Advice is Overrated--Encouragement Isn't

I am honored and blessed to have Tim Fall writing for me today!  Tim's blog is Just One Train Wreck After Another, where he writes about faith, family, books, and life as a Christian judge in California.  Tim is known for his encouraging blog comments, and I hope you are as blessed by this post as I have been.


[My son K is 22 and recently graduated from UC Berkeley. My daughter J is 20 and a third year student at UC San Diego. A lot of parents write advice letters to their young adult children, laying out what they want their children to learn. I'm not one of those parents. Instead, I'm writing them a letter pointing out what they've already learned.]

How old were each of you when you first left the country on a missions trip? 9, 10? Something like that. We all traveled together to Mexico to serve in one of the poorest places I've ever seen. K, we took you with us for the first couple trips, and J you joined us for several trips after that.

And then you went overseas on your own mission trips. You still do.

K, you even went on one all by yourself without a missions team. Seriously, Vietnam on your own? I know you'd been there twice before with a team, but to hop a plane and get to work with the organization over there without any team training or support was impressive. And now you are preparing to return as head of a team you are putting together to minister to the people you've met there over the years.

J, those trips to western and eastern Europe and into Israel started while you were in high school. Then South Africa came along, but you weren't going as a member of the team. You led the team. And this summer you are going to do it again.

So I said this was about what you have learned. Here goes:

You've learned how to take initiative: Mom and I never asked you to go on these trips, never even brought up going on overseas missions. You thought of it, you explored it and you figured out how to get it done. It may not have always happened the way you expected, but it happened. And you learned that God has some great plans for you, even better than your own.

Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails. (Proverbs 19:21.)

You've learned to adapt: J, when your co-leader in charge of logistics had to back out 2 days before leaving last year, you and the other program leader stepped up and took on the duty, all while handling all your own responsibilities. K, you knew you had several weeks in a foreign land without anyone your age that you knew so you went to the coffee-house and made some friends, good friends that you loved to hang out and play music with even if you didn't speak each others' languages all that well.

So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10.)

You've learned to trust God: K, when you were 17 and started team training for that first trip to Vietnam, you didn't know anyone else, student or adult. But you trusted that God had put you there and that he would see you through. J, when you were getting ready to fly off to training for your last trip to Europe and got so sick you could barely stand, you trusted that God would work it out so you could still go, even if it meant joining the team late. God saw both of you through those times and so many more.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him, and he will direct your paths. (Proverbs 3:5-6.)

You've learned the God's word is not only powerful, but a joy: K and J, each of you have learned over the years how to study God's word. I wish I could take credit for that, but it's really your own relationships with God that have drawn you deeper into his word. I get to have the fun of talking about Scripture and doctrine and theology with you, and often you are the ones who bring up points I've never thought through. This is a joy for us in talking about it, and I can tell that you get a kick out of reading his word and studying what theologians and other writers have to say about it for yourself too.

When your words came, I ate them; they were my joy and my heart’s delight, for I bear your name, Lord God Almighty. (Jeremiah 15:16.)

There's more of course, but I hope you've learned one more thing in particular. Mom and I are not only proud of you, but we are so pleased for you in your relationships with God and the people he has put in your lives. I told you when you were young and I'll tell you now:

K - you are my wonderful boy.

J - you are my wonderful girl.

And your wonderfulness has nothing to do with whether you've learned anything at all. Your wonderfulness has everything to do with the fact that you are blessings from God.

[For those reading this who aren't K & J, please know that your heavenly Father is even more pleased with you than I am with my kids. He loves you eternally and without limit, and I hope that encourages your socks off.]

Tim is a California native who changed his major three times, colleges four times, and took six years to get a Bachelor’s degree in a subject he’s never been called on to use professionally. Married for over 25 years with two kids (one in college and one just graduated, woo-hoo!), his family is constant evidence of God’s abundant blessings in his life. He and his wife live in Northern California. Tim blogs here.

Sexuality: What it should be {Marriage Monday}

Mondays are "Marriage Mondays" here at Living in the Light!  If you're new here (especially if you're visiting from the A to Z Challenge)--welcome!!  I'm so happy you're here.  Check out my "About Me" page HERE, some of my favorite posts on marriage HERE, and my two most popular posts HERE and HERE.

Today's letter for the A to Z Challenge is "S."  And on Mondays I write about marriage.  So what better topic for today than sex?

(By the way, no worries about graphic content here... my mother reads my blog!)

I believe that our society has a perverted view of sex.  This should be a fairly obvious fact.  Sex outside of marriage is so normal it's practically encouraged, homosexuality is legal in several states, pornography is way too easily available, and adultery within marriage is so common that it's joked about on television shows and in movies.  Half of all marriages nowadays end in divorce.

Obviously, our culture is doing something very, very wrong when it comes to sex.

For the Bible-believing Christian, the reason for this is quite obvious as well.  As a society in general, we don't do sex God's way anymore.  Celibacy outside of marriage is no longer encouraged as it used to be.  Faithfulness within marriage isn't stressed as essential.  Sexual promiscuity doesn't garner the disapproval it once did.  And as a result of Hollywood and the media as a whole, poor examples of what sex should be are displayed on our TV and computer screens every day.

I'm here to tell you that sex God's way is fantastic.  No, you don't need the details.  But sex, reserved for marriage and kept sacred within marriage, is incredibly fulfilling.  It contributes to the unity of husband and wife in a beautiful way.  It is the means by which God has provided for the procreation of children.  It is a source of great delight for husband and wife.  Sex within the bonds of marriage is a beautiful, blessed thing.

Satan does everything he can to make us forget that.  He has used the media to great effect to convey the idea that sex should be whatever we want it to be--that it's all about making ourselves feel good, so we can do whatever we want to gain our own pleasure.  He has twisted the Biblical design for sexuality to make it into something it was never intended to be.

When God created humanity, he made one man and one woman and gave them to each other with the command to "be fruitful and multiply."  Sex is reserved for marriage, and within marriage it is to be limited to the husband and the wife.

Sex is not dirty or gross.  We don't need to talk about it clandestinely.  It shouldn't be cause for blushing and giggles when it comes up in conversation.  Parents, please talk openly with your children about sex.  Don't give them details they don't need, of course, but make sure they aren't afraid to ask you about it.  Instill in them the understanding that sex, when used as God intended, is a beautiful gift to be cherished.

Also, I think that as the Church as a whole, we need to stop treating sex outside of marriage as if it's the unforgivable sin.  It's not.  It's a serious sin, to be sure, and it can come with all sorts of major consequences--sexually transmitted diseases, spiritual brokenness, damaged relationships, and disruption of lives.  But just like any other sin, where there is repentance, there is always forgiveness.  Each of us succumbs to temptation of one kind or another.  Sexual temptation is no different.  But we can't treat sexual sins as if they're "no big deal," either.  They are a big deal.  They are in direct contradiction to God's laws.  But God is always willing to forgive the repentant believer, and he is amazing at giving second (and third, and fourth...) chances.

So let's celebrate God's gift of sex!  But let's keep it within marriage.

Let's tell our children how great sex is within marriage... and let's help lead them to repentance, and then forgive them, if and when they step outside God's bounds for marriage.

Sex is a beautiful thing. And that's why I'm not afraid to write about it.


Linking with: The Alabaster Jar, What Joy is Mine, A Proverbs 31 Wife, The Better Mom, The Modest Mom, Yes They're All Ours  , To Love, Honor and Vacuum, Messy Marriage