that my husband's feelings, and the reasons for them, weren't as obvious to me as they should have been.

There I was, thinking that my husband was saying or doing things with negative intentions toward me.  That wasn't true at all.  I just didn't understand how he was feeling, which was based in opinions, habits and ideas that are a deep-rooted part of him.
When we both were intentional about knowing each other's hearts, then we were able to work through the difficulty because we could really see the other person's perspective.

I realized that I haven't been as intentional about really knowing my husband as I could be.

In the New King James Version, Genesis 4:1 is translated "Now Adam knew Eve his wife..."  In the New International Version, the same verse is translated as "Adam lay with his wife Eve..."  I like the NKJV better.  The sexual relationship between Adam and Eve was so much more than "laying" together.  They "knew" each other, in the most intimate possible way.  I want a spiritual "knowing" of my husband, to know who he is in the most hidden parts of his heart and mind.

This is a good goal to have...but it is only truly accomplished by one person.

This is how God knows us.  God, who has known us since before we were born...

"My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place.  When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body.  All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."  Psalm 139:15-16

In Psalm 44:21 and Acts 15:8, we learn that God knows the hearts of all people--even the inner secrets of their hearts.  The writer of Psalm 139 ended that psalm by asking God to search his heart:

"Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.  See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." Psalm 139:23-24

God knows our hearts.  He knows our minds and thoughts.  He knows our inner feelings, more intimately and completely than even we know ourselves.

In time I will know my husband's heart more and become better at understanding it.  We are both fallible, sinful human beings, and our marriage will always be a work in progress, but with God's help and by his grace we'll improve all the time.

In the meantime, I will ask God to help me know my husband's heart, and for him to know mine, in imitation of the way that God knows ours.


Linking up today...
New Life Steward; The Fontenot Four; To Love, Honor and Vacuum; A Wise Woman Builds Her Home; Deep Roots at Home; Women Living Well

God Calls the Unlikeliest of Servants

The book of Judges is one of the most exciting books of the Bible, in my opinion.  It's full of battles, bravery, and unlikely heroes.  And more importantly, it contains stories about God's righteous judgment, His mercy, and forgiveness.


Many chapters in the book begin with the phrase, "Again the Israelites did evil in the eyes of the Lord..."  Over and over God's people turned away from Him and worshiped the false gods of the people in whose land they were living.  Over and over God gave the people over to their enemies because they had abandoned Him.  Again and again the people pleaded with God to rescue them, so He sent people to care for them, rescue them from their enemies, and lead them into victorious battles.


Only when God was in charge of the Israelites did they win those battles.  And God almost always chose the unlikeliest of people to lead Israel.  One of those people was Gideon.  He, his family and their people were in a desperate situation.  The Midianites had taken over their land, destroyed all their crops and livestock, and forced Israel to flee to caves and hideouts in the mountains for refuge.  Israel was so afraid of Midian that when Gideon, the youngest of his father's sons, was given the job of threshing wheat, he had to do it in a winepress in order to not be seen by the Midianites (Judges 6:1-11).


It was this man, who had lost almost everything and living in constant fear, who God called to lead His people.


Gideon was reluctant.  He protested that he was too young and weak.  He asked where God had been, why He had abandoned His people to Midian (Judges 6:13-15).


God was patient.  He reassured Gideon.  He gave him instructions, and God also gave Gideon proof and signs that God would do what He had promised.  He would save Israel.


And he did.  Gideon gathered thirty-two thousand men from the tribes of Israel.  In order to make clear that God would save them, not Gideon, God instructed Gideon to pare down the army from the thirty-two thousand, to twenty-two thousand, to three hundred men.  Those three hundred were the men God used to rescue Israel from the Midianites.


(The battle story is an exciting one.  To read the whole thing, go to Judges chapter seven!)


