Twenty-two lessons in twenty-two years

Today I'm turning twenty-two.  It's not a particularly exciting birthday, like eight years from now will be (gee, am I really going to be thirty in only eight years??).  However, I like even numbers, and I like symmetry, so 22 is a good number.

I've learned a lot in 2.2 decades.  Most of these lessons have been things I've come to understand fairly recently, but they're all a result of experiences throughout my life.  I thought it might be fun (and a bit of a challenge) to come up with twenty-two worthwhile things I've learned about life, relationships, and myself.  Can you relate with any of these?  It can't be just me!

1)  Don't make snap judgments about people.  Some people you might not like much at first but later you'll become friends, and some people who seem cool when you meet them really aren't.

2) Never hold a grudge.  It's not healthy for you and it doesn't affect the other person much anyway.

3) Learn to laugh at yourself.  You do goofy things, and you'll be happier if you can see the humor in those things.

4) Avoid assuming (although do try to assume the best about your spouse as much as possible).  We all know what happens when you ASSUME.  Yeah.

5) Learn to not take things so personally.  Not everything is about you!

6) Appreciate when people listen to you, and learn to listen to others.  They have a lot to teach you.

7) Learn to forgive yourself.  Guilt is not a burden you need to bear; Jesus destroyed it on the cross.

8) Try new things.  You might find you like some things you swore you never would (like country music!).

9) Dance at every wedding.  It's a win-win: you get to flirt with your husband, and show off your sweet swing-dancing skills.

10) Don't be afraid of what people think about you.  The opinions of most people don't matter, and you're defined by being a child of God, not by other people's opinions.

11) Embrace opportunities to make new friends.  Cultivate those relationships while you have the opportunity (before you move or they graduate from college).

12) It's okay to have several "best friends."

13) Get to know people of a variety of ages: your age, younger than you, and older--sometimes much older--than you.  Children bring so much joy to life, and you can learn a lot from older people.

14) Always lick the spoon.

15) Don't beat yourself up over mistakes.  Everyone makes from them.  Take note of the lesson you've learned and move on.

16) It's okay to cry and not know why.

17) You'll always need your mom.

18) Face your fears.  That's the easiest way to conquer them.

19) On second thought, just don't be afraid.  Fear is of the Enemy.  You are a child of God and the Holy Spirit lives in your heart; you have no reason to fear anything!

20) Judge sin, not people.  You don't want to turn into a Pharisee; you just want to be like Jesus.

21) Don't focus on the future; instead, have an eternal mindset.  What's going to matter after this life is over?

22) Leave the worrying about everything to God.  Worrying does no good, and only steals joy, contentment and happiness.  There is always something to be thankful for; focus on that instead of whatever is worrying you.

What are some of the most important/useful/funny life lessons you have learned?  Share in the comments!

Attitude {Like that of Christ Jesus}

Welcome to visitors from the A to Z Challenge!  Please leave a comment to let me know you're here, and check out other posts that pique your interest!  Mondays are Marriage Mondays at Living in the Light.

"Don't give me that attitude, young lady!"  That's what comes to my mind when I hear the word attitude.  Of course, when my mother said that to me growing up, it was definitely always because I deserved it!  But the word seems to often have a negative connotation.

According to dictionary.com, the word simply means "manner, disposition, feeling, position, etc., with regard to a person or thing; tendency or orientation, especially of the mind."

I want to consider what kind of attitude we have in marriage.  How is my attitude toward my husband?  How is yours toward your spouse?  How is your "disposition, feeling, position, etc." when it comes to marriage?

My attitude can sometimes be loving, especially when my husband has been sweet and helpful, when he hasn't left dirty dishes or laundry lying around, when he's been affectionate.  But in that case, my attitude is dependent on my husband's actions toward me.  That's reasonable, I suppose, but is it right?

Let's see what Scripture has to say about it.

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.  Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.  Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.  And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death--even death on a cross!  Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.  Philippians 2:3-11 (NIV)

Jesus Christ, God's Son, God himself, humbled himself to the ultimate point.  We just celebrated yesterday his resurrection from the dead--but he wouldn't have had to rise if he hadn't allowed himself to be humiliated and killed on a cross.

This, Paul wrote to the Philippians, is the attitude we are to have: that of humility, considering others better than ourselves.  Paul doesn't advocate self-loathing, but he is encouraging his readers (that's us!) to put others first.

