transparency and blessings

Dear readers, can I be really honest and transparent with you?
I'm kind of overwhelmed right now, thinking about my life at the moment. I don't need to give you my detailed schedule, but suffice it to say I am at school/work for an average of 9 1/2 hours ever day Monday-Friday. A lot of that time is in the evenings (for example, Wednesdays I don't get home till 10, and Thursdays my hubby doesn't get home till 9.) Meals have been sporadic, housecleaning even more so, and I constantly miss my husband because we don't see each other nearly enough.

Now, I know a LOT of people have schedules like this or busier, but it's a little more crazy than we've had in previous semesters. And I'm definitely not looking for sympathy; I know I've gotten myself into this! But I like being open with you. As cheery and upbeat as I seem on here and on Facebook etc., I don't always feel that way. Sometimes I'm snippy with my husband. I'm very often not understanding. Some days I'm so tired I feel like I don't do anything well because I can't focus. We've eaten convenience food way more times in the last two and a half weeks than I care to admit. And I definitely don't want you to see what my house looks like right now (although at the moment it's not bad in comparison with last week).

On the other hand...
I have been so blessed in the last three weeks it would take a long time to tell you about it all. And I'm really, really happy with my life.

I've gotten to start a little tiny ministry in our home once a week, by inviting girls from school over for tea, coffee, something homemade and baked, and visiting. I want to incorporate some Bible study into these get-togethers soon, too. This has been on my heart for months and I'm so excited to finally be able to do it. Joshua is incredibly supportive and has made this a high priority for me/us.

I absolutely LOVE my classes (all of them, which isn't always the case), and two of them in particular are going to be incredibly helpful with advancing my blogging and writing careers. I have big dreams for this blog, and I can't even tell you how excited I am at the prospect of some major projects this semester.

In less than three weeks of classes I've already made a new friend and strengthened old friendships. I'm excited to connect with people this year that I haven't connected with much.

Despite not spending tons of time together like we did over the summer, the time Joshua and I have had together has been quality. He brought me lunch today (frozen pizza is sometimes such a blessing), and we had a great talk for more than half an hour about something other than classes, work, and scheduling. I can't tell you how much we needed that or how refreshing it was.

There's so much more that I am so incredibly thankful for. God has been showing himself to me in new ways thanks to a class that requires we do Bible study and spend time praying and meditating. I've been able to worship in chapel at least twice a week. And boy, I love theology classes, and getting to talk faith-stuff with dear friends and classmates.

So as crazy life is... it is so, so good right now. As always, of course. I have a job I love...classes I love...friends I love...and of course a husband I am absolutely crazy for. And God amazes and awes me with how he heaps his love on us till I just overflow.

When life feels rough, I just look at the good things and thank God for them... and then a messy kitchen and sleep deprivation really don't look so big after all.

Linking with black tag diaries, The Fontenot Four

Thankfulness in all things

It's been a few weeks since I wrote a "Thankful Thursday" post.  These last several days have kept me quite busy--but you know, I'm thankful for the busyness too, because it's a result of having fantastic college classes, a home to care for, friends with whom to spend time, responsibilities to fulfill.

I'm thankful for the opportunity I had last week to be on the hair and makeup crew for our school's production of "Arsenic and Old Lace."  The cast and crew were such a fun group of people to work with, and despite being gone every evening for a week, I'm so glad I was a part of it!

I am SO thankful for the amazing professors we have here.  They're always open to talking about anything, class-related or not.  They're fantastic teachers.  They encourage me in my faith.  They help me stretch myself, learn and grow.

I am thankful for the creative ways we've been making food stretch the last couple days--payday is tomorrow!  This girl is excited for grocery shopping! :D

I'm constantly thankful for my sweet husband, who makes me laugh, who helps me around the house without being asked, who encourages me and helps me think straight.  I'm thankful for the time we've spent together just talking and having fun.

I am so thankful for our dear friends who are coming to visit us next week!  We're so excited to spend time with them--it's been since last summer since both of us couples were together.  They are such a blessing.

I'm thankful for the sunshine, and the slightly warmer temperatures this week, and the green things starting to come up from the ground.  Spring is coming soon!

I am eternally grateful for the love of Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior, who did everything necessary for my salvation from sin.  It is because of him and his great love for me that I am able to live joyfully and freely, not bogged down by sin, because from it Christ has set me free.


What gifts has God given you this week?  How has he blessed you?  Please share in the comments!

Linking with: The Fontenot Four, black tag diaries, There's Just One Mommy

Planning for ministry. This is exciting.

My friends, I want to share something with you.  Something about which I'm starting to get really excited.

First, a little background--Joshua and I will be here in our little college town for a while.  We've spread out our college classes in order to stay sane, so it's taking us longer than typical to finish.  What this means is we can stay comfy; we're not leaving anytime soon.

I experienced the blessing of having several older girls who reached out to me my freshman and sophomore years, who were there when I needed advice or just to talk, and were spiritual mentors to me.  I want to be able to do that for other girls--to be a blessing as I have been blessed.

