1) Nag. This is unproductive, hurtful, and almost always backfires. I am not my husband's mother, I am his partner and his equal. In fact, I am under his authority! When I ask him to do something for me, I try to give him the option to not do it, unless it's something I absolutely can't do myself. When there is something I really want him to do, I need to make sure I have his full attention before I ask it, and I sometimes ask if he's heard and understood what I've said to make sure I communicated clearly. Sometimes he does need a reminder once or twice, but I try to be careful in how I phrase the reminder and with my tone of voice. My husband deserves my utmost respect.
2) Assume the worst about him. My husband loves me, and he doesn't do things to intentionally make me upset! I try to assume that his motives are always good and give him the benefit of the doubt when he's done something I don't like.
3) Scold. It's fine to communicate when he's done something I don't like. But he's not four. Again, it is not my place to treat my husband like he's my son. He is a MAN!
4) Expect him to fail. This is connected with #2, and when I asked my husband what something is that I do toward him that I shouldn't, this is what he said. Again, I should not treat him or view him as an incompetent child. No, he doesn't always do everything perfectly, but I should not always expect him to mess up. He's not perfect, but neither am I! My way does not always work, and many, many times my husband does things better than I do.
To sum up: Assume the best about your husband and that he is always capable of what he's doing. Thank him and praise him for all the good things he does, and don't nag, criticize or scold for the things he doesn't do well (or at all).
Focus on the best in him!!!
You have learned some really good things! I wish all people learned these things in their first year of marriage. Along with forgiveness they are a recipe for longevity. Thanks for linking up to The Straightened Path!
ReplyDelete