I have already found from experience that when I do this in my marriage, my husband's and my relationship greatly benefits from it.  When each of us is seeking to serve the other person, instead of paying attention to only our own needs and wants, we're both happier.  When we act in a selfless manner toward the other, we both feel loved so very much, because in doing that we're demonstrating that each of us is the most important person in the other's life.

It might seem counter-intuitive to live in such a way.  "Gotta look out for number one," after all.  But following what comes naturally doesn't always work out.  By nature we're sinful, selfish human beings.  It's because of Jesus' sacrifice in our place that we have the ability to live as he did--selflessly.  Jesus made the ultimate sacrifice for us: his own life.  He loves us so much that he was willing to suffer indescribable humiliation and agony, so that we could be forgiven--and so that we could imitate him.

By God's grace, we're able to show each other Christ-like humility and selflessness--in all our relationships, but especially in marriage.

I'm going to keep working on this in my own marriage.  Try it for yourself!  See what happens when you start putting your spouse first.  The results just may be even better than you thought.

I'd like to give a shout-out to Arlee Bird, the fantastic blogger who started this A to Z Challenge three years ago!  Head over to his blog and say hello!

Linking today:  A Proverbs 31 Wife, What Joy is Mine, The Better Mom, Yes They Are All Ours, Countrified Hicks

My Husband's Helper

In the first few days that this world existed, God looked at Adam, the human he had created, and said, "It is not good for the man to be alone.  I will make a helper suitable for him" (Genesis 2:18).

God had created many animals.  He brought them to Adam so that Adam could name them, and see if one of them would be a helper for him.  "But for Adam no suitable helper was found."

So God created the woman.


This was the helper suitable for the man.  This was the person with whom he would become "one flesh."  This was his perfect partner!

I'm smiling as I write this.  Because I know how twisted this truth has been.  "Women weren't created for men," some have said.  "We aren't supposed to take care of them.  They can take care of themselves!  Women should be able to do whatever they want, take care of their own lives, and not have to worry about men."

I beg to differ.

God created women to be the helpers of men.


This doesn't mean women are of any less importance than man!  On the contrary, Paul's words to the Galatians, inspired by the Holy Spirit, say this: "You are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ.  There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus" (Galatians 3:26-28).

God created all human beings to be of equal worth in his sight.  We are all equally sinful and we are all equally saved and forgiven, and we are all equally loved by our Creator.

But we were created with different roles.


Men were created to take care of women, and women were created to be the helpers of men.
That doesn't make us weaker, although physically, most of us are.  But spiritually, emotionally, mentally, women are not weaker, they are just different!  Imagine how boring the world would be if women acted like men in everything, or vice-versa.

My role as a woman, as a wife, is to be my husband's helper.  The writer of Proverbs 31 said this about the "wife of noble character":

"A wife of noble character who can find?  She is worth far more than rubies.  Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.  She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life."  -Proverbs 31:10-12

In what ways can I be my husband's helper, bringing him good, and not harm?

Surprisingly, it's not in ways I would expect.
Men consider help to be a different thing than women do.

For example, I thought it would be helpful if I placed mail, including bills, on my husband's desk so he would see them the first thing when he came home.  That way we would both know what was going on, we'd be on the same page, and there wouldn't be any confusion.
Well, my husband was already aware of the bills.  He didn't need that reminder when he came home from work tired and worn-out.  He knew what needed to be taken care of, but an unpleasant reminder like that was not helpful.
Some women might consider it helpful to rearrange their husband's dresser drawer, but their husband may well be frustrated to open his drawer and not know where everything is right away.
So what can I do to help my husband?  Here are a few things I've been learning:

1) Talk to him.  I'm no mind-reader, and although I can sometimes guess at what might be helpful for my husband, I've messed up enough times to know that my guesses aren't always correct.  So I ask my husband what he would like me to do, and in what ways I can be a helper for him.  This has included things like: let him sit quietly for a few minutes right when he comes home instead of bombarding him with talk right away; get his attention before telling him something important, especially if he's distracted; keep up with the laundry so he always has clean clothes to wear.

2) Listen to him.  This is almost more important than talking to him!  My husband has given me verbal hints in the past as to ways I could help him, and I wasn't paying attention so I missed them.  Men communicate in different ways than women do.  I need to be careful to pay closer attention when he talks so I can fully comprehend what he means, because I might not understand it in the way he wants me to.