So I decided that this fall I'm going to seek to start a small ministry to college girls here in our home.

Image credit: Ambro via freedigitalphotos.net

I've been thinking and praying about this for some time now, and I feel a peace about it, although the idea fills me with--not worry, not anxiety, but a positive kind of stress.  It'll be a big job, and a big responsibility, and a pretty big commitment.  Joshua's willing that I open our home one night a week to whatever girls want to come.  I don't have a clear idea yet of what this will look like, exactly--I don't want it to be too structured, but I do want to have regular components of fellowship, a simple Bible study, and prayer.  I want our home to be a place where young women feel welcome and comfortable, and most importantly, where the Holy Spirit is very obviously present.  My primary goal for this is to let young women know that they are beautiful, treasured daughters of the King of kings--that Jesus loves them more than anything they could imagine.

I'll let you know as my plans for this fill out.  I'm starting now to pray that God leads me to seek out the girls he wants to be a part of this, and that above all, His will will be accomplished.  In the meantime, could you be praying for me?  Praying that the Gospel will be proclaimed?  That the young women who need this kind of fellowship will be led to it?  That I will honor God in everything?

And practically speaking, could you be helping me think of a name for this group?  I'm thinking something like "Faith Fellowship Sisters,"  But better.

I am so very excited about this, dear readers!  I can't wait to see what God is going to do with me.

For professors, good food, and my husband, I am thankful

It has been a happy week.

I'm really enjoying my classes.  My professors are fantastic.  I'm pretty crazy about my husband, who at the moment is listening to "Through Heaven's Eyes" from The Prince of Egypt: a pretty upbeat way to start a morning, if you ask me!

I am thankful for all of that.  Thankful that we have a full fridge and pantry.  Thankful for our beautiful home.  Thankful for our car, that got fixed on Tuesday (no more check-engine light on!).

I'm SO thankful for the dear professor who let me spend an hour talking his ear off yesterday, and who helped me work through spiritual questions and ponderings.  It was such a blessing to visit with him.  His class (just three weeks in!) has been one of the most educational, spiritually uplifting, challenging and enjoyable classes I've ever had.  I love being a senior (hello, upper-level classes!).

I'm thankful for good food.  This week I had fun making up some new recipes (come back for that tomorrow!!).

I am incredibly thankful for my husband.  This week he's taken the car in to get fixed, worked on finances, worked hard at his job, helped me a lot with housework, picked up pizza one night so I didn't have to make supper, and he's loved me through everything like he always does.  Our marriage still has a lot of growing to do, but we're at a great place and I'm really happy.


How has God blessed YOU this week?  If you want to link up, visit the great blogs listed below!

The Fontenot Four, black tag diaries, There's Just One Mommy, Loved and Lovely

It's still Thursday, and I'm still thankful

Oh, so thankful, for so many things!

(This is my four hundredth post!!)

My beloved friend Ruth spent the last five days with us.  We ate good food, worshiped together, laughed together, spent lots of time talking (and staying up late) and reconnected like it had been six days instead of six months since we'd been together.  She is an incredible gift from God.

Lord willing, we'll visit Ruth and her husband over spring break.  I am so thankful for friends like them (and Sara, who has also been such a blessing to me lately--as always)!!

I am thankful for the ways God makes His word and will abundantly clear to me.  Like this week, I heard Romans 8 three days in a row.  And I heard this message, over and over, just in slightly different words--God using His people to speak to me:

"Life won't always be easy.  Just because you believe in Me doesn't mean things will always work out the way you want them to.  But My will will always be done, and I always have your best interests in mind.  I love you, and you have a lot of friends and family who love you, too.  I will bless you in ways you would never have imagined.  I will always take care of and provide for you.  Simply trust Me in all things--you have nothing to worry about or fear.  You are My child, little one, and that means you are always in My care."

My darling husband--who has such a servant's heart--cleaned out the massive (and disgusting) clog in our kitchen sink this past week, and fixed the drippy pipe.  I never realized how much I generally take my kitchen sink for granted, of all things, but I learned how much I should appreciate it when I had to do dishes in the bathroom!

Every semester I have classes that get me so excited to learn.  This semester, I'm excited about all of them!  I have English, theology, history and science classes, and (as mentioned in a previous post) I'm taking volleyball and soccer.  By the end of this semester I'll be done with my general education (yes, after four years).  I like and greatly respect all of my professors, and I know this is going to be a great semester.

I am so thankful for our home, and even the never-ending responsibility of keeping it clean and in order.  We have such a lovely place to live, which I appreciate all the more since Joshua rearranged last weekend--it's fun to have a "new" space in which to live.

This week has been so bitterly cold, which has made me all the more thankful for our car!  Especially with having Ruth here, it has been wonderful to have our own transportation.  I am, however, looking forward to warmer temperatures and walking/biking weather again!

I'm also thankful for new followers here and new friends on Facebook!  If you're new here, please comment and introduce yourself--I can't wait to get to know you!

"Be joyful always," Paul wrote, "pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18)  This is my prayer for me, and for you, today and always.