Gideon and the Israelites are not unlike many believers in God today.  We often ignore His laws, and then question God as to why He has abandoned us--when it is not He who has left us, but we who have left Him.  Then, when he calls us to serve him, we protest that we are unable, that we need more proof from God that this is really what he wants us to do.
This is exactly what Israel did, and it is exactly what I see myself doing.
I don't always obey God.  Then, when I have troubles, I wonder why He's not getting me out of them.  It's not that He's turned away from me.  It's I who have turned away from Him!
He is gracious, and He still calls me his child.  He still has work for me to do.  But I question whether or not I can do it.
I'm just a young woman.  I don't have much experience in anything.  I don't have money to travel anywhere to share the Gospel.  I'm not that good of a writer.  I fail all the time as a wife.
I protest and find excuses why I'm not qualified to serve God.


Why do I think it's all about me?
God doesn't need me.  He has chosen me to serve Him, and to help fulfill His purposes.
He doesn't rely on MY strength to fulfill His will.  He gives me HIS strength!
No, Gideon wasn't qualified.
I'm not either.
But that doesn't matter to God.  We don't get in His way.
He gives us jobs to do, and then He gives us the means to do them.
All He does is ask that we are obedient.  That we listen to Him, and follow His calling.

And we can have faith that He will do what He has promised.
God will take care of us.  He will provide for us.  It will not always be in the way we imagine.  But it will be in the way that God knows is best, and that will bring Him glory.


Have you ever heard this phrase:
"God doesn't call the equipped.  He equips those He calls."
That was true for Gideon.
It is true for me.
AND it is true for you.

God has a plan for you.  You are someone He has chosen to help carry out His purposes.  Whatever He calls you to do, He will enable you to do it.
He is big, almighty, eternal, and all-powerful.  We can trust that He will keep His promises...just like he did for Gideon.

Linking with:

Marriage Compromises

A big thank-you to my newest followers...46 total as of today!  That's something I did not expect when I started writing.  You are all a blessing.




This post should start with a definition of what I do NOT mean by marriage compromises.
I do not mean that anyone should compromise in their standards for a spouse, future or current.
For me, that means that when I was single, my standards included that my husband would have to be a Christian--and Lutheran--that he would have to be willing to be the primary breadwinner, that he would take on the responsibility as the leader of our home, especially spiritually, and that he would love Jesus more than anything (including me)--among a few other, less significant things.  I do not recommend compromising on anything that important.
In our marriage now, I do not compromise on things such as...
We need to always treat each other with love and respect.
God has to come first.  Period.
Joshua (generally) has the final say in decision-making.  (For more on that, see a recent post on submission in marriage.)

Those are the non-negotiable items.
In many cases, we have different opinions and want things done in different ways.  Like I said, I generally let Joshua decide...but I also have needs and wants, too!  As a loving husband he often lets me have things my way--or, at the very least, we show love and respect to one another by making a compromise.
A few examples (some theoretical, some actual):
Say I have baked chicken planned for lunch today, sandwiches and tomato soup for supper, and chicken soup for lunch tomorrow.  The soup will use the leftover meat from the baked chicken, and the broth that I'll make by slow-cooking the chicken bones.  That's what's going through my mind.  Joshua requests his favorite chicken-and-rice casserole for lunch today before he leaves for work.  Well, that doesn't really fit into my meal plan...and I don't like it when my meal plan gets messed up.  However, I CAN use some of the chicken meat for the casserole...and I'll still probably have enough for soup.  I can go ahead with my plan to make the baked chicken today and the broth overnight.  Joshua can wait till tomorrow for the casserole, and I can freeze broth and chicken meat to make the soup another day.  He gets his favorite dish, just a day later than requested, and my meal plan is neatly rearranged.  We're both happy.
Here's a real-life example:
I was raised with the understanding that everybody goes to church every Sunday unless you're running a high fever or throwing up.  Period, no excuses.  Missing church was always the worst thing about being sick.  Joshua was raised with parents that were more flexible: if, on rare occasion, Joshua or one of his brothers was tired or preferred to worship at home with an online sermon and a Bible, his parents would allow it every now and then.  For quite a few months Joshua has tried to request the same thing from me, and I did not respond well.  It caused some arguments.  Finally, we recently made a compromise: once every three months Joshua can choose to stay home from church, without sickness as an excuse, and I'll stay with him.  I can handle four Sundays a year of worshiping at home, and he knows that he has that option every now and then.
(He "cashed in" on his first free Sunday yesterday.  It was actually really nice...we listened to a fantastic sermon at home, prayed together, and had a very relaxing day.)

