The Self-Denial of Motherhood

It happens every day.

I sit down to do my Bible study, attempt to catch up with email, drink a cup of tea while it’s still hot, or (God forbid!) go to the bathroom by myself, and I get interrupted. One or the other, or sometimes both, of the sweet, precious little humans I helped make needs something, and once again, my needs get pushed aside.

So often I let myself get frustrated easily. Can’t I ever get five minutes to myself? I grumble silently. I never get any alone time. If somebody wakes up early in the morning or from naptime, my first reaction is disappointment for not getting time to do what I want or need to do.

But a recent discussion at the moms’ Bible study I attend gave me some much-needed perspective. First of all, I do get time to myself, at least a little bit every day (and it’s almost always much more than five minutes!). Sometimes I don’t use that time very well (looking at you, Facebook), but I do get it.

Second, motherhood is all about setting aside my own needs for the needs of my children. That doesn’t mean that my needs don’t get met, of course; I do get sleep, food, showers, and a chance to go to the bathroom! But my needs are rarely met according to my terms or my timeline. That’s just part of life as a mom of small children.

More importantly, though, that’s part of life as a Christian. Our Bible study discussion centered on Luke chapter 9, where Jesus taught his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it” (Luke 9:23-24). As a Christian, all my actions, words and attitudes should reflect those of Jesus. Everything he did, he did for others, and nowhere was that selflessness demonstrated more vividly than on the cross. He literally “took up his cross,” carrying it to Calvary, and was willingly nailed on it, in order to pay for my sins and the sins of the whole world.

That grumbling and complaining I do when my kids “interrupt” my plans? Jesus took care of those sins. Those nasty words I snap at my husband when I’m short on patience and sleep? Gone, paid for on the cross. That bad attitude I get when naptime ends or morning starts too soon? Erased by Jesus’ blood.

By making me a mother, Jesus has given me a perfect opportunity to learn how to be more like him. No other role in my life requires as much self-sacrifice and selfless love as that of mommy. No other vocation requires me to “deny myself and take up my cross daily.” My children are amazing, loving, precious, sweet little boys, but like me they are sinners, and they are small children with lots of little but immediate needs throughout the day. Meeting those needs requires me to put my children first, and deny my natural, sinful tendencies towards selfishness, laziness, pride, unkindness, and impatience.

Despite its challenges, motherhood is an immense privilege and joy, and if I remember to look at this role with an eternal mindset, it becomes a vocation with eternal significance. Changing diapers, nursing babies, fixing snacks, tucking small boys into bed, all become little acts of worship to my heavenly Father, little expressions of my love for him expressed in my love for my children. As Jesus denied himself for my sake, I am privileged to mimic that in a small way for the sake of the little ones entrusted to me.

This time of mothering tiny, needy people is short. Soon I’ll be able to take an hour for Bible study, drink my tea hot, and go to the bathroom unaccompanied. But in every season of motherhood I know God will use new ways to continue to mold and shape me to be more like him.

Offensive Grace

I don't like being told I'm helpless.  That I can't do anything to save myself.  I like feeling self-sufficient and independent.  I like feeling in control.

The thing is, I'm not.  I'm not really in control of my life.  I don't have control over my future.  And I certainly have no control over my life or how long it will last (ruling out suicide; that's an entirely different discussion).

God is in control of my life.  He gave me life, and he decides what will happen in it, and how long it will last.  And most importantly, God has guaranteed that I will not die eternally.

God has taken the responsibility for my salvation on himself.  I can do absolutely nothing about it.  No amount of good that I do has any bearing on my place in eternity.  Jesus took the punishment for MY sin on himself, and gave me his holiness and purity as a free gift.  I did not die for my sins.  I cannot claim the reward of salvation on my own because I do not deserve it.  I can only accept it because Jesus earned it for me and has given it to me freely.  He suffered an unbearable death on the cross in my place, and in the place of all other people who have ever lived.  He took the worst possible punishment--separation from God himself--on him, so that we would never have to experience it.

To many, many people, this sounds ridiculous.  "What does some Jewish teacher who lived two thousand years ago have to do with me?  How does his death guarantee my salvation?  Why do I even need salvation?  Why shouldn't I be able to earn it on my own?"

We don't like owing things to people.  We don't like to admit that we can't do everything for ourselves.

This is why the Gospel is foolishness to so many.  This is why grace is offensive.

Paul wrote to the Corinthians:

"For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God....Where is the scholar?  Where is the philosopher of this age?  Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world?  For since in the wisdom of God the world through its wisdom did not know him, God was pleased through the foolishness of what was preached to save those who believe.

"Jews demand miraculous signs and Greeks look for wisdom, but we preach Christ crucified: a stumbling block to Jews and foolishness to Gentiles, but to those whom God has called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God. 