Linking up with:
black tag diaries, The Fontenot Four, There's Just One Mommy, Lovely Little Whimsy, Loved and Lovely

apparently I'm growing up...

So I discovered proof of something recently: I'm growing up.

How do I know?  Several things:

Joshua and I spent over an hour working on our budget this evening.  It was fun.

My goals for this weekend are: get the kitchen clean, and get the bathroom clean.

I'm looking forward to composing a grocery list and a detailed, two-week meal plan tomorrow.

I'd rather watch The Dick van Dyke show than any TV show made in the last 40 years.

A clean kitchen is a joy to my heart.

I would rather sleep than do a lot of other things.  (Although I realize this is also true for infants and the elderly, so maybe this isn't so much a sign of growing up as it is of simply being human.)

My bedtime is 10 pm.  Even on weekends.

On a similar note, sleeping in means sleeping till 9 am at the latest.  Bliss!

Junk food equals homemade pizza and brownies.  (Thank goodness.)

I would rather eat oatmeal with flax seed for breakfast than sugary cold cereal (yuck).


And yet, I'm still a 21-year-old college student.
But I'm also married, so maybe that's an explanation for why I feel so weirdly adult.

I realize, of course, that I still have a lot of growing up to do.  I haven't had much life experience in comparison to my grandparents, or even my parents.  There are so many things left for me to learn and experience.

But let me tell you, for someone whose peers are all still living on a college campus and whose biggest worries are test scores and what mystery food will be served in the cafeteria, it is weird to state all those truths I listed above.  I feel... unusual.  Isolated.  Often misunderstood.

That's why I'm so thankful for the few married, close-to-my-age friends that I do have.  Because they understand, and it's so good to have friends who understand.  Who get me, who can sympathize, and who know how exciting it is to have a grocery budget over $50 a week.  (Not kidding.  That's about what I feed us on, and I am so proud of myself.)

This Thursday, and every day, I am thankful for the life God has given me: the good and the bad, because I learn more from mistakes than I do from successes, and I trust God more in hard times than in easy.  I'm so very thankful for a husband who loves me even when I'm an idiot, for friends who accept me exactly as I am, for family who are always there when I need them.

Because there's one more reason I've realized that I'm growing up:

I have come to learn that the greatest blessings in life are those that can't be assigned a monetary value.  Not things that can be purchased.  Blessings that are tangible, but absolutely priceless: family.  Friends.  Faith.  Forgiveness.

No matter how grown-up I get, I hope to always remember that.

Linking up today (for the first time in so long...so grateful!):
black tag diaries, Jenni Mullinix, lovely little whimsy, kate says stuff, First Day of My Life, Passionate and Creative Homemaking

to keep on keepin' on

Today was the first day of school.
Technically, it's my senior year, but I have a year and a half to go and Joshua has two.  So we'll be "super-seniors," which isn't that big a deal...a lot of people follow the five-year plan.  Or four and a half, in my case.

We didn't get to bed nearly early enough last night, so that might contribute to my tiredness.  I'm exhausted.  It'll probably take a few days to get used to the school schedule again.  I don't have a massively busy schedule, but it's plenty.  Figuring in classes, work, homework, meal-making, cleaning, dishes, and time with friends and most importantly with Joshua...it's a little overwhelming.  But I know we'll get into a system, and I'll get used to it.  I always do. :)

So far I've only been to three of my eight classes.  Two of them are choir and handbells, which both are very familiar.  I have two new professors this semester, and I met both of them today.  I think this will be a good semester.  I'm looking forward to all my classes.  They will all be useful and interesting. :)

I want to keep blogging, and linking up, but I have a feeling that, at least for a while, blogging might have to take the back burner.  I know writing is really, really important, but did you see that list of everything I have to do every day?

Give me a couple weeks.  At the most, a month.  I'll keep writing as much as I can...but it might be a little less than usual in the next few weeks.  Bear with me.  Stick with me if you want to.  Keep your eyes open... I'll keep posting.  I'll be here.  I just might be a little scarce for a while. :)

Because this is important to me.  Writing.  Blogging.  Keeping up with this community.  I know I have an obligation to my readers, to keep on keepin' on.  I have even more of an obligation to myself.  This is important.

But I talk a lot about priorities...keeping first things first.  Blogging is an important thing, but it's not a first thing.  Not right now.  So it will happen--I hope fairly regularly--but I need to keep other things first: God.  My husband.  My friends.  School.  Work.

Thanks for sticking with me. :)

Of school and cooler weather...blessings abound

The seasons are changing...schedules are changing...routines will change.  It's that time of year, and it gives me so much to thank and praise God for!  It's good to be thankful...but it's essential to know to Who those thanks and praises go.  I am thankful to God my Father, my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, for all the blessings He gives me every day, and in this new season of school and cooler weather.

Today's post is really late...but I am so thankful for that because it means that today is the first day of our four-day weekend. :)  Joshua has two extra days off between his summer job, and school starting on Monday.

I am thankful for cooler weather!  We've had the windows open every night.  It's so wonderful.  I'm very ready for fall!