These are examples of less-important things (the meal-plan-rearrange) and things that are more important to us (the church-going, or not).  When it came to deciding about whether or not it's important to go to church every single Sunday, both of us had opinions that we'd had for our whole lives, resulting in different choices our parents made in raising us.  Neither way was necessarily right or wrong...just different.  But we learned to meld our different opinions in a way that both of us could feel good about.

I can guarantee that at various times in our marriage, we will discover things we disagree about.  Depending on the circumstances, I may submit to Joshua's leadership and let him decide how to do things.  That would take all responsibility off me.  Or, if it would make us both happier, I may request a compromise.

Every couple is made up of two very different people, raised in different ways, holding different opinions about things, and sometimes they will disagree.  When it's necessary, a compromise is often the solution to avoiding arguments and unhappiness from both sides.  A compromise may not completely satisfy both the husband and wife, but marriage is all about give-and-take.  Each person gives 100%.

When a husband and wife are both completely selfless, marriage works perfectly.  No person can every be completely selfless, of course, which is why no marriage is absolutely perfect.  But when we seek to imitate Christ in everything, the husband will love his wife the way Christ loved the church, giving Himself up for her, and the wife will submit to and respect her husband the way the church submits to Christ.  Each gives themselves up for the other.  Each looks primarily to the other's needs.  That's something that is not to be compromised in marriage, but when it leads to good, wholesome compromises, it builds up the marriage and strengthens the couple's relationship.

So, when faced with disagreements, should a couple compromise?  Not always, but when they do, it can be a blessing to them both.

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linking up today with:

It's Not About Me

I've been reminded in a lot of ways this week that I'm not perfect.

And that is okay.


Our dear friend Joseph's birthday was yesterday.  So Monday and Tuesday I was a busy-bee homemaker, figuring out how to make the perfect birthday cake from scratch.  I was also planning a fancy dinner for my husband for Valentine's Day: roast chicken, homemade stuffing, steamed veggies, and turtle cheesecake.

The cake turned out lovely...other than misspelling "Birthday" (it read "Happy Birthay").  And the frosting was runny and a little sparse.  But it tastes great. :)

The Valentine's Day dinner turned out well, too...but the chicken took a lot longer to cook than I thought.  I cut into a leg and it was still red and bloody.  And when it was cooked all the way, I realized that I had put it in the pan upside-down.  oops.  The cheesecake was yummy (so yummy that Hubby has eaten over half of it by himself already)...but the crust kept falling apart.

And our evening with dinner and a movie was fun...until I was doing dishes and the drain pipe fell off again, leaking water all over the kitchen floor.  I did not react well.  Tears and screeching.  Hubby was very forgiving.

Aaand my house is not clean, my homework is not done, the kitchen is messy, and today I haven't been feeling quite up to doing any of that.

But I had a long talk with my friend Sara yesterday.  She's had an insane week, and she was fretting about not getting everything done as well as she wanted to be able to.  I told her that it's okay to not get solid A's on everything.  That not practicing organ for a full ten hours was not going to completely ruin her lesson.  That her professor would understand.  That it's okay not to do everything perfectly.  That she doesn't need to be so hard on herself.

Because I'm the same way: I am my own harshest critic.  I get so down on myself when I don't measure up to my own expectations.  When tiredness, not feeling well, or other things get in the way of doing what I think needs to be done I blame myself.

In some ways I'm justified in this.  I should try to do my best in honor to glorify God.  I should honor my professors, classmates, and husband especially.

But I am not perfect.  I am not going to always get everything right.  I won't always handle trying situations well.  I am not a perfect wife, student, friend, cook, homemaker, whatever.  I won't ever be.

And that is OKAY!

I focus so much on my sinful nature: what I do wrong all the time.  But a professor reminded us in doctrine class recently that we are always saints as well.  When I am in class, I'm honoring God.  When I'm at work, I'm serving him.  When I put food on the table (misspelled, wrongly cooked, or not!), I am blessing my husband and sharing the gifts God has given us.