"For the foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man's strength...God choose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong.  He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things--and the things that are not--to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him.

"It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God--that is, our righteousness, holiness, and redemption.  Therefore, as it is written: 'Let him who boasts boast in the Lord.'"  (1 Corinthians 1:18-31)

Grace is a gift.  Plain and simple.  It's not something we deserve, it's something God gives to us because he loves us.

"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God--not by works, so that no one can boast."  (Ephesians 2:8-9)

Linking with: Upward not Inward, A Wise Woman Builds Her Home,  Deep Roots at Home, We are THAT Family, Messy Marriage, Graced Simplicity

Stretching My Spirit

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is, like, the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community..

OK, are you ready? Please give me your best five minutes on:::

Stretch…

Most mornings when I wake up, I stretch--my arms above my head, my back, my legs.  It's a way of readying my body for a new day, transitioning from sleeping to wakefulness.  It tells my body what my brain already knows: It's time to get up, start moving, start the things that need to be done today.

What if I stretched my spirit, too?

I confess, my spiritual habits have been lacking lately.  I do devotions with my husband every single morning--I read the Scripture passages, sometimes nearly a whole chapter, he reads the devotion, and we pray together.  But I haven't been reading my Bible on my own much recently.  And my first thoughts in the morning aren't always prayer.

This morning my husband and I both woke up feeling way better than we had when we went to sleep.  So my first thought was this morning, "Thank you, Jesus, for helping us feel better!"  I was singing the Doxology in my head when I went to make breakfast.

But it's not always that way.  I wish it were.

Exercise of the body takes discipline.

So does exercise of the mind--or of the spirit.

It will take discipline for me to remember to stretch myself spiritually each morning, and throughout each day.

But I know that's something God wants me to do.  So when I pray and ask for his strength, his courage, and his help to do so--I know he'll answer that prayer.  God wants me to be closer to him, and I know he'll help me as I seek to approach him more and in a deeper way.

Stretching my body feels so good every morning.  I know stretching my spirit will be even better.

Linking up today with:

Lisa-Jo Baker (of course, with FMF); Your Thriving Family; Consider the Lilies; finding joy; Susan Godfrey

Trusting God's Promises

This is what I have been hearing from God the last few days:

I have chosen you; I have called you; you are Mine. (2 Thessalonians 2:13; Ephesians 1:4-6)


I know you're not perfect.  I've forgiven all your sins; just tell Me about them, and then we'll forget it.   (1 John 1:8-10)


No, you're not a failure.  I still want you to help carry out My purposes. (Ephesians 2:10; 1 Corinthians 3:9)


I have a plan for you.  It's okay that you don't know all about it yet.  I do, and that's what matters.  (Jeremiah 29:11; Psalm 33:10-11)


I know your life is hard sometimes, and you don't always understand why things happen the way they do.  I do understand, and most importantly, I have control of everything.  Nothing happens without my permission.  (Romans 8:28; Matthew 6:25-34; Philippians 4:6-7)


Trust me.  In everything.  I'm bigger than all your problems, and I will take care of you.  (1 Peter 5:6-7; Romans 8:35-39)

These promises of God are true for you, too.


Read those passages from His words to you.  Yes, God wrote the Scriptures with you in mind--and me, and everyone else who has ever lived.

Just trust in his promises.  Read these words of God, spoken through Paul to the Thessalonian believers:

"May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through.  May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.  The one who calls you is faithful, and he will do it."  -1 Thessalonians 5:23-24

A Work in Progress

This, I'm ashamed to say, is what my kitchen looked like yesterday morning.

The remains of breakfast (and other dishes) on the table...

A sink filled to overflowing...

Dirty dishes and pans all over the counter and stove.

Facing that was a bit daunting.  It was a big mess in my little kitchen.  But I got started and soon it didn't seem so bad.  Doing dishes isn't really fun, of course, unless you're one of those rare people who thinks so.  The end results are great: a clean kitchen and clean dishes.  But sometimes to get there it takes work, elbow grease...

and smelly Bar Keeper's Friend.  I don't know what I'd do without it, but the smell is nasty.

But getting a pot sparkling clean isn't always pleasant.  Getting rid of yuck usually isn't fun.

I realize I'm being a bit cryptic here.  What does a messy kitchen have to do with anything (other than reminding you that I can sometimes be lazy and messy)?

Well, as I was working, I realized how much I'm like that dirty kitchen sometimes.  I let yucky stuff pile up in my life till it's absolutely overwhelming.  It's such a daunting task I just let it be, ignore it, hope it'll go away on its own--but it doesn't.

That's when I realize how much I need God.  I can't clean up my life on my own.  I can't obey him of my own will.  My own will is selfish and sinful and doesn't want to do what's right.  That results in a messy kitchen and a messed-up life.