I am thankful that my friends are coming back to campus this weekend!  It's been a quiet summer...I'm so excited to see some very special people.

I'm so thankful for work.  I LOVE the people whose houses I clean.  I enjoy working catering at school.  And I'm so excited to get back to working at the library on Monday!!!

I'm thankful for financial blessings.  The bill for our schoolbooks this year was terrifying, but thanks to financial aid it's all covered!  We were even able to help out my brother-in-law with buying books for his freshman year.

I'm thankful for family!  In the last week my parents have celebrated their anniversary and both their birthdays, and my brother's birthday is tomorrow.  Plus we spent last weekend at Joshua's parents.  Our family is amazing.  I love them so much. <3

I am so thankful for the school we go to.  We have amazing professors, and it's such a blessing to be on a Christian campus.  I get to go to chapel every day this semester, and I am looking forward to that so much.  I'm also in three classes with Joshua and three with my best girlfriend, and that is an incredible blessing!

I am thankful that I get to be in "advance" hand bells, and choir, this semester.  I love music, I love the directors, and I can't wait to be involved in our annual Christmas concert in December.  It's also one of my favorite ways to praise Jesus--through music!

I love all the new things that come with this new season.  It's a reminder of how good and great our God really is!!


Linking up to these lovely ladies:
black tag diaries; The Fontenot Four; Kate Says Stuff; First Day of My Life; Lovely Little Whimsy; Passionate and Creative Homemaking

Strength Renewed

It's getting toward the end of the summer.  Many students and families are starting a new school year.  Joshua and I have less than two weeks until school begins again for us.

I'm ready for a new schedule, a change of pace, a different routine.  This summer has been wonderful, don't get me wrong--but I'm ready for some changes.

At the same time, I'm a little apprehensive.  With the new school year will come new challenges: juggling being a wife and homemaker with being a full-time student and working part-time and trying to spend some time with friends, too.  It's a bit overwhelming!  (If you're feeling like you have a lot on your plate--you are not alone!)

A verse from Isaiah came to mind this morning.  God said to Isaiah,

"I said, 'You are my servant'; I have chosen you and have not rejected you.  So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." -Isaiah 41:9b-10

God has chosen me to serve him.  He is always with me; he gives me strength and help.  I have nothing to fear or worry about.  And neither do you, no matter what your life looks like right now!

In the previous chapter of Isaiah, God spoke more comforting words:

"Do you not know?  Have you not heard?  The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth.  He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom.  He gives strength to the weary, and increases the power of the weak.  Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall.  But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."  -Isaiah 41:28-31

Our strength does not come from ourselves.  Even youth (like me!) grow tired and weary.  But God never does.  Our God is everlasting--Creator of all that exists.  It is when we put our hope in him, not in our own "strength," that we become strong.  It is God who lifts us up.

I won't get through this coming school year on my own power.  It will be with the strength of God, by his grace and his will, that I will live each day to his glory.  I won't do that perfectly... but I can trust that God has forgiven me.  And he chose me to be his servant knowing that I'm imperfect, so I know he can and will use me for his will despite my imperfections.

I can't wait to see where his strength will take me this year... to what new heights I'll soar.  I wonder...where will God take you?

Linking up with these lovely ladies:
 Growing Home; Thankful Homemaker; Time-Warp Wife; Cornerstone Confessions; Lessons from Ivy

 

Our Love Story {Part One}

In this series: Part 2

So...since Valentine's Day is just a few days away, and the anniversary of our engagement is just 11 days away, and because I am such a romantic...I'd love to share our love story (or at least most of it, ha!) with you. :)

Joshua and I met on August 20, 2009.  It was our first full day on campus as college freshmen.  The community hosted a "block party" during the Weekend of Welcome, in order for the students to get to know the town a little better.  I went with my roommate and some friends, and we wandered around in a variety of shops and explored the downtown.  One of the little shops is a coffeeshop/hangout place for college students that's organized and run by members of some area churches, called Neutral Groundz.  They're open weekend nights, and there's Bible studies, free food and coffee and other drinks, a big game room with a pool table, foosball, big screen TV, tons of board games, etc.  It's a fun place to hang out.

Anyway, I went in there with my friends and Joshua happened to be in the downstairs game room.  I don't remember a ton of details about that first meeting.  Apparently, according to Joshua, I went to talk to some other guys on the other side of the room, while my roommate struck up a conversation with Joshua.  I did join them fairly quickly and, being the outgoing person I am, introduced myself right off the bat.  Those first few weeks of college I was in the "meet people and find out things about them so I can try to find friends" mode.  Well, after a few questions I found out that Joshua was a pastor's son, was one of five boys, was thinking of going to seminary, and had been homeschooled for part of his education.

I was very impressed, interested, and attracted to him right off the bat!  Here was this tall, blond, big guy--taller than I am--who talked to me, seemed interested in what I had to say, and had quite a few admirable qualities about him.  We invited him to join us and he stuck with us girls for the rest of the afternoon.  We ate supper together on the lawn of the county courthouse--hot dogs and hamburgers.  I remember getting mustard all over my fingers without any napkin to wipe it on.  Joshua offered that I clean my fingers off on his arm.  I definitely looked at him weird; that was a strange offer!  But he explained that he had worked at fast-food restaurants and it didn't bother him.  So I did, and he wiped his arm on the grass.  (Weird, I know.)