No, I'm not perfect.  But God is.  And it's not all about me, after all.  It's about him.  Focusing on myself all the time is downright sinful.  My focus should not be, "How can I be the best person I can be?" but "How can I serve God the best I can?"

God has already done all that was needed to make me perfect in his sight.  Jesus died to take the punishment for my imperfection on himself.  He rose again so that I can have his perfection.  His Holy Spirit is in me, giving me faith and the power to be his tool and partner in carrying out his will.

That's an incredible thing: I am one of the people who help God carry out his purposes.  I am his servant and his tool--but I am not inactive in serving him.  Because I am saved and redeemed, I really do serve and honor God of my own free will.  No, I don't do it perfectly...but he uses my imperfections and allows me to serve him despite them.

What a beautiful truth this is!  What incredible grace.

Loving my husband: things I DON'T do

In the last eight-plus months I have found there are things I simply should not do in marriage.  Perhaps you will know about all of these already, but maybe not!

1) Nag.  This is unproductive, hurtful, and almost always backfires.  I am not my husband's mother, I am his partner and his equal.  In fact, I am under his authority!  When I ask him to do something for me, I try to give him the option to not do it, unless it's something I absolutely can't do myself.  When there is something I really want him to do, I need to make sure I have his full attention before I ask it, and I sometimes ask if he's heard and understood what I've said to make sure I communicated clearly.  Sometimes he does need a reminder once or twice, but I try to be careful in how I phrase the reminder and with my tone of voice.  My husband deserves my utmost respect.

2) Assume the worst about him.  My husband loves me, and he doesn't do things to intentionally make me upset!  I try to assume that his motives are always good and give him the benefit of the doubt when he's done something I don't like.

3) Scold.  It's fine to communicate when he's done something I don't like.  But he's not four.  Again, it is not my place to treat my husband like he's my son.  He is a MAN!

4) Expect him to fail.  This is connected with #2, and when I asked my husband what something is that I do toward him that I shouldn't, this is what he said.  Again, I should not treat him or view him as an incompetent child.  No, he doesn't always do everything perfectly, but I should not always expect him to mess up.  He's not perfect, but neither am I!  My way does not always work, and many, many times my husband does things better than I do.

To sum up:  Assume the best about your husband and that he is always capable of what he's doing.  Thank him and praise him for all the good things he does, and don't nag, criticize or scold for the things he doesn't do well (or at all).
Focus on the best in him!!!

Unexpected Blessings

Today's Joy Dare: "three ways you glimpsed the startling grace of God."
He doesn't always bless us in the ways we expect.  "Do this, God!" we cry.  "Give me good heath!  Give us good jobs!  Help us do this!  Make this work out!"
Do we really think that we determine how he blesses us?
How do we define "blessings"?  Are they always things we want?  Always things we expected we would get?  Always things we thought we needed?
Definitely not.  God blesses us in his own way, in the way he knows we need it.  He doesn't always give us what we want, or what we think we need.  And even when things seem to be going completely wrong--he works things out for good.  Sometimes we'll never see or hear about that good.  But it does happen.

Startling graces...
An unexpected expense recently came up...and God provided a way to cover it, one we don't have to pay back.  So surprising.  So much grace.

I experimented with a recipe this morning: orange-white-chocolate scones.  And they turned out so. good.

Breakfast and thrift-store-shopping this morning with beloved friends, Hubby told me to get whatever I wanted.  Three books and a t-shirt.  Unexpected little gifts.

I wrote a poem the other day, and realized after I'd written it that God had literally spoken to me through my own writing.  That was definitely a startling grace!

(yes...this is four...do I have to be limited to three? :) )

May you be blessed in startling ways--for all is grace.

Audible Blessings

Have you ever considered what a gift it is to be able to hear?  Many people who cannot hear would be quick to remind those of us who can that it is a gift not to be taken lightly.

I don't often consider the blessings that I can hear.  But there are so many!!  Music.  Birds.  Wind.  The voices of those dear to me.  Words of grace, forgiveness, Gospel.