God has to come into my life and say, "All right, you have a big mess here, but it's nothing I can't handle.  No mess is too big for My hands.  It's not going to be fun.  It might hurt.  It might be nasty.  It might take a while. And you might not enjoy the process.  But trust Me--it'll be worth it."

God does it right.  He doesn't just do a quick wipe-down of my life, making it look clean, and call it done.  He knows the real problem isn't outward appearances, but what's on the inside.  Outwardly, this bowl looks clean.

On the inside, it's a sticky, smelly, grody mess.  It needs serious work.

In the book of 1 Samuel, God gave the prophet Samuel the job of finding the man God had chosen to be king of Israel.  Samuel went to the house of Jesse and looked at all of Jesse's sons.  Samuel thought they all looked big, strong, and ready to be king.  But God wanted David, the youngest and smallest son.  God told Samuel, "The Lord does not look at the things man looks at.  Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart" (1 Samuel 16:7).

God, in his mercy, doesn't just clean me up on the outside.  He tackles the problem of my sin at its very root: my heart.  In Psalm 51, David cried out to God after David had committed the sin of adultery with Bathsheba.  David prayed, "Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.  Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me.  Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me" (Psalm 51:10-12).

When we realize our sin and cry out to God in repentance, this is exactly what he does.  He makes us right with him and gives us a fresh start.

Unfortunately, as humans we continue to sin, every day.  My kitchen didn't stay clean for long.  In just a few hours, I did more cooking and it got messy again.  But God is patient.  He doesn't leave us to fend for ourselves.  He knows we can't clean up our lives on our own.  A dirty dish has no power of its own, it can't want to be clean, let alone clean itself.  By the power of the Holy Spirit in us, we have a desire to obey God, to love him, and to serve him.  He gives us the strength to obey him, and he forgives us when we fail.  Paul wrote to the Ephesians,

"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God--not by works, so that no one can boast.  For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do" (Ephesians 2:8-10).

I am a constant work in progress.  God my Creator knows that.  He's willing to keep working on me.

(Oh, and by the way, my kitchen did get clean!)

Linking up, one year later, 7/27/2012

Noel's Beautiful Life

May He

I was reading 1 Peter chapter 3, where Peter instructs wives to be submissive to their husbands as Christ set them an example by being submissive to his Father. Peter encourages women to let their beauty not come from outward appearances, but "Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight" (1 Peter 3:4). In meditating on this chapter (3:1-7), I wrote another poem- it's still National Poetry Month, after all!

May He


May He make me
beautiful, not on the outside,
but from within:
the beauty of gentleness and quietness of spirit,
beauty that will not fade.

May He make me
reverent toward him
and through that reverence, may he grant
that I live a pure and holy life.

May He make me
strong enough to submit,
wise enough to let my husband lead,
humble enough to serve with my whole heart.

May He make me
fearless, trusting my husband,
and above all,
trusting Him who holds my life in his hands:
He Who made me.

Another Biblical Role Model: The Titus 2 Woman

Titus was a young pastor who had traveled and ministered with Paul, and had been left in Crete to continue Paul's ministry.  In chapter 2 of Paul's short epistle to Titus, Paul gives instructions for various groups of people, teaching on how to live as God's people, and why we are to live that way.  These instructions still apply today, and the young woman described in Titus 2:4-5 is one I desire to emulate.  Here is the passage:

3 Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good.  4 Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God... 11 For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men.  12 It teaches us to say "No" to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, 13 while we wait for the blessed hope--the glorious appearing of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, 14 who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good.  (Titus 2:3-5, 11-14).

First Paul gives the instructions, to several groups including older and younger women.  Then he says why and how we can live godly lives.  The grace of God teaches us to refuse to give in to ungodliness and worldly passions: selfishness and greed and lust.  Instead, the grace of God helps us "live self-controlled, upright and godly lives."  We don't have to do it on our own!  The task of being a loving wife (and mother, someday), a productive homemaker, and being self-controlled, pure, and kind in every aspect of my life is rather daunting. That's a lot for one girl to do!

But the wonderful thing is that we don't have to do it alone.  By his grace God gives us the strength, desire and will to live a life that pleases him.  This we do "while we wait for the blessed hope--the glorious appearing of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness."  This next phrase is my favorite part.  God sent Jesus, who gave up himself in order to purify us for himself, to make us his very own.  We don't have to purify ourselves from sin or do anything to become God's children.  Jesus did it ALL in his death on the cross and his resurrection from the tomb!

As a result of what Jesus did for us, our response is to be "eager to do what is good."  We can do no less in response to God's amazing grace, but we are only able to do what is good by his grace.  Not only does God teach us how to live lives that our pleasing to him, but he makes it possible for us to do it.

As I strive to become a godly, loving wife, I know that I'm not alone.  God, who loves me and gave himself up for me, is making it possible for me to live a life that glorifies and honors him.