Part of the afternoon included a tractor-drawn wagon ride through part of town.  I intentionally managed to sit next to Joshua, and we sat fairly close.  I'm not usually much of a flirt...but I was that day, unfortunately!  Happily, it all turned out well.  :)  I didn't know it at the time, but Joshua was apparently "checking me out"--as interested in me as I was in him.

At the end of the afternoon my friends were getting a ride back to campus from another guy I had started to get to know a little bit.  Joshua started walking back to campus by himself.  I was torn, but only for a few seconds--I quickly ran after Joshua to walk back to campus with him.  He offered that we stop at Dairy Queen on the way for an ice cream cone, but I was all a-flutter and had no appetite. :)  The walk back to campus took at least twenty minutes and we talked non-stop the entire time.  I don't really remember what we talked about, but that was probably the longest conversation I had ever had with any male outside my own family.  I was impressed.  He walked me right to my dorm, and I was pleased with his chivalry. :)

The next evening was the opening worship service for the semester.  In church I was looking for Joshua, but couldn't find him.  I did spot his roommate, Tyler, and went to sit by Tyler.  Then I turned around--and Joshua was right behind me, with a man and a woman with him, obviously his parents.  I initially was disappointed that I had missed him but was relieved because I was a little intimidated by the presence of his parents!

After the service I wove through the crowd to walk out with Joshua and talk with him.  Much later I found out that his mom asked about me right away then.  "Who's that cute girl you were talking to?" she asked him.  Joshua actually couldn't remember my name!  (I didn't know that till several months later, either!)  Joshua's mom commented that I seemed to really like him.  She was right. :)

The next day, Monday, my second class was Geography 101.  I walked in--and there was Joshua. :)  I took the seat next to him (of course).  He told me later that he listened closely during the roll call to hear what my name was.

So that was how everything started!  To be continued... :)

<3 <3 <3

Successful, failure--or both?

In one of my classes yesterday we discussed success and failure: how we defined them, and how we reacted to them.
I said that success is learning from an experience even if it doesn't go the way I want it to.  When I am successful, I tend to pat myself on the back too much.  My response should be to glorify God in every success.
I define failure as not living up to my own (usually very high) expectations.  When I fail, I put myself down, taking failure very personally.  I look at myself as a failure instead of whatever I was trying to do.

I often feel like a failure when the kitchen is a complete mess for more than a few hours at a time.  When the bathroom is a disaster.  When laundry needs to get put away.  When the living room needs to be de-cluttered and cleaned.  Like tonight, basically.

Sometimes I feel like a failure when I don't get the grade I would have liked on a test, even though I know I didn't study as much as I could have (like yesterday).

When Joshua tries to do something for me, and I don't want him to, for money or time or whatever reason, I feel like a failure for not letting him show how he loves me because of my own selfishness.

These are just a few examples.  When a lot of these "failures" happen at the same time, I tend to get very frustrated with myself, feeling like I can't do anything right.

In a way, it's right for me to feel like that.  If the reason things aren't going the way I want is because I'm slacking on something (spending too much time writing blog posts instead of doing dishes, for example), then I am justified in being frustrated with myself.  There are things I could do better.

However, there are days when I've been too busy spending time with my husband to study for a test as much as I would like.  There are other days when I have a lot of homework to do that prevents me from doing housework.  I do fail sometimes, yes.  But what is important to remember is that
I am not a failure.

My problem is that I take things too personally.  Failing at something does not automatically make me a failure.

And let's look at my definitions of failure and success again.  When I fail, it means I haven't lived up to my own expectations.  But what if my expectations were unrealistic?  What if God had things in mind for me that weren't on my to-do list for the day?
My definition of success is learning from experiences even when they don't go my way.  In that case, every failure is a success because I can always learn something from a failure.

A "C" instead of an "A" on a test?  I need to start studying sooner next time.
Dishes piling up till they're overwhelming?  I need to shut down the computer half an hour sooner every night and get some housework done.
Living room constantly cluttered?  I need to put stuff away as I use it, not let things pile up.

I realize I'm being very law-focused here.  In this context, I'm okay with that.  But what I want to stress--to you and myself--is that not always doing everything perfectly does NOT make you a failure.

And, more importantly, God works through, despite, and in your failures.  His purposes are accomplished no matter what.  Sometimes--most of the time--God uses our failures for his purposes, to bless us and to bless others.

God doesn't define us by our failures.  He looks at us like he looks at his Son Jesus: Holy, pure, sinless.  We are forgiven of every failure, of every sin, of every shortcoming.

Don't let your failures own you.  See them as God's successes.  Remember that he doesn't define you by your failures, and he loves you unconditionally.








    And Picture Me {Im}Perfectly

Why am I in college?