3) Learn about him.  What are my husband's habits?  Does he need coffee before anything else in the morning?  Does he want to check his email as soon as he comes home?  Does he want a fresh towel in the bathroom every day?  Does he have a favorite food he would like to have once a week?  If I know what he usually does, I can predict ways that I can be helpful to him.
If he checks his email when he comes home every day, I can leave a love note on his computer to let him know I'm thinking of him--without getting in his face or talking to him too much.
If he's hungry when he comes home from work, I can have a snack out on the table already so he doesn't go digging in the fridge and eating tomorrow's supper.  (That's helpful for me, too!)
If he's running low on clean socks, I can do laundry today so he has clean clothes for tomorrow.

The ways a woman can be a helper to her man are as different as men are.  Talk to your husband.  Listen to him, and learn about him, so you can discover ways you can be his helper.

God created us women to have this role.  He will give us the strength, wisdom, and resources necessary to fill it to his glory and our husband's benefit.

What ways can you be a helper to your husband?  Share them in the comments!

Linking up:

Also linking up:  Raising Homemakers; A Wise Woman Builds Her Home; Deep Roots at Home; To Love, Honor and Vacuum; Women Living Well

a day to Refresh, Regroup, Relax

Yesterday morning we woke up at 5:30 as usual.
Hubby wasn't feeling well and neither of us had gotten more than about 4 hours of sleep (you know when you're stressed/hot/worried/it's that time of the month?  All at once?).  So he emailed his boss and we both went back to bed.
For four hours.
It was bliss.

We've had an interesting week...a big stresser combined with some fantastic time with family and friends.  The stress part was starting to get to us.  We had a great day: watching TV shows (thank you Netflix; I am now nearly as addicted to old episodes of That 70's Show as my husband), watching a hilarious Dick van Dyke movie together, eating yummy food (homemade quesadillas made with homemade tortillas and homemade refried beans!), talking, laughing, and cuddling.

And we made plans to get figured out and worked out the things that are causing the stress.  We make a great team.
Last night he looked over at me from at his desk, looked me right in the eye, and said "We're stronger because of this."
Stress causes both of us to act in ways we really don't like acting.  But yesterday we really listened to each other, we made sure we understood each other, and we expressed a lot of love and respect to each other.  It's amazing how difficulties bring us closer together...and closer to God.
We've been faithful about doing devotions and praying together every morning.
We pray together every night before we go to sleep.
And I know I've been reading my Bible and praying more lately than I had been.

I'm so thankful for yesterday.  We had time to regroup...like a sports team coming together during a time-out and planning their next move, catching a breath, getting a drink, and cheering each other on.  We were refreshed...physically, emotionally, spiritually and mentally.  We were able to relax...because we reminded each other and ourselves to rely on God, we figured out a solution to the problem, and we removed all our appointments and responsibilities for the day.

Sometimes a mid-week vacation is just the thing to get back on track.

thank you God

Loving my husband: things I DON'T do

In the last eight-plus months I have found there are things I simply should not do in marriage.  Perhaps you will know about all of these already, but maybe not!

1) Nag.  This is unproductive, hurtful, and almost always backfires.  I am not my husband's mother, I am his partner and his equal.  In fact, I am under his authority!  When I ask him to do something for me, I try to give him the option to not do it, unless it's something I absolutely can't do myself.  When there is something I really want him to do, I need to make sure I have his full attention before I ask it, and I sometimes ask if he's heard and understood what I've said to make sure I communicated clearly.  Sometimes he does need a reminder once or twice, but I try to be careful in how I phrase the reminder and with my tone of voice.  My husband deserves my utmost respect.

2) Assume the worst about him.  My husband loves me, and he doesn't do things to intentionally make me upset!  I try to assume that his motives are always good and give him the benefit of the doubt when he's done something I don't like.

3) Scold.  It's fine to communicate when he's done something I don't like.  But he's not four.  Again, it is not my place to treat my husband like he's my son.  He is a MAN!

4) Expect him to fail.  This is connected with #2, and when I asked my husband what something is that I do toward him that I shouldn't, this is what he said.  Again, I should not treat him or view him as an incompetent child.  No, he doesn't always do everything perfectly, but I should not always expect him to mess up.  He's not perfect, but neither am I!  My way does not always work, and many, many times my husband does things better than I do.

To sum up:  Assume the best about your husband and that he is always capable of what he's doing.  Thank him and praise him for all the good things he does, and don't nag, criticize or scold for the things he doesn't do well (or at all).
Focus on the best in him!!!

