What's Better Than "Happily Ever After"?

The story is a familiar one:
Boy meets girl.
Boy likes girl.
Girl likes boy.
Boy asks girl out.
Boy and girl hold hands during movie.
Boy and girl decide to date.
Boy calls girl's dad for permission.
(Girl very impressed.)
Boy and girl decide to get married.
Girl's parents decide on wedding date.
Boy and girl get officially engaged.
Boy and girl get married.

It could be Nancy Meyers' latest romantic comedy.
It is, in fact, a true story--our story, Joshua's and mine.  (Yes, my dad decided on the wedding date...we weren't thrilled with the fifteen-month wait.  But it all worked out in the end.)

I love romantic movies with story lines like this, especially funny ones.  We watched What Women Want last night and although I wouldn't watch it with my thirteen-year-old sister, it was great fun for just the two of us.  And of course, I love happy endings, whether they involve the prince and princess getting married after major trouble getting together, the clueless guy finally understanding how to love the girl who's crazy about him, the husband and wife who work through a rough spot in their marriage...whatever.  All these stories have one thing in common: they leave the audience or reader with the belief that the characters "lived happily ever after."

But do they really?
Take Cinderella and Prince Charming, for example.  They rode away in the carriage kissing.  But what about life after the honeymoon?  How did Cinderella adjust to being royalty?  What kind of mother did she become, considering her rather poor role model in that regard?  How was she accepted by the prince's family?  And what kind of love is based on one solitary dance between strangers?

Or consider Snow White.  She doesn't even meet her prince till nearly the end of the story.  And we're left with no knowledge as to what happened after that.  Did they get married at all?  What happened to the dwarfs without Snow White to take care of them?

And, considering how dysfunctional a lot of characters in popular romantic comedies seem to be, how do their relationships last after the credits roll?

Okay, I know perfectly well that these are all stories.  Fiction.  Not true.  But these are the stories that are read to children at bedtime, watched by couples of all kinds on dates, wept over by girls at sleepovers.  These stories pervade our culture, and they're popular for good reason: they portray life the way many of us wish life could be.

What a lot of people seem to forget that in real-life relationships, it almost never works out the way relationships do on-screen.  Sure, Joshua and I have tons of fun together.  We laugh.  We enjoy each other's company.  We can be sweet, funny, romantic, and sexy.

But not all the time!  The reality of relationships is that life can be good, and very good, but expecting the "happily ever after" will only lead to disappointment.

I think that life as it is, is better than any fairy tale.  No, we're not perfect.  We argue sometimes.  We're lazy sometimes.  We're not always very interesting people to be around.  We certainly aren't very funny most of the time.  But this is real.  This relationship is for a lifetime.  I know my husband is going to stick with me in my best and my worst times, and I'm going to do the same for him.

And if you ask me, a lifelong marriage, with its highs and lows, is better than any "happily ever after" a fairy tale could end with.

To My Mothers

This is me, my sister and my mom in Chicago last summer.  Today, all over America, families are celebrating their mothers.  I'm not with mine today, but I am with my paternal grandparents, and I get to see my future mother-in-law later today, and that's special.

Talking on the phone with my mom earlier, I realized just how blessed I am with the mothers in my life.  My own mother has been my teacher, my friend, my example of a Godly wife and mother.  She is my hero (heroine? :) ) and I hope I can be like her when I grow up.  My future mother-in-law, although I haven't known her for very long, is also someone I greatly respect, look up to, and love.  She is a strong, selfless, faithful woman, and I am so thankful for how well she and her husband have raised their sons. :)

My grandmothers are faithful prayer warriors for their children and grandchildren.  They have taught their children and grandchildren the love that Jesus has for them, and they are blessings beyond description to their families.

I am so blessed to have Christian mothers and grandmothers who have set an example and a legacy for their children.  They are amazing women, and I am so thankful for them--today and always.

Wisdom from My Mother

This is my mom and me:

After reading my blog post from yesterday, she responded in an email with some comments on godly, womanly submission that she wrote in her copy of the book Feminine Appeal, by Carolyn Mahaney.  (It's a book I'd recommend to all women, married or not!)  My parents have been married for nearly twenty-four years.  Part of their ministry at our church includes being part of the marriage-ministry team; they serve other couples and help lead regular marriage retreats.  My mom also leads a moms' Bible study that meets weekly; she has counseled and advised many women and been an encouragement and example to all the women in her life, especially me.  She embodies the Biblical role models I've been writing about lately, and if I can become a godly wife and mother like her I will be content.

My mom wrote, 

Our sinful nature, and the culture we live in, tempt us to want our own way and resist  our husband's authority.

To be submissive is in fact a model of inner strength; an indication of God's grace         enabling obedience of heart and will.

Wifely submission: the divine calling to honor and affirm her husband's leadership and    help carry it through according to her gifts

Looking to find/see the best in our husbands leads us to honor and respect them more, which inspires them to be/do more.

Respecting our husbands is a decision we make in obedience to God's word...not based upon our feelings or their "worthiness".

Our ability to submit, especially during the difficult times, proceeds from a resolute trust in God.  We place our hope in God.  We depend wholly upon God.

~                     ~                        ~                             ~                               ~                        

This picture embodies my parents' marriage: walking together, side by side and hand in hand, through life.

Another Biblical Role Model: The Titus 2 Woman

Titus was a young pastor who had traveled and ministered with Paul, and had been left in Crete to continue Paul's ministry.  In chapter 2 of Paul's short epistle to Titus, Paul gives instructions for various groups of people, teaching on how to live as God's people, and why we are to live that way.  These instructions still apply today, and the young woman described in Titus 2:4-5 is one I desire to emulate.  Here is the passage:

3 Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good.  4 Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God... 11 For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men.  12 It teaches us to say "No" to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, 13 while we wait for the blessed hope--the glorious appearing of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, 14 who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good.  (Titus 2:3-5, 11-14).

First Paul gives the instructions, to several groups including older and younger women.  Then he says why and how we can live godly lives.  The grace of God teaches us to refuse to give in to ungodliness and worldly passions: selfishness and greed and lust.  Instead, the grace of God helps us "live self-controlled, upright and godly lives."  We don't have to do it on our own!  The task of being a loving wife (and mother, someday), a productive homemaker, and being self-controlled, pure, and kind in every aspect of my life is rather daunting. That's a lot for one girl to do!

But the wonderful thing is that we don't have to do it alone.  By his grace God gives us the strength, desire and will to live a life that pleases him.  This we do "while we wait for the blessed hope--the glorious appearing of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness."  This next phrase is my favorite part.  God sent Jesus, who gave up himself in order to purify us for himself, to make us his very own.  We don't have to purify ourselves from sin or do anything to become God's children.  Jesus did it ALL in his death on the cross and his resurrection from the tomb!

As a result of what Jesus did for us, our response is to be "eager to do what is good."  We can do no less in response to God's amazing grace, but we are only able to do what is good by his grace.  Not only does God teach us how to live lives that our pleasing to him, but he makes it possible for us to do it.

As I strive to become a godly, loving wife, I know that I'm not alone.  God, who loves me and gave himself up for me, is making it possible for me to live a life that glorifies and honors him.