I've been thinking about writing this for some time, and I decided to do so in the hope that sharing my experiences might be encouraging to someone else.

I never really thought about not going to college.  I suppose that could be partly my parents' "fault," but I'm positive that if I had expressed a desire to not go to college, they would have fully supported me.  As it was, I didn't think about anything else.  I think that made it fairly clear that God wanted me to continue my formal education after high school.

I was in Indonesia my last semester of high school, so a lot of my final college plans took place via emails.  I originally planned to go to the university that I'm at now, but there's one in the same system that's about forty-five minutes from my hometown.  They were offering me more financial aid than this one in the beginning, and they had a major that I figured would work for me.  It wasn't exactly what I had been planning on, but it would do.  I decided I could at least go there for a couple of years.

However, in June of 2009 things changed.  The school I'm at now offered me more financial aid, which made the cost of the two schools equal.  With less than two months till the first day of school, I had to make a decision again.  I decided on my birthday, July 3, to come to this school.  Several things solidified that decision.  The director of the school's major choir called me from choir tour in Spain to see if I'd made my final decision.  A couple days later the president of the university emailed me to say he was very glad I had decided to attend.  (Granted, this is a school of about 1200 students.  It was still impressive.)  Finally, and most importantly, I felt a great peace about the decision.

I came here with plans to become a Director of Christian Education, a DCE.  My mom went to school to be one.  So did her brother, and my dad's dad.  (A DCE, by the way, usually works with a church's pastor to teach Bible studies, youth groups, Sunday school, confirmation classes, adult Bible studies, and other things within a congregation and sometimes in parochial schools.)  I had been interested in that ministry for a while, and felt that it was the most practical choice for me.

However, that all changed fairly quickly when I started dating Joshua, two weeks into the school year, and especially when we got engaged six months later.  He is planning on being a Lutheran high school teacher.  A DCE does much of their work in the evenings and weekends.  A teacher works during the day Monday through Friday.  We realized that, were we to both continue in the career paths we'd chosen, we would hardly see each other once we began working.

Neither one of us liked the sound of that.

So--after much thought, prayer, and conversation, I decided to not be in the DCE program.  It was not an easy decision, but I felt very much at peace once I'd made it.  I'm now double-majoring in English and Theology.  At a school where most people are either in education or pre-seminary programs if they're not athletes or scientists (and a lot of people are education and athletes or scientists), I get some funny looks.  Especially from older people.  "What, you're not education?  So what kind of career are you going to get with that major?"

Well, honestly, I plan on being a professional writer.  That's one of the main purposes for this blog: practice writing, and a way to get my name "out there" so when I do write a book there will (Lord willing!) be people who know and like how I write and want to actually read a book I've written.  (When that happens, I will let you know.)  I believe that God has gifted me with the ability to write, and I want to use it to honor and glorify him as well as I can.  I'd really like to write devotionals, Bible studies, and Christian fiction.  We'll see how that goes.

But the fact is, since I was very young I have wanted to be a wife, mother, author, teacher, and librarian.  Wife--check.  Author--working on it.  Librarian--sort of.  I help at the circulation desk at the campus library. :)  Mother--someday.  Teacher--of our future children.  None of those things requires a college education.

My mom was in college for seven years.  She worked professionally as a DCE for TWO.  She's been an at-home, homeschooling mom ever since--but she also teaches Sunday school, leads a moms' Bible study that meets every week (and has for years), is part of the marriage ministry team at their church along with my dad, sings in the church choir, and does a lot more, all volunteering--but all using the things she learned in college and in her life since then.

That's what I want to do.  (But not the seven years of college.  No thanks.)

I want to be my husband's ministry partner.  I want to implement the principles of Titus chapter 2, helping to teach, train, and encourage younger women as I get older and have more life experience.  I want to learn from women who are older and wiser than I.  I want to teach our future children about God and how much he loves them, and how they can love him.  I want to share the good news of Jesus with everyone in my life.

So...why am I in college?
Because God wanted me here.
After all, this is where I met my husband.  That's priceless.
Because, as my dad says, no education is ever wasted, no matter how much it costs.
And because God has work for me.  He has plans to teach and bless and shape me.  He has plans that I don't know a thing about...but he does.  And this is where he wants me to be at this point in my life.

From my writing blog

An amazing lady visited our writing class tonight.  She sang to us, spoke to us, and imparted so much wisdom.  Hope Dunbar is a singer, songwriter, pastor’s wife, and at-home mom.  Here is just some of what she said to us tonight (some of it’s paraphrased a bit).

• Go back and get inspiration from yourself.  Find what you’ve written that’s good and that’s not.  You should have comfort-food writing.
• It’s terribly private, and yet we’re just dying to be heard.  We have to walk this fine line between, it’s gotta be you, but there’s a point where it’s got to be heard.
• Mine your own work to find where you need to go next.
• There’s inspiration mode, and editor mode.  Don’t mix them.

{to read the rest of the post--more of Hope's incredibly wise and inspiring words--go here!}

Our Engagement Story

I'm a hopeless romantic.  I hope some of you are, too.  This story is for you!