Our Engagement Story

I'm a hopeless romantic.  I hope some of you are, too.  This story is for you!

Joshua and I discussed marriage very early in our relationship.  Neither of us really wanted to date if we didn't at least have a good idea that dating would lead to marriage.  I mean, why date with the expectation to break up? So we talked about it early on.  We started dating in September of 2009.  By December, we had pretty much decided that we were going to get married.  We originally wanted the wedding to be in December 2010.  However, it was my parents who changed that.

The two of us visited my parents over Christmas break of 2009-10.  Joshua took a bus back to Nebraska, and I flew back the next day.  My parents took me to the airport, and on the way there my dad rather suddenly said, referring to Joshua, "So.  Is this the one?"
I was a little startled but I said yes.  "Does he think so, too?" Dad asked.
"Yes," I said.
"So," Dad asked, "do you have a date set?"
"Dad!" I protested.  "Well, we were thinking this December."
That wouldn't work, Dad said.  He's a minister of music, and Joshua's dad is a pastor.  Christmas is one of the busiest times for both of them...not to mention the weather usually isn't great for traveling.
So Dad suggested Memorial Day weekend of 2011.  I didn't like the sound of that...it was nearly a year and a half away.  So long to wait!  Joshua wasn't thrilled either.  But we agreed that that would be the wedding date.

Even at this point we weren't officially engaged.  In February I knew Joshua was looking for a ring and planning on calling my dad to ask his permission to ask me to marry him.  We had a delightful Valentine's Day, despite a massive blizzard that day.  One week later, on February 21, a Sunday, I knew he was going to call my dad and ask for my hand.  I knew, however, that Joshua didn't have the ring yet, so I didn't think he was going to ask me yet.  That evening we met for supper and I could tell by his expression that the conversation with my dad had gone well.  We were planning on relaxing in the evening by watching a movie.  I wanted Joshua to see Pride and Prejudice, although he's not crazy about Jane Austen.  We were in the downstairs lounge of my dorm building, the "mirror lounge," because one whole wall is covered with a mirror.  Most of the dividers surrounding the lounge area were mostly closed.  I was already changed into pajamas and was setting up the movie on my computer on a low table by a couch.  I got up and turned around from starting the movie--and Joshua was down on one knee.

"Jaimie Elise Huebschman," he asked, "will you marry me?"

I was so surprised, because I hadn't expected him to ask me yet.  For a few seconds I forgot to say anything, just stood there with my hands over my mouth and tears forming in my eyes.  "Yes, yes, a thousand times, yes!" I finally exclaimed, and pulled Joshua to his feet and gave him a big hug and kiss.

He knew that the only way to really surprise me was to ask me when I least expected it, and he certainly was right about that!  The rest of the evening we hardly paid attention to the movie, but just kept looking at each other and giddily exclaiming, "We're engaged!  We're going to get married!"

I could hardly believe that he had asked me while I was wearing pajamas, but he didn't mind.  I got my camera and we took pictures together to mark the moment.  We decided to not tell anyone except our parents until I actually had a ring to wear.  The next day we called our parents to tell them, and they told no one else, not even our siblings.

That week was a busy one, and it was so hard to keep our engagement a secret!  I was in a play and I wasn't free in the evenings much with rehearsals, and that next weekend were the performances.  By Sunday the 28th I was done with the play, however.  After church we had lunch together in the school cafeteria, and then Joshua walked me back to my room.  My roommate happened to be gone at the time.  Almost as soon as we got in my room Joshua got down one one knee a second time, and this time he pulled a small box out of his pocket.  Inside was the perfect ring, exactly what I had been wanting: white gold with a diamond solitaire, nothing more.  It was beautiful, and I cried again as he slid it on my finger.  We took more pictures--this time with our hands, and the ring sparkling on my finger.

After that we started sharing our engagement.  Our parents told our siblings, and Monday morning we sat beside friends in chapel and they noticed the ring on my hand.  (Those friends are engaged to each other now, and the girl was my roommate last year!)

Most people were excited and happy for us.  The people whose opinions we really valued were genuinely happy for and supportive of us.   Most people were surprised.  Some were doubtful, because of our young age or our short dating period.  Even now when we tell people we're married most people who don't already know us are surprised because yes, we are young.

At our wedding the pastor made a point in his sermon of telling us, "No, you're not too young, no matter what anyone says."  But that's a story for another time. :)