Today there are three in particular:
...the voice of my sister on the phone.  Today is her thirteenth birthday.  My little sister...a teenager!  She's growing up so fast.  She has so many gifts and talents, she's so beautiful, she loves Jesus, and she is such a joy to her family and friends.
...the voice of my husband.  He speaks words of love, forgiveness, instruction, encouragement, and reassurance to me.  He is my best (earthly) friend!
...the alarm clock.  It IS a blessing!  It wakes me up so I don't oversleep.  It helps me begin another day: a day in which I have so many opportunities to serve God and serve others.  (See my previous post!)

More than anything, I want to hear the voice of God.  There are times when I wonder how I can possibly do that.  After all, God doesn't often speak audibly.  But he has spoken to us through his Word, the Word, the Bible.  It is there that I can "hear" everything he has to say to me: how he loves me, what he has done for me, what he has planned for me.

May my ears be open to hear His voice.

When I don't know what to say

The reason I don't post every day is mostly because I can't always think of something interesting/insightful/meaningful to write.

And I don't want to put anything out there that's not one of those things.  I know I've done that before, I'm sure I have.  But usually I want my posts to be well thought-out.  Sometimes I don't have time to sit and write, so I don't.  I'm not one of those people who writes multiple drafts of blog posts.  There are one or two that I started and never posted, but I don't usually go over posts more than once.  Maybe I should, but I like my spur-of-the-moment habit.

I'm a talker, if you couldn't tell.  (The way I write on here is pretty much the way I talk in real life.)  I don't like awkward silences.  I sometimes find it hard to be quiet, or to make the best use of the words I say.
I'm getting better, though, at not speaking.  Being married to an introvert helps with that.

I'm learning that it's okay to not talk.  To be quiet.  To be still.

And I don't always have to know what to say.  I certainly don't have all the answers.  Some days, like the last couple days, I just have to soak up what others are saying (and writing).  What they're saying is what's on my heart anyway.

Julia gently reminded me today of what Christ has done for me and how much I really need him.

Rachel  made me smile with a story about her precious children; I am so excited to be a mama someday.

Nikki is a connection to home (where my family lives) and is always reminding me how much I have to be thankful for.

Lindsey  encouraged me with a post that I could have written myself, reminding me that I'm not alone.

Lisa  is friend and teacher and inspiration as well as a constant reminder of God's goodness.

And Ann always seems to write exactly what I need to hear; she is perpetually encouraging and uplifting, such a witness of the Gospel.

These six are among the blogs I read the most often.  They are women who are humorous, genuine, faithful, grace-covered, inspiring, and encouraging.  And when I don't know what to say, they usually say it for me.

When I don't know what to say, I take comfort in knowing that Christ knows it even when I don't.
God knows my heart.

Lately I've Been Learning...

I've been learning lately that the ways I sometimes choose to love my husband aren't always the ways he needs to be loved.  He feels loved when I love him in the way he needs to be, not the way I think he needs to be.

I've been learning lately that communication doesn't just mean talking.  That's true for all of my relationships, not just marriage.

I've been learning lately that as frustrating my life seems sometimes, I have SO much to be thankful for.  A lot of people out there have much less than I do.

I've been learning lately how gracious and loving God is, and how much of a sense of humor he has, even when disciplining me.  (In church yesterday I was being judgmental of how the reader was reading, whispering to Joshua how I could read it better, and then they read the words "Always consider others better than yourselves."  Zinger.)

I've been learning lately that I am much more relaxed when I have a clean house.  A few minutes of cleaning equals a happier me.  (So why is it so hard to get off my duff and do it??)

I've been learning lately that I really enjoy working out.  I like how it makes me feel.  Who knew?


Constantly I'm learning how to trust God...learning that he loves me unconditionally, just as I am...how to love my husband better...that he loves me for the person I am and not the one I want to become.  And at the same time, both of them encourage me to grow.

Humility and Perspective

So it was one of those mornings today.  Where it seems like one thing after another goes wrong.  To make it even more frustrating, most of the difficulties resulted from my own lack of responsibility.  (I didn't order new contacts in time, so after having lost one I'm stuck with wearing just one until I can get more.  I don't feel like I did very well on a test because I didn't study as much as I should have.  And so on.)

It was very humbling to realize that the frustrations of today were basically all my own fault.  There's no one else to blame.

It was also humbling, while I was alternately feeling sorry for myself and mentally kicking myself, to remember that compared to a lot of people, my troubles are really not very troubling.  A lot of people would be thankful for even one contact lens to help them see better.  (Kind of a corny example, but oh well.)  Even more people would be thankful for the opportunity to get any kind of education, and here I am at an excellent university.

Millions of people won't be going home tonight in a car that works, to a nice home with electricity and water and heat, to eat supper out of a fridge and cupboards full of food.

When I think of how much I have, it's a lot harder to feel sorry for myself about the things I don't have.  (Especially when it's my own fault I don't have them!)

Also, a missing contact and a low grade on a test are not the end of the world, not by a long shot.  I was quite cheered up by two lovely friends after class, and I will be very grateful to be able to see clearly out of both eyes when I get more contacts.  Never taking them for granted again, I hope!

Meanwhile, it's the weekend, the weather is gorgeous, I have an amazing husband with whom I get to hang out this weekend, and I have a God who teaches, reprimands, loves and forgives me.

What more do I need? :)

Attitude is Everything

I have a confession to make.  I had a really poor attitude yesterday.  My family left in the morning, and I was homesick for them all the rest of the day.  I was in a crummy mood for a variety of reasons, no need to go into them.  I didn't feel like doing much.  I was lazy most of the day.  I didn't get the kitchen cleaned up or all the dishes done before I went to bed.  (I'm still in the process of finishing! :) )  I figured, well, my family's not coming again anytime soon, what's the point?

Hubby and I had a very pleasant evening together, and today I realized, wait a minute.  I have a serious problem if I'm thinking this way.  Who am I called to serve, first and foremost?  Who should be my top priority (second only to God)?  Who deserves my love and respect most, and whose home am I taking care of?  My husband.  Our home.  Loving and serving God by loving and serving my husband should be my primary motivator for doing things around the house, for making tasteful, healthful meals for us, for keeping myself looking nice.

Thank God that this mix-up of priorities only lasted a day.  I'm feeling myself again, energized, eager to serve.  Thank you, Lord.  He is ever faithful!!  Now it's time to get lunch ready and finish cleaning up the kitchen before Hubby gets home!! :)

The Journey

We went to Lincoln again last night, to accomplish the errand that didn't work out on Thursday.  It was another good trip (Culver's for supper; it was like being back in Wisconsin!).  It was also another beautiful evening.  I drove home since Hubby was tired.  The Nebraska landscape is SO beautiful; I wish I'd had my camera with me.  The sun was beginning its descent toward the western horizon, straight ahead of us.  Cotton-ball-clouds were scattered in the smooth blue sky.  On each side of the highway were fields, green with corn and beans and grass.  Cattle grazed or cooled off in a muddy puddle.  Wildflowers bordered the highway on either side, filling the ditches.  The radio was playing and Hubby and I sang along, alternating between the Christian and country stations, a breeze in our faces.  It was a perfect drive.

And it got me to thinking, how life is great like that sometimes.  Driving along, happy, the sun in my eyes and wind in my hair.  But sometimes life isn't so good, like when I went to get Hubby from the airport in Wisconsin before the wedding.   It was rainy, cloudy, and foggy--I couldn't see far past the car.  My hands gripped the steering wheel, white-knuckled.  I was praying the whole way, alone in the car.  On the way home, with (then-future) Hubby in the passenger beside me, it wasn't so bad.  I was in control of the car, I had an encourager, and I wasn't alone.

But how much better might both drives have been if I wasn't in the passenger seat?  I wouldn't be in control then, of course (as much as I try to be; I'm a terrible passenger-seat-driver).  I wouldn't decide where we were going.  I would just sit back, enjoy the ride, not worry about the mechanics of driving, and trust myself into the care of the driver.  Even in foggy or rainy weather, it wouldn't be so scary if I wasn't behind the wheel.  The driver would be in control, taking care of me.  I would have no need to worry.

Sometimes my journey through life is like that: I try to be in control, and sometimes it works out well, and sometimes (usually) it doesn't.  When I take control of my life, getting in the driver's seat, I'm the one who has to think about where to go, worry about other drivers, follow signs and directions, and keep control of the car.  When I let God get behind the wheel, all those worries are His, and not mine.  I can trust Him and say, "I don't know exactly where I'm going, but that's ok, because You do.  I don't know how I'm going to get there, but You wrote the roadmap, not me.  I don't know what obstacles are going to get in my way, but You do, and You'll get me safely through them.  All I have to do is trust You--and enjoy the ride."

Handing over control like that is kind of scary sometimes.  We as humans want to keep a tight grip on our lives, control our futures, decide where our life will lead us.  But a lot of the time we get confused because we don't know where we're going.  It's just so much easier to let God take control, because that's the way it should be.

I think I'd rather let God be the driver of my life.  He is God, after all.

A Change in Perspective

I just started reading a book that a friend gave me for a wedding gift, Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas.  The flap of the dust cover reads, "What if God's primary intent for your marriage isn't to make you happy...but holy? What if your relationship isn't as much about you and your spouse as it is about you and God?"

This really got me thinking (that and the first three chapters I've read so far).  From the world's point of view, life is about being happy, being satisfied, being successful, and being instantly gratified.  People should do everything they can to accomplish those things for themselves, says the world.

I said the other day that one of the most important things about marriage is being selfless--putting the needs and desires of one's spouse before one's own, making the other person's happiness your goal.

But now I don't think it's either of these, and I think I knew that all along; I just needed a wake-up call which this book provided.  Marriage isn't about making myself happy.  It's not even about making my spouse happy.  It's about making God happy.

Let me say that again: the primary goal of marriage should be to give God honor, glory, and praise.  The primary benefit of marriage isn't children, companionship or comfort (although those are wonderful benefits of marriage!).  It's a closer relationship with God; a deeper understanding of how God loves us and how he desires our relationship with him to be.

God designed marriage to point us toward HIM.  It's a matter of focus.  What are we focused on?  Ourselves?  Our spouse?  Or God?  Are we looking at our marriage like we should everything else, with an eternal mindset?

I've written about this before: how looking at life with an eternal perspective changes everything.  If we are considering that our final destination is heaven, the only person whose opinion we should care about is God's, and our primary goal in life is to serve, honor, glorify and obey him--then everything else in life takes on a different meaning and purpose.  If we view marriage as something designed by God to draw us closer into relationship with and understanding of him, and view it as another aspect of life in which our primary goal should be to serve God, then EVERYTHING else will fall into place.

Think about it.  If I'm seeking to serve, honor, glorify and obey God in my marriage, then I will be doing the following things in accordance with God's will:

Loving my husband as I love myself and as God loves both of us.
Submitting to him as the Church submits to Christ.
Forgiving him as Christ has forgiven me.
Staying faithful to him as God is constantly faithful to those who believe in him.
Honoring him and lifting him up, not breaking him down.
Treating him with kindness and patience, the way God treats me.

These are just a few of the things that will result from my seeking to honor and serve God first and foremost.  Honoring, serving and loving my husband follows naturally.

Through marriage I will also grow closer to God.  Marriage is teaching me:
Trust.  Not in myself, not in my husband, but in God to take care of both of us.
The blessing of prayer: individually and together, my husband and I daily visit with the Lord.
The blessing of daily Bible reading: my husband has (again) initiated devotions for the two of us, which encourages me to do devotions on my own.
The limitless love God has for me.  My husband is only human, and even his love is more than I can fathom.  Imagine how great God's love is for me--for us!!
The unity of Christ and the church, of the Trinity, as reflected in the unity of a husband and wife.
The selflessness of Christ in giving himself up for us, as I strive to give myself up for my husband every day.
The humility of Christ as he submitted himself to his Father, as I seek to be humble and submit to my husband.

Again, these are just a few things, and this post is getting long!  I was just awed and inspired by this new-found perspective that God has given me.  I'd highly recommend the book (I can't wait to finish it!).

Living Intentionally

I've been thinking about something, and I'm just going to type and see what happens.

I know that God places at times and places in our lives for a reason, or at the very least, he works in our lives to accomplish his purposes even if/when things we do are contrary to his will for us.

I don't have a (paying) job yet--I've been keeping busy at home, and I have plenty of things to do to fill my days.  But it's been frustrating, not being able to make money.  I've applied at a couple places, and I know I need to apply elsewhere as well.

But it's been making me wonder, am I using my time well, even though I don't have a job?  Am I using my time to serve others and by doing so serve the Lord?  Am I using extra free time to be in fellowship with him?  Am I living my life intentionally, for a purpose, or am I just 'winging it' and kind of flying by the seat of my pants?

It feels like that sometimes, although the days are settling into a routine of sorts.  I cook.  I clean.  I go shopping for groceries.  I do laundry every week.  I keep the house in order.  But that list looks so pathetic when I actually see it written out.

We had friends over last night.  We're having some young people from our church here tonight, going to a movie and having them here for games and cookies, one other thing I need to do this afternoon (bake).
I try to have the house in order and myself looking nice when my husband comes home from work.
I don't have many friends in town right now, but I'm trying to keep in touch with the ones that are.  We see hubby's family at least once every couple weeks.

So, I'm trying, to have a purpose in life right now, and to glorify God in what I'm doing.  My vocation at this moment is to be a wife and homemaker, and although that might seem like a short list of responsibilities, I'm trying to do my very best at them to be a blessing to my husband first and foremost, and everyone else we come in contact with as well.

I feel like I'm defending myself...to myself.  Which I shouldn't have to.  Maybe I'm just trying to figure out what it is I'm doing and why.  But I know that even the in simplest things that I do to serve others, I'm serving God.  By loving my husband I'm loving our God who made him and who gave us to each other.  Feeding friends is like having Christ at my table.  What a blessing, what an honor it is, to serve God in these vocations he's given me!!!  Thank you Jesus :)

Priorities

In Luke chapter ten, an "expert in the law" tried to test Jesus by asking him, "What must I do to inherit eternal life?"  Jesus asked him what he had read in the Law (the Old Testament, the Torah) and the man replied, "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind', and 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'"  This led into the parable of the Good Samaritan, when the man asked Jesus who his neighbor was.  (See Luke 10:25-27)

When I was in Sunday School, one thing I learned was an acronym for JOY:
Jesus
Others
You

You will have joy, I was told, if your priorities are in this order.

A bit law-heavy, I feel, but it makes a good point nonetheless.  When God is my first priority and first interest, when I seek to love, honor and obey him in everything, then everything else falls into place.  When I am obeying God, then I will be loving and serving my neighbor--all those around me.  And I will have joy and contentment in obedience and loving others.  Paul wrote to the Philippians, "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.  Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.  Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus."  (2:3-6)  Paul continues with a beautiful, hymn-like poem detailing the life, ministry, and humility of Jesus, "Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.  And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death--even death on a cross!" (2:6-8)

Jesus, although he was "in very nature God", did not take advantage of that equality.  He had his priorities in order: He first and foremost obeyed God, his Father, and then spent his entire ministry serving everyone with whom he came in contact.  His ultimate act of service was to give his own life for the sins of the whole world. If that's not an example of ultimate selflessness and sacrifice, I don't know what is.

Now, we as Christians aren't all called upon to die for others and for what we believe in.  But we can LIVE for God and for everyone around us!  I know if I was more focused on others than myself most of the time, my life would probably be a lot less frustrating.  I experienced the consequences of my own selfishness several times, rather painfully, this last week.

But I can imitate Christ.  I have the ultimate Example of Selflessness and Love and Giving and Kindness to emulate.  I will never do it perfectly, no.  But that same Example desires to help me imitate him, and when I fail, he's always ready to remind me of his forgiveness.

Today, by the grace of God, I want to imitate Christ.