Joshua and I discussed marriage very early in our relationship.  Neither of us really wanted to date if we didn't at least have a good idea that dating would lead to marriage.  I mean, why date with the expectation to break up? So we talked about it early on.  We started dating in September of 2009.  By December, we had pretty much decided that we were going to get married.  We originally wanted the wedding to be in December 2010.  However, it was my parents who changed that.

The two of us visited my parents over Christmas break of 2009-10.  Joshua took a bus back to Nebraska, and I flew back the next day.  My parents took me to the airport, and on the way there my dad rather suddenly said, referring to Joshua, "So.  Is this the one?"
I was a little startled but I said yes.  "Does he think so, too?" Dad asked.
"Yes," I said.
"So," Dad asked, "do you have a date set?"
"Dad!" I protested.  "Well, we were thinking this December."
That wouldn't work, Dad said.  He's a minister of music, and Joshua's dad is a pastor.  Christmas is one of the busiest times for both of them...not to mention the weather usually isn't great for traveling.
So Dad suggested Memorial Day weekend of 2011.  I didn't like the sound of that...it was nearly a year and a half away.  So long to wait!  Joshua wasn't thrilled either.  But we agreed that that would be the wedding date.

Even at this point we weren't officially engaged.  In February I knew Joshua was looking for a ring and planning on calling my dad to ask his permission to ask me to marry him.  We had a delightful Valentine's Day, despite a massive blizzard that day.  One week later, on February 21, a Sunday, I knew he was going to call my dad and ask for my hand.  I knew, however, that Joshua didn't have the ring yet, so I didn't think he was going to ask me yet.  That evening we met for supper and I could tell by his expression that the conversation with my dad had gone well.  We were planning on relaxing in the evening by watching a movie.  I wanted Joshua to see Pride and Prejudice, although he's not crazy about Jane Austen.  We were in the downstairs lounge of my dorm building, the "mirror lounge," because one whole wall is covered with a mirror.  Most of the dividers surrounding the lounge area were mostly closed.  I was already changed into pajamas and was setting up the movie on my computer on a low table by a couch.  I got up and turned around from starting the movie--and Joshua was down on one knee.

"Jaimie Elise Huebschman," he asked, "will you marry me?"

I was so surprised, because I hadn't expected him to ask me yet.  For a few seconds I forgot to say anything, just stood there with my hands over my mouth and tears forming in my eyes.  "Yes, yes, a thousand times, yes!" I finally exclaimed, and pulled Joshua to his feet and gave him a big hug and kiss.

He knew that the only way to really surprise me was to ask me when I least expected it, and he certainly was right about that!  The rest of the evening we hardly paid attention to the movie, but just kept looking at each other and giddily exclaiming, "We're engaged!  We're going to get married!"

I could hardly believe that he had asked me while I was wearing pajamas, but he didn't mind.  I got my camera and we took pictures together to mark the moment.  We decided to not tell anyone except our parents until I actually had a ring to wear.  The next day we called our parents to tell them, and they told no one else, not even our siblings.

That week was a busy one, and it was so hard to keep our engagement a secret!  I was in a play and I wasn't free in the evenings much with rehearsals, and that next weekend were the performances.  By Sunday the 28th I was done with the play, however.  After church we had lunch together in the school cafeteria, and then Joshua walked me back to my room.  My roommate happened to be gone at the time.  Almost as soon as we got in my room Joshua got down one one knee a second time, and this time he pulled a small box out of his pocket.  Inside was the perfect ring, exactly what I had been wanting: white gold with a diamond solitaire, nothing more.  It was beautiful, and I cried again as he slid it on my finger.  We took more pictures--this time with our hands, and the ring sparkling on my finger.

After that we started sharing our engagement.  Our parents told our siblings, and Monday morning we sat beside friends in chapel and they noticed the ring on my hand.  (Those friends are engaged to each other now, and the girl was my roommate last year!)

Most people were excited and happy for us.  The people whose opinions we really valued were genuinely happy for and supportive of us.   Most people were surprised.  Some were doubtful, because of our young age or our short dating period.  Even now when we tell people we're married most people who don't already know us are surprised because yes, we are young.

At our wedding the pastor made a point in his sermon of telling us, "No, you're not too young, no matter what anyone says."  But that's a story for another time. :)

Three New Poems

They can be found at my school/writing blog, Read. Write. Live.  It's been a while since I posted anything there, and these are poems I'm fairly pleased with.

{If you read them, please let me know what you think}

A poem on my other blog...

I mentioned I have a new blog for class.  Here it is: there's something there now. :)  If you read it, please let me know what you think!

http://wp.cune.org/jaimieramsey/2012/01/12/transparency-a-poem/

Fiction Writing Website!!

One of the classes I took this semester was Fiction Writing.  Each student wrote three short stories in addition to several other smaller writing assignments.  I just turned my portfolio in today; it was so exciting to get that made and handed in!

A student in the class is an art major, and she designed a website to share one of each of our stories.  Our class also wrote notes to another class taught by the same professor, encouraging them in their writing.  She scanned those and they're all on the website as well, in our original handwriting.  (Mine she divided into two parts, and one of them is the "P.S." note at the very end! :) )

The story that I'm most proud of from this semester is the one that's on the site.  If you decide to read it, do let me know what you think. :)

Enjoy the loveliness of the site and the talents of the authors whose work it showcases!

Fiction Writing

Whew!

The weekend went by too fast.  This is the last full week of classes.  I have six papers and a test till to accomplish in the next week.  I am perpetually short on sleep.  So that's all I could think of for a title: "Whew!"

Ruth and I went to the annual "Christmas at Concordia" concert on Saturday.  This was the first year in three that I wasn't in a musical ensemble, and it was weird but nice at the same time.  The concerts get better every year.  It was amazing: such incredible music, such a wonderful way to praise our Savior and celebrate his birth!

Also on Saturday it SNOWED.  Finally!  (Two years ago our first snow was October 10, way too early!)  With the snow came much colder temperatures.  It's officially winter in Nebraska.

I baked bread on Sunday...we witnessed a wonderful baptism in church Sunday morning...spent time with friends Friday night...congratulated ourselves on getting our ten-page papers done for history class...worked Sunday night.  And now it's Monday.  Only Monday?  Today has felt at least three days long!

I'm ready for the semester to be over.  I'm very ready for a break, and looking forward to new classes in the new year.  I also want to get my house clean and keep it that way for more than 24 hours straight!

The end is in sight, folks.  Blessings on your week--of school, work, and whatever else comes your way.  God be with you!

Yes. This is what I want for my life.

The other day I was doing dishes and I had a sudden thought:

I wish I could do this--cooking, cleaning, homemaking--all the time.  I'd be perfectly happy doing nothing more than being a wife and homemaker, and someday a mother, for the rest of my life.


I really meant that!  I have no higher ambition, but at the same time, it's quite a high ambition.  I mean, think about it:
Wife=24/7/365 job.
Mother=24/7/365 job.
Homemaker=24/7/365 job.
That adds up to more than a 40-hour workweek!

And the benefits of each job are eternal.  I am serving God in all three vocations (or I will be, anyway, when I become a mother.  And I'm starting to get the mommy bug.  I know, I know, not till after graduation...but I can still hardly wait. ;) ).  In each vocation I'm having a spiritual, eternal impact on someone: husband, children, friends and family.

Through blessing my husband and supporting him I'll be blessing and supporting others, as he serves God in his future vocation of teacher.  In raising our future children to love, honor, serve and believe in God, I will have been an instrument in leading more people to salvation and eternal life in heaven--and they in turn will (prayerfully) do the same for their spouses and children.  In creating a home where my family feels at peace and where others feel welcome, I will create a place where, by God's grace, the Holy Spirit will dwell and where we can share the love of God with everyone who comes through our door.

If that's not a job with lasting benefits, I don't know what is.

What's more, I'm thrilled at the thought of carrying out these vocations in my life.  As it is right now, I wish I had time to be at home more, cooking and cleaning and organizing.  Sometimes I get quite frustrated when work, classes, and homework take time away from what I want to be doing at home.  Of course, at this particular time in my life, 'student' and 'employee' are two of my God-given vocations and I do try to do my best at them in order to honor him.  (Sometimes I don't try as well as I could with school, but hey, I have priorities!)

I do want to become a writer, too, lest anyone question my reasoning for being in college right now!  I know that I can serve God with the education that I'm getting, and I hope to use the talents he's given me to be a blessing to others someday.

I know that this is part of God's plan for my life.  I know, also, that he has things in mind for me that I can't even begin to imagine, and that what I wants isn't necessarily always what he wants!!  He knows what's best for me, though, and I know he will work out things for good in my life.

It's just so encouraging and exciting to be so happy about my future, and to know what I want to do with it.  I know to some people it doesn't seem like much, but to me, it's the best thing in the world.

Blessings this Thursday

Lipstick on the edge of the cup that held a "Caramel Royal" (aka a Caramel Machiatto!).

Reading my story, aloud, to a whole class.  Encouragement from our professor.

A poetry presentation.  Feeling confident and prepared in front of the room.  Insights from classmates that I never would have thought of.

Laughter at the beginning of philosophy: grammar-related.  A funny email that the professor shared with us. :)

Sitting downstairs (instead of in the balcony) with a beloved teacher for chapel.

Unexpected income from babysitting.

A blustery, leaves-in-the-air autumn day.

Rain and sunshine, chill and warmth, clouds and blue skies, all in the same day.

The joy and singing of a four-year-old.

Sandwiches and chocolate for lunch (thanks to my awesome hubby).

Ten extra hours of work this week: extra income.  Financial breather.

Good health.  Healing hubby.

My husband suggested that I get a new dress for the homecoming dance.  I'm going "thrifting" with a friend to get it. :) <3

Work.  An education.

Home.  Bed.  Kitchen.


So many more...so many gifts.  All is grace.



linking up to black tag diaries for Thankful